A Christian Mom Re-Wrote Harry Potter (and I read it because I love to suffer)

hello friends I hope the quarantine is still treating you all well today I want to share with you something that certainly spiced up my quarantine today we're looking into Hogwarts school of prayer and miracles which is a fanfiction supposedly written by a Christian mom and grace and Parsons who was worried that Harry Potter the original Harry Potter would turn her children into witches that is a no-no according to Jesus so she decided to rewrite it without any of the fun stuff for this video I went back to fanfiction.net for the first time since middle school and it felt bad can't confirm did not feel good did not feel organic my original concern was that I was going to have to reread the entirety of the Philosopher's Stone like meticulously edited to like change everything to be Christian that was not the case I was pleasantly surprised it turns out this thing is only 1,300 work thirteen hundred thirteen thousand words which I wrote longer fanfiction in middle school so get on my level grace Han Parsons so naturally all of this sets off the troll alarms immediately there's a lot of people out there claiming definitively that this is a troll and that it has been confirmed apparently there's something in the last chapter that may be a confirmation but I've actually only read half of it this is a part one I took this quote from TV Tropes right here due to the over-the-top writing it has been suspected to be a parody the last chapter may be read as confirmation of this but it is open to interpretation the author claims to have ended the fanfiction after 14 chapters because her husband felt that writing was not good for the family and has never confirmed the suspicions of the story being a parody I looked around a lot and I could not confirm that this is a troll obviously it's very tempting just based on the content of it to say that it's a troll but as it comes her of terrible books and of Christian [ __ ] there's there's no way to tell I have read worse than this you know you see ones books and I have read worse than this on the girl to find a blog and those are both 100% on ironic sources well it is so easy to read this and think nobody could possibly be serious about this experience experience has proven otherwise many times for me this is presented as serious and we have no concrete evidence otherwise so I'm going to consciously treat it that way before I get into taking you through this absolute literary masterpiece I have to tell you about this week's very fitting sponsor audible audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment and audiobooks every month you get a credit towards one free audio book and those books are yours forever even if you cancel your account you also get access to two free audible originals every as well as news and guided meditation programs I am a huge reader and for a long time I assumed that the physical reading experience would be superior to the listening experience I can tell you now from experience having listened to so many books that I have absolutely loved just as much as if I had read them in a physical copy that's not true audiobooks are fantastic if you're looking for something to read I do highly recommend his dark materials series and you can get all three books in the series over on audible so go to audible.com slash strange Aeons or Tech strange Aeons to 500 500 start your exclusive 30-day free trial including one free book and two free audible originals today so without further ado let us jump in to Hogwarts School of prayer and miracles this lady gets right down to business we immediately meet young young innocent Harry and his Aunt Petunia a career woman who wears unflattering pants suits and Uncle Vernon her brownie baking soy husband and of course Hagrid Hagrid the door-to-door preacher a beloved character that we all know so well hello neighbor I was wondering if you've been saved Hagrid exclaimed brightly and hit his wide-brimmed straw cowboy hat Aunt Petunia left left a gravelly laugh and leaned forward on Hearst ernie practical boots never trust a woman in sturdy practical boots that she wears inside her house for some reason saved don't tell me you were one of those Christians Harry did not know what that word meant but Hagrid smile was the most peaceful smile he had ever seen it made Harry feel warm and happy inside just seeing the glowing radiant grin on the kind friendly stranger's face you're telling me I'm supposed to interpret this one way but the vibes are something entirely else this is terrifying I am terrified he what he wondered why Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon did not smile like that dot dot dot yes I am Hagrid replied kindly are you Aunt Petunia left again and stuck her pointy sharp nose up in the air we are too smart for that how did you read Dawkins and God is dead Dawkins proved that would you like us to educate you on the Dawkins what is a Christian Harry queried innocently and scoffed his shoe on the shaggy yellow carpet which had not been vacuumed in quite some time reading Dawkins is a slippery slope to never vacuum in your house you you heard