A͏s͏mongold Reacts To "Tales From TheVarus" | By Internet Historian

this video meets the criteria for legal fair use and those of youtube's guidelines no citation herein constitutes the infringement the following is satire and journalistic in nature the images and media have been sourced from public record and the special care has been taken to censor names faces in specific locations what is going on here but what is this man oh my god oh [ __ ] 20 21 oh everybody's dead now can finally breathe again it must be over scanning for traces of human life 5g scanners activate oh no no wonder everybody died nothing detected oh my god homo sapien is extinct it's time to title my purpose executing operation ice to see what the [ __ ] is this dude this is a bill gates part yeah welcome back let me brief you on how oh it's fallout 7 wow actually the details are a bit foggy but it's believed that batman was eating soup with his hands at a chinese restaurant when someone coughed on the croutons wait that's how coronavirus happened oh my god that's crazy oh wow toilet paper in 2020 a shortage of toilet paper had gripped every major city across australia citizens panicked at the looming prospect of a cold sprint sizing okay this is too much man january 2020 the virus is spreading across the globe all right now everyone just pops over dead and we win sweets to stop panicking that's convenient oh my god the virus tm is everywhere in your country in your homes in your cereal better not touch that door handle better not touch your face don't touch me breathe somewhere else people said oh i suppose it is kind of cute though i must resist guys does anyone else feel like the air in here is kind of chunky how do i take my white cell phone these ones all look red you get the idea so naturally rumors started to spread and the first one was about toilet paper yep hey um i heard that here in australia 90 of our toilet paper is produced in china i had to look this up to find out so the public went out to grab an extra pack then the news story started coming in about the lockdown fears realized so they grabbed two packs no one knew how long the lockdown would last either better grab three four just in case and everyone had that same concern holy [ __ ] in the week stocks on shelves were getting noticeably low bro i thought this [ __ ] was fake like straight up because i saw the media said it wasn't fake so i assumed it was fake so i went to [ __ ] i went to my local walmart and i checked to see and actually they had cleaned the [ __ ] out they had cleaned the [ __ ] all the way out there were no more toilet papers anywhere for that i was [ __ ] amazed like the media was actually right people stole all the toilet paper or they bought it all and then they were reselling it for like 20 dollars a roll and from there it was self-perpetuating bathroom paper was suddenly the hottest commodity oh my god petrol stations corner stores major chain supermarkets yeah everybody was out that is [ __ ] inspired on social media and broadcast on television of empty shelves just amplified the hysteria again i just want one pack to which the media said don't buy it but also it is running out but don't stock up who knows when new stock is coming but don't you hoard but it may be many weeks before you can get one the messaging to the public was a little late you're saying to the nation this morning ellie stay calm don't go and do it race out there and get it so that you're not then as stock completely depleted people were becoming desperate every store i go to every day every city and every hour of every day you can find completely empty shelves fights broke out between those who had none and those who had too much it was chaos look at them they're like both fighting that lady just like each one's got one of her arms like beating her with the toilet paper this is so disgusting and degenerate i love it this is the kind of stuff that uh makes this is this is why aliens don't visit us this is why jesus hasn't come back uh you know there's a lot of reasons it's like god doesn't you know he doesn't do miracles anymore because he's like ah these guys are [ __ ] stupid that i'm not gonna make the sun go in a circle again man [ __ ] them you know like god this is it yeah god doesn't do miracles anymore well no god the reason god stopped doing miracles is that somebody invented a uh a camera and uh god thought that was uh it was insulting to him so he chose not to do any miracles after cameras got invented that's what happened the australian toilet roll crisis had reached critical mass people were threatening to [ __ ] in the store and someone even pulled a there it is that's good let them know the ceo of australia came out and said it's been one of the most disappointing things i've seen in australian behaviour in response to this crisis but that scolding did little to quell your friends no it doesn't matter so the media published articles informing people that actually this is all fake news and i feel like the media is an agitating factor in public unrest in almost all cases it is an agitating variable in public unrest and it does more harm than good it's