Welcome to
A GOOD ENOUGH SUMMARY OF KINGDOM HEARTS Iâve only played Kingdom Hearts 1 and, like,
a third of Kingdom Hearts 2, but Iâve always been fascinated by the series. I mean - what does any of this mean? So I sat down with this good boy Gamb and
he explained everything to me for seven hours. "Okay, yes, but it's a lot stupider than you think, and we'll get to that in a long time and I'm still angry" "Okay" And now Iâm going to explain everything
to you...in slightly less time. Please tweet any and all inaccuracies @DrewGamblord But before we plunge headfirst into the terror
that awaits us, thereâs some stuff you just gotta accept about the world of Kingdom Hearts. 1. âHeartsâ are not literally hearts. Theyâre kinda like a personâs soul, but
more like their âemotional soulâ I guess? 2. Light = good, and dark = bad, and these are
not metaphor; theyâre tangible forces within the universe. 3. If you lose your heart, or itâs overcome
by darkness, it turns into one of these little guys called a Heartless. 4. A body without a heart is an empty husk that
turns into one of these slithery dudes: a Nobody. Okay? So you lose your heart: you create both a
Heartless and a Nobody. Simple enough. 5. If youâre âstrong-willedâ enough, your
husk turns into a special kind of Nobody that looks like you and can talk and stuff. Ok, sure, fine, why not. 6. If both the Heartless and Nobody are destroyed,
the original person is made whole again. And whole people are called âSomebodiesâ
just, shhhhhh, I know, I KNOW. 7. Thereâs Disney and Final Fantasy characters everywhere. And retcons. 8. This is more of a personal note, but I find it easier to take this all in if you consider
it more of an avant garde interactive art piece than a traditional narrative OKAY LETâS
DIVE IN MICKEY TAKE THE WHEEL Kingdom Hearts 1 We start in Destiny Islands, and if you think
that name is heavy handed now, just you wait. Thereâs a bunch of kids running around but
we only care about three of âem: Sora, the plucky one, Riku, the angsty one, and Kairi,
the milquetoast girl with no discernible personality traits whatsoever. Now, despite having their own cluster of islands
to call their own, these kids decide itâs not enough and build a raft to go on their
own adventures. But suddenly SZHWOOP a big olâ portal opens
up and Heartless start pouring out! Sora tries to fight them and is absolutely
useless until SHWEE a Keyblade suddenly appears in his hand! And heâs all like, âNice.â Now, Keyblades arenât just big keys. Well, I meanâŚthey...are, but theyâre also
big metaphorical keys. They can destroy darkness and repair worlds
and just generally do whatever the developers need them to do at that moment. And also, theyâre sort of like Harry Potter
wands, where they choose their master...kinda? So Sora beats the crap outta some Heartless
and then Riku is like, âDude, this evil portal is totally sweet,â and Sora is like,
âI dunno man that looks like a bad time,â and Riku is like, âIâm gonna go through
there,â âNope,â âYou should come too,â âNuh uh,â âOkay then-â âYeah,â
âIâll just,â âNope,â âHere I go-â âYou should notâ â-through the spooky
portal.â And then everything explodes, and Sora goes
flying, and Kairi sort of phases through Sora hey uhh thatâs a little weird. Elsewhere Mickey Mouse - yes, Mickey Mouse,
Did I stutter - is like, âI gotta go see you later huh ha,â and Donald and Goofy
are like, âBruh, um, you what? Youâre the king you canât just-â âFind
the keyblade wielder buh-bye!â [quacking noises] I don't understand what's happening. So after exploding and flying through space for a while Sora wakes up in this strange
city with bumpinâ music called Traverse Town. He meets up with Donald and Goofy who are
like, âIs that a Keyblade?â and Soraâs like, âDonât...touch it.â Meanwhile Riku gracefully emerges from his
creepy portal thing and meets up with Maleficent from âSleeping Beautyâ and sheâs like,
âRiku, you should totally join me - look, Sora doesnât even care about you anymore,
he has new friends now,â and Rikuâs like, âThese vibes Iâm getting from you are
definitely trustworthy!â So Sora teams up with Dobbuld and Goonby
so they can find their fwends. They travel through a bunch of Disney worlds
that literally do not matter whatsoever, like, itâs fine if you want to hang out with the
adorable little teacup from âBeauty and the Beastâ and this guy over hereâŚâchub
