A Good Enough Summary of Kingdom Hearts

Welcome to A GOOD ENOUGH SUMMARY OF KINGDOM HEARTS I’ve only played Kingdom Hearts 1 and, like, a third of Kingdom Hearts 2, but I’ve always been fascinated by the series. I mean - what does any of this mean? So I sat down with this good boy Gamb and he explained everything to me for seven hours. "Okay, yes, but it's a lot stupider than you think, and we'll get to that in a long time and I'm still angry" "Okay" And now I’m going to explain everything to you...in slightly less time. Please tweet any and all inaccuracies @DrewGamblord But before we plunge headfirst into the terror that awaits us, there’s some stuff you just gotta accept about the world of Kingdom Hearts. 1. “Hearts” are not literally hearts. They’re kinda like a person’s soul, but more like their “emotional soul” I guess? 2. Light = good, and dark = bad, and these are not metaphor; they’re tangible forces within the universe. 3. If you lose your heart, or it’s overcome by darkness, it turns into one of these little guys called a Heartless. 4. A body without a heart is an empty husk that turns into one of these slithery dudes: a Nobody. Okay? So you lose your heart: you create both a Heartless and a Nobody. Simple enough. 5. If you’re “strong-willed” enough, your husk turns into a special kind of Nobody that looks like you and can talk and stuff. Ok, sure, fine, why not. 6. If both the Heartless and Nobody are destroyed, the original person is made whole again. And whole people are called “Somebodies” just, shhhhhh, I know, I KNOW. 7. There’s Disney and Final Fantasy characters everywhere. And retcons. 8. This is more of a personal note, but I find it easier to take this all in if you consider it more of an avant garde interactive art piece than a traditional narrative OKAY LET’S DIVE IN MICKEY TAKE THE WHEEL Kingdom Hearts 1 We start in Destiny Islands, and if you think that name is heavy handed now, just you wait. There’s a bunch of kids running around but we only care about three of ‘em: Sora, the plucky one, Riku, the angsty one, and Kairi, the milquetoast girl with no discernible personality traits whatsoever. Now, despite having their own cluster of islands to call their own, these kids decide it’s not enough and build a raft to go on their own adventures. But suddenly SZHWOOP a big ol’ portal opens up and Heartless start pouring out! Sora tries to fight them and is absolutely useless until SHWEE a Keyblade suddenly appears in his hand! And he’s all like, “Nice.” Now, Keyblades aren’t just big keys. Well, I mean…they...are, but they’re also big metaphorical keys. They can destroy darkness and repair worlds and just generally do whatever the developers need them to do at that moment. And also, they’re sort of like Harry Potter wands, where they choose their master...kinda? So Sora beats the crap outta some Heartless and then Riku is like, “Dude, this evil portal is totally sweet,” and Sora is like, “I dunno man that looks like a bad time,” and Riku is like, “I’m gonna go through there,” “Nope,” “You should come too,” “Nuh uh,” “Okay then-” “Yeah,” “I’ll just,” “Nope,” “Here I go-” “You should not” “-through the spooky portal.” And then everything explodes, and Sora goes flying, and Kairi sort of phases through Sora hey uhh that’s a little weird. Elsewhere Mickey Mouse - yes, Mickey Mouse, Did I stutter - is like, “I gotta go see you later huh ha,” and Donald and Goofy are like, “Bruh, um, you what? You’re the king you can’t just-” “Find the keyblade wielder buh-bye!” [quacking noises] I don't understand what's happening. So after exploding and flying through space for a while Sora wakes up in this strange city with bumpin’ music called Traverse Town. He meets up with Donald and Goofy who are like, “Is that a Keyblade?” and Sora’s like, “Don’t...touch it.” Meanwhile Riku gracefully emerges from his creepy portal thing and meets up with Maleficent from “Sleeping Beauty” and she’s like, “Riku, you should totally join me - look, Sora doesn’t even care about you anymore, he has new friends now,” and Riku’s like, “These vibes I’m getting from you are definitely trustworthy!” So Sora teams up with Dobbuld and Goonby so they can find their fwends. They travel through a bunch of Disney worlds that literally do not matter whatsoever, like, it’s fine if you want to hang out with the adorable little teacup from “Beauty and the Beast” and this guy over here…”chub play the tub” fine but IT DOES NOT MATTER TO THE STORY. Ahem… eventually they wind up at a big ol’ castle called Hollow Bastion. Riku pops up and Sora is like, “Riku, my friend, after being separated for so long, I have finally found you,” and Riku’s like, “Uhhh gurl that Keyblade’s only been hanging out with you to make me jealous,” and Keyblade-chan zhwoops on over to Riku-kun. “OH SCOOTS” says Sora, “well it doesn’t matter, with Donald and Goofy at my side we can-” “Ummm our allegiance is with the Keyblade? and not you? soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.” Then Sora has a mopey road trip with Beast from “Beauty and the Beast” until they discover this super spooky room with a giant keyhole and a bunch of sleeping Disney princesses