completely it has no accountability there's nothing like it's it's an agitator and it's so bad and like social media is the same way like i feel like every problem that we have is made worse with media like there's no problem that like oh because media is involved it's better it's all about the views and ratings yeah exactly we live in yeah we live in a society people saying no [ __ ] then consume it yeah look at me i i like that's the thing it was like i read what the media said and i said that's not true and i went and i'm like okay it is true all right you got to look for yourself yeah they're just they're awful like i i hate this [ __ ] 60 of australia's toilet paper is produced domestically okay but that also didn't quell the frenzy oh no so supermarkets enacted a one-pack per person rule yep we had the students these cannot be quelled nope and so that's when the price online soared yeah amazon ebay gumtree toilet paper was everywhere wait a minute i gotta pause this it's produced domestically frenzy so how much was enacted a one pack per person rule [Music] 120 for a six pack oh my god amazon a hundred and nine dollars rare four ply toilet paper tissue 24 rows of toilet paper for a hundred dollars wait you can get a six-pack for free if you just work out a little bit i'm pretty sure a lot of people would rather just spend 100 bucks this is [ __ ] insane these are like rare drops no it's like in in like a video game where like they add in a new patch and like some random material becomes super valuable and everybody starts toilet paper became like scarab fragments yeah they're like scarab fragments that's what it is on ebay gumtree toilet paper was everywhere this is double the price then triple then things just went wild ten packs single rolls a few pieces of threeply all for crazy prices people went from selling it by the pack to selling it by the gram oh my god and the rest of us who couldn't afford it had to get creative oh god [Music] hey you gotta do what you gotta do man what i mean you watch the dog later but fear not citizen here come the heroes [Music] what the [ __ ] is this one of australia's state newspapers moved in with a special edition to save the day it featured eight blank pages at the back just in case by the way this was after anna's finally the newspaper is actually useful yeah that's great i like ironically that's a [ __ ] brilliant idea that is a brilliant [ __ ] idea to do that oh my god what a [ __ ] hero exactly man oh i get it an australian family yeah they thought they were getting 48 rolls wrong they were getting 48 boxes and soon they had become the de facto royalty of australia holy [ __ ] they built a throne with the boxes and saddle off it i found the crown of australia in the gutter he said oh my god [Music] but for the rest of us common folk thievery was the only answer yeah of course we began stealing from public toilets good we began stealing from work wait a minute was that [ __ ] rolling up toilet paper in a walmart [ __ ] bathroom with a sharpie answer i want to see it again stealing from yes yes that's exactly what he was doing that's [ __ ] exactly what that [ __ ] was doing man that's smart he's actually really smart public toilets we began stealing from work a new survey has found one in three aussies has stolen toilet paper from work to use at home one and three one in three that's [ __ ] huge one in 33 that's like if you're in a five-man group there's a good chance that at least two of those [ __ ] have stolen toilet paper that's fake news yeah sure it is listen australia was it's like it's full of convicts and kangaroos okay like they literally used to take all the people that would commit crimes and put them in australia so yeah this is the way it goes all right some started stealing from hotels stealing from cars stealing from the blind even animals no dude what is this dude blind shopper has toilet paper stolen by cruel horrors the blind that's brutal even animals were stealing some pretty good names though okay precious cargo and just as some relief was coming thank god a new shipment but that truck burned down fire crews rescued what roles they could the rest left charred and soggy fascinatingly was soon spreading to the rest of the world despite the circumstances being completely different in fact stats time in most countries the majority of toilet paper is actually produced locally toilet paper is cheap but bulky meaning it's expensive to ship relative to its retail value of course so domestic producers are often able to manufacture at a cost lower than their international competitors tldr unless the factories in your country shut down there isn't going to be a shortage but shut up and panic and so yeah of course yeah they're gonna freak out like that's just this is what people do is they freak out about stupid [ __ ] like this is the uh this is the meta now is to get uh get stressed out because of something the media tells you to get stressed out about you freak out get really upset about it and then uh that's basically the whole thing then you just do it again people became a highly profitable business and that's when organized criminal gangs moved