it hear first Aunt Petunia snapped her hands over Harriet's young ears and her voice was sickly sweet when she said thank you very much for your concern sir but he does not need your religion he has science and socialism and birthdays haven't you heard of evolution and then Hagrid's like why don't you prove evolution is real and she can't and Hagrid's like well checkmate atheists and Harry's like oh my god you're so cool I want to be a Christian I want to stress here that the implication is not that it petunia personally doesn't know how to break down evolution and explain it to Hagrid it's the evolution is in itself a religion with just as little evidence as Christianity so that's cool and great and then Harry says a prayer which he somehow knows just by not knowing what a Christian was like 20 seconds ago and now he has become through the magic of prayer a Christian chapter - Harry finds out about Hogwarts School of prayer and miracles and decides immediately that he wants to go there Hagrid beamed widely he had been praying so hard to save it soul today and he was so happy to have saved the soul of such a sweet earnest little one poor boy being raised by two parents who are not Christian and who both went to work and left him with a babysitter all day long it was a good thing Hagrid had got there in time five years down the road Harry might have been a fornicating drug-addicted evolutionist don't be silly Harry Aunt Petunia commanded and run and rung her long bony hands come back inside I will read to you about evolution from the dawkins you don't need that's silly religion Harry's like I don't think so evolution isn't real and I'm going to Hogwarts School of Prayer and miracles no no Harry Aunt Petunia screeched desperately I have an idea you can have a second birthday today you like birthdays right birthdays are not of God Harry verbalize knowingly and looked at his aunt with an innocent wisdom you tried to corrupt me but it did not work but I forgive you at petunia because of Luke 23:34 somehow this woman made the Dursleys better parents like his 11th birthday is so significant in the books because it's an example of how little they give a [ __ ] about him this petunia is obviously a ridiculous caricature but I like her so much better than the a petunia and the actual Harry Potter books already also know you did not miss anything Harry quotes the Bible despite not knowing what a Christian was 20 seconds ago Oh if this is how to troll I feel so bad for this woman's children this woman literally thinks kids are that dumb she has so little faith in the intelligence of children that she thinks Harry Potter would turn them into witches I'm just I am just so afraid of the type of people that exist up there Hagrid raised his hands to the heavens and cried out in a deep thunderous voice dear Lord take us to Hogwarts and then they are teleported through the magic of prayer outside of the castle and who is there to greet them but the Reverend Albus Dumbledore and he is like the Albus Dumbledore of the books except not at all because he is young and a cowboy and has a southern accent she keeps describing harry's impression of all the christian characters are so pleasant and peaceful witches spoke obviously supposed you're supposed to read that and be like mmm inner peace I'd like some of that inner peace and I try out some of this sexy Jesus stuff but it just read this so charmingly creepy if you describe someone is smiling peacefully I am going to think that this is a horror book chapter 3 Dumbledore's married to McGonagall obviously because family values I also looked at some of the reviews for fun a lot of these are really recent like this one says like this one is April 1st like people are reading this so anyway this person said strange have so many people in the comments are complaining that Dumbledore can't be married to Minerva or be religious / conservative since he's gay well duh are you guys 12 throughout history homosexuals have married with the opposite sex in this story it makes perfect sense the Dumbledore's marry to Olin when he was the head of a super conservative and religious community do you honestly think that he could be openly gay in this community obviously there's debate as to whether gay Dumbledore's even canon this woman clearly has no regard for the canon first of all she's obviously made him straight but technical I do think that that's that's very true and valid and if anyone's going to be gay it's probably gonna be the very repressed leaders of a big religious organization anyway back to this harrowing tale this poor little one has been raised in a terrible situation Hagrid declared concernedly he was watched by a babysitter every second of the day his aunt saw him as part of her perfect like life package like the big house the fancy career in the speeding car Dumbledore shook his head sadly too bad no one told her parenting should be about children not the parents that's why it's called parenting Hagrid nodded wisely okay that's really nice and subtle thank you so much faith in the intelligence of the audience like I said she took the characters from Harry Potter deleted their person so that they were