play the tubâ fine but IT DOES NOT MATTER TO THE STORY. Ahem⌠eventually they wind up at a big olâ
castle called Hollow Bastion. Riku pops up and Sora is like, âRiku, my friend, after being separated for so long, I have finally
found you,â and Rikuâs like, âUhhh gurl that Keybladeâs only been hanging out with
you to make me jealous,â and Keyblade-chan zhwoops on over to Riku-kun. âOH SCOOTSâ says Sora, âwell it doesnât
matter, with Donald and Goofy at my side we can-â âUmmm our allegiance is with the
Keyblade? and not you? soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.â Then Sora has a mopey road trip with Beast
from âBeauty and the Beastâ until they discover this super spooky room with a giant
keyhole and a bunch of sleeping Disney princesses Rikuâs in the corner with Keyblade-chan
going, âOh yeah and then what did he say? OOH GURL HE DID NOT! Wow what a creep ha ha ha.â But then, Sora delivers this badass monologue
about friendship, and hearts, and stuff, and Keyblade-chan gets all flustered and tsundere,
and zhwoops back on over to Sora and heâs all, âHeh, nice.â Riku goes, âOh yeah? Well at least I still have Ansem,â and Soraâs
like, âUhh, whoâs Ansem?â and Rikuâs like, âThis suuuuuuper evil dude thatâs
possessing me, he was also, like, totally pulling Maleficentâs strings, or whateverâ
and sheâs like, âit be like that doe,â and Sora goes, âu wot m8.â And also, Kairiâs been drooling facedown
in the corner this whole time but nobody noticed because sheâs just that boring. Beast (whoâs been awkwardly in the room
this whole time) points her out and after a few minutes they remember who she is. âKairi!" cries Sora. Riku drones on for a while about how Kairi
is the last Princess Ansem needs for his evil scheme, and also remember when Destiny Islands
blew up, and Kairi went jsshzshz through Sora, yeah her heart has been inside of Sora this whole time. Sora goes, âEwww, omgâ and commits sudoku
with his Keyblade. This frees Kairiâs heart and revives her. Yay! This also frees Soraâs heart so heâs a
Heartless now. Boo. But Kairiâs like, âBibbidi bobbidi deus
ex machina binch,â and Sora turns back to normal which contradicts everything we understand
about how any of this works but sure. FINE. Ansem sees all this and is like, âSeriously,
like, I checked the wiki, and they use the word âsomehowâ uhh whatever! Iâm outtie, peace,â and Sora follows him
to Destiny Islands but now itâs all destroyed so itâsâŚ.Depresstiny Islands [heh heh..heh]. Ansem and Sora have a good olâ fashioned
anime showdown, yâknow, Sora believes in himself, Ansem turns into a boat, and the
player mashes X a lot, until Ansem is like, âAlright, whatever, Iâm gonna open the
door to uhh Kingdom Hearts which is the source of all hearts and itâs all darkness in there,
ân stuff, I love darkness, check out my tattoo,â and Soraâs like, âAlright,
fine, open it you dollar store goth,â and sorta fumbles with his Oakleys for a moment
because GUESS WHAT itâs light. Ansem is all, âCurses! Foiled! B-uhh-Bingus Bongus!â and he explodes. Sora tries to close the door to Kingdom Hearts
but he canât oh no! Until guess what: Riku! W-wait how is he in there- and guess what:
Mickey! Why??...wait whereâs his shirt? Remember this, itâs important I swear do
not forget. Riku and Mickey help close the door from the
inside and bingus-bongus-b-blamo! All the broken worlds go back to normal and
everybody returns to Destiny Islands and Sora is like, âOkay Iâll be back I gotta go
save Riku and Mickey,â and Kairi just kinda stands there because she has no agency and
is barely a character. Chain of Memories Five minutes later Sora is walking down a
road with Dorbald and Goblin when a hooded figure arrives and mumbles something about
mysteries [bunch of mumbling noises]. They continue down the path and arrive at
Castle Oblivion! OoooOOOOooooh! Sora works his way through the castle and
meets a whole bunch of creepy figures that dramatically take off their hoods to reveal
their sweet, sweet anime hair. Thereâs Larxene and Marluxia and Axel and
Lexaeus and Zexion and Gexen I mean Vexen, also known as all the sweet Livejournal blogs
you used to follow in middle school. They take turns showing up to do something
mysterious and then Sora blows them up. Except Axel, he survives! Because he had the biggest anime hair of them
all. Meanwhile Soraâs losing his memories! "Ohhhh nooo!"
