STOP DOING These Things If You Want To FIND LOVE TODAY |DeVon Franklin & Lewis Howes

if you really want to get become successful in life and success to me is nothing to do what happens in the world success is to me peace in its inner world success is who is the person that looks back at through the mirror and and there is where success starts and where it stopped you see a lot of men who have public success but no personal success now and there used to be a time where that was okay but now real success starts you know with who's with mechanism so I would ask any man if you are finding yourself fated multiple women from multiple and say why that's you stop this but why are you doing it and what is the real value that you're getting out [Music] [Applause] [Music] alright welcome back in one of the school's greenest podcast we've got my friend devon franklin house man that was a good pop yeah I love it now you are one of the most inspiring guys that I know I love following your work you do you do you do work that it's just authentic to you and you don't care what people think that's what I love about it it may be unpopular or maybe different it may be you meet but it's you and it's just true and authentic yeah that's what I thank you man like wow we've only hung out like three times but I feel like I really know you I feel like I can trust you and I thought you're just a great voice thank you the same way yeah you know hopefully we can hang more now I'm gonna have to get up at 6 a.m. so let's do we've got this book out called the truth about men what men and women need to know and I'm excited about this because every time I do an interview or topic on relationships it seems to go crazy is that right because people are struggling in relationships in general I was going it's like a lot of people are stressed out more than ever today of first finding a partner dating is just stressful for people then when you're in a relationship ok what about marriage then when you're married how do you stay happily married they would get divorced you say well I'm a failure right that's 10 20 years I've been a failure this was all for nothing what's wrong with me and I have to repeat the cycle how do I find the right person yeah and I think it's stressful because there's so many options in today's world with social media there's so many options everything looks yummy everything like tasty yeah everything looks exciting fresh and new interesting so this is what I loved about this you've got these questions on the back I just want to read some of them okay some are from women and some are for men and I think I want to talk about men first because you see these questions men have you ever asked yourself why does one woman not seem to be enough why does one woman not seem to be enough why can't I ever be satisfied and will I ever find peace these last three questions I feel like resonates with a lot of men yes and I've asked myself this question how to impress what is relationship and and also being single at different times and I'm curious you know why is it seem like a struggle for so many men to to be okay with one relationship yeah you know I mean listen this is actually today totally I mean today is like you said it makes it even harder because really because of just the popularity of social media I mean honestly I mean I would say that that's what's kind of amplified the challenge the challenge has always been there but I think with social media I mean it really takes that challenge to another level for any man and so one of the reasons why I wrote the book is to help articulate and hopefully answer some of these questions and so why I believe that it's really hard for one man to be comfortable sometimes with just one woman it comes down to me to what the book is really about which is love you know and and I believe that love is selfless you know love is sacrificial and it's not it's not just love of self it's love of the woman in our life love of family love are calling love of our destiny so as men we're never really taught to feed or cultivate love what are we talking to feeding or cultivate lust sex yeah so so to me the two things that war within a man are love and lust and I define lust as a selfish impulse for personal professional financial or sexual fulfillment by any means necessary even if those means are detrimental we live in a culture that almost feeds on the lust in men and also encourages us as men to feed on that so what does that look like with the media promoting just half-naked women everywhere everywhere everywhere necks everywhere and it's okay as boy boys will be boys right yeah that's what that's what you're supposed to do you're supposed to day you know one don't even worry about one half multiple that's what we're taught as men growing up that the more the better so in a dating since what happens is if our appetite grows to such a place where we're not feeding the love we're feeding the lusts what is lust less selfish it wants what it wants whenever wasn't however it wants it so as men especially a single men when you're in a situation where that's what you feed constantly that's what's gonna be the strongest and so when it comes to a world where things are not on you terms that almost feels like a foreign experience right because you've cultivated an appetite where the more women the better and guess what if this woman doesn't suit my what I want I just get rid of her I move on to the next and so what happens is as men we sometimes consciously and subconsciously allow that lust to run and potentially ruin our life and so when a man decides you know what I want to you know I want to get married I want to get serious I want to be committed saying I do is not a magic wand so if you go from having no discipline in your dating life you know guess fun in your sex life you've had as much as you could possibly stomach you've had as many women as you could possibly have and then you meet the one that really captures your heart she tapped into the love inside but be prior to her and even sometimes with her you have not practiced discipline as a man when you say I do there's nothing magical that happens on the other side of it so if you have an appetite and you have no discipline met marriage doesn't just automatically get discipline so why does it become hard for men to this commit to one because they never had much practice with it and I believe that you know if we date better we marry better if we marry better if we family better if we family better repair better if we parent better we community bit right so it all goes back to how we date and if there's no discipline there as a man we're setting ourselves up for a massive challenge it doesn't mean we cannot be successful we can but sometimes as a man we think why is one not enough because we've been conditioned to more and so the idea of just one becomes four how do you know what's the right way to date someone let me ask this question first when you're in a relationship yeah and you say you know what I'm gonna be disciplined I'm gonna work hard at this even when you know it's not the right fit you've put in time you know six months a year two years and you're like you know what I'm just gonna keep going to make it better I'm gonna try my best to to cultivate the love but for some reason that