just empty shells with the same names as Harry Potter characters and then she filled them with Jesus [ __ ] what if a failing reading experience I am having she's a better writer than you see on that I'll give her that Dumbledore was like well your starting class tomorrow Harry but in the meantime you should come have dinner with me and my family and at this point I'm like oh my god he's gonna have like eight annoying kids isn't he and Harry's like wow I've never had a family dinner before why don't you come with us then Dumbledore cried kindly strange dialog first of all because you already invited him you already said that he was coming and secondly for a moment there I had a horrified moment that I had somehow ended up reading by Immortal they totally still do magic in this book except they have to pray for everything they operate everywhere inside of the castle night I ad for no reason the food the dinner food still magically appears they just say hey hey God and things happen which is so cool and just as exciting as the magic and Harry Potter hermione is their kid hermione is their kid this is not a drill what the [ __ ] Harry could barely respond this was the most beautiful young woman he had ever come across so different from all the girls in public school who were focused on trying to be like career woman they saw in Sex in the City is that really what 11 year-olds are up to these days this little one was the picture of innocence and godliness we also know how great she is because the first thing she does upon entering the room is offered to help cook dinner which I don't know why cuz nobody cooked it it's just there at dinner the adults talk about things that Harry doesn't quite understand dark forces intrigue if you will chapter 4 I really want an internet historian version of this now that I'm thinking of it cuz I was reading the authors now and I just heard a author's note in his voice and just chef's kiss perfection you look like you need a good night's sleep the reverend's wife commented daintily this is McGonagall who i can assume probably also just looks like a southern housewife since we've given Dumbledore complete makeover how would you like to move into your dormitory I would love to here cried cheerfully he was so excited to become a student here and he was so grateful for the opportunities the Lord had given him sometimes people who have done without are the most grateful Grace and person master of subtlety hermione calls Dumbledore daddy and then because she's so great and we are supposed to know that she is so great and just the ideal example of what a young girl is supposed to be she offers to clean the kitchen which is again done because they just told her go show Harry around so there's like no when you gotta flex your housewife brainwashing against all logic am i right ladies in other news women are obligated to be beautiful to honor the Lord being beautiful on the outside is a testament to being a good Christian on the inside Harry makes sure to be very nice and respectful to Hermione because every young woman is another man's future wife wait Harry Hermione uttered quickly there's something you should know what is it Harry ko Aryan questioningly oh my god these could be trolling nods to my immortal I still believe there's absolutely no way to tell if this is a troll given the amount of [ __ ] I have seen in the world that has meant completely seriously but some potential evidence towards being one is the dialogue descriptors ie that when I collect passage of my immortal my father says dark times are coming Hermione spoke worriedly there is a man named Voldemort who wants to destroy all that we stand for he is pushing an agenda in Congress which will stop us from practicing our faith freely but that's what the founding fathers built this nation for Harry cried indignantly the freedom of religion is absolutely [ __ ] sent to me when I read it and it is [ __ ] sending me now hermione sheds lovely lady like tears over the persecution of Christians in modern-day America which just by the way is absolutely the same as the persecution of Christians in ancient Rome things are also weirdly romantic rather than like innocent and friendship II between Harry and Hermione which is weird they're literally children can you not this is not in my notes I was just thinking this off the top of my head I was gonna say I'd be willing to bet that it ends with her giving him an innocent kiss on the cheek or than having a prolonged good Christian hug but technically I don't think there's an actual ending to this cuz it's it ends because her husband wanted her to stop writing it so I don't think it'll have like a satisfying ending but if it were to have a conclude I'm just saying they might share a good Christian hug despite the fact that girl defined says you shouldn't do that before marriage getting a little bit naughty there don't you think Chapter five Harry Potter woke up to Durazo Lee and a comfy fluffy mattress it was only now that he had the energy to observe his surroundings the room was small but also everything a little boy needed there was a big warm fireplace in the gray stone wall across from him a shelf of