The further he moves into the castle the more his real memories get replaced by fake memories. He starts remembering this girl who
kinda looks like Kairi but sheâs not?! Sheâs got different hair and almost a personality! Her name is NaminĂŠ! and Soraâs like, âI
donât remember anything else so I better find this NaminĂŠ she seems important and
was along for our adventures this whole time (also I kinda feel like I wanna give her a
smoo-)!â A few games of poker later, Sora finally reaches
NaminĂŠ and sheâs like, âYeeeeaaah I stole all your memories. Youâll have to take a nap so I can restore
them but youâll forget everything from this game - you wonât even remember me!â But Soraâs already asleep in this big olâ
fancy pod. âSleeping and getting my memories back,
thatâs a pretty good deal.â Durlap and Gruff share the Economy Class pod
and they deserve it for wasting all the health potions YOU HAD ONE JOB-
Meanwhile Riku and Mickey just...kinda...leave Kingdom Hearts? Riku takes the âwake up floating in a voidâ
option then teleports into Castle Oblivion because eehhHhhH?? He ventures through the castle but doesnât
lose his memories because NaminĂŠ only got eyes for Sora knowwhatImean [smooching noises]. He meets a bunch of those hooded weirdos (which
by the way all belong to a group-slash-cult called Organization XIII, more on that in
a bit) and later runs into a clone of himself! Rikuâs like, âWhoa itâs a clone of me,
sweet,â and the clone is like, âNo youâre the clone, my name is Replica Riku and uh,
waitaminute why is âreplicaâ in my name.â So Riku kicks him a few times
and Replica Riku asplodes. Then Riku bumps into this red mummy named
DiZ. And heâs like, âDonât worry about me
for now. Actually, donât worry about any of this
you got like five games to go before things start to make sense.â And then Mickey hops on Rikuâs back and
is like, âIâm gonna help you control your darkness better, letâs-a go!â And thatâs about it for âChain of Memories.â The next game is Kingdom Hearts II which starts
with not Sora but with this guy, Roxas! To find out what his deal is we need to first
check outâŚ.sigh⌠358/2 Days "...ohhh that title." So okay, again, remember when Sora had a Sudoku
and released Kairiâs heart and turned himself into a Heartless? That also created Soraâs Nobody, who wakes
up in Twilight Town one day all, âBoobity boopity where the poopity am I?â Heâs found by this weirdo named Xemnas whoâs
like, âWelcome to Organization XIII hereâs your spooky cloak and How to Infuriatingly
Speak in Riddles Guide. Also your name is eeuurrruhhh-Roxas.â Xemnas introduces Roxas to the rest of the
Breakfast Club: Luxord, Demyx, SaĂŻx, Xaldin, Xigbar (remember him for later), and -hey
we know these guys! This game takes place at the same time as
âChain of Memoriesâ so you got some characters going back and forth between the two. Itâs super. Roxas goes on adventures around Disney World
and becomes best buds with one organization member in particular: Axel! They eat ice cream and just totally bro out,
itâs super cute. Then Xemnas is like, âYo some stuff is going
down at Castle Oblivion whoâs in,â and a bunch of Organization XIII members head
over there, including Axel (and then that ties into âChain of Memoriesâ). Then a new character pops up: the fourteenth
member of Organization XIII. A-WHUH?? Her name is Xion and sheâs like, âIâm
weird, I donât know who I ammmmm.â And for good reason. Turns out sheâs⌠lemme just check my notes
here [paper rustling] a replica of Sora created by Xemnas (using the memories NaminĂŠ took
from Sora) as a failsafe in case Roxas ended up not going along with Xemnasâs crazy schemes. And thanks to NaminĂŠ some of Soraâs memories
wound up in Roxas too. *cough*
So Xion peaces out in an attempt to save us all from having to understand whatâs going
on but Xemnas captures her and reprograms her to make her attack Roxas. Because if Xion defeats Roxas then Sora will
never be able to get his memories back ohhhh!! But Roxas defeats Xion and sheâs like, âcough,
sputter, you gotta merge with Sora and defeat Xemnas,â and Roxas is like, âwhatâs
a Sora is that a type of ice cream?â but before she can reply (wut) she porfs into
Roxas. "Dang." Riku shows up because sure why not and heâs
like, âOkay Roxas time to go back to Sora,â and Roxas is like, âI donât wanna, also
whomst is Sora,â and Rikuâs like, âFine, sit inside this computer simulation until
you cool off,â and Roxas is like, âwhat are any of these words youâre sayyiiiinnnnngggggggâ Which leads us to⌠Kingdom Hearts II We meet up with Roxas whoâs inside a computer
simulation of Twilight Town except he lost most of his memories and doesnât know heâs
inside a computer! And I mean, weâre not supposed to either
because â358/2 Daysâ released like four years after âKingdom Hearts IIâ but trust
me itâs just easier to understand this way. So Roxas has his weird summer break and eats