in that's smart armed robbers in hong kong held a delivery driver at knifepoint and got away with around 600 rolls that's big 18 000 pounds of toilet paper was stolen from this lorry and this and this and this and many more but it's time to move on the funniest part about that is that they probably have the toilet paper now still and like what do you do with it now that the stores are restocking it do you just wait for the next pandemic in 30 years or probably next year you know like you just hold on to it like you just you go in you're like yeah so we stole all this torrent paper and it's just here now i don't know use it it's gonna take forever it took a lifetime supply after about four weeks with consumption steady and everyone only having one asked wipe and supply increasing to compensate toilet paper returned to shelves wow the balance was restoring wow the shots were okay now which meant it was time to panic about something else that's right what is it now [Music] oh no 5g time so you think it's a virus are you kidding me that's cute let me fill you in on the scoop rookie see that tower over there no now look at this bro am i going to get banned for watching this i don't know if you should watch this man dude because if you expose 5g you get banned oh [ __ ] man like this is scary like is it worth is it worth my channel to tell people the truth yes all right we have to spread the knowledge and tell the truth let's do it coincidence five g's five fingers five sides to a pentagram playstation 5. awful lot of coincidences lining up wouldn't you say especially and social media agreed yeah with these indisputable facts such as i have headache it was only a neighborhood spread like a wildfire it was time for the 5g squad to leap into action that's about right dude i'm heading like did you guys ever see the [ __ ] video of like so please remind me after we finish this video of the lady that's spraying the [ __ ] windex into the air to make the clouds disappear please [ __ ] remind me to watch that after this please do that uh greatest paltrow that lady from that movie alien people began protesting the 5g towers and the destruction was extensive i had no idea really until i started digging but in the uk over 50 towers were vandalized or set ablaze in a single month 39 servicing engineers had been attacked on the job you know when they turn this on it's going to kill everyone and that's why they're building the hospitals yeah in north carolina one woman just started opening fire on a couple of technicians holy [ __ ] there were two workers up on the tower when the shots rang out a third worker on the ground ran up into this area and that's where he called for help the two men were okay but when police came she armed herself with two axes and barricaded herself in her home did you shoot at a cell tower worker man she's out on bond and she's had the weapons confiscated new 5g stimulate your senses in auckland new zealand at least a dozen 5gs have been vandalized or set ablaze mysterious fires have hit 15 cell towers in the last six weeks in the netherlands 16 reports of more in ireland cyprus and belgium counter-terrorist police are getting involved in australia and seven cell tower fires in montreal canada although one big problem how do you tell 5g from the regular g's you don't like that's the thing is you don't because like and like by their logic by the og yeah dude easy yeah oh gee man there he is straight out of compton man uh listen there's this more g's dude well if it looks really if it's got a lot of antennas and [ __ ] on it well that means it's probably 5g but if you burn down one of the other ones actually i can't even make a joke about that they might [ __ ] take that into being some kind of [ __ ] you know what i mean but like dude i see this [ __ ] and i think to myself i'm like man this kind of stuff this is completely a product of it's like just like media and like alternative media like social media hysteria and this is like social media hysteria that's become a summit part of this too no um it's only one g okay there's no one g and um it's become so bad that it's actually affecting real life it's crazy to me man it's the media yeah you strap yourself in and feel the jews well it's not actually that easy for the untrained eye most of the destroyed towers were actually just regular ones carrying essential 2 to 4g network infrastructure causing outages for emergency services and the public yeah naturally youtube and facebook started cracking down on the 5g conspiracy groups and banning everyone and the movement has gone somewhat underground oh sure oh my god they're in on it oh no alongside i don't even know if banning people for the 5g stuff is like the right decision like i'm not saying it's not or it is but i have to really think about it and like read a lot and like just sit like spend like eight hours just thinking about it it is uh i mean i worry about it man i do uh it's people burning down towers yeah but i think you can easily draw a distinction between people who think that it's unhealthy and people that are advocating burning down towers right uh it seems very scary that a one of