8 Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style

Hey, Psych2goers! Welcome back to another video. Before we start we'd like to give you a huge thanks for all the love and support that you've given us. Psych2Go's mission is to make psychology and mental health more accessible to everyone. Now, let's begin the video. Attachment theory describes the different ways people can act in relationships. When someone has an avoidant attachment style They're uncomfortable with growing emotionally bonded or close to someone else. It can actually be broken down into two subcategories: "Dismissive Avoidant" and "Fearful Avoidant. This kind of attachment theory usually carries on through adulthood and can affect relationships of all types. Wondering if avoidant attachment applies to you or a loved one? Here are eight signs of an avoidant attachment style: 1. You were emotionally neglected in your childhood Do you feel safer keeping your intense emotions to yourself? Childhood neglect can be traumatic and often develops into an avoidant attachment style. According to Healthline, some parents might discourage their child from outwardly expressing both positive and negative emotions. These parents may have ignored the needs of their child when they were emotionally vulnerable. This is the sign of avoidant attachment because it conditions children to not only fend for themselves but also to hide their emotions and vulnerabilities from others. 2. You tend to suppress your emotions. Were you taught to view emotional expressions as a weakness? Do you find that you're better off dealing with things internally? Do you tend to bottle your emotions and internally punish yourself for being vulnerable? People with avoidant attachment are uncomfortable disclosing their vulnerabilities and they may look down on people who are more emotionally vulnerable than themselves. 3 - You have trouble dealing with emotional intimacy. Do you have difficulty with emotional expression in relationships? Do you keep conversations on a comfortable surface level or take extended periods of me-time? When you have an avoidant attachment style you shy away from emotional closeness, afraid to reveal too much about yourself. You struggle with not wanting to need others for anything. In relationships, this emotional distance can make other people confused, angry and they might even take it personally But the truth is it's actually a defense mechanism for you for you have extreme boundaries 4. You have extreme boundaries. Do you have very specific, firm and strict boundaries? This can go as far as restricting the amount of time you spend with others or refusing to share about certain parts of your life. We do want to emphasize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with boundaries. Having healthy boundaries is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. However, people who have excessive boundaries may appear distant or closed off. 5. You have shallow relationships. You like to keep relationships at a shallow level whether it be romantic or platonic? In a romantic relationship, you may refuse to meet your partner's family or avoid topics and situations that would turn the relationship into a more serious one. In a platonic relationship, you may refuse to go into emotional depth about yourself or have long conversations or see others that often. 6. Strong Independence. Are you extremely independent and self-focused? Did you have to fend for yourself at an early age? Do you secretly look down on people who depend on others? Independence by itself, isn't a bad thing. As children grow, they should be increasingly more comfortable with making decisions on their own. However, when children are forced to become independent too early due to neglect, they may develop a strong need to always solve problems on their own, rather than having developed a healthy level of self-sufficiency. 7. You have trust issues. Did you get the proper attention and care you deserved as a child? If not, it's logical that you'd have a hard time trusting others throughout your life. Even in adulthood, you struggle to trust even in those closest to you and will try to distance yourself from wanting or receiving affection from others. And 8. You're critical, on yourself and others. When you have the avoidant attachment style, You may often find faults in those around you and this is more associated with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. According to Joyce Catlett M.A. from Psych Alive, the trauma that most commonly associated with this attachment style empowers the minds' inner critical voice so much, that it actually overshadows their inner positive voice. As a result, it's easier for you to identify faults within yourself and others compared to the positive qualities. We hope you enjoyed learning about the signs of avoidant attachment style Did you recognize any of these signs in yourself or any of your loved ones if you found this video helpful? Be sure to like and share it with those you think might benefit from it. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button for more Psych2Go content, and the references and studies used in this video are added in the description below. Thanks for watching and we'll see you soon.

Channel: Psych2Go

Views: 741,605

Rating: 4.9693642 out of 5

Keywords: attachment style, avoidant personality, avoidant personality disorder, personal development, avoidant attachment style, fearful, attachment, attachment styles, anxious attachment, personal growth, attachment theory, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, attachment trauma, avoidant attachment, dismissive avoidant attachment style, fearful avoidant attachment style, fearful avoidant attachment, anxious preoccupied, secure attachment, relationship, avoidant, relationships

Id: nqlce10FyVU

Length: 5min 20sec (320 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 29 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/yourdad98]

8 Signs of Avoidant Attachment Style

1. You were emotionally neglected in your childhood

   • Parents might discourage child from expressive positive or negative emotion.
   • Neglected emotional needs of a child when emotionally vulnerable
   • Conditions children not only to fend for themselves but also to hide their emotions and vulnerability from others. Feel safer keeping their strong feelings to themselves

2. You tend to suppress your emotions

   • View emotional expression as weakness
   • Find it better of to deal with emotions internally
   • Bottle up emotions and internally punish yourself for being vulnerable
   • Not only uncomfortable disclosing their vulnerabilities, but they may also look down on people who are more emotionally vulnerable

3. You have trouble with emotional intimacy

   • Difficulty in emotional expression in relationships
   • Keep conversations on a comfortable surface level
   • Take extended periods of me time
   • Shy away from emotional closeness, afraid to reveal too much about yourself
   • Struggle to not wanting to need other for anything
   • In relationship, makes people confused, angry or take it personally
   • A defense mechanism

4. Extreme boundaries

   • Specific, firm and strict boundaries
   • Restricting time spent with others
   • Refusing to share about parts of your life
   • Healthy boundaries are essential for healthy relationships
   • Excessive boundaries may appear distant or closed off

5. You have shallow relationships

   • Keep relationships at a shallow level, either in a romatic or platonic relationship
   • Avoid meeting partner's family
   • Avoid topics and situations that will turn the relationship into a more serious one
   • Refuse to go into an emotional depth about yourself. or have long conversations or see each other that often

6. Strong independence

   • Extremely independent and self focused
   • Had to fend for yourself at an early age
   • Secretly look down on people who depend on others
   • Forced to be independent at an early age, develops a strong need to solve problems on their own, rather than developing a healthy level of self sufficiency

7. You have trust issues

   • Did not get proper attention and care as a child, struggle to trust others
   • Struggle to trust even in those closest to you, try to distance yourself from wanting or receiving affection from others

8. You're critical on yourself and others

   • Find faults in those around you
   • Dismissive avoidant style
   • Trauma associated with this attachment style empowers the mind's intercritical voice so much that it actually overshadows their inner positive voice
   • As a result, it is easier for you to identify faults within yourself and others compared to the positive qualities

[u/sleepygoofball]

Well, I still think it's more logical to mind your own business, avoid others, attachment are unnecessary and it's better to be self independent.

[u/yourdad98]

Hello, fellow think alikes. I've recently discovered that I have a serious issue of Avoidant Attachment Style, which is probably what lead me to break up with my partner and why I couldn't make meaningful friendships. I want to know your view on this, how do we deal with this?

[u/JambiChick]

Yup, sounds like someone I know. Learning attachment style can be incredibly helpful when you try to actually use the knowledge you gained.

[u/winks2400]

it meee

[u/AlertFlatworm]

Being avoidant sucks. It's hard to find someone who will stick around. :c