lots of ice cream and experiences a bunch of brainfreezes and glitches in the matrix
until one day Axel shows up! And heâs all like, âRoxas youâre in
a computer Iâm your friend!â and Roxas is like, âWhatâs a computer.â Then he meets NaminĂŠ whoâs goes, âYouâre
Soraâs Nobody,â and Roxas is like, âWhoa! Whatâs a Nobody?â He doesnât understand whatâs going on
but thatâs okay because neither do we. He finally runs into DiZ who goes, âLook,
just merge with Sora and everything will be cool,â and Roxas goes, âOkay, but there
better be ice cream there.â So he bizzorps out of the computer and into
Sora and Sora finally wakes up with all his memories back (minus everything that happened
in âChain of Memoriesâ). And I guess Dallace and Gomit wake up too,
whatever. Mickey (now in a badass hoodie) sends them
off to meet the wizard, a wonderful wizard named Disney-I mean Yen Sid. And he looks like this. Yen Sid goes, âFirst of all, those outfits
have to go. Zippers are out, belts are in. Second, you need your driverâs license,
go visit more Disney worlds.â So they visit some more merchandising opportunities
and keep bumping into Maleficent, now joined by Pete [patta patta], and a bunch of those Organization
XIII weirdos they just donât quit do they? At one point thereâs a battle with a million
billion heartless and Goofy gets hit by a boulder and DIES. Yeah, heâs dead. Hengus Bunger Youâre Six Feet Under. Somewhere in all this mess we get a big olâ
exposition dump. A while ago there was this nice bearded man
named Ansem the Wise who was a man of science. Or the Kingdom Hearts equivalent of science
because this guy was researching hearts and light and wrote his dissertation on feelinâ
gooooood and havinâ fwends! Now, Ansem the Wise had an apprentice by the
name of Xehanort who let his heart get consumed by darkness because heâs a weirdo. This created Xehanortâs Heartless which
confusingly decided to call itself Ansem (psst this was the bad guy in Kingdom Hearts 1,
not Wise Ansem, they are completely different people) and Xehanortâs Nobody which called
itselfâŚ.BUMBUMBUMâŚXEMNAS (hey we know that guy!) Meanwhile Kairi is standing exactly where
Sora left her on Destiny Islands (but somehow in a new outfit) when Axel swoops in and kidnaps
her! He wants his buddy Roxas back and heâs not
gonna let Organization XIII boss him around no more oh nosiree. But he instantly sacrifices himself so Sora
can jump through a portal to The World That Never Was. Soraâs like, âHow can I be in a place
that never was when it clearly currently is?,â but just then a mysterious figure emerges. Itâs Ansem! But no! ItâsâŚ.Riku? Itâs Riku but he looks like Ansem? Okie dokie! Sora goes on a murdering-I-mean-heart-unlocking
spree until DiZ appears and heâs like: You think that Iâm a mummy, now, hereâs
a surprise, Feast your eyes on my disguise Iâm really
Ansem the Wise! The bad guys are conspirinâ to make their
own Kingdom Hearts, But they forgot a lilâ something thatâs
right my looks and my smarts. Iâm gonna use this âputer here to digitize
the skies Ya better idolize and recognize Iâm Ansem
the Wise! Sora, Donald, Goofy, Riku, Mickey, uhh, and
Kairi, I bid you all adieu cuz my computer is backfiringâ So DiZâs computer explodes which causes
DiZ to âdizappearâ and for some reason also turns Riku back to normal. Xemnas is all, âMy beautiful plan! Ruined, et cetera et cetera! Let us fight.â Sora and Riku hold hands and prepare for a
good olâ fashioned anime showdown. Sora believes in himself, Xemnas turns into
a boat, and the player mashes X a lot (and sometimes Triangle!) until Xemnas is defeated. âArgh!â Everyone winds up back on Destiny Islands
because sure whatever. And NaminĂŠâs there too and sheâs like,
âHey Kairi nice to meet you Iâm your Nobody,â and Kairi stares into the middle distance. Yeah so everything ties back to the moment
Sora released his and Kairiâs hearts. Either itâs poetic in its simplicity or
stupid in its stupidity...I dunno. This moment should have created two Heartlesses
and at least one Nobody (because Kairi's heart isn't really connected to her body at this point). But Kairi is a Princess of Heart, meaning
she has zero darkness in her heart so she doesnât create a Heartless. She does create a Nobody, but she has no body
for it to form from. So while Sora is busy splitting off into his
Heartless and his Nobody, Kairiâs Nobody, NaminĂŠ, is created from Kairiâs Heart and
Soraâs Body. Which explains why she was able to meddle
with his memories and whatnot? So to sum it up: I dunno, I said up front
this thing was filled with retcons, right? Sora goes, âOh yeah Roxas has been kinda
rumbly lately, you okay, lilâ fella?â So Sora and Roxas share a ghost hug and Kairi
and NaminĂŠ are chill I guess. Oh and Goofy recovers from being dead yawn. But then a letter washes up on the shore with