relationship you know deep down isn't the one mm-hmm and you say goodbye to that relationship is that you just saying well on to the next there's another option out there how do you know when it is the right well that's a good question I think a couple things one when you're in a situation the one that I premise of the book as it relates to love is really we gotta start telling the truth and a lot of times especially in relationship since it becomes a place where we tell the leader you hide the truth you hide the truth because you don't hurt someone you want to hurt someone you may have feelings or thought you have things and also you sometimes in a relationship you can be afraid if I tell this person the truth it doesn't even mean that the truth that I'm not into them it could be like I'm really into you or it could be like here's some things I'm thinking about the question sometimes is where the fear comes in is judgment if I tell this person my truth will they judge me well they still like me will they still love me or they still you know be there for me and so a lot of times whether you're a man or a woman in a relationship you bring that fear into it and so as a result sometimes that fear works against being truthful so a lot of times in a relationship you're more truthful with people outside the relationship then you are with the person in there an overlay of power you know and you're not telling your partner and this is my as men and when we gotta start communicating with one another instead of at one another and so I really wanted write this book to help foster more truth so that the point you're bringing up if you're in a situation where you're with somebody you're not sure it's the right fit here is the number one way to begin to identify if it is operating in lust or if you're operating in love it's peace you know you're our peace you feel peace that's right our peace is the strongest barometer it's our compass it tells us we're going in the right direction we're going with the right person in the right direction in the right direction but something about doesn't feel like this the person is supposed to go with me mmm right it's really about peace that's where I and everyone has the opportunity to define what that means for them but to me that's a great way to identify is this the right person I'm dealing with so then let's say let's say you don't have peace the truth is I need to tell that person as soon as possible here's what's here's what I'm really going through here's why especially as a man soon know don't wait don't wait fix my wine because here's what happens as a man the moment you start to know hmm they saying it I know I don't understand it here's what happens the more you do not tell her the truth about how you're feeling either she's gonna cry now she'll cry later and when she cries later she inflicted more pain I believe as a man we we're gonna be one of two men men that he'll paint or inflict pain Wow and that true as hard as it may be and as much as she may not want to hear it it's better for her to hear it early on before she can have more emotional investment then to hear it later and you know six months ago you were out of it yeah part of telling the truth is to say listen I love you I keep when I operate in love I put someone else's needs over my needs I'm thinking about someone else's thoughts even some time before my thoughts someone else's well-being so in a dating sense as a man you're like hey I need you to know what I'm really feeling here so that we can just have an honest conversation like I don't want to feel this way I don't know why I'm feeling this way but you know something I don't know if this is just the right fit and I don't you know and and do your best to articulate then it's better to put it all out on the table then there you go six months later seven months later something happens and then we and then sometimes I've been there when I was single you wait for something to happen then to use that as an example because I oh well it's cuz this happened well no that's not because that cuz if there was really love and there was a long-term plan there you could work through that right but too often I feel like as men we hold on to what we think and I think when we do that too because they're a friend so I think when you go into this idea of like okay well how do you date in love how do you date in mastery it doesn't mean you can't explore it doesn't mean you can't find the right fit this is all about a journey so love when you're trying to find the compatibility you're searching right we're all we all find that journey however its dating with more intent its dating with more attained so what does that look like it looks like you know and again this is just what I believe will help us as men especially in a dating sense um think beyond sex mm-hmm think beyond sex how do you teach men to do that when that's all they've been conditioned to think well here's out because again instead of looking at that woman as an object for your pleasure mm-hmm look at her as an individual look at her as someone's sister someone's mother someone's daughter someone's friend humanize her in your mind it doesn't mean listen if you you know choose not to wait until marriage to have sex that person that's that's your business but so often men look at women first as a sexual object not as an individual and as a result when a woman the time says hey you know what I don't want to have sex you know or I want to wait or whatever a lot of men's they are anyone moving on to the next if a woman does not want to have sex or share her body with you because she does not trust you she does not know you she does not love you that's a sign of a great woman mm-hmm not a woman that should be discarded Wow and so as a man when you're single and you're discarding women because they don't want to share their body that's a warning sign to me hey about you that's right what's going on with you bro why are you on such a path for personal selfish lustful fulfillment that you are discarding potential women that could help make the difference in a positive way in your life Wow so for any man it's about hey let me look in the mirror for a minute and just stop why because look at what's going on in the world there's so much news about you know the challenges that men are facing and why are so many men facing all these challenges because I believe most men have given themselves over to lust mm-hmm they've given themselves over to this selfish fulfillment where they want what they want whenever they want to however they want it and as a result they become the sum total of what that lust makes them so as a man no man can turn a blind eye towards what's going on with men in the world so if anything allowed what we're seeing in the world to then be a motivator for every individual man who do I want to be am am I inadvertently living in a way where I may meet the same fate of some of the some of some of the same men that I'm seeing in the world right because it's not like oh point the finger oh look at them oh I would never become that wait a minute the moment any of us as men say oh I would never you might be right because all of us have the same struggle all of us struggle between love and lust in the in the issue is getting control getting disciplined