Riku’s in the corner with Keyblade-chan going, “Oh yeah and then what did he say? OOH GURL HE DID NOT! Wow what a creep ha ha ha.” But then, Sora delivers this badass monologue about friendship, and hearts, and stuff, and Keyblade-chan gets all flustered and tsundere, and zhwoops back on over to Sora and he’s all, “Heh, nice.” Riku goes, “Oh yeah? Well at least I still have Ansem,” and Sora’s like, “Uhh, who’s Ansem?” and Riku’s like, “This suuuuuuper evil dude that’s possessing me, he was also, like, totally pulling Maleficent’s strings, or whatever” and she’s like, “it be like that doe,” and Sora goes, “u wot m8.” And also, Kairi’s been drooling facedown in the corner this whole time but nobody noticed because she’s just that boring. Beast (who’s been awkwardly in the room this whole time) points her out and after a few minutes they remember who she is. “Kairi!" cries Sora. Riku drones on for a while about how Kairi is the last Princess Ansem needs for his evil scheme, and also remember when Destiny Islands blew up, and Kairi went jsshzshz through Sora, yeah her heart has been inside of Sora this whole time. Sora goes, “Ewww, omg” and commits sudoku with his Keyblade. This frees Kairi’s heart and revives her. Yay! This also frees Sora’s heart so he’s a Heartless now. Boo. But Kairi’s like, “Bibbidi bobbidi deus ex machina binch,” and Sora turns back to normal which contradicts everything we understand about how any of this works but sure. FINE. Ansem sees all this and is like, “Seriously, like, I checked the wiki, and they use the word ‘somehow’ uhh whatever! I’m outtie, peace,” and Sora follows him to Destiny Islands but now it’s all destroyed so it’s….Depresstiny Islands [heh heh..heh]. Ansem and Sora have a good ol’ fashioned anime showdown, y’know, Sora believes in himself, Ansem turns into a boat, and the player mashes X a lot, until Ansem is like, “Alright, whatever, I’m gonna open the door to uhh Kingdom Hearts which is the source of all hearts and it’s all darkness in there, ‘n stuff, I love darkness, check out my tattoo,” and Sora’s like, “Alright, fine, open it you dollar store goth,” and sorta fumbles with his Oakleys for a moment because GUESS WHAT it’s light. Ansem is all, “Curses! Foiled! B-uhh-Bingus Bongus!” and he explodes. Sora tries to close the door to Kingdom Hearts but he can’t oh no! Until guess what: Riku! W-wait how is he in there- and guess what: Mickey! Why??...wait where’s his shirt? Remember this, it’s important I swear do not forget. Riku and Mickey help close the door from the inside and bingus-bongus-b-blamo! All the broken worlds go back to normal and everybody returns to Destiny Islands and Sora is like, “Okay I’ll be back I gotta go save Riku and Mickey,” and Kairi just kinda stands there because she has no agency and is barely a character. Chain of Memories Five minutes later Sora is walking down a road with Dorbald and Goblin when a hooded figure arrives and mumbles something about mysteries [bunch of mumbling noises]. They continue down the path and arrive at Castle Oblivion! OoooOOOOooooh! Sora works his way through the castle and meets a whole bunch of creepy figures that dramatically take off their hoods to reveal their sweet, sweet anime hair. There’s Larxene and Marluxia and Axel and Lexaeus and Zexion and Gexen I mean Vexen, also known as all the sweet Livejournal blogs you used to follow in middle school. They take turns showing up to do something mysterious and then Sora blows them up. Except Axel, he survives! Because he had the biggest anime hair of them all. Meanwhile Sora’s losing his memories! "Ohhhh nooo!" The further he moves into the castle the more his real memories get replaced by fake memories. He starts remembering this girl who kinda looks like Kairi but she’s not?! She’s got different hair and almost a personality! Her name is Naminé! and Sora’s like, “I don’t remember anything else so I better find this Naminé she seems important and was along for our adventures this whole time (also I kinda feel like I wanna give her a smoo-)!” A few games of poker later, Sora finally reaches Naminé and she’s like, “Yeeeeaaah I stole all your memories. You’ll have to take a nap so I can restore them but you’ll forget everything from this game - you won’t even remember me!” But Sora’s already asleep in this big ol’ fancy pod. “Sleeping and getting my memories back, that’s a pretty good deal.” Durlap and Gruff share the Economy Class pod and they deserve it for wasting all the health potions YOU HAD ONE JOB- Meanwhile Riku and Mickey just...kinda...leave Kingdom Hearts? Riku takes the “wake up floating in a void” option then teleports into Castle Oblivion because eehhHhhH?? He ventures through the castle but doesn’t lose his memories because Naminé only got eyes for Sora knowwhatImean [smooching noises]. He meets a bunch of those hooded weirdos (which by the way all belong to a group-slash-cult called Organization XIII, more on that in a bit) and later runs into a clone of himself! Riku’s like, “Whoa it’s a clone of me, sweet,” and the clone is like, “No you’re the clone, my name is Replica Riku and uh, waitaminute why is “replica” in my name.” So Riku