that dang olâ Mickey Mouse insignia on it WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW YOU CREEPY RAT? But before we open that envelope⌠Birth by Sleep diddlee diddlee diddlee...TEN YEARS EARLIER
we got these three sweet pieces of anime hair: Aqua, Terra, and Ventus. Weirdly, Ventus looks a lot like Roxas. Like, identical. I mean, I know compared to Dosencrantz and
Goofenstern over here Roxas and Sora look a lot alike but trust me, Roxas resembles
this guy, Ventus. For...reasons. The three of them are being trained by Master
Eraqus to become Keyblade Masters! Ventus is too young and spunky so he has to
wait while Aqua and Terra take their final test, the Mark of Mastery, also weâre in
this place: the Land of Departure. Aqua passes and sheâs all like, âNeat!â
but Terra fails because heâs got too much angsty darkness and Spencerâs coupons inside
his heart and Eraqus takes one look and goes, âMm mm, girl, get yourself sorted out.â Meanwhile in a fancy land for fancy lads called
Radiant Garden, Ansem the Wise is researching how hearts work and stuff. Heâs got some test tubes and like, a...a
computer, and heâs going all, âYes, interesting,â and heâs surrounded by all his hot anime
friends (who kinda look familiar). Thereâs also a little girl here named Kairi
whoâs got no personality look at her go. Elsewhere Aqua and Terra pop out of a portal
on Destiny Islands because of course they do. They meet these two lilâ babbies named Sora
and Riku. Terra walks over and is like, âEw this one
is totally giving me Ventus vibes, [toot] uhh...hey kid now you know how to use a keyblade you
wonât remember this when youâre older,â and Riku dribbles on himself. Also Kairi comes over from Radiant Garden
and Aqua maybe teaches her how to use a keyblade? Ehhhh?? Ventus is wandering alone by himself somewhere
when this hot piece of action rolls up on a motorcycle and is like, âRemember me?â And Ventus is like, âNope.â And hot stuff takes off his helmet and is
like, âHow âbout now?â And Ventus is like, âSorry, I only know
one other dude with yellow eyes WAIT!â Turns out Ventus forgot a whole bunch of stuff
that was suuuuper important. Before he was being trained by Master Eraqus
his master was this objectively evil-looking dude with yellow eyes named Master Xehanort. Huh how âbout that. Xehanort was trying to get Ventus to unleash
the darkness in his heart to summon this all-powerful keyblade called the...sigh...Ď-blade. That...thatâs the Greek letter âĎ.â ...But Ventus was like, âI donât wanna,
Iâm a good boy look at my badge,â and Xehanortâs like, âFine, Iâll just take
your darkness myself,â and goes shewbly bop, sucks the darkness out of Ventusâs
heart and makes motorcycle man, also known as Vanitas. Oh and he looks exactly like an evil Sora
but just...donât. Donât think about it itâs fine. Flashback over! Ventus is like, âOh yeah, I 'member,â and
Vanitas is like, âCool, we gotta fight, meet me at the Keyblade Graveyard.â Okay so long ago there were tons of Keyblade
Wielders and they all fought over the Ď-blade in this epic war and now all thatâs left
is a bunch of keys in the ground. But Ventus knows all this and just goes, âk.â Meanwhile Terra is getting super moody and
kills Master Eraqus! Eraqus is like, âWhy, my pupil?â and Terraâs
like, âI dunno, Gamb didnât go over this part in detail but Iâm assuming darkness?â Then everyone piles into the minivan and heads
on over to the Keyblade Graveyard for their big anime fight. And you know itâs serious because nobody
turns into a boat! Ventus versus Vanitas. Terra versus Xehanort (whoâs like âhelloâ). And Aqua versus this dude who you might recognize
better like this but he doesnât have his cool eyepatch and scar yet. Him name Braig. Xehanort is like, âHa ha ha Iâll have
the Ď-blade (Ď-blade not keyblade) and with that Iâll control Kingdom Hearts!â and
Terraâs like, âNuh uh nosiree stop right there mister bister,â and everyone starts
fighting. Aqua beats up Braig and heâs like, âArgghhhh
now I look coooolleeeerrrrrr!!â Ventus and Vanitas fuse which sorta creates
the Ď-blade for a second but then it explodes. And then Ventus explodes. Heâs just asleep but his heart goes zwoosh
over to Destiny Islands to go live in Soraâs heart and heal up sure okay. Aqua takes Ventusâs blown-up body back to
the Land of Departure and uses her keyblade to turn it into Castle Oblivion. She goes, âOkay Ventus Iâm the only one
who knows youâre here have a good nap now pat pat.â She returns just in time to see Xehanort possessing
Terra, forming Terra-Xehanort, or Terranort for short. A while back Xehanort was like, âIâm getting
old, AH! I can possess someone using the darkness in
their heart thatâs a neat trick.â Also PSST this is what âNortingâ is. Aqua goes, âI am not about this,â and
fights and defeats Terranort. But Terranortâs all like, âHa ha ha not