getting mastery to the degree where I don't believe we could every Raticate lust I don't believe that and as a truth most women don't want to hear right but I believe that is the truth lust is in every man no matter who that men is no matter what else pay for you no matter how they perish it's there it's not even a reflection of the woman in his life at all however as men when we learn to get control of it when we learn to put love in control of love that's when we position ourselves to not allow that less to destroy us a couple of things want to ask from this yeah you are successful man in Hollywood you've been married for how long now seven years seven years two-part question the first part is do you know any successful men in Hollywood who are not married and who have multiple partners do you see any of them that are successful in their career but also have that inner peace that you talked about a few minutes ago I don't see many successful men that that would live our living according to what you how use outlined that are that had the peace they might have the fun they have they have the fun they have the money the positions all of that but I would not say that the men that fit the description that I've been curvy have that piece where there's just a sense of of like okay you know what I'm cool I'm competent I'm here this is what it is a lot of times and I believe that if any man is really honest with themselves I don't believe the more women you have the more peace you get I think it actually more chaos more chaos I think about it you know it's like it's a man at the end of our life when you think about how much time you spend mm-hmm you know with with women chasing women spending money on all those things you can ask yourself what do we have to show for it yeah you know and so for me prior to getting married I had to ask the same question would I have to show for all this and I wasn't like when I make him and I started dating then I was like all those I'm ready to get married I wasn't but what I did was a friend of mine encouraged me don't be afraid don't allow your fear to mess this up afraid of what commitment marriage all of it committed the unknown you know you were dating other girls before they're gone you were you know yeah but I was dating with detention you know I was dating saying hey yo here's where I am in life here's what I'm looking to do so that there was no lack of clarity with anyone that was dating me where I was you know when I talk about this in the book it's so important so I'll talk about for the male side the female side for men it's important because what happens is Loess makes us a part time manipulator in a single sense what does that mean what does that mean it means that you're dating multiple women those women don't really know that there's as many other women as there are and they don't even know that you're not as serious as you seem to be when you're with them because your intention is for sexual desires sexual desires companionship in that moment whatever your pleasure long-term there's there's no long-term and at the same time there's no regard for their real feelings it's like this is a woman that I might date on Tuesday here's someone I'm any date on Thursday here's me there's one I'm a woman I'm a date on Saturday night and none of them really know the other one exists so that's what I mean about not dating with intention so when you're dating with attention you're letting everybody know listen here's where I am here's what I'm doing very very important as a man I encourage any single man to if you really want to get become successful in life in success to me is nothing to do what happens in the world success is to meet peace in this inner world success is who is the person that looks back into the mirror and and there is where success starts and where it stops we see a lot of men who have public success but no personal success yeah and there used to be a time where that was okay but now real success starts you know with who's looking back in the mirror so I would ask any man if you are finding yourself dating multiple women from both of women say why ask you stop this why are you doing it and what is the real value that you're getting out of it do you find yourself this insatiable appetite that no one person you never quench and as a result there's no peace within your spirit super important the second part of that is that if you find yourself saying hey you know what I am gonna get more discipline here but I still want to explore okay explore with intention let the woman know what your intentions are so then they as an adult can make the decision if they want to engage with you that to me is what real honesty and transparency looks like right now for a woman if you're dating a man you've got to get out of the gray area you've got to get out of the gray area so what does this mean that's right but that gray area is the area where you are most liable because in a relationship since the one who has the knowledge the most knowledge has the most power and a lot of times men have more power because they know what they're really serious about what they're not and the woman that they're dealing with does not know that's a gray area he may text you all the time he may talk to you all the time you may go out on a date you made may have met his parents but never has he told you we're together right well he's thinking about the commitment that's right yeah and so for a woman in that situation she's in a gray area and I encourage her the book you got to get out of the gray you got to ask clear direct questions wait for clear direct answers so that the man that you're dealing with you get a sense of are you are you dating anyone else are we committed are we exclusive what are your plans where are you going don't be afraid to ask the questions because so often when women come to me for advice they're afraid what if I ask them these questions that he leaves well he was gonna leave any one's good that's great right that's great a more I mean here's the thing I've dated women in the past who they're almost so honest in the beginning it's like oh my gosh you're like pushing me away cuz I'm like that's not where I'm at in my life like you're talking about kids in the first five minutes unless I just want to have fun or yeah yeah but then there's other women who are that honest were you like wow I'm actually really interested in you I'm this is kind of scary that you're so honest yeah but I'm gonna like keep exploring because I like you and I'm not interested in you don't want to learn more yeah no I think I think the more honest you are in the beginning maybe you don't the say in five minutes five minutes I don't have but I think almost the more truthful you can be earlier on yeah better because you can start to eliminate those people or know exactly where they're gonna be at well yeah you can you get a better sense of what's what and I also encourage women I you know I say listen have an observation period in dating mmm what's that mean meaning don't just rush in to when you're dating somebody telling this particular man all of the stuff you want all that like you don't even know if you're gonna like this person right and sometimes it's like just on that like you said on that first date they're like talent oh