So, when a man says
let's go with the flow, when he... Oh, we don't
need any titles, anything that's
very non-committal or doesn't present a vision for where we're trying
to go with this, is a man you should
not entertain. (Music) Welcome back, this is Stephan Labossiere aka Stephan Speaks. And I'm here with another dating and relationship
advice video. Today's video is going to be for the women, all right. And so, we're going
to be talking about the 7 types of men to avoid. Before we get into
it as always, be sure to subscribe
to the channel, like this video,
share this video. Click the
notifications button so you can be aware
when I'm going live and all these
different things. But also comment below. Tell me a man you feel like women should avoid. What kind of man or maybe pick one, from the list I'm
about to give that you feel like
it's like the big one. But either way, be sure leave your comments below. So, let's get into this. Seven types of men to avoid, now, listen, I want to make something very clear, I am not here to bash men. I am not here to paint a negative picture of men in a general sense. However, I will
point out that there are bad men that exist there are men you
don't need to be giving your time
and energy to. And so, we have to talk
about those things so that I can help you avoid those types of individuals and the damage that comes from that situation. But that does not mean all men fit under these
categories, all right. So, please do not
make that mistake. I'm a firm believer that... Not even believer,
I know that great amazing men exist, great relations can be had, but we have to learn
how to stay away from the wrong people. So, with that said, let's get into the seven. I'm sure we've got a lot more than
seven we can name but I picked a certain seven I want to talk about today, so let's get right to it. Type of man number one, Mr. Broke and lazy, now, notice I didn't
just say Mr. Broke, I said Mr. Broke and lazy. Here's the thing, I am a firm believer in women not having to build a man, all right. That doesn't mean you can't support an individual, that you can't be
encouraging of him. And I understand that everyone's not where they need to be right now, everyone's not rich or even going to be rich,
that's fine. But there needs to
be a foundation of financial
stability, all right. But when we're talking about Mr. Broke and lazy, he's not just the guy who doesn't have
money right now. He's not the guy who's
just struggling, he's the guy who is not doing a damn thing
about it, all right. This is the problem. A man who is broke and lazy is not a man you
can work with. You can't be trying to look at his potential and think well, if he just applied himself he
could do so much and you may be right. Maybe he could
accomplish so much with the right motivation, but if you want to provide that motivation
and encouragement do it as his friend. Like, the mistake that
women make so much is getting romantically
involved with a man who is not qualified to be in a relationship
with you yet. That's not to insult the man, it's just the reality
of the situation. He has not built himself up to a point where he can have a stable, healthy,
relationship with you. Now, some of you may say well, I know some women and they married their
man when he was broke and they're happy now. Listen, there's exceptions to every rule. Some people get lucky but those are
minority situations that is not the majority. The majority of women who entertain
Mr. Broke and lazy become Mrs. Hurt and
damaged, all right. Become Mrs. I'm drained and I can't take it no more. Becomes Mrs. Super
pessimistic not believing good men exist because the last one
took so much out of her. You don't want to get
caught up in that cycle. Mr. Broke and lazy needs to get his act together. Again, if you want to encourage him as
a friend, fine. Do not have sex with him, do not act like
his girlfriend, do not give him
the benefits of being in a
relationship with you, when he is not qualified yet. If you simply
said to him hey, this is what you need to be with me all right. And he's serious about
being with you, he'll step up to the plate. That's the reality of it. You know I've got to give
this one quick story to give an example of how you just have to tell him this is what you're
looking for. So, I have a friend
she knew a guy, long story short. When she met the man, he had no driver's license, no job or a super
low paying job, baby mama drama, a whole bunch of nonsense and issues, okay. And she said to him listen, I need you to get
your license, I need you to get
a better job, I need to get these kids and this baby mama
situation in order. Until then, we can't
even entertain the possibility of being
together, all right. So, she tells him that and she lets him go. He comes back this
is a true story, comes back eight
months later. Man got his license, man got a good paying job, no more drama, I think he was also living
in his mama's house. Not living with
mother anymore, got his self together. Now, unfortunately, she still ain't want him. But that ain't the point
of the story, okay. Ignore that part, that's a whole
different issue as to why she
didn't take him. And for any man don't let that
discourage you. The reality, the point I'm trying to make
here though, is he stepped up to the plate. He was told what
needed to be done and because he wanted the opportunity bad enough, he made it happen. That's what you
should be doing when you come across
Mr. Broke and lazy who you feel like, okay, there could
be something here but he's not ready yet. But in the meantime,
avoid him. Type of man to
avoid number two, Mr. Go with the flow, now, before I get
deeper into this let me just mention
real quick you need to get a
copy of my book, He's Lying Sis. I'm going to show
you real quick. This is it, it is available on Amazon, it is also available in the description,
there's a link and in the comments section I will place the link. It uncovers the truth behind his words and actions, it goes deeper into
a lot of stuff we're talking about
on this video, and I talk about