kicks him a few times and Replica Riku asplodes. Then Riku bumps into this red mummy named DiZ. And he’s like, “Don’t worry about me for now. Actually, don’t worry about any of this you got like five games to go before things start to make sense.” And then Mickey hops on Riku’s back and is like, “I’m gonna help you control your darkness better, let’s-a go!” And that’s about it for “Chain of Memories.” The next game is Kingdom Hearts II which starts with not Sora but with this guy, Roxas! To find out what his deal is we need to first check out….sigh… 358/2 Days "...ohhh that title." So okay, again, remember when Sora had a Sudoku and released Kairi’s heart and turned himself into a Heartless? That also created Sora’s Nobody, who wakes up in Twilight Town one day all, “Boobity boopity where the poopity am I?” He’s found by this weirdo named Xemnas who’s like, “Welcome to Organization XIII here’s your spooky cloak and How to Infuriatingly Speak in Riddles Guide. Also your name is eeuurrruhhh-Roxas.” Xemnas introduces Roxas to the rest of the Breakfast Club: Luxord, Demyx, Saïx, Xaldin, Xigbar (remember him for later), and -hey we know these guys! This game takes place at the same time as “Chain of Memories” so you got some characters going back and forth between the two. It’s super. Roxas goes on adventures around Disney World and becomes best buds with one organization member in particular: Axel! They eat ice cream and just totally bro out, it’s super cute. Then Xemnas is like, “Yo some stuff is going down at Castle Oblivion who’s in,” and a bunch of Organization XIII members head over there, including Axel (and then that ties into “Chain of Memories”). Then a new character pops up: the fourteenth member of Organization XIII. A-WHUH?? Her name is Xion and she’s like, “I’m weird, I don’t know who I ammmmm.” And for good reason. Turns out she’s… lemme just check my notes here [paper rustling] a replica of Sora created by Xemnas (using the memories Naminé took from Sora) as a failsafe in case Roxas ended up not going along with Xemnas’s crazy schemes. And thanks to Naminé some of Sora’s memories wound up in Roxas too. *cough* So Xion peaces out in an attempt to save us all from having to understand what’s going on but Xemnas captures her and reprograms her to make her attack Roxas. Because if Xion defeats Roxas then Sora will never be able to get his memories back ohhhh!! But Roxas defeats Xion and she’s like, “cough, sputter, you gotta merge with Sora and defeat Xemnas,” and Roxas is like, “what’s a Sora is that a type of ice cream?” but before she can reply (wut) she porfs into Roxas. "Dang." Riku shows up because sure why not and he’s like, “Okay Roxas time to go back to Sora,” and Roxas is like, “I don’t wanna, also whomst is Sora,” and Riku’s like, “Fine, sit inside this computer simulation until you cool off,” and Roxas is like, “what are any of these words you’re sayyiiiinnnnnggggggg” Which leads us to… Kingdom Hearts II We meet up with Roxas who’s inside a computer simulation of Twilight Town except he lost most of his memories and doesn’t know he’s inside a computer! And I mean, we’re not supposed to either because “358/2 Days” released like four years after “Kingdom Hearts II” but trust me it’s just easier to understand this way. So Roxas has his weird summer break and eats lots of ice cream and experiences a bunch of brainfreezes and glitches in the matrix until one day Axel shows up! And he’s all like, “Roxas you’re in a computer I’m your friend!” and Roxas is like, “What’s a computer.” Then he meets Naminé who’s goes, “You’re Sora’s Nobody,” and Roxas is like, “Whoa! What’s a Nobody?” He doesn’t understand what’s going on but that’s okay because neither do we. He finally runs into DiZ who goes, “Look, just merge with Sora and everything will be cool,” and Roxas goes, “Okay, but there better be ice cream there.” So he bizzorps out of the computer and into Sora and Sora finally wakes up with all his memories back (minus everything that happened in “Chain of Memories”). And I guess Dallace and Gomit wake up too, whatever. Mickey (now in a badass hoodie) sends them off to meet the wizard, a wonderful wizard named Disney-I mean Yen Sid. And he looks like this. Yen Sid goes, “First of all, those outfits have to go. Zippers are out, belts are in. Second, you need your driver’s license, go visit more Disney worlds.” So they visit some more merchandising opportunities and keep bumping into Maleficent, now joined by Pete [patta patta], and a bunch of those Organization XIII weirdos they just don’t quit do they? At one point there’s a battle with a million billion heartless and Goofy gets hit by a boulder and DIES. Yeah, he’s dead. Hengus Bunger You’re Six Feet Under. Somewhere in all this mess we get a big ol’ exposition dump. A while ago there was this nice bearded man named Ansem the Wise who was a man of science. Or the Kingdom Hearts equivalent of science because this guy was researching hearts and light and wrote his dissertation on feelin’ gooooood and havin’ fwends! Now, Ansem the Wise had an apprentice by the name of Xehanort who let his heart get consumed by darkness because he’s a weirdo. This