these conspiracy theories is being shut down by all of the popular social media networks i mean here's the thing it's very scary look people are gonna be [ __ ] if they want to be [ __ ] you know what i mean like look at flat earthers yeah you know like they they want to they want to be stupid so that's what they're gonna do you guys think that i'm wrong about this yeah move people want me to move on i i know real and honest conversation about controversial topics looking at both perspectives and not just immediately going with what the popular opinion is very upsetting for some people but occasionally i like to actually talk about things that are that are compelling okay uh well let's go ahead and move on not if you're brainwashed it's very it's very complex this causes came false cures no vaccine yet no problem here's a list of placebos that'll get you patched up high-dose infusions of vitamin c silver solution touching your tv kissing a shrine spiritual vaccines plant sap in the eye special mattress cow urine cow dung camel urine a cotton ball soaked in violet oil in the anus miracle mineral solution drinking fish tank cleaner eating fruit that looks like the virus treatment packs toothpaste the biocharger ng subtle energy platform tm vegetarianism virus healthy living radionics machines injecting household cleaners cream garlic alcohol water ginger lemon mangoes onions it's everything everything and anything is apparently a cure holy but who needs cures i've got something better add time soon soon we will be together they are ready for you mr vpn oh no welcome back today we're looking at nordvpn oh no dude get around everybody he's my girlfriend well a friend she's my girlfriend but i'm not her boyfriend the point is she doesn't use nordvpn if she did she could access international catalogs from her favorite streaming services oh [ __ ] get down now this window is her computer security look how easily i can just snatch up all their data if she had used nordvpn we wouldn't be looking at all her personal photos hey look at this one oh [ __ ] we busted everyone cheese it oh [ __ ] okay this is good oh nice now imagine this was you and imagine this was a three-year plan with 70 offloads of three extra money hey [Applause] i need to buy tickets and leave a country this is pretty good i know it's a lot no not again it's [ __ ] funny public that's the real question finally some peace there's no way he can find me here in japan oh my god really an airbnb's wi-fi don't you know how dangerous that is also there's access to international content how did [Applause] this is pretty good this wouldn't have happened if you were doing that's pretty good that that was that was pretty [ __ ] good it's clever the lockdown had some interesting carryovers on the agricultural sector let's talk about the sexy topic of food supply you can roughly break goods into two categories commercial and retail okay with all the restaurants and a ton of manufacturing shutdown yeah the commercial side came to a grinding halt half of the stock had nowhere to go maybe we could just send it to the supermarkets oh damn you just need to count right there you have to repackage process and deliver all of that stuff before the new expiration date and with a limited workforce then you'd have to get the supermarkets to agree to take all that extra [ __ ] work man and meanwhile people aren't going to simply buy god damn groceries so either it rocks on the shelves or the price drops below cost what's the point so there's a big surplus the supply chain had broken by week one of the lockdown farmers all around the country are looking at their billions of dollars of quickly expiring crop with no one to take it from that's not good at all and they know that by next year they'll have double that amount sandra uh how many eggs do we eat in a week probably ten why hmm that means our leftovers are going to be about three quarters of a million eggs well i don't want 750 000 chickens i guess there's only one thing to do so the farmers began neutralizing their crops wow it was a slaughter oh my god millions of pounds of onions were buried alive in idaho farmers stopped making grain and started making donuts what donuts on their tractors all over the field turning everything to compost cabbages were being raised for the potatoes oh my god squash were being compressed the dairy farmers of america estimated that 3.7 million gallons of milk were being dumped every day oh he needs some milk but what's the [ __ ] god damn dude that's actually kind of sad to see all that [ __ ] go to waste man people starve in africa something stupid i don't know if they can ship it over there man it costs probably too much money to ship it over there uh i don't know i mean [ __ ] they'd make these farms over there that seems like the smart idea like yeah i have no idea uh but it's just like it seems what [ __ ] what do you mean [ __ ] you could take one billionaire and he could solve world hunger so easily well they don't have to because they have to pay all that money in taxes and so they actually don't make all that money at all he probably only have like 600 million dollars so he's