here's what I want to do did it no no sure observe yeah see if this man is even worthy of knowing what you think hmm see if this man is even worthy of knowing your plans and what you how you see your future how will you know if he's worthy of knowing because you're gonna spend time you're gonna evaluate you're gonna see who he is and this is why listen I know in this modern world what I'm getting ready to say is just uncommon but I don't care I must say this is why this is why it's so important as long I'd say in this book like I believe it's important to wait until marriage for sex but mostly what I'm gonna do that I say in this book at least wait until you're in a trusted committing loving relationship before you have sex why because when you have sex with someone and you do not know them and you do not trust them it becomes hard to really get clear on who they are and what they're about so important so as a woman that I've been like listen if I was a woman and I was dating oh you ain't getting none for me why cuz I don't know you I was like I was at a Facebook on the book tour and this woman asked me a question and during our Q&A and so I said this to her man and she said she was asking me a question about sex and whatnot and I said okay I said so let me just give you an analogy let me okay how many women in the audience after a month of dating a guy would you give him the code to your phone mmm the code your password and most of it oh no I there's no way among are you kidding me I said okay now listen I'm not trying to get your business I'm not going to judge you I said but in that same period of time in previous relationships how many of you in that same pretty of time have already given your body mmm 90% I mean so if you don't trust them enough to give him the code to your phone why don't you give in your body Wow so this is when you know when you don't give a man your body right it gives you a better opportunity to observe any value wait what does he really want is he even really interested potentially in Who I am what I think or does he just interested in what my body can give him that's what I say about an observation period so that you can really see who this man is what he's about and really where he's going and I believe that women have a lot more power in dating than they realize but a lot of times they give it a wet wash power but they give it away they give it away to then you know like oh yeah it's like no no [ __ ] on to that power evaluate make decisions even though even if you want to be in a relationship superb and don't allow your flesh and your desire to then make you so desperate that you lower your standard to the degree where you're allowing men entry into your life that really are not qualified percent what if the woman just wants to have fun and they're not looking for a committed relationship either then you know what listen I could listen I'm not gonna judge what consenting adults want to do if that's her point of view that's our point of view yeah you know and that just says what it is and it's at a certain point you know when she's doing the same thing and one and wants a different result if I were looking at what she's doing to get the result hey Freddy man so you know what any man gets to a place was like you know I keep doing the same thing I get a different song they have to change what I'm doing yeah it might be having fun but I feel soulless inside like I'm not having intimacy or a man yeah exactly he's lacking the partnership that I really want totally told I having this fun exactly now are there any men in Holland I don't want you to say names or anything but are there any men in Hollywood that you know who've been married for a long period of time that are just so happy David may have a tank yes they're just like so happy that they and they feel zero desire for other women do you know any of that wouldn't it hold on I don't I see again I would say something that's probably crazy yeah that most women don't want to hear I don't believe there's any man on this planet in a marriage that has zero desire for it for another woman yeah I don't believe that it just becomes a question of managing that desire to discipline yeah totally and saying yeah there's a desire here but whatever you know it is what it is it'll pass I love my wife I'm not gonna do that well but in terms of Hollywood I think that there's no exception there but I do know man yes that are married that are happy how could we better yes happily married love their wives love being married even with all the challenges that there are and the temptations that is not there are a lot of men that I know that are fit that description where that attempt they have not followed of temptation no matter what desires they may have because they love their wife they love their life so much and you and from your point of view you think that these men who've been married for 10 plus years who've been faithful and committed or maybe they've had some slip-ups or whatever but they're in the marries are happy they're committed you believe that those men are more going to be more successful in life than men who are not married or not committed in relationship because the people that are not committed are lacking the inner peace as much here's what I feel I feel like you know that going back to that battle between love and lust right and love being selfless and I believe as men of one of our biggest challenges is we don't know how to love we don't know how to lower ourselves we don't really know how to love women no lies because we don't know how to give love we don't not receive love and this is an area where most men struggle and it's actually the area no matter how successful in the world or publicly a man may be without love I do feel that that man is deficient mmm because love is the name of the game love is what this is all about it really is it's what life's about it's not about the money it's not about the power it's not about the fame is not about the success it's about love period because at the end of the day you can pass on to your children or pass on to the next generation money you can pass on influence but if you don't pass on love those children will be deficient right those children will become dysfunctional it's love and so as a man when I decide I'm not going to open myself up to love I don't believe I can ever reach my full potential as a human being so it's not so much that the institution of marriage makes men better in and of itself it's that institution which fosters that love and vulnerability because I believe our vulnerability leads to our victory not the opposite way and so as men we have to really work against the training that we get which is like oh growing up love makes this week you know oh you're soft right you know the whole box that were taught as men to live in and we don't live in that box you know we're either met with violence or put-downs and whatnot so most men growing up if we don't fit the box of every man is strong and every man has the answers that every man has women every minutes power if we don't fit that box most of the time growing up we're told stop crying stop being a winner you know so the Box breaks us so what do we as men do anything that does not contribute to our survival we suppress so we may want to say yo what's