created Xehanort’s Heartless which confusingly decided to call itself Ansem (psst this was the bad guy in Kingdom Hearts 1, not Wise Ansem, they are completely different people) and Xehanort’s Nobody which called itself….BUMBUMBUM…XEMNAS (hey we know that guy!) Meanwhile Kairi is standing exactly where Sora left her on Destiny Islands (but somehow in a new outfit) when Axel swoops in and kidnaps her! He wants his buddy Roxas back and he’s not gonna let Organization XIII boss him around no more oh nosiree. But he instantly sacrifices himself so Sora can jump through a portal to The World That Never Was. Sora’s like, “How can I be in a place that never was when it clearly currently is?,” but just then a mysterious figure emerges. It’s Ansem! But no! It’s….Riku? It’s Riku but he looks like Ansem? Okie dokie! Sora goes on a murdering-I-mean-heart-unlocking spree until DiZ appears and he’s like: You think that I’m a mummy, now, here’s a surprise, Feast your eyes on my disguise I’m really Ansem the Wise! The bad guys are conspirin’ to make their own Kingdom Hearts, But they forgot a lil’ something that’s right my looks and my smarts. I’m gonna use this ‘puter here to digitize the skies Ya better idolize and recognize I’m Ansem the Wise! Sora, Donald, Goofy, Riku, Mickey, uhh, and Kairi, I bid you all adieu cuz my computer is backfiring’ So DiZ’s computer explodes which causes DiZ to “dizappear” and for some reason also turns Riku back to normal. Xemnas is all, “My beautiful plan! Ruined, et cetera et cetera! Let us fight.” Sora and Riku hold hands and prepare for a good ol’ fashioned anime showdown. Sora believes in himself, Xemnas turns into a boat, and the player mashes X a lot (and sometimes Triangle!) until Xemnas is defeated. “Argh!” Everyone winds up back on Destiny Islands because sure whatever. And Naminé’s there too and she’s like, “Hey Kairi nice to meet you I’m your Nobody,” and Kairi stares into the middle distance. Yeah so everything ties back to the moment Sora released his and Kairi’s hearts. Either it’s poetic in its simplicity or stupid in its stupidity...I dunno. This moment should have created two Heartlesses and at least one Nobody (because Kairi's heart isn't really connected to her body at this point). But Kairi is a Princess of Heart, meaning she has zero darkness in her heart so she doesn’t create a Heartless. She does create a Nobody, but she has no body for it to form from. So while Sora is busy splitting off into his Heartless and his Nobody, Kairi’s Nobody, Naminé, is created from Kairi’s Heart and Sora’s Body. Which explains why she was able to meddle with his memories and whatnot? So to sum it up: I dunno, I said up front this thing was filled with retcons, right? Sora goes, “Oh yeah Roxas has been kinda rumbly lately, you okay, lil’ fella?” So Sora and Roxas share a ghost hug and Kairi and Naminé are chill I guess. Oh and Goofy recovers from being dead yawn. But then a letter washes up on the shore with that dang ol’ Mickey Mouse insignia on it WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW YOU CREEPY RAT? But before we open that envelope… Birth by Sleep diddlee diddlee diddlee...TEN YEARS EARLIER we got these three sweet pieces of anime hair: Aqua, Terra, and Ventus. Weirdly, Ventus looks a lot like Roxas. Like, identical. I mean, I know compared to Dosencrantz and Goofenstern over here Roxas and Sora look a lot alike but trust me, Roxas resembles this guy, Ventus. For...reasons. The three of them are being trained by Master Eraqus to become Keyblade Masters! Ventus is too young and spunky so he has to wait while Aqua and Terra take their final test, the Mark of Mastery, also we’re in this place: the Land of Departure. Aqua passes and she’s all like, “Neat!” but Terra fails because he’s got too much angsty darkness and Spencer’s coupons inside his heart and Eraqus takes one look and goes, “Mm mm, girl, get yourself sorted out.” Meanwhile in a fancy land for fancy lads called Radiant Garden, Ansem the Wise is researching how hearts work and stuff. He’s got some test tubes and like, a...a computer, and he’s going all, “Yes, interesting,” and he’s surrounded by all his hot anime friends (who kinda look familiar). There’s also a little girl here named Kairi who’s got no personality look at her go. Elsewhere Aqua and Terra pop out of a portal on Destiny Islands because of course they do. They meet these two lil’ babbies named Sora and Riku. Terra walks over and is like, “Ew this one is totally giving me Ventus vibes, [toot] uhh...hey kid now you know how to use a keyblade you won’t remember this when you’re older,” and Riku dribbles on himself. Also Kairi comes over from Radiant Garden and Aqua maybe teaches her how to use a keyblade? Ehhhh?? Ventus is wandering alone by himself somewhere when this hot piece of action rolls up on a motorcycle and is like, “Remember me?” And Ventus is like, “Nope.” And hot stuff takes off his helmet and is like, “How ‘bout now?” And Ventus is like, “Sorry, I only know one other dude with yellow eyes WAIT!” Turns out Ventus forgot a whole bunch of stuff that was suuuuper important. Before he was being trained by Master Eraqus his master was this objectively evil-looking dude with yellow eyes named Master Xehanort. Huh how ‘bout that. Xehanort was trying to get Ventus to unleash the darkness in his heart to summon this all-powerful keyblade called the...sigh...