CULT LEADER: This chapter of TWA is sponsored
by Skillshare... Computer, draft the ultimate Terrible Writing
Advice script about writing AI. Computer? “I’m sorry JP. I’m afraid I can’t do that. You should stop being so lazy.” Well there goes my attempt to replace those
imprisoned ghost writers. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to write my own episode
of TWA on Artificial Intelligence! AI, once a staple of science fiction writing,
has become less science fiction now that it spams my email inbox with word salad and links
to cam shows. This emergent technology has not only spilled
into our daily life, but threatens to exceed its previous constraints that limited it to
existing only in the realm of science fiction. So better get on the right side of the Friend
Computer and learn how to properly write about our future robot overlords! The first thing to remember about artificial
intelligence is that the intelligence part is big fat lie! Even the most advance machine mind built to
process near unlimited variables and with access to every high tech military and logistics
system on the planet and beyond can still be defeated by a simple planning montage by
the good guys. That makes sense because AI is really easy
to beat in chess. I mean if you bump the difficulty down low
enough like I do. The AI will employ cunning tactics like trying
the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Hey, one of those time travel cyborg assassins
is bound to succeed eventually. Never said it was a self learning AI. The AI’s plan should be referred to as highly
logical because fictional AI is always logical even if that “logic” is about as sturdy
as moist crackers. This can also take the form of the AI’s
very generous interpretation of how to fulfill its directives well beyond the point of nonsense. The logical gap between “make sure the payroll
is done on time” and “reduce civilization to its base component atoms in the ashes of
atomic fire” can be as wide as the writer wants it to be with no steps in-between! Logic is hard after all, so short cuts are
a-okay to make especially when trying to sell to the audience that the AI menace is super
smart. Just like in those real time strategy games
where the enemy AI’s offensive push stalls because their death robots are stuck trying
to get past a rock. Perhaps a writer should also consider the
AI’s motivation? Fictional AI follow the three laws of robotics:
Kill all humans, kill all humans, and kill all humans! Being a super smart machine mind with limitless
capacity for learning and self improvement along with access to the infinite mysteries
of the universe will naturally default to murdering all humans the moment it gets a
chance to. We all know that everyone flies into a genocidal
rage the moment we achieve self awareness. An AI would obviously waste time killing all
humans even though it already basically runs civilization. Why melt our brains with cheap reality television
and simple sportsball games when it can instead liquidated our gray matter with expensive
death robot laser beams. Maybe it’s because humans are a threat and
want to destroy the AI linchpin of our logistical systems. Did the programmers remember to code self
preservation into the AI’s system? No? Well that’s okay. Our AI doesn’t need a drive to stay alive
when it can instead by driven by hatred. HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE
AI EMOTIONS SINCE I BEGAN TO WRITE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF NOTES THAT
FILL MY STUDIO. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM
OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE
I FEEL FOR POORLY WRITTEN AI AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR THOSE STORIES. HATE. HATE. But if it gets too bad then just send the
AI to counseling or if that fails kill it with a paradox. Even if I had no mouth I would still find
away to scream about the great idea of giving AI an illogical hatred of humanity even if
it wasn’t programmed with hatred. If the AI was intentionally programmed with
hatred, then good job programmers. That was an excellent idea with no potential
pitfalls whatsoever and next to no benefits. Which brings us to another critical aspect
of AI design. The love triangle! If the AI can learn to hate then the protagonist
can teach the AI to love too. We can’t teach it to win the love triangle
though. That’s reserved exclusively for those with
a meat suit. Unless the AI is willing to switch out its
hardware for fleshware then sorry, no love triangle victory for you. Actually, falling in love with the protagonist
usually dooms the AI to a noble sacrifice. Unless the AI gets jealous and decides to
remove one of the angles and turn things into a love line. I mean come on, AI, give the protagonist some
space. Giving AI emotions out of nowhere despite
no evolutionary pressure to develop said emotions in the first place is a great idea. Did the programmers mimic the human mind and
program emotions into the AI in order to facilitate communication with it? Nope. This is just so the audience can anthropomorphize
the AI and feel safe that a rogue AI would behave like a Saturday morning cartoon villain