so fast,â and uses his keyblade to unlock his heart which traps Aqua in the Realm of
Darkness and gives Terranort amnesia because we didnât have enough tropes on our plate
already, sure, throw some amnesia into the mix. Terranort, just calling himself Xehanort now,
becomes an apprentice to Ansem the Wise and then much later gets his memories back and
goes on to create his Heartless, Ansem (this one not that one), and his Nobody, Xemnas. Now we can return to the present in⌠Re:Coded Well...not quite the present. Sometime after defeating Xemnas but before
Mickeyâs letter arrives at Destiny Islands, Jiminy Cricket is hanging out with Mickey. You see, throughout Soraâs many adventures
heâs been accompanied by Jiminy whoâs been documenting everything that happens. Like, âToday Sora spent fifteen minutes
staring at a bowl of oatmeal.â Jiminyâs about to turn in his homework to
Mickey when he notices some cryptic messages he didnât write; like some Cure lyrics or
somethinâ. Chip and Dale digitize the journal and create
a digital copy of Sora, Data-Sora, to fight the bugs that are corrupting the data and
I donât know...hacking hijinks ensue? Pete and Maleficent are there, some C-tier
Disney properties show up, Jiminyâs Journal appears and turns into Riku, I-uh...just,
whatever. The journal is restored and Data-NaminĂŠ reaches
out to Data-Sora and is like, âHey, you got a whoooole lotta business jellying up
your jam-RAM. You got Roxas inside of you, and like, Xionâs
inside of Roxas, and then thereâs, like, Ventus sorta fused with Vanitas, itâs just
a big olâ awkward Inception party in there. Itâs middle-school-dance bad. Also the bugs are a side effect of me messing
with Soraâs memories cuz ehhhh?â Data-Sora texts all this to Mickey whoâs
like, âButter my me-shaped muffins! The real Soraâs gotta learn about this stat,â
and writes the letter that then shows up at the end of âKingdom Hearts 2!â Data-Sora goes, âWhat? âReal Sora?ââ as the computer gets turned
off cuz Mickeyâs got a date with a wizard! Yen Sid goes, âYo, Xehanort is coming back
and weâre screwed. We only have one Keyblade Master and you,
like, randomly took your shirt off that one time.â And Mickey goes, âWeâll get to that. What about Sora and Riku? If they become Keyblade Masters and Sora gets
his jam unjellied we might stand a chance!â And Yen Sid goes, âOkay, but thereâs a
lot of jelly in his jam. And it smells like peaches.â Dream Drop Distance In order to become Keyblade Masters Sora and
Riku have to take the Mark of Mastery, the same exam that Terra and Aqua took way back
when! But apparently the test is totally arbitrary
and whoeverâs conducting the exam just does whatever they want, just like real life. Yen Sid charges Sora and Riku with waking
all the sleeping hearts of various worlds that have been on a constant rollercoaster
of exploding and being reformed over the past couple games. They bounce through some Disney worlds and
wake people up but not Sleeping Beauty? Come on itâs a game about waking people-
okay Gamb is telling me thereâs a reason - okay fine...fine. Anyway, remember the rules of the Kingdom
Hearts universe? All that stuff about Heartless and Nobodies,
and how destroying both restores the original Somebody? Yeah so all those Organization XIII Nobodies
Sora killed...theyâre back as their original, X-less Somebodies! Whaaaat our protagonist wasnât going around
murdering people see theyâre fine a ha ha Also the, hoooooo keepittogether, uughghh. The âXâ in all those Nobodiesâ names isnât an
X. Itâs called the Recusantâs Sigil and Xehanort
uses it to mark his BFFs and track their location. This even works on clothing and thatâs...oh
godâŚ.uh, thatâs how theyâre able to track Sora throughout this game. Be...because they put an X on his shirt. ooooooOOOOOOOOOHH Oh and then this guy shows up. This is Young Xehanort. Yeah so now thereâs time travel in this
series. GOOD I AM OVER THE HEART-SHAPED MOON THANK
YOU. It really doesnât matter how time travel
works in this universe (and Iâm scared to open the wiki again) so hereâs all of Gambâs
notes on the matter. Basically at some point evil Ansem went back
to Destiny Islands where Xehanort grew up because UH HUH YEAH OKAY BECAUSE EVERYONEâS
FROM THERE. He met the young lad and was like, âHereâs
some, um, going back in time...potion. Go round up all the Xehanorts cuz we GOINâ
HARD!â Because, okay: Xehanortâs Heartless was
killed in Kingdom Hearts 1 and his Nobody was killed in Kingdom Hearts 2 which means
Xehanortâs Somebody is back and ready to crack some skulls and wait why does he look
like creepy old man Xehanort and not Terranort I THOUGHT I UNDERSTOOD HOW THIS WORKED UGHHHHH
IâM DOING MY BEST. Oh but now we learn about Xehanortâs ultimate
master plan. In âBirth by Sleepâ he wanted the Ď-blade
in order to control Kingdom Hearts. But the Ď-blade exploded and conveniently
