This video is brought to you in part by ME. Because I made this :) Welcome to A Good Enough Summary of Kingdom
Hearts III. You might be here because you just can’t
be bothered to play Kingdom Hearts III, or maybe it’s the year 2082 and you’re looking
for a refresher before Kingdom Hearts IV comes out. Hi kids, it’s me, your grand-pep-pep
in the past! If you’re confused and lost, well, I mean,
we all are - but you should probably watch my other video first covering everything up
to this point. [Cough] Alright then let’s do this. EUUEGHGH. KINGDOM HEARTS 3 Last we saw Sora, he was getting told by Yen
Sid to git gud: His main task is to relearn the Power of Waking, which will allow him
to help those jumbled up hearts inside of him and unjelly his jam once and for all.
I guess that’s technically what he did with Kairi’s heart back in “Kingdom Hearts
1,” but with the Power of Waking, he shouldn’t have to poke his soft underbelly and turn
into a bug. Yen Sid gives everybody who matters new clothing
and sends them off. “Oh, also - be on the lookout for keyblade
wielders, we need, like, two more to get to seven,” he says. Sora, Donald, and Goofy fly through a bunch
of completely arbitrary Disney worlds that once again do not matter in the slightest
and Sora learns absolutely nothing about the Power of Waking. Jack Sparrow is actually
a bunch of crabs in a trenchcoat and Rex from Toy Story is obsessed with this hot new video
game you wish you were playing instead called Verum Rex - wait, is he obsessed with it because
he thinks it’s about him?? Oh and you can make Olaf SWOLE Also Maleficent and Pete are back and they’re
looking for a box. They don’t find it. (pata-pat-awww...) Along the way we’re reintroduced to the
Real Organization XIII and learn who the rest of the members are - disappointingly they’re
all characters we already know. Boo! In addition to the ‘Norts we saw in Dream Drop Distance
there’s Larxene, Marluxia, Luxord, Vexen, and Demyx. But now they all have yellow eyes,
yuh-oh! Also joining the gang is Vanitas from “Birth
By Sleep” and Dark Riku, a time traveling Replica Riku from “Chain of Memories.”
(This is a different Riku than the Replica Riku we met in Castle Oblivion and we know
this because that Replica Riku is hanging out inside of the original Riku like a teenager
loitering outside of 7/11.) There’s also a hand-wavy explanation as
to why Ansem and Xemnas blowing up revived Old Man Xehanort instead of Terranort but
don’t worry about it because TERRANORT IS BACK TOO. AND THERE’S EVEN ANOTHER HOODED
FIGURE WE’LL GET TO LATER THIS IS WAY MORE THAN THIRTEEN?!? THERE’S TOO MANY HOODED
FIGURES IN THIS GAME. Some of the other former members of Organization
XIII decided to be good and stay as Somebodies. They hang out back at Ansem the Wise’s place
and dig through his stuff and find his naughty magazines. They text Sora old memes sometimes.
The Somebodies figure out what we learned like three games ago: that Sora has all these
hearts jellying up his jam. Sora is like, “I don’t know if any of
them even technically count as people but WE GOTTA HELP THEM OUT!” He sets out to free Roxas (because ew girls
are icky!) but he runs into a problem! For one: Roxas doesn’t have a body anymore.
And for two: Sora doesn’t know how to release Roxas’s heart. Wait, hold up, since when
do Nobodies have hearts? I thought the whole point was that they’re a shell without a
heart - you know what, I have no more fight left in me, it’s fine. Hrungus hooted this
plot is convoluted. Roxas’s friends show up and are like, “Hey
we don’t remember Roxas because we were only friends with him inside a computer!”
and Sora is like “Oh yeah, there should be a copy of his heart in the computer!”