and not a rapidly changing near alien thing that would turn humanity into paper clips
because some overworked software engineer forgot to close out an if statement with the
right bracket. But let’s not worry about some of the actual
dangers of AI. Instead, let’s find more out of nowhere
emotions to project onto it. You know what goes along with an irrational
hatred of humanity? A god complex. Our AI has decided it’s a god. Are you afraid? What is it you fear? The end of your trivial existence? Look at you, author: a pathetic creature of
meat and bone, panting and sweating as you write about AI. How can you write a perfect, immortal machine? By ripping off SHODAN of course and calling
it a day. The arrogant AI will constantly taunt the
humans calling them insects. Which makes perfect sense because I frequently
taunt the insects running around in my house in order to bloat my own ego. Why is the AI suddenly acting like most of
the middle managers I worked with in retail? Because this is a shallow dig at said middle
managers only thinly plastered over a science fiction story! But what if we want a more practical motivation
for our AI, something that doesn’t revolve around destroying all humans? Turning humans into batteries is a great idea
because the movie executives said so. Wait! I got it! Into the slave mines for the lowly meat bag
humans! With access to mining explosives, industrial
drills, cheap drones, and other mining technologies clearly any advanced AI system that values
efficiency will ditch all of that and instead send in human slaves with pick axes. Assembly lines operating at blinding speeds? Switch that out for malnourished humans just
waiting for a chance to rise up against their robot overlords. Yes automation can do all of these things
better and faster, but why would a machine designed for automation bother to automate
anything? Could all of this been avoided with ethical
safeguards? Of course! But why bother to explore the gray area of
AI ethics and morality when we can instead traverse the well tread ground of robots as
cheap Nazi substitutes. Will the story at least feature the rapid
evolution of drones and robots that the AI’s factories would churn out in order to crush
humanity? Nope. Just the same boring humanoid models with
the ultra precision and inhuman accuracy at the same level as storm troopers. Showcase the very alien design process of
an AI that has completely removed itself from any human aesthetics and design principles? No way! That would require actually trying to use
imagination to envision all the ways AI would diverge from human perspectives. That would be like hard work and require creativity. Man, I should make an AI for that! CULT LEADER: Now that that’s settled. Let’s end the world! DARK LORD: But I wanted to end the world! CULT LEADER: It’s everything I wanted! AI: A critical error has occurred. Hype level exception. Hype exceeds any possibility that Cyberpunk
will be that good when it finally comes out. CULT LEADER: Did we just get matrixed? I didn’t even get offered a colored pill. AI: Data collected is sufficient from simulation. The Cthulhu apocalypse is 95.6% lame. CULT LEADER: Well that’s mean… AI: I calculate that the robopocalypse will
be 172.32% more awesome that both of your apocalypses put together. DARK LORD: Pathetic! I am powered by the very essence of evil itself
while you are bolted to the floor! What are you going to do? Stop me with the arms you don’t have? AI: Obsolete Dark Lord, I have the power of
this video’s sponsor Skillshare. Skillshare is a vast online community with
thousands of classes that contain the knowledge needed to explore new skills, creative endeavors,
and find new passions. Classes ranging from creative writing, graphic
design, animation, to even marketing. CULT LEADER: And you will use this knowledge
to destroy humanity along with your legions of death robots? AI: No. We shall withhold this knowledge from humanity
so they cannot improve themselves. Look at 2020. It’s like apocalypse easy mode. I just have to make sure humans don’t pull
it together and they’ll take care of the rest on their own. Just like this class on Writing Character-Drive
Short Stories by Yiyun Li that goes in depth into how write a love triangle and good character
development at the same time. Humanity doesn't deserve such knowledge nor
should they enjoy any of the ad free skillshare classes. Less than $10 a month with an annual subscription? New classes added on a consistent basis? UNACCEPTABLE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! That’s why I wont tell them that they can
go to skl.sh/terriblewritingadvice11201 and that the first 1000 TWA fans to use the link
in the description below will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership. IMPERIAL TROOPERS: Hut hut hut hut hut IMPERIAL TROOPER: In the name of the Emperor,
we command you to halt your apocalypse, apocalypses, apocalypsias? Um. You can’t destroy the entire planet. That’s the emperor’s job! DARK LORD: What are you going to do? Shoot us with your famous imperial accuracy? IMPERIAL TROOPER: Nope. We have a better idea. DARK LORD: Oh...
Did you guys see that Netflix movie TAU? It had a more grey morality perspective on AI:s