it likes to explode into twenty pieces: 7 light and 13 dark. Xehanort is all, âGrr, I want those shards!â
like heâs the villain in a cereal commercial or something. Originally he planned for the 7 light pieces
to come from the so-called Seven Princesses of Heart: Snow White, Cinderella, Alice, Aurora,
Belle, Jasmine, and uhhhh Kairi. This is all the business with the princess
pods in Hollow Bastion back in âKingdom Hearts 1.â But the 7 light pieces could also be the Seven
Guardians of Light: Mickey, Sora, Riku, Ventus, AquaâŚTerra?... maybe Kairi? Itâs not really clear right now. Meanwhile the 13 dark pieces are a little
harder to come by. We got a couple bad eggs bumbling about, but
thirteen? Not quite. So Xehanort, being the rational person he
is, decided to essentially create 12 copies of himself by puttinâ a little Nort into
all these Nobodies which together would then act as the 13 dark pieces needed to form the
Ď-blade. This is why Xehanort created Organization
XIII. His plan was to Nort each of the members so
heâd have his 13 dark pieces. But instead they thought for themselves and
were like, âWhat the heck dude,â and also Sora killed everybody so way to go, Sora. He also tried having two of the members be
his Heartless and Nobody which is totally cheating! Xehanort, being the RATIONAL PERSON HE IS,
decided, âHey, thatâs a good point, what am I doing Norting unwilling people? Iâll just find people who want to be me,
like, uh...me!â So thatâs why he sent Ansem to seek out
Young Xehanort in the past; heâs making a new Organization XIII out of a some time
traveling Xehanorts and a bunch of other friends called theâŚ. wait for itâŚ.Real Organization XIII. Booo. They shoulda called it the Super Excited
to be Xehanort Club. So Xehanort gathers himself, Young Xehanort,
Ansem, Xemnas, Xigbar and SaĂŻx (who were part of the old Organization XIII but apparently
just canât get enough of that Nort juice) and six other shadowy figures thatâll almost
certainly get revealed in âKingdom Hearts III.â Theyâre probably, like, time traveling Goofyâs
or something [evil hyuck]. âBut wait!â I hear you counting on your fingers, âThat
only makes twelve!â Yes, theyâre one short. So Xehanort decides the thirteenth Nort shall
be...Sora!! He kidnaps Sora because I guess Goofus and
Dallant do literally nothing all day and is about to Nort Sora super good when Lea dives
in and saves the day! (psst Lea is Axelâs Somebody and he only really cares about Roxas
and Xion but Sora will have to do). Xehanort goes, âDrat, Iâd kidnap you again
but weâre all out of our going back in time potion. Until next time, when the seven and thirteen
are destined to fight and summon the Ď-blade in Kingdom Hearts Threeeeeee!!â And all the Xehanorts disappear...FOR NOW. Riku and Sora go back to Yen Sid and theyâre
like, âWow the whole universe was at stake glad we got out of that one hoo wee I almost
forgot we were taking a test ha ha.â And Yen Sid goes, âRiku, you passed good
job, Sora, you almost got Norted you fail.â And Sora goes, âAw, Nort again!!â AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA all the characters laugh and
credits roll. WAIT weâre not done yet - two quick games
to go! Union Cross Long ago, I mean like, long, loooooooong ago
all the worlds were connected and it tâwas the Age of Fairy Tales. In this harsh-on-the-eyeballs place called
Daybreak Town there was this guy called the Master of Masters who wore a sweet hood and
trench like the Organization dudes and he wrote this Book of Prophecies with the help
of his keyblade, No Name, which can see into the future but only the future itâs actually
around for, like, in the same room. Look, itâs got a magic creepy eyeball! [demonic
whispers] So the Master of Masters goes to his six apprentices
and is like, âHey guys, Iâm gonna peace out. Here, you carry No Name around and pass it
down through the generations for no particular future-sight-related reason and this box. DONâT...open it. And uh...the rest of you get a signed copy
of my book, youâre welcome.â But little did the apprentices know he gave
each of them a slightly different copy of the Book of Prophecies! They read their books and learn thereâs
a traitor amongst them! But not really? Eh. The apprentices scatter to the winds like
dandelions and create their own little groups that learn to use keyblades. Years and years pass, these groups all end
up fighting in the Keyblade War and shattering the Ď-blade into twenty pieces and yeah thereâs
some of your backstory I guess. Look, this is a browser-slash-mobile game,
donât worry about it too much. Like, maybe you should know Ventus and Marluxiaâs
Somebody are leaders of two of these groups, and thereâs these things called Darklings
that are Heartless born from Keyblade Wielders (thereâs a Darkling on the box for âKingdom
Hearts IIIâ right about myeah) but seriously if any of this is relevant in âKingdom