on my channel. Check it out, He's Lying Sis, people are going
crazy over it. I'm not just saying
that, that's for real. You can see the reviews
on Amazon if you want. So, anyways, let's get
deeper into this, Mr. Go with the flow. He's dangerous, all right. You have to be aware that a man who does not
know what he wants should not be entertained, plain and simple. Now, I know some you may say, well, I've said let's go
with the flow I get that. But ask yourself, when you told yourself or when you told that person let's just go with the flow, how did you really feel
about that individual? Where was your
head really at? Were you even truly ready for a real relationship? The reality is that
when we're saying let's just go with the flow, we're trying to find
this middle ground of keeping this
person in our life as an option or a convenience without having to fully
commit to anything or any expectations in the situation, all right. And if you know you desire a real
relationship, then dealing with this
guy becomes dangerous because that flow
could turn into five months, nine months, two years, ten years. Yes, I've seen situations, I have coached people who got involved with
that kind of man and next thing you
know it's years later, you're still there maybe you got kids
by the man now and he's still not
committing to you. He is still not prepared to put any labels on it. So, when a man says
let's go with the flow, when he... Oh, we don't
need any titles, anything that's
very non-committal or doesn't present
a vision for where we're trying
to go with this, is a man you should
not entertain. Again, even if you want to convince yourself
that you know what, maybe he just needs
a little time, which I'm not saying
I agree with. But if you as an adult want to go that route, at the very least do not get
romantically involved until he can give
you his intent, plain and simple, all right. And when I say
romantically involved I want to stress no sex, no intimacy. You want to talk
as friends, cool, but even that is dangerous because if you
really like him, you're going to
get caught up. You're going to grow attached and while he's not
willing to commit to you or give you a
vision for where he's trying to go with you, you are going to
find yourself dragging on the situation and possibly blocking
your ability to receive a man who does want to be with you. So, when he just wants
to go with the flow, let him go, let him
flow by himself. You don't need to
entertain that, it is too much of a
problem, all right. So, now, type of man
to avoid number three. Mr. Mama's boy, all right. Now, let me make
something very clear. There's the mama's
boy who simply loves and honors his mother, nothing wrong with
that guy, all right. I think men should love and honor their mother. I would hope and pray that men out there have a good strong relationship
with their mothers, that's a beautiful thing. However, the mama's boy that I'm talking about is the man who basically has to have his mother
take care of him, the man who has to run everything
past his mother, the man who has no
boundaries with his mother. So, now when he's
in a relationship, the mother gets to
dictate what happens. The mother has too much power in his life. She essentially runs him or at a drop of a dime, she can run him, all right. That is a problem. A man has to learn how to stand on his own two feet. He can honor his mother
and respect her, but she has to understand there is a boundary, she is not the dictator
of this relationship she does not get to how do I say this? Interfere in our relationship in a negative manner. Granted, if she's going to be positive, encouraging, a shoulder to lean on in a good nurturing
healthy way, no problem with that. But let's be real, there's a lot of mothers out there causing havoc. There's a lot of
mothers out there who are ruining
relationships. There's a lot of
mothers out there who don't know their place and I say that respectfully. She doesn't understand you cannot be trying to run your son's
relationship or you can't be taking issue with every woman
your son gets with because you don't want to lose your son to any woman. Now, that's a whole
different issue you know, I'll make a video for that. But the point is mama's boy that's not good because if you're
looking for a serious relationship
in marriage, it is extremely difficult to deal with a man who does not know how to detach from his
mother in that way. It also shows that it is very likely that
this man will go from having a mother raise him and take care of
him and cuddle him to expecting his
partner or wife to be his new mother who has sex with
him, all right. Let me say that again. He is looking for a woman to be his new mother who has sex with him. That is not a good dynamic, that's not a healthy
dynamic in a relationship. So, pay attention to the type of
mama's boy he is and if he is what I describe, he is definitely
a man to avoid. Number four,
Mr. Fake Christian. Hmm, man, so listen. (Laughs) Let me say this, I am not one to judge people's walk
spiritually, all right. And I don't even
like calling people fake Christian, fake Muslim, fake whatever, all
right, fake believer. However, the reality is that I've seen tons of
situations where there are men out there who use God and spirituality as a way to gain
favor with women, as a way to gain
favor in business, but they're not really about that life, all right. And so, that's the
problem here. And some of the
signs to look for, to pay attention to is how is his behavior outside of the audience? Meaning again, when he's
in a crowd of people, crowd of women, he might be quoting scripture, he might be praising God, he might be doing
all these things. But these fake ones tend to be very judgmental
outside of that, very mean spirited
in a lot of ways. Can become very
verbally abusive, very controlling, they have very negative tendencies that show when they are not in
front of the audience, whatever audience they're trying to appeal
to right now. Once that's removed, their true self
starts to show. But the problem is
a lot of women, they get drawn