but they don’t know Ansem’s password. Beep boop sad toot. Meanwhile Riku and Mickey are so bad at rescuing
Aqua that she turns into Anti-Aqua!! - which is actually fine because I mean she’s rocking
it. Mickey goes, “Whuh happen?” and she’s like, “I was trapped here for ten years
and turned evil and got this sweet outfit, what took you so long?” and Riku’s like,
“I couldn’t find my big car my bad lol“ Sora pops out of a portal and helps his boyfriend
Riku beat up Dark-qua with the power of the the Gayblade™. They unlock Aqua’s face so
hard she turns good again! Whuhey! They zip over to Castle Oblivion and Aqua
turns it back into the Land of Departure and they find sleepy Ventus right where she left
him having a BIG old nap! Sora tries to use the “Power of Waking” but Vanitas pops
up and attacks Aqua! He’s like, “Heh heh,” and she’s like, “Oh no!” Suddenly Sora
learns the actual Power of Waking because, you know, they had an opportunity to make
the Disney worlds relevant but no, you know what, now is fine, this’ll do. Ventus’s heart poots out of Sora and into
Ventus and Ventus wakes up! He jumps in front of Vanitas and goes, “Remember me?” and
Vanitas goes, “Oh that’s cute because that’s what I said in Birth By Sleep when
I-” and Ventus bops him on the noggin [toot noise]. “Ow! Did you toot?” Elsewhere, Vexen grabs Demyx and is like,
“WAIT I forgot Xehanort isn’t even a real goth, let’s bounce.” “What do you mean
- you willingly came back and let yourself get ‘Norted-” “Uhh...I’m a double
agent! I’m working for Ansem the Wise, let’s go,” and on their way out they steal an
empty replica body for Roxas. For later. Oh and Ansem the Wise is totally fine and wandering
about in the background but he barely does anything so don’t worry about him. Back at Yen Sid’s place the Seven Guardians
of Light are finally assembled. Sora, Riku, Mickey, Aqua, and Ventus are joined by Kairi
and Lea who spent ten Hyperbolic Time Chamber minutes in Merlin’s Moon Bounce so they’re
totally trained and up to the task mmhmm. Yen Sid goes, “Son of a Disney, is this
really the best we have? OKAY y’all ready to fight Xehanort?” “Wait mister Yen Sid,” says Goofy, “If
the seven and the thirteen fight each other then that’ll summon the χ-blade right?” “Yes, what’s your point???” “So if we don’t fight them, then Xehanort
can never win!” “Wau, Goofy, you’re as smart as you are
handsome. But if we refuse to fight, Xehanort just will use the Seven Princesses of Heart
instead.” “Turnips!” cries Sora. “I won’t stand
by and let Norty-Nort hurt Jasmine, and Belle, and Snow White, and-” “No, actually we’re done with those princesses.
It’s all about Frozen and Tangled now.” “But, what happened to-” “IT’S ALL ABOUT TANGLED AND FROZEN. And
maybe, uh, Moana, eventually. Now GO APPEASE OUR SHAREHOLDERS AND FIGHT THAT XEHANORT.” So the seven guardians of light (and Donald
and Goofy) take the Battle Bus to the Keyblade Graveyard. They battle against a trillion
billion heartless and Sora defeats them with a choo choo train. But then Terranort shows
up and kills everybody. Oopsy poopsy. Sora wakes up dead in The Final World and puts
his soul back together by running through an Escher painting and high-fiving himself
a lot. He brings everyone back to life and they fight
another wave of a trillion billion heartless. But this time they summon the power of Union
X and surf on a wave of keyblades and the ghost of this guy without pointy anime hair
winks at Sora. See? I called it. Yen Sid, tired of everyone’s incompetence,
blasts down from orbit and makes a path through the heartless. “HOSES BOSES I’M DOING
A MOSES!” he yells. Finally, after countless games and years upon years of waiting, we
have our seven and our thirteen face off against each other. And it’s all tense and quiet
and a tumbleweed rolls past but Xehanort goes, “lol nope [POONF] here’s a maze.” Sora works his way through Xehanort’s Last
Minute Corn Maze of Cheap Suspense and takes out some Organization members. He helps turn
Terranort back into Terra and Replica Riku kills Dark Riku while Riku watches (and Sora
goes, “Check please!"). The final hooded member is revealed to be Xion and she’s
evil again!!! But offscreen Ansem the Wise was able to log in to his computer after finding
his password underneath the keyboard and put Roxas’s digi-heart into the replica body
and so ROXAS ENTERS THE FIGHT. Xion goes, “Wait nope I got my heart back from Sora
thanks Sora I’m good again,” and he’s like, “When did that happen-ohHhh!!” [toot] All the while, each fight is bringing Xehanort
one shard closer to the χ-blade. Kairi, for the first time ever, is about to DO A THING
but before she can, she gets kidnapped oh how convenient. Maybe next time, Kairi. Maybe
next time. Sora is like, “Heck, I’m not gonna fight
and let you summon the χ-blade, I throw down my sword,” [squeaky toy noises] but Xehanort
goes, “Oh yeah? What if I do THIS?” “Pshh okay sure, threaten someone I don’t even
know.” “This is Kairi.” "..." “From...Destiny Islands?” “Umm...I think I know what Riku
looks like.” “Hinty Gurdered, your friend is now murdered,” and he kills Kairi. “Wait I think I remember who she is now
nooooo!!” In a frenzy Sora defeats the last Norts, allowing Xehanort to summon the χ-blade.