Hearts IIIâ Iâm sure theyâll provide context for it like the competent writers
they are and - uh. [yelling/sobbing] Hocus pocus, these games have no focus. Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A fragmentary
passage - whooahaheehuuu thatâs the sound
of my soul escaping my body ueueghhgh. âKingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth byâ aeeuguh - you
know what, letâs just call it NO for short, acts as a kind of prequel-sequel that sets
some things up for âKingdom Hearts III.â You play as Aqua, picking up right after the
events of âBirth by Sleepâ where she was trapped in the Realm of Darkness by Terranort. She wanders around some Disney worlds swallowed
up by darkness, fights her doppelganger Phantom Aqua, and finds Ventus and Terra but theyâre
not actually there sheâs just lonely awww. She fights some shadow monsters and ends up
falling even deeper into darkness but eventually runs into Riku and Mickey. Because, yeah, even though her story took
place ten years before âKingdom Hearts 1â time is super janky in the Realm of Darkness
which sure is convenient if youâre a writer and want to get your prequel character into
the present story. Aqua fends off the darkness while Riku and
Mickey close the door from the end of âKingdom Hearts 1â and Mickey literally loses his
shirt just to preserve continuity. Thereâs no other reason. What a guy. WHAT A GUY! The door is successfully closed. Hooray! Except Aqua is still trapped in darkness. Ah, feces. Elsewhere Yen Sid is like, âSora! Not only did you fail my super simple exam
but your brush with getting Norted actually left you Metroid-ed! Look, all your stats are back to Level 1!â
Sora goes, âOh well gosh darn ainât that convenient, I mean inconvenient-â âThereâs
no time, go to the Colosseum from Hercules and hang out with Danny Devito!â âk.â Also Lea is a keyblade wielder now. And Kairi. I am so tired. And that takes us to âKingdom Hearts IIIâ! Soraâs gotta train, Riku and Mickey gotta
rescue Aqua, Kairiâs got to maybe develop into a character????, and Xehanort is off
somewhere trying to get the Seven Pieces of Light and the SEX Club to go to prom together. Whatâll happen?! Will Xehanort reassemble the Ď-blade only
for Yen Sid to pull a King of Red Lions and be like, âI made this?â Will the Disney and Final Fantasy characters
actually have any kind of bearing on the overall plot? Will we meet a character without pointy anime hair? Will we get to befriend him over the course of our journey and then in our final moment of need his hair pointifies and he saves the day? WILL GOOFY SAY A SWEAR? LET GOOFY SWEAR >:( fyuck Hello if you feel like you donât have quite
enough Kingdom Hearts coursing through your veins you can watch the seven hour livestream
that started this whole mess. Or I might be streaming some Kingdom Hearts
on Twitch right now as youâre watching this...I can only imagine how well thatâs going. Also if youâre curious about the production
of this video I streamed myself making the bulk of it - thereâs a link to the archived
streams in the description. I donât have a Patreon so please enjoy this
list of some of my favorite words to say out loud:
By far my favorite summary video on KH, does a great job of explaining a lot of what other summaries just sort of gloss over or don't cover at all. The humor is top notch as well.
I've watched like 4 30-40 minute recap videos already to get ready for KH3. I only played 1,2, and CoM when I was like 10-12 because I didn't have any of the other systems and went Xbox after the PS2. Holy shit I'm confused. Hopefully this one puts it all in to place so I know what's going on.
Just watched it earlier today and alongside all the other catch-up videos I've seen, this one is definitely my favourite.
I've got the collection on PS4 so I should probably actually play them, but I just can't get behind the card-based gameplay :(
I love stuff like this, never played Kingdom Hearts so maybe this video and Kingdom Hearts 3 can be a good start
Wish I had watched this before starting KH3. I watched so many videos in the last week but I have no idea what is going on. Ah well.
I've been working my way through the series post-KH2 before the release and while this story is a convoluted mess, and the solution is still somewhat silly, I appreciate the focus on a smaller cast compared to when we had potentially all of Org XIII to keep up with. For me just knowing where everyone (and sometimes their hearts) is at certain times makes the story a lot clearer. The how and the why of things happening is always ridiculous, and the end results seem more important.
The main cast have all had quite a bit of development; I wasn't a big fan of the prequel trio (Aqua, Ventus, Terra), and I'm still warming up to them, but it's clear that BBS and games since have made them into full characters.