to what they saw because they were a part of
that audience, all right. And they believe,
oh, my gosh, he's a man of God he's this and all this stuff. And then when he
does show you because he will show you, when he does show
you his other side that is clearly contrary to being a man of God, you're still trying
to hold on to what he presented
to you at first. You're still trying to
hold onto the fact that maybe his title is pastor. Maybe his title is
whatever, I don't know. The point is you're getting caught
up in the surface and his resume rather than holding
on or acknowledging the behavior and the
spirit he shows you outside of being in
front of that audience. And so, that guy, that specific guy. Because again, there
are plenty of good genuine men of God, but the fake ones you've got to stay away from. I've seen a lot of
toxic situation. And again, it can become very toxic because... Excuse me. It can become very
toxic because he's so good at putting on a performance in
front of an audience that now when you
try to tell people he's this and that they think you're the crazy
one, all right. And so, granted that
can happen because it's going to take some time to even discover that he's the fake Christian, fake believer, whatever. However, once you see it you've got to address it
and if it's not corrected you've got to go,
plain and simple. You can't be in denial of it because again, he
holds a certain title or because he performs
it very well otherwise. You've got to stay true to what you're seeing
outside of that and what your intuition and
spirit is telling you. So, beware of the fake believer,
fake Christian, fake whatever, all right. Fake spiritual
person, all right, so, now on to the fifth
type of man to avoid. Mr. Married but separated. Man, man, man, man, listen. And this topic, all these topics are in
the book He's Lying Sis but this one I also
touch on specifically. And let me tell you one, I think we
should already know, don't mess with married men. But let's be real,
it's still happening, it's still happening. And I'm not here
to judge anyone. So, I'm not speaking
down on anyone if you are in it or have been considering it I just want to encourage you to not entertain it. I want to encourage you to get out of that situation. But the reason why
you have to avoid Mr. Married but separated, let me make something
very clear, not every man who is married but separated is lying, all right. Not every man is trying to move forward
with malicious intent. Some people are just so caught up in
their own feelings and they want to be loved, they want to have
somebody there and yes, they will
rationalize to themselves that this is okay
because they are separated from their marriage though I would encourage
those individuals as well to please don't
entertain relationships until you're officially
divorced, all right. You need time to heal, you need to clean
up your situation, you don't want to
bring someone new when you haven't
taken care of the person before. I'm not here to say that you should have got divorced or it's good that you got
divorced or anything like that. I'm simply saying if you're going through it finalize it. Get it done then entertain relationships. But for the women it's important for you to avoid that man. Again, not because I'm saying he's a downright evil man even though some of them are and some of them are lying. They're not even
truly separated, they're not even
close to a divorce, but if he's telling you I'm married but separated, he's telling you
I'm still married. That's what you need to
hear when he says that, you are still married. And if he is still married then the bottom line
is at any point things can change. So, I've seen
situations where women get caught up
with this type of man and he's telling them
I'm leaving my wife, I plan on being with
you, all these things. And she's getting
ready thinking okay, that's what's
going to happen. And then let's say
months later, he comes back to
her, you know what? I've decided to work
things out with my wife. I don't want to
leave my kids, whatever reason. You know, something happens and now you're heartbroken, you're shuttered and you don't know how to
get yourself out of it. Or you're still trying to be his side chick now because you've grown
so attached to him even though now he
is saying to you I'm no longer
leaving my wife. Either way, this a very
unhealthy situation. You've got to be very careful of allowing yourself
to entertain that man. Let him get his divorce. When he's divorced, all right so be it, you all
are grown adults you can do what you want. But until then, he needs to be avoided, you need to protect yourself, your peace, your spirit and don't get caught up in any drama or mess. And we can go even deeper but we're going to stop
there with that one. So, number six Mr. Emotionally unavailable / Mr. Doesn't know how
to communicate. Now, let me say this, doesn't know how
to communicate, I had to throw that in because again, if you guys can't talk to each other you can't have a healthy
relationship. However, I do want
to make clear that not knowing how
to communicate, but willing to try
to work with you is a guy that you can embrace and
entertain, all right. Not every man is
going to be great with his communication
at first some men do need
growth in that area. But again, there are
men who are willing or want to try or are concerned about
how you feel about it and they're the men
who make excuses. And so, when we're talking
about the excuses, we're sliding a
little bit more into Mr. Emotionally unavailable. This is not a man
who is capable of giving you what you need in a relationship, all right and the reality is that the man who starts
off dating you emotionally unavailable
is extremely unlikely to become emotionally available to you. If your thought process is he just needs some time and he'll get there, wrong. Now again, I'm
not going to say it's never happened in
the history of life but I'm telling you it
is a rare occurrence. You cannot be betting on that even if you thought
that can happen. What did I say earlier?