up bro man love you man you good at it but we don't do that because we're talking up y'all don't you don't say I love you are you crazy so we hold it in right and then we just try to do everything we can to survive so we try to subscribe to everything in the box but secretly we know there's something off mmm so to me when you have a man that is choosing not to open himself up to love I would argue because that's happening because that man has had a deep hurt in his life that he is not yet willing to process and face and get healing over right it's like okay either it's something with or or previous relationship you know I think that's also one of the truths about minutes we're more sensitive than most people realize yeah you know and there's a lot of times men have gotten their heart broken so bad at one point in time it was so painful they have no desire to ever go do that again but I believe we are naturally disposed predisposed to love but as men we have to work against the cultural and societal conditioning in order to do that and I believe when we do it we are happier we live longer we are more peaceful so I do think a man certainly can adjust to life without a woman without love but do I think the fullest life is when we find the right person that we can walk life walk to life with I do yeah because I think love is what it's all about that's true I do too it's interesting you said that you know men can go through extreme heartbreak and I think I'm gonna generalize this but I feel like men in general have not learned how to deal with their emotions yeah and so when an extreme emotional attack is against us yep it's like a bomb explodes totally where it can be horrible for women too I mean it can be heartbreaking take a year or two they're like recover and we're gonna break up it could hurt it really bad but I feel like in general women are able to express their emotions with other girlfriends more their family members and at least talk about their feelings whereas men get heartbroken it could break you physically because we all talk about it it's it we hold it in we suppress it oh man I talked about this in the book you know anything we suppress we empower we empower it to destroy us really seriously we that and that's one of the reasons I wrote this book we got to start talking we got to start being honest we got to communicate we got to start I have a whole chapter in this book called create a safe space where we have at least one other person that we can talk to that we can tell what's really going on and we can and we can do without fear of judgment because as men you know I remember my early 20s you know I got my heart broke man oh oh like life was over forget about it I'm done okay and a lot of good thing you don't want to go to anybody and tell them that you know you're all yours messed up because people are gonna judge you and suck it up suck it up and all that just back out there that's right the scene well no I wanted that vid and so I talked about the book it's important for us to no longer suppress because that's suppression it builds that pressure within us and why do we feed less because then lust becomes an outlet less becomes a relief to the pressure that we're not acknowledging and the stressor that we're really feeling internally we find a vise there's a whole chapter in the book called the one you feed you know so either you're feeding love or you're feeding lust and vices feed the lust virtue feeds the love and so as men I think about how much of this world is is designed to feed vice to to feed mid vice everything everything I mean every time you turn your fellow my goodness venomous tree oh my goodness it's everywhere it's everywhere and so as men we then have to practice mastery which is the practice of love where we become smarter we become to realize oh god it this world is actually not predisposed for me to become as successful as I can be so I have to look at things through different lens so I have to say oh god they're a trap set up every day for me to fall in device every day every man I'm not pointing fingers in every man just open up anything you know what I mean it's like yeah okay man listen if I don't manage Instagram you guys gonna manage me all right so I got to get control all right because there's vice everywhere and we have to make the decision about okay I have to consistently seek out virtue so things like this podcast you know self-help books reading the reading the word you know going to church of your spiritual listening to grow up to the right music putting things in our spirit that were - of who we are that remind us of who we are to remind us of where we're going because if we don't consistently nurture and feed ourselves virtue that vices I mean seriously it's like junk food man it's an attack it's got a nice opponent it's gonna jog our bodies to attack our spirits gonna take us to a place we don't want to be no matter how healthy we may want to live if we don't go and put healthy food in our in a refrigerator if we don't make a decision to eat that way we're gonna eat whatever's close yeah and whenever we are impulsive and we eat whatever's close it's always gonna be the worst thing and the same thing goes in life so it's so important to cultivate this lens of identifying okay here's where the vices here's what the virtuous and making ourselves committee to consuming a smurf or as much virtue as we can how does your wife support you in staying virtuous and your your thoughts your actions your yeah I mean I would say just her encouragement you know even her encouragement to write this book you know as I was when I first told her she was like oh yeah you've got to do that and I would read her chapters of the book and passages as I was writing it and so she was just you know completely on board and I was like okay cool that really helped me because you know writing this book and being honest and being a parent and being vulnerable in front of people that I don't may never meet and they're gonna know all the stuff about me that that was hard but her encouragement really really did that did a lot and then also just that support system you know that support system of knowing no matter what happens in the world I got somebody who's there with me someone that I can come home to and she can come home to me and that didn't of itself is very is virtuous and that really helps lay a great foundation for feeling comfortable doing everything that I'm called to do and also becoming everything I'm called to be you know when home life is settled it really helps feel there's a freedom there and so I think both of us you know really try to give each other enough support and an environment where we both can become who were called to be hmm when do you feel the most loved you know see you know moments like the five love languages you know I'm I'm one love in action right that's my thing so I really feel the most love when I see the support you know and that support could be as something as simple as like oh babe you know I know you were gone you know but here's what I did while you were away just little things like you know that's when I really feel the most loved they're like okay got it you know she's in it with me we're in this together you know I'm not out here fighting this battle by myself she's not out