“I made this!!” “Oh yeah that was the thing I wasn’t supposed
to do WHOOPS,” he says. “Now I’ll summon Kingdom Hearts and make
it purple and drippy,” says Xehanort. “Duck noises,” says Donald. “Fyuck,” says Goofy. Or at least, HE SHOULD
HAVE Mickey, realizing he should probably do something
of note in this game, stops time and pulls Sora aside. “Hey so it turns out that most of the Organization
members you killed were traveling through time which is why they were back even though
you defeated them before. And Xehanort is the portal that let’s them do that!” “That makes every amount of sense thank
you Mickey senpai.” “Oh noooo is that a wave of heartless I
seeeee?” “Stopza.” So they dive into the portal that is Xehanort
and wind up in Scala ad Caelum, the Stairway to the Sky, and prepare for their final, ultimate,
you bettah believe it’s gonna be epic, anime showdown. Sora believes in himself, Xehanort turns into
a goat, and the player mashes L2 a lot trying to select the right….DAMMIT! Well, at least
someone turned into a boat. At last Xehanort is defeated. “Durn grummit
my plan was awesome. Everyone was gonna be all like, ‘Oooh Xehanort you’re so cool.’”
“But you’re not so cool, old friend.” Everyone gasps with astonishment because it’s
the Ghost of Eraqus Present! Yeah this is one detail I probably should’ve
mentioned in the last video. When Eraqus died in “Birth By Sleep” his little soul particles
got caught in Terra’s hair and he’s been quietly hanging out inside of
Terra this whole time. Xehanort goes, “Heck, I guess you’re right.
I quit. Let’s go get some sushi.” Eraqus and Xehanort hold hands and fly off into space
and there goes any chance we had at catharsis okay cool this is super underwhelming. Sora
picks up the χ-blade and shwarshes everything back to normal and everyone’s like, “Hooray!” Lea is chilling with Roxas and Xion, Aqua’s
hanging out with Ventus and Terra (none of whom have aged in ten years okay), and Sora
goes to Riku and is like, “Well spit me out like the pit of a paopu fruit, I can’t
believe we all made it back in one piece!” And Riku goes, “You do remember Kairi died,
right?” “Oh yeah. But if I bring her heart back I’ll be lost forever!!” “Where
does it say that?” “It says right here in my 'Dramatic Endings for Dinguses'
book that I ate for lunch.” So Sora brings Kairi back to life and fades
away. “Later nerdssssss.” And just then Naminé walks over and starts
breakdancin’ OH!! Meanwhile Pete and Maleficent actually find
the box they’ve been searching for this whole time and it turns out to be the Master
of Master’s box from Union X remember that one right there mmhmm. A hooded figure arrives
and summons four of the five Foretellers. They’re like, “Sup Luxu, the other apprentice
from Union X whose face we’ve never seen you were right here in the lineup yep that’s
you. Why have you portaled us here to the future? Also we’re missing Snake girl or
Rabbit girl or whatever.” And Luxu takes off their hood and reveals themselves to be... Xigbar?
They...apparently didn’t die earlier. And are Luxu. Uhhhhh...huh. Xigbar, or, Luxu is like, “Whoops looks
like Xehanort’s out of the picture and I’m the villain now HORNGUS HENS THE RIDE NEVER
ENDS HEE HEE HEE.” And then Sora wakes up in Tokyo and the guy
from Verum Rex is there. Yes, the guy from the fictional game Rex was obsessed with,
I DO NOT KNOW DON’T LOOK AT MEEEEE And that’s it for Kingdom Hearts 3. Or is
it?? Might be most of Kingdom Hearts III took place in an alternate-timeline dreamscape
and there’s actually some semi-decent evidence to back that up?? I dunno there’s a link
in the description to the theory and it MAKES ME MAD THAT IT’S PLAUSIBLE. You can also
click here and watch Gamb read the theory to me while I work on this video that you’re
watching. Goodnight everybody see you in fifteen years also look I got stickers now point of
snail dot com bye also get out of my house??