Be his friend. That's the most
you can give him, platonic friendship if you can handle
it, all right. And if you can make sure that you're not going to
cross certain lines and he understands
that as well. Outside of that though, he's simply not trying to be what you need
in a relationship and it could be for
various reasons. It could be he's
just too damaged, it could be he's just
not into you like that, there could be a host of other things going
on with him. Either way, he is not capable of having a healthy
relationship with you. And you don't need to get caught up with this man because what happens
to a lot of women is in the struggle to pull the emotion out of him you become more attached to the individual, you now have a harder time walking away from him even though he's
always been the same emotionally unavailable
man from the start. He never lied about that, he never showed you something different,
all right. So, you've got to accept
it for what it is and realize this is not a man I can even attempt to have a relationship with. Stay away from him so that you don't become more damaged in the process. And now, last but not least, number seven and again,
I want to mention it one more time, all right. Sorry about that He's Lying Sis, get it. So, the next one I'm
about to mention is a specific chapter
in here as well. And that is he doesn't want a girlfriend, but he acts like
your boyfriend. Let me say that
one more time. He doesn't want a girlfriend but he acts like
your boyfriend. Let me tell you something. You've got to stay far
away from this dude because it becomes such
a difficult situation when you have a man
who is willing to do all the nice things, talk to you nice,
treat you good, but he doesn't want
to commit to you. He doesn't even want a
relationship in general, at least that what
he's telling you. Because I would argue that a lot of times the
same man who tells you I don't want a relationship simply does not
want it with you, which is why you will see him six months later get engaged to somebody else. He was always down
for commitment, he just didn't
want it with you and that's not a
knock on you per se. There's going to
be a lot of men who may like you, who may value what you
bring to the table, but they don't feel
you're the one. They don't feel like okay, this is who I want
to attach myself to for the rest of my life. And there are some
men who simply want to have you as a
convenience in their life. And they will do boyfriend girlfriend
stuff with you, but they will not
fully claim you, they will not fully
commit to you, they will not allow
you to think or they will not tell you that I have future plans
for you, all right. And sometimes they
might even say it but again, if I'm saying I will have future
plans for you but I still can't
commit to you now, I'm full of crap. That's bottom line
don't listen to that. So, the guy who acts
like your boyfriend but doesn't want a girlfriend is not a man you
should entertain. It's a man you need to avoid because it is a such a
dangerous situation where you are very
likely to get caught up, you are very likely
to want to believe that his current actions are saying he wants
more with you. And I know we always say actions speak
louder than words. But the reality is that actions and words have
to line up together. When the actions and
words are different that means a lie
is being told there cannot be
inconsistency there. A man who is
serious about you a man who wants
to be with you, is going to show actions and be able to verbalize his desire for
you, all right. But that kind of guy
that I'm talking about, he's showing you one
and not the other and that's the guy you need to stay away from. So, again, like I said there's a lot more men we could probably
add to this list. If you have some that
I didn't mention put them in the comment
section below. But one way or another, avoid these types of men. Now, I want to stress I'm a firm believer in you don't see a
red flag and run, you see a red flag
and you address it. Sometimes and I'm just
going to use one example. Let's say the fake
believer, all right. Let's say he has a moment where he does act
out of character and it may just be a moment. If you address him and
he handles that well and corrects his behavior,
then he's good. Don't assume well, I
just saw this red flag let me run because that
must mean he's fake. No, maybe he just
made a mistake we are human. So, I have no problem with who any one of these men
that you may encounter that you first address
it, all right. Because again, the man who is serious about you
will correct it, The man who is not
will make excuses, he'll dismiss you, he'll dance around
this topic, he'll flip the tables on you but either way, he's not going to make improvements. That guy, cut him
loose it's done. So, again, I hope and pray you enjoyed this video. Be sure to like the video, share the video,
comment below, and watch one of
my other videos and I'll see you
in the next one.