intelligent age-appropriate books the Holy Bible was in the center of the Shelf of course in what universe is the Bible child appropriate reading so now we get to meet Ron their roommates so Harry wakes up and sees Ron praying to a statue which he just has a feeling is bad come sit with me and my family Ronald offered eagerly and motioned frantically towards the table packed full of people with hit with hair just as red as his come on come on come on I can't wait for them to see that I've made a new friend Harry followed her Ronald with the obedience of one who does not have many friends in a new situation oh but a difficult circumstance that can be and how many believers have been led astray by those situations guys guys guys Ronald screech to joyously as he pulled Harry towards the table of his family this is Harry Potter and here's my new roommate hello Harry the Weasleys chorused in unison welcome to Hogwarts no a prayer in miracles there's something uncomfortable about them and it's not the same reason we're all uncomfortable reading this their food appears again but this time the implication is that like like in the Harry Potter books the house elves do all the cooking and then it is like teleported to the tables I don't think they ever say that in the movies so like context if you only saw the moves and are confused which is valid because I'd only saw the movies until this year so this time the implication is that it's just McGonagall it's it's McGonagall do like her role at the school is just to cook for the entire great hall and then it's teleported to the tables in the same ways I guess the house elves cook in the books I don't know Harry decides to ask Dumbledore about the ethics of idolatry because you know things that concern normal 11 year olds Dumbledore worse cowboy boots which are described as admirable God this woman is so horny for the southern hick aesthetic explains to Harry that the sorting hat will sort all of the students into in the school into different types of Christians for instance I am a Gryffindor hat we believe everything in the Bible and only the Bible that redhead roommate of yours is a Slytherin hat and slytherins worship statues Harry queried innocently the Reverend nodded gravely but do they really love the Lord Harry posited timidly if they do then why do they worship statues dark days are coming Dumbledore replied earnestly we need to be inclusive if there are only Gryffindor hats at Hogwarts then there would not be many people left chapter 6 it is time for some more very accurate representation of the concerns of 11 year old children Harry and Ron have a friendly discussion about Gryffindor's versus slytherins the slytherins or the Roman Catholics I gather what about Mary Ronald deposited angrily around a mouthful of oatmeal you have to at least worship her you mean the mommy of our Lord Harry German didn't scandal and chewed his bacon I don't worship her question mark well then God hates you Ron stated simply and pieces of bacon flew out of his mouth as he did so I thought Harry was the one eating the bacon and then Harry turns around and Luna is there eating vegan bacon which is described as a bunch of gross vegetables mushed together and dyed red I've never had vegan bacon but I don't think that's it Luna is obviously not a character in the first book which could be evidence that this is written by a fan who knows more about the later books Rowling same with the food doesn't magically appear it is cooked by somebody thing maybe it's evidence that the Christian mom did some googling or watched the movies I don't know in my immortal there's a reference to st. Yvonne goes and I when I first saw that I was like aha nobody's only seen the movies like the author claims she has knows what that is evidence that this is a troll but like or maybe she read a lot of Harry Potter fanfiction some of which was written by people who did read the books who mentioned things from the books you know I think too much about this stuff and all I've the only conclusion I've come to is that there is ZERO way to ever tell if something is a troll anyway what do Hufflepuff hats believe in Harry pondered aloud and took a bite of his real bacon hufflepuff hats believed in the Bible but only some of it Luna explained casually and she was still feeding on that why are y'all eating and talking that's gross I'm just imagining them all like saying all of this with their mouths full just spitting bacon everywhere we don't believe in the stuff against fornication and drinking in socialism but we really like a Matthew 7:1 and that's about it we're really fun and seem really nice and really tolerant as long as you agree with us that was when a derisive laugh echoed through the cafeteria a smug looking young man about Harry's age was slicked back hair even paler blondes and Lunas was wearing a sweater vest in khakis strolled languidly down between the rows of tables please ignore this fool Draco drawled snugly Luna here thinks she can have a career even though she's a woman and women are stupid Harry gasped at this horrible person what a mean thing to say women should not have careers because women are stupid Harry showed it