there fighting her battle by herself but we are in it in connected where I'm understanding oh god it she's doing that it at a time she's probably gonna need this let me think ahead and plan ahead so since she knows I'm thinking about her in the same way that's what I feel the most well when do you feel the most hurt I feel the most hurt wind I feel like I'm alone you know where it's like oh yeah it's like I'm just doing this on my own this is hard you know like I mean yeah you know it's a blessing to be able to do all the things that I do but you know there's some moments man whereas like yo I'm just one voice shining in the wind so that's what it could get are really really hard and and I think also all of us struggle with what we can see in our head where we would want to be and sometimes where we are and there's sometimes a difference between the two there's things dreams ideas thoughts we want to see manifest for our life and when they aren't yet manifested we're still reconciling the present that we have that doesn't really align with our future and I'm no no exception to that so there are moments when I'm like yo what am i doing this is crazy am I really oh all the time am I on the right path am I really making a difference what am I to him this is crazy I'm just gonna stick to producing or whatever like I was not doing all this like you know there are those moments my praying on Instagram there we go no for real like what am i doing what am i doing these things but then you know I get back to a place of like okay I just can't allow where I want to be to disrupt where I am and to really just take a minute and appreciate any time I get in that headspace of discouragement I try to practice just moments of gratitude you know what thank you you know when I woke up today you know what thank you God you know what thank you for this opportunity thank you that you know I said something that someone appreciate whatever like just practicing those quick moments of gratitude just help me get focused because sometimes when I'm not in that that's what I feel the most of all yeah you see we married for seven years yeah together for eight nine years yeah yeah eight plus years you know there there's always those people who say - these are perfect couples online together never any challenges you know it's the person who's not in a relationship or went through a bad divorce there's like they just hate watching people yeah yeah you're like how could they be so perfect they've gotta have some challenge yeah yeah yeah you share maybe the biggest challenge you face while being married yeah that your openness sharing source Julie yeah I think that either as yourself or as extremely sure so you know I think the biggest challenge of being married is you know you're taking these two individual entities yeah different people different people different thoughts different expectations different experiences different realities and you're consistently constantly trying to merge the two into one and that is one of the hardest experiences in life period you know even in physics when two atoms come together there's there's fusion there's there's tension there's heat there's friction pressure there's pressure there's conflict and it's the same thing when two people are coming together so in marriage you know it's that same thing of that consistent negotiation of like okay my thoughts versus sometimes her thoughts versus our thoughts and what's good for us what's good for the marriage what's just good for me what's good for her so there's this consistent dialogue and and debate and dance around trying to find the sweet spot and I think that's one of the beauties of marriage is that it's constantly challenging us to become our best self and to expand who we think we are you know marriage is really about compromise and and okay how do we find the common ground here and where is that and also as a man leading in love you know one of the challenges sometimes the leading of love is like man okay I want to say this but you know what I I shouldn't say that right okay how do i how do I get my attention across in love and that is hard so I would say one of the chair hardest things in marriage it's just the coexisting you know and and and live in the other living together and and and also it's like finding that common ground of the things that she wants to do the things that I want to do and the things that we didn't commit to do together and there's no rulebook on how to do it but this is where the love comes in and so like even when people see us on social media you know I think what you're seeing is even in the midst of the challenges you're seeing the reality of what's really there which is oh these are two people that genuinely love each other even if you're going through adversity yeah oh yeah yeah yeah totally totally I mean I think that that what you see or anyone that sees us in social media is some moments I think what's coming through is that is the truth the truth is that that love is really there but even in the midst of that love you know we still cultivate still coexisting and negotiating and what's right and what's not and all those things happen all the time really all the time oh yeah but because you know you love you know I know I love her and she loves me and we are in love it's what allows us the environment to still work through so many different things on any given day you know what's the thing that you believe you can improve to get to the next level individually for the marriage to thrive even more yeah you know I think where I can improve you know I think it's the area we're all men's track of communication really yeah you're this excellent communicator speaker thank you movie producer author no writer no freaking pastor you know you are the communicator yeah so if if there's a struggle for you it's like what are the rest of men that's weird you know I thought you're the best communicator there is arrest a minute no chance but there's but there's a difference between communicating publicly in the communicating person you know so the public communication is actually the easier communication easy for you to write the book so yeah that's that's I mean it's not don't get me wrong it's there are still difficulties but in terms of that interpersonal communication that's an area where I absolutely want I want to get better for sure for sure and what I'll tell you is writing this book has really helped a lot it has helped me tremendously work on that you know and not being afraid to be honest and I'm being afraid to speak my truth and not being afraid to say what I'm thinking and doing it in love and and it's been hugely cathartic and very liberating because as I was saying we first sent down you know so it's Daanish as me how how little we really operate in well it astonishes me how little real communication there is in a relationship or or even a marriage for that matter or to yourself or to yourself because a lot of times we feel things but we suppress I don't want to think that about myself now I can think about well guess what any suppressed thought does not go away and persist the only way to get a suppressed thought to go away is to acknowledge that it's there hey you know what I'm feeling this I don't want to feel it but it's here so now that I'm acknowledging