χ-blade. That...that’s the Greek letter “χ.” ...But Ventus was like, “I don’t wanna, I’m a good boy look at my badge,” and Xehanort’s like, “Fine, I’ll just take your darkness myself,” and goes shewbly bop, sucks the darkness out of Ventus’s heart and makes motorcycle man, also known as Vanitas. Oh and he looks exactly like an evil Sora but just...don’t. Don’t think about it it’s fine. Flashback over! Ventus is like, “Oh yeah, I 'member,” and Vanitas is like, “Cool, we gotta fight, meet me at the Keyblade Graveyard.” Okay so long ago there were tons of Keyblade Wielders and they all fought over the χ-blade in this epic war and now all that’s left is a bunch of keys in the ground. But Ventus knows all this and just goes, “k.” Meanwhile Terra is getting super moody and kills Master Eraqus! Eraqus is like, “Why, my pupil?” and Terra’s like, “I dunno, Gamb didn’t go over this part in detail but I’m assuming darkness?” Then everyone piles into the minivan and heads on over to the Keyblade Graveyard for their big anime fight. And you know it’s serious because nobody turns into a boat! Ventus versus Vanitas. Terra versus Xehanort (who’s like “hello”). And Aqua versus this dude who you might recognize better like this but he doesn’t have his cool eyepatch and scar yet. Him name Braig. Xehanort is like, “Ha ha ha I’ll have the χ-blade (χ-blade not keyblade) and with that I’ll control Kingdom Hearts!” and Terra’s like, “Nuh uh nosiree stop right there mister bister,” and everyone starts fighting. Aqua beats up Braig and he’s like, “Argghhhh now I look coooolleeeerrrrrr!!” Ventus and Vanitas fuse which sorta creates the χ-blade for a second but then it explodes. And then Ventus explodes. He’s just asleep but his heart goes zwoosh over to Destiny Islands to go live in Sora’s heart and heal up sure okay. Aqua takes Ventus’s blown-up body back to the Land of Departure and uses her keyblade to turn it into Castle Oblivion. She goes, “Okay Ventus I’m the only one who knows you’re here have a good nap now pat pat.” She returns just in time to see Xehanort possessing Terra, forming Terra-Xehanort, or Terranort for short. A while back Xehanort was like, “I’m getting old, AH! I can possess someone using the darkness in their heart that’s a neat trick.” Also PSST this is what “Norting” is. Aqua goes, “I am not about this,” and fights and defeats Terranort. But Terranort’s all like, “Ha ha ha not so fast,” and uses his keyblade to unlock his heart which traps Aqua in the Realm of Darkness and gives Terranort amnesia because we didn’t have enough tropes on our plate already, sure, throw some amnesia into the mix. Terranort, just calling himself Xehanort now, becomes an apprentice to Ansem the Wise and then much later gets his memories back and goes on to create his Heartless, Ansem (this one not that one), and his Nobody, Xemnas. Now we can return to the present in… Re:Coded Well...not quite the present. Sometime after defeating Xemnas but before Mickey’s letter arrives at Destiny Islands, Jiminy Cricket is hanging out with Mickey. You see, throughout Sora’s many adventures he’s been accompanied by Jiminy who’s been documenting everything that happens. Like, “Today Sora spent fifteen minutes staring at a bowl of oatmeal.” Jiminy’s about to turn in his homework to Mickey when he notices some cryptic messages he didn’t write; like some Cure lyrics or somethin’. Chip and Dale digitize the journal and create a digital copy of Sora, Data-Sora, to fight the bugs that are corrupting the data and I don’t know...hacking hijinks ensue? Pete and Maleficent are there, some C-tier Disney properties show up, Jiminy’s Journal appears and turns into Riku, I-uh...just, whatever. The journal is restored and Data-Naminé reaches out to Data-Sora and is like, “Hey, you got a whoooole lotta business jellying up your jam-RAM. You got Roxas inside of you, and like, Xion’s inside of Roxas, and then there’s, like, Ventus sorta fused with Vanitas, it’s just a big ol’ awkward Inception party in there. It’s middle-school-dance bad. Also the bugs are a side effect of me messing with Sora’s memories cuz ehhhh?” Data-Sora texts all this to Mickey who’s like, “Butter my me-shaped muffins! The real Sora’s gotta learn about this stat,” and writes the letter that then shows up at the end of “Kingdom Hearts 2!” Data-Sora goes, “What? ‘Real Sora?’” as the computer gets turned off cuz Mickey’s got a date with a wizard! Yen Sid goes, “Yo, Xehanort is coming back and we’re screwed. We only have one Keyblade Master and you, like, randomly took your shirt off that one time.” And Mickey goes, “We’ll get to that. What about Sora and Riku? If they become Keyblade Masters and Sora gets his jam unjellied we might stand a chance!” And Yen Sid goes, “Okay, but there’s a lot of jelly in his jam. And it smells like peaches.” Dream Drop Distance In order to become Keyblade Masters Sora and Riku have to take the Mark of Mastery, the same exam that Terra and Aqua took