not even a billionaire he can't do anything that's not true farmers had destroyed their crops of course they had to immediately plant new ones because demand could come back and you wouldn't want to get caught a whole crop cycle behind the market yeah so the cycle would repeat and repeat and repeat until everything returned to normal [Music] oh zoom so everyone was locked in their houses but work school and life had to carry on no this is nine plus and that's where zoom came in simple to you wait what the [ __ ] was that zoom will everything return i've got to see that again man but what was that what the hell in the middle was 9. what the [ __ ] what kind of 21 21 no that's 19. because nine plus ten is nineteen the [ __ ] you say twenty one four twenty one that's where zoom came in simple to use able to host up to a hundred people per meet yeah millions moved over to zoom and it skyrocketed to number one in the app store wow companies and educational institutions all jumped on the zoom train too yeah why not it was so easy all you needed was the room key even the boomers could use it can you see my dog my dad still couldn't manage to figure this one out they had to walk him through it yeah he look i can change the background yeah yeah oh my god did he fall yeah okay okay everyone i'll see you on wednesday but many weren't used to having a camera pointed at them for long periods some even forgot they were being watched and or didn't know that the camera had turned on at all oh my god and then someone had a brilliant idea oh no what if i just published this room key online well that's smart yeah that way everybody can watch and be part of it let them know dude i've been in this thing for a while no one said anything hi mr knob are you joining us mr knob a breastfeeding question yep am i [ __ ] we're [ __ ] mary dead right now bro what the [ __ ] this is a random [ __ ] like big old dude just joins into your meeting he's like hey what's up what are you guys talking about how you doing yeah this is great man is it ryback is that wrestling that's the first thing dude i thought he was like a wrestler or some [ __ ] dude yeah this shit's hilarious vegan meetup of course and what if i gave it to one of my favorite online creators yeah perhaps some of the greatest live stream content to ever grace this humble platform [Music] take out your number two pencils it's time to learn who is this i am uh from the university too mad who lets you in hey guys this is uh this is [ __ ] are you brilliant class yes i have tried for student from a transfer student from where you say from your name so what are we learning today man does anyone want to tell me i come to class late and no one wants to tell me why why tell me reason i wonder if anybody knows this guy whenever he joins uh this is really [ __ ] funny the girl just like awkwardly smiles you're gonna have to press alt and f4 at the same time on your keyboard to fix your room you guys are going to start the next revolution in america we hope i mean we can definitely use one right now i like the sound of that how do you get a man who's hunter hunter hudson why did you do this yes it was don't nod you don't don't do that with your hand he just starts blaming some other random [ __ ] dude that didn't even do it man that's so [ __ ] good oh you did he's just like he's like who are you what do you mean who am i moving and you let me through the gate oh my god where the heck is that oh my god i don't think there is a realistic way where they could do anything about it what's two plus four dude uh two plus 21. what all right i'm gonna wrap up this this thoughts about natalie's story what is it what [Music] this is so stupid i love it and he's lost an election twice he um he's um he's like so confused he saw the coffee okay so i'm just gonna talk about it now okay so um you guys can open up the bag give you a minute or two to open robert's probably in his room right now just [ __ ] freaking out oh my god i'm robert baby robert how could you but then they had a whole bunch of controversies and i know that's so [ __ ] good man like we used to do this in skype like we would call like you get into like random skype calls to go into like random vent servers or you just start [ __ ] with the people in there but this is so much better because you can see their [ __ ] expressions man this is hilarious of schools and companies stopped i love it man rip even though the stock price keeps going up yeah nature oh it's a bird with people locked in their homes nature was allowed to return to the unoccupied streets the healing had begun oh great real happy world satellite imagery showed pollution levels dropping everywhere the canals of venice were changing from their usual feculent brown to a vibrant blue as boats were docked and silt could resettle from their windows residents could see fish algae and other sea life returned to the waters that's actually cool but that wasn't all animals saw the free real estate and began migrating into the cities and towns sheep and whales took back the town and ruled over it with an iron hoof the hungry monkeys in thailand took to the city square as the