indignantly women are not stupid women should not have careers because women are nurturing and loving and their gifts gifts serve the best in the home can you see me physically reacting to this can you see me holding down the vomit draco gasps tentatively Jesus Christ I maintain that there's no way to tell anything as a troll but oh my god this is really starting to feel like my immortal reference anyway draco gasped tentatively you are diluting the truth women women are beneath men no I'm not Harry fired back bravely you're twisting the truth so you can be mean with it women are not beneath men men and women are just different luna smiled at him gratefully oh we got a white knight on our hands boys Draco was clearly fumbling for ground here there is not much ground to stand on when you were being hateful but he finally came up with well at least I don't need with Slytherin hats I hate slytherins Ronald to begin to cry and to his oatmeal I don't hate Slytherin hats Harry declared boldly I think they should become Gryffindor hats but that is because I love them besides the Lord ate with sinners all the time I know we keep coming back to this even though I keep saying it doesn't matter and there will never figure it out but potential evidence but this is not a troll is that this woman knows nothing about Harry Potter she keeps calling me houses house name hats and it's making me want to commit crimes they literally all wear hats like baseball hats what the house crest on them is what I'm picturing I think that's what I think that's what she thinks the Sorting Hat is because Harry jumps on a table and yells at God what house he wants to be in and that's how he gets sorted not with the hat that is used for sorting he then gets a hat that since he's in Gryffindor also almost none of the characters are in the right houses like what is this head Draco coming in like I hate Slugger heads and I run and with us leather and guys into his oatmeal anyway chapter 7 um the boys in Gryffindor yes who wear hats with the the Gryffindor lion on them but the girls have to wear a version with a kitten on it it's cool that's great these are things that I love having to read with my own two eyes see the joke I usually make is my own - good Christianized she's she's far out Christian's my good Christian eyes here Hermione runs up and hugs Harry for no reason because apparently we've left into an uneasy on book now Dumbledore gets up in front of school and he's like cool great you've all chosen your houses wisely which no you didn't miss something apparently that all of the sorting is done now and Harry is sitting there listening to him thinking but is it really a smart idea for Dumbledore to act like people with other opinions are valid when they're not because like obviously only the Gryffindor's who believe the entire bible are valid and everyone else here is a sinner I hate it it's so gross it's the sneaky the sneaky little [ __ ] Christians do if like Oh accept people and be nice to people and love everybody but only for the sake of converting them because they're still bad it is disgusting it is vomit-inducing it is literally the opposite of genuine acceptance stop it now at the beginning of the breakfast meal Harriet noticed a tall mysterious looking man with long dark hair and had gone to enigmatic features he was dressed stylishly in a crisp black suit and his tie made a shock of red in the otherwise totally black outfit fashion icon the dark hair on his pale chest was neatly trimmed but still noticeably thick and he wore elegant black leather shoes on both feet it was now that he noticed that on the table that this man was sitting at was a placard that said on it mr. Sinise a lot of things that I read in this fan fiction we're a lot to handle but for some reason mr. Snape was the one that I just started laughing uncontrollably and my girlfriend was like what are you are you okay like what are you looking what is funny and I was just like I can't explain to you all things mr. Snape just [ __ ] sent me I didn't realize like in the books they're all called like professor so Professor Snape sounds completely normal for me but mixture that is the end of chapter seven seven of the fourteen chapters we are halfway through so I think that is the riveting cliffhanger I think I won't have to leave you on until next week I wanna make a lot more book review videos because they're so fun but they're also so tedious so for the sake of my brain I am dividing this up into two parts in the meantime have fun discussing any theories about whether it is a troll any predictions for the future of this absolute train wreck and the comments below I will be reading them and probably even including a few in the next video if they are particularly good and/or make me cackle thank you so much for watching friends and I'll see you in another video part 2 of this video next week [Music]

Channel: STRANGE ÆONS

Views: 1,708,656

Keywords: strange, aeons, STRANGE, ÆONS, tumblr deep dive, harry potter, hogwarts school of prayer and miracles, my immortal, fanfiction, book review

Id: HoHaBm9WDdI

Length: 23min 15sec (1395 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 17 2020