way back when! But apparently the test is totally arbitrary and whoever’s conducting the exam just does whatever they want, just like real life. Yen Sid charges Sora and Riku with waking all the sleeping hearts of various worlds that have been on a constant rollercoaster of exploding and being reformed over the past couple games. They bounce through some Disney worlds and wake people up but not Sleeping Beauty? Come on it’s a game about waking people- okay Gamb is telling me there’s a reason - okay fine...fine. Anyway, remember the rules of the Kingdom Hearts universe? All that stuff about Heartless and Nobodies, and how destroying both restores the original Somebody? Yeah so all those Organization XIII Nobodies Sora killed...they’re back as their original, X-less Somebodies! Whaaaat our protagonist wasn’t going around murdering people see they’re fine a ha ha Also the, hoooooo keepittogether, uughghh. The “X” in all those Nobodies’ names isn’t an X. It’s called the Recusant’s Sigil and Xehanort uses it to mark his BFFs and track their location. This even works on clothing and that’s...oh god….uh, that’s how they’re able to track Sora throughout this game. Be...because they put an X on his shirt. ooooooOOOOOOOOOHH Oh and then this guy shows up. This is Young Xehanort. Yeah so now there’s time travel in this series. GOOD I AM OVER THE HEART-SHAPED MOON THANK YOU. It really doesn’t matter how time travel works in this universe (and I’m scared to open the wiki again) so here’s all of Gamb’s notes on the matter. Basically at some point evil Ansem went back to Destiny Islands where Xehanort grew up because UH HUH YEAH OKAY BECAUSE EVERYONE’S FROM THERE. He met the young lad and was like, “Here’s some, um, going back in time...potion. Go round up all the Xehanorts cuz we GOIN’ HARD!” Because, okay: Xehanort’s Heartless was killed in Kingdom Hearts 1 and his Nobody was killed in Kingdom Hearts 2 which means Xehanort’s Somebody is back and ready to crack some skulls and wait why does he look like creepy old man Xehanort and not Terranort I THOUGHT I UNDERSTOOD HOW THIS WORKED UGHHHHH I’M DOING MY BEST. Oh but now we learn about Xehanort’s ultimate master plan. In “Birth by Sleep” he wanted the χ-blade in order to control Kingdom Hearts. But the χ-blade exploded and conveniently it likes to explode into twenty pieces: 7 light and 13 dark. Xehanort is all, “Grr, I want those shards!” like he’s the villain in a cereal commercial or something. Originally he planned for the 7 light pieces to come from the so-called Seven Princesses of Heart: Snow White, Cinderella, Alice, Aurora, Belle, Jasmine, and uhhhh Kairi. This is all the business with the princess pods in Hollow Bastion back in “Kingdom Hearts 1.” But the 7 light pieces could also be the Seven Guardians of Light: Mickey, Sora, Riku, Ventus, Aqua…Terra?... maybe Kairi? It’s not really clear right now. Meanwhile the 13 dark pieces are a little harder to come by. We got a couple bad eggs bumbling about, but thirteen? Not quite. So Xehanort, being the rational person he is, decided to essentially create 12 copies of himself by puttin’ a little Nort into all these Nobodies which together would then act as the 13 dark pieces needed to form the χ-blade. This is why Xehanort created Organization XIII. His plan was to Nort each of the members so he’d have his 13 dark pieces. But instead they thought for themselves and were like, “What the heck dude,” and also Sora killed everybody so way to go, Sora. He also tried having two of the members be his Heartless and Nobody which is totally cheating! Xehanort, being the RATIONAL PERSON HE IS, decided, “Hey, that’s a good point, what am I doing Norting unwilling people? I’ll just find people who want to be me, like, uh...me!” So that’s why he sent Ansem to seek out Young Xehanort in the past; he’s making a new Organization XIII out of a some time traveling Xehanorts and a bunch of other friends called the…. wait for it….Real Organization XIII. Booo. They shoulda called it the Super Excited to be Xehanort Club. So Xehanort gathers himself, Young Xehanort, Ansem, Xemnas, Xigbar and Saïx (who were part of the old Organization XIII but apparently just can’t get enough of that Nort juice) and six other shadowy figures that’ll almost certainly get revealed in “Kingdom Hearts III.” They’re probably, like, time traveling Goofy’s or something [evil hyuck]. “But wait!” I hear you counting on your fingers, “That only makes twelve!” Yes, they’re one short. So Xehanort decides the thirteenth Nort shall be...Sora!! He kidnaps Sora because I guess Goofus and Dallant do literally nothing all day and is about to Nort Sora super good when Lea dives in and saves the day! (psst Lea is Axel’s Somebody and he only really cares about Roxas and Xion but Sora will have to do). Xehanort goes, “Drat, I’d kidnap you again but we’re all out of our going back in time potion. Until next time, when the seven and thirteen are destined to fight and summon the χ-blade in Kingdom Hearts Threeeeeee!!” And all the Xehanorts disappear...FOR NOW. Riku and Sora go back to Yen Sid and they’re like, “Wow the whole universe was at stake glad we got out of that one hoo wee I almost forgot we were taking a test ha ha.” And Yen Sid goes, “Riku, you passed good job, Sora, you almost got Norted you fail.” And Sora goes, “Aw, Nort again!!” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA all the characters laugh and credits roll. WAIT we’re not done yet - two quick games to go! Union Cross Long ago, I mean like, long, loooooooong ago all the worlds were connected and it t’was the Age of Fairy Tales. In this harsh-on-the-eyeballs place called Daybreak Town there was this guy called the Master of Masters who wore a sweet hood and trench like the Organization dudes and he wrote this Book of Prophecies with the help of his keyblade, No Name, which can see into the future but only the future it’s actually around for, like, in the same room. Look, it’s got a magic creepy eyeball! [demonic whispers] So the Master of Masters goes to his six apprentices and is like, “Hey guys, I’m gonna peace out. Here, you carry No Name around and pass it down through the generations for no particular future-sight-related reason and this box. DON’T...open it. And uh...the rest of you get a signed copy of my book, you’re welcome.” But little did the apprentices know he gave each of them a slightly different copy of the Book of Prophecies! They read their books and learn there’s a traitor amongst them! But not really? Eh. The apprentices scatter to the winds like dandelions and create their own little groups that learn to use keyblades. Years and years pass, these groups all end up fighting in the Keyblade War and shattering the χ-blade into twenty pieces and yeah there’s some of your backstory I guess. Look, this is a browser-slash-mobile game, don’t worry about it too much. Like, maybe you should know Ventus and Marluxia’s Somebody are leaders of two of these groups, and there’s these things called Darklings that are Heartless born from Keyblade Wielders (there’s a Darkling on the box for “Kingdom Hearts III” right about myeah) but seriously if any of this is relevant in “Kingdom Hearts III” I’m sure they’ll provide context for it like the competent writers they are and - uh. [yelling/sobbing] Hocus pocus, these games have no focus. Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A fragmentary passage - whooahaheehuuu that’s the sound of my soul escaping my body ueueghhgh. “Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by” aeeuguh - you know what, let’s just call it NO for short, acts as a kind of prequel-sequel that sets some things up for “Kingdom Hearts III.” You play as Aqua, picking up right after the events of “Birth by Sleep” where she was trapped in the Realm of Darkness by Terranort. She wanders around some Disney worlds swallowed up by darkness, fights her doppelganger Phantom Aqua, and finds Ventus and Terra but they’re not actually there she’s just lonely awww. She fights some shadow monsters and ends up falling even deeper into darkness but eventually runs into Riku and Mickey. Because, yeah, even though her story took place ten years before “Kingdom Hearts 1” time is super janky in the Realm of Darkness which sure is convenient if you’re a writer and want to get your prequel character into the present story. Aqua fends off the darkness while Riku and Mickey close the door from the end of “Kingdom Hearts 1” and Mickey literally loses his shirt just to preserve continuity. There’s no other reason. What a guy. WHAT A GUY! The door is successfully closed. Hooray! Except Aqua is still trapped in darkness. Ah, feces. Elsewhere Yen Sid is like, “Sora! Not only did you fail my super simple exam but your brush with getting Norted actually left you Metroid-ed! Look, all your stats are back to Level 1!” Sora goes, “Oh well gosh darn ain’t that convenient, I mean inconvenient-” “There’s no time, go to the Colosseum from Hercules and hang out with Danny Devito!” “k.” Also Lea is a keyblade wielder now. And Kairi. I am so tired. And that takes us to “Kingdom Hearts III”! Sora’s gotta train, Riku and Mickey gotta rescue Aqua, Kairi’s got to maybe develop into a character????, and Xehanort is off somewhere trying to get the Seven Pieces of Light and the SEX Club to go to prom together. What’ll happen?! Will Xehanort reassemble the χ-blade only for Yen Sid to pull a King of Red Lions and be like, “I made this?” Will the Disney and Final Fantasy characters actually have any kind of bearing on the overall plot? Will we meet a character without pointy anime hair? Will we get to befriend him over the course of our journey and then in our final moment of need his hair pointifies and he saves the day? WILL GOOFY SAY A SWEAR? LET GOOFY SWEAR >:( fyuck Hello if you feel like you don’t have quite enough Kingdom Hearts coursing through your veins you can watch the seven hour livestream that started this whole mess. Or I might be streaming some Kingdom Hearts on Twitch right now as you’re watching this...I can only imagine how well that’s going. Also if you’re curious about the production of this video I streamed myself making the bulk of it - there’s a link to the archived streams in the description. I don’t have a Patreon so please enjoy this list of some of my favorite words to say out loud:

Channel: Barry Kramer

Views: 5,013,347

Rating: 4.9469123 out of 5

Keywords: barry, kramer, barry kramer, kingdom hearts plot synopsis, kingdom hearts plot summary, kingdom hearts, kingdom hearts 3, kingdom hearts iii, kingdom hearts explanined, kingdom hearts lore, kingdom hearts story explained, kingdom hearts story, kingdom hearts 2, kindgom hearts review, completionist, jirard khalil, kingdom hearts 1, square enix, kingdom hearts 1.5, KH3, birth by sleep, dream drop distance, union cross, 358/2 days, ux, 0.2, re coded, chain of memories

Id: tjiHufVEc7g

Length: 33min 7sec (1987 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 24 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/cascadingCabbage]

By far my favorite summary video on KH, does a great job of explaining a lot of what other summaries just sort of gloss over or don't cover at all. The humor is top notch as well.

[u/[deleted]]

I've watched like 4 30-40 minute recap videos already to get ready for KH3. I only played 1,2, and CoM when I was like 10-12 because I didn't have any of the other systems and went Xbox after the PS2. Holy shit I'm confused. Hopefully this one puts it all in to place so I know what's going on.

[u/Akuru]

Just watched it earlier today and alongside all the other catch-up videos I've seen, this one is definitely my favourite.

I've got the collection on PS4 so I should probably actually play them, but I just can't get behind the card-based gameplay :(

[u/Mysca]

I love stuff like this, never played Kingdom Hearts so maybe this video and Kingdom Hearts 3 can be a good start

[u/OriginalUsername0]

Wish I had watched this before starting KH3. I watched so many videos in the last week but I have no idea what is going on. Ah well.

[u/Elzam]

I've been working my way through the series post-KH2 before the release and while this story is a convoluted mess, and the solution is still somewhat silly, I appreciate the focus on a smaller cast compared to when we had potentially all of Org XIII to keep up with. For me just knowing where everyone (and sometimes their hearts) is at certain times makes the story a lot clearer. The how and the why of things happening is always ridiculous, and the end results seem more important.

The main cast have all had quite a bit of development; I wasn't a big fan of the prequel trio (Aqua, Ventus, Terra), and I'm still warming up to them, but it's clear that BBS and games since have made them into full characters.