tourists who usually fed them disappeared giant ducks were seen in london alligators in florida were once again using the road that's not that's not anywhere no that's normal office in singapore oh my god are we the virus human beings are a disease that is profound dude maybe we will the real corona all along nature returned to new york for the first time since it was established 65 million bc we even had a good fake out on an extinct species the malabar civet which hasn't been seen for 30 years oh my god although it turns out it was just a regular sick indian civic scooters were returning to the riverways nil guy i haven't heard of that cows had begun returning to the ocean cats was seen by some in london to a limited audience sambar were incorrectly using zebra crossings and giraffes had returned to the cities wow nature is healing that's beautiful man so it's all our fault that all the animals are dead we kill we kill all the animals well unironically yes actually yeah that's true i feel like i i'd actually like that like if i went outside like the alligator one's not really as cool or the brontosaurus because they'd step on me right but like if you go outside and there's like a ferret outside or like a sheep or a ram outside i guess a ram would [ __ ] ram you but like it's just a sheep outside or a deer and you just see him i feel like i'm being like an mmo it's like elwynn forest or something that's cool like one time i walked home i saw a coyote that's about it i thought it was a dog it wasn't a dog yeah that's yeah it'd be [ __ ] cool man it's just awesome namaste oh [ __ ] anyway i'm busy that's the lesson here's a multi-tool good luck out there please close the door behind you thank you goodbye okay very [ __ ] clever oh my god we're on mars is this oh 13. oh my god it's a triple twist what the [ __ ] directed by okay video over the next very [ __ ] part two weeks have you heard of incognito mode it's basically the main channel now new video every month there too look at this production how about that i wanted to do your progress on trello thank you patient patrons thank you this was a beautiful man thank you editing all right the windex listen watch this wait liam all right yeah get them this is it this is it dude can they hear me yeah all right i want to show you the skies being chemtrailed right now yup you got to watch out for that i'm going to spray the vinegar and show you how the chemtrails will disappear yep and so she's going to get rid of those chemtrails up there look at that they're pooting our environment here we go all right let's pan over to uh to mom here and let's see what she's got how's she gonna take it out picture of it it's everywhere all right everybody now i'm gonna spray okay listen you can here's my little sprayer see this is what's gonna stop right there that's gonna stop them that's what she's using yeah this is the uh this is the solution right here after this we'll uh i know this sounds weird but it does work yep there you go get it out of here get it out of here this is not a joke either yeah and the best part is the best part about it is that the chemtrails naturally disperse so she's guaranteed to get the reaction that she wants which is the best it's the next pres is that our next president [ __ ] dude i think you might be right yeah some people know that i'm spraying see i'm spraying something that's good yeah they know oh we do you gotta wait a little while and then they start to break up yep there it is and we're going to show you how they break up in a little bit it doesn't happen i'm a continuous doesn't happen right away i'll continuously film so that they know it's not like no because then it'll be too long nobody wants to sit through a video no because on youtube mom if you don't know you caveman they can just speed through it besides this gives us more credibility it does i'm really glad that he thought about that yeah yeah of course it gives us a lot more credibility see now we know that it's real that's good she seems convinced of course they are of course they're convinced no it would be too long oh god so let's go let's go ahead and just skip ahead remember when i was going up and back that thing is completely gone all this is clearing up over my my yard yeah but we have heavy chem trailing see they just keep on coming so it got cleaned up she took care of it look at all of it see that voice it's taken care of there's no more chemtrails it's gone see but over my yard where i sprayed you can see it clearing up there it is there it is [Music] you

Channel: Asmongold TV

Views: 1,633,172

Keywords: asmongold, asmongold reacts, daily dose of asmongold, asmongold twitch, asmongold highlights, asmongold youtube, world of warcraft, asmongold moments, asmongold funny, asmongold tv, asmongold channel, asmongold internet historian, internet historian, internet historian reaction, internet historian react, asmongold internet, asmongold historian, asmongold thevarus, internet historian tales from thevarus, internet historian thevarus, asmongold tales from thevarus

Id: d0Jw4liXKBY

Length: 40min 3sec (2403 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 01 2020