it I have a question what am I going to do about it but if I don't acknowledge that it's there guess what it's only gonna get bigger it's only gonna get worse so what I've been learning is the more I communicate and the more I'm honest and more truthful and the more I work on those things the better I become as a person and I think that also lends itself to the marriage and the healthy the mayor of the thoughts do you believe you can over communicate in a relationship yes this is I know answered this way without a doubt you can so what I'm making a movies like my new movie has called breakthrough it's a true story of a mother who prays her son back to life after he dies falling through a frozen lake and Chrissie mister this is us stars as the mother and so ever and I do a lot of true stories you know then one of the last true stories I did was miracles might happen with Jennifer Khan and so whenever I'm developing a true story and I sit down with the real person or the family that the movie is based on I say this very thing I say listen I'm excited to tell your movie I'm excited to bring it to the world as if I want to be really clear about something there's a difference between the truth and the facts I said the facts are for the documentary the truth is for the movie hmm so I'm gonna help develop a script and produce a movie that will tell the truth of your story but if you want every fact to be told that's where you can write a book and go to the doctor make a documentary made because the movie is to try to articulate the truth so when it comes to communication I think it's important to articulate truth but sometimes when you're dictating every fact that can feel like over communicating people want to know the essence of what you're feeling but you know it's not like okay so if five o'clock I did this you know that's when it's like wait it's just too much information yeah just tell me the truth the truth the truth is like you know what I'm really happy right now you know and the reason why I'm happy I had a great day or you know I'm really sad right now and the reason why I'm saying I had a bad day that's the truth over-communicating can sometimes be over communicating so many different facts and so that's how articulate them and I need that anybody wants to know the truth but not everybody always wants to know every every detail of the fact yeah you've been sharing a lot more truth in this and it sounds like a lot more with your wife yeah recently in the last year with this book being out and working on this is there any truth that you have yet to share with yourself personally hmm to your wife with the world with your brothers or you know I think that or that you need to share more of yeah yeah I think that that's a question that's evolving you know I think that there's always truth in us that we aren't always aware until certain circumstances come up when you're like oh wait a minute I know that was there I don't know that feeling was there you know so in this moment I feel pretty resolved around my truth however I don't let that produce an arrogance then oh yeah I'm owning my truth I'm glad no no something could happen right after I leave this interview and I realize holy crap there's some there's some truth in me that I didn't even I wasn't even aware of there's some stuff I got to be honest about why I didn't know that feeling was still there so I I say what the asterik that in them in this moment I'm only my truth but I have to be in touch and sensitive to each moment because I think so often especially as you know men in the public eye to a degree you know there's a tendency to to want to portray we have it all together or portray that we have it all figured out and that's one of the reasons I wrote this book is to dispel it I don't have it figured out right I I don't I work on it every day I struggle between love and lust and I do my best to become the man that I really want to be and lead in love and that's a struggle at times it's a challenge at times but I'm committed to the work because the work is fulfilling but I wanted to in this book really close the distance between a persona and a person right because lot of times we're trying to portray this image it gets exhausting because the persona isn't really who the right so with this book it's like okay let me bridge the gap so here's why I'm as a person here's who people may think of me as a persona and here's here's the reality so that there's not a distance between the two as much as humanly possible and as part of walking that journey I think we all have to be open to there are certain things that we have gone through in life there are certain things that are still buried in our subconscious that we aren't even aware of there's pain there's trauma there's tragedy we all have gone through and we compartmentalize some things we pack some things away and we do our best to operate with the consciousness that we have but in any given moment something in trigger us and we're like I didn't know I was still harboring that hurt for my mother yeah or that pain for my dad or whatever it may be so that's a long answer to your question but it's I again with an asterisk say hey I feel good about the truth I'm only now but I'm just sensitive enough to know that there's other stuff in me then only if over time will reveal the areas I still have to work on you mentioned trauma what's the what's the biggest trauma you've had in your life that has taking you the longest to heal but also define who you are in a positive way at the same time sure it's driven you yeah yeah the man that you are in a positive way but also driven you into darkness and taken man you know I would say it's the loss of my father I have nine years old man I mean you know that was the most it was just traumatic you know I mean it was I mean I remember my mother you know walking me and my brothers into the morgue at the hospital yeah and there was my dad you saw him on the oh yeah she asked us to go kiss him goodbye no way dude that's heavy dude nine-year old knife I was nine my older brother was 12 and my my younger brother was six years old and she said go kiss your father goodbye and I mean I will never forget kissing his forehead and it was the cold oh my gosh dude it's that you've never you you you don't know cold you don't know cold until you have experienced that with someone that's passed away so that that that it wasn't that that moment itself was traumatic it was the the realization that he's gone he's not coming back like this is not like oh you know maybe things will turn around like it's it's over so you know make your peace with this because this is not gonna change so that trauma for me I think you know drew is driven me you know it's driven me in many different ways some positive some negative you know I think in inland on the negative side I think what it is done is it's like it's really it's always put me on a path to you know I gotta prove something you know I got a proof son I got a show you know that either I'm not him and in that he was a great man but he had his faults you know he was an alcoholic I even talked about in the book how I found out my teenage years he had an affair or my mother and all these things so you know he was great but he was flawed and and so sometimes I'm driven till I can prove that I'm not him you know I've also driven to prove something like okay I'm gonna make something of my life and sometimes when that becomes your driver you operate in lust you know because less is more than just sex or women you know lust can be power lust can be fame-less can be success you know and so sometimes I found myself being driven by those things to prove myself to an imaginary person who do I have to prove myself to who outside of uh you know the person who looks back at me the mirror and God who I had to prove anything to but I think losing my dad and that trauma you know really put me kind of even in my teenage years a rebel in Reverse you know I wasn't rebelling in a way where I was out drinking a party I was rebelling through achievement and trying to find my value in achievement and what I discovered and what I discover is that anytime is a man or a woman we have an internal hole a pain a trauma and we're trying to find something external to heal it it doesn't work doesn't work because what's internal has to be healed internally so anytime I have this internal pain I'm trying to I'm trying to find my value and how I do and what I do try to find my value in making the money and all the achievements it doesn't satisfy because there's something on the inside that still says you're not good enough so how do you heal internally being honest by accepting you know what I don't feel good enough why don't I feel good enough where does that come from and because I don't feel good enough what are the negative things that's causing me to do and so once you're aware you know and even for me like saying okay we'll shoot where does that come from Oh God if that comes from your face a lot of its from the death of my father okay all right so how do I just begin to process that you know and heal from that and so some of the positive things have come through this through like okay say I don't always feel good enough but I'm doing things that actually contribute to the feeling don't heal the feeling so me accepting the feeling is there then I can say okay what are the facts based upon my feelings all right cause sometimes my feelings are actually completely not based in fact right so my feelings my facts are saying well you are good enough right God created you good enough you are exactly who you need to be when you need to be where you need to be and sometimes it's really just repeating that and owning that in a moment that helps begin to feel it you know that helps me begin to say okay yeah that's cool that you're right and even now so like you know we were talking even before the cameras started rolling and I was in the Bay Area this weekend and I in the message that I taught on I was talking about going from discouragement to determination there's a lot of times when things don't you know pan out we get discouraged and so I was encouraging able to get determined yeah it's determined to go after don't let don't stay in a season of discouragement whatever you hope didn't happen acknowledge that it didn't happen it's okay to be upset about it but use that of being upset for fuel to become determined to do whatever you're called to do and so I was talking about this book this book coming out not hitting the New York Times bestsellers list man I was oh man discourage yeah I was discouraged and then I had asked myself a question why why so discouraged and a lot of it was well I find my value oh there you go that meant that's what what more prestigious achievement is there as an author right so then I was I was challenged again this wound going back to the womb trying to do versus be and I talked about this in the book is man we got to learn how to be not just do we need to find our Worth and who we are not in what we do and so I was challenged I was discouraged I didn't get the list even though I hadn't you know the sales and all that kind of stuff in the media didn't enlist so I was discouraged so I haven't I had a decision to make am I going to be determined to just do what I'm called to do and not worry about the list but focus on the person yeah and literally what what hat will begin to happen is as I transition from discouragement to determination and no longer putting my value in a list which whom I mean what does it even matter at the end of the day is the content the message touching people when I begin to change my focus I began to realize oh wow we're good many people will come up to me oh man I got your book oh wow you're chant your men as men we're company so you're changing how I think about my life women would come to me and say oh I'm getting information I walk through the airport people Pete Airport because they all have your book there was one time I was in Chicago I'm sitting down and one of the stewardess one of the flight attendants she walks right back she's like I got your book can you sign it for me that's cool so what it did was it just reinforced let me stop trying to do to prove my value let me just own Who I am share what I know and find the value in that and that is how I consistently work on still healing from the wound and the trauma of losing my father because I still veer towards wanting to do versus wanting to be where do you think you'd be if you were still alive and that's a good question I have no idea you know there's some times I think about that you know and it's like I mean I think I would be you know where I am I might be more whole you know what I mean I might be more whole because having that father figure and having that support it's like everything you know me it was like not having a father is a really deep wound I don't think anyone who doesn't have a father ever gets over that for whatever reason that you don't have a father in your life whether it you know he's just not around or he passed away or whatever the reason may be so I think if he was here I think I would be where I am I probably like I said I'd be more whole and it'd be awesome to share these experiences with them do you know do you not feel whole right now I don't feel no I don't feel as whole as I think I would if I had no no no cuz there's nobody I can look to above me that's a man that I came from that can tell me about Who I am right you know what I mean so yes my mother and my grandmother when she was alive and my aunts and my family do a you know do a great job but there's no experience that can replace sitting across from somebody that is your father or if you're a woman that is your mother you know or even as a woman if that's your you know if you lose a parent man there's no there's nothing that can replace it and as a young man trying to figure out manhood in the world and doing that without your father it's a very that's a very challenging proposition which I do think for me it doesn't mean that I don't practice wholeness right doesn't mean that I don't practice healing it just means that I recognize there's still a brokenness in me relative to losing it Wow what should women know about dating a man who's lost their father um I would say a woman dating a man is lost father and I talked about this in the book that it's important to know that to go beneath the surface and here's what I mean by that if you're dealing with the man in that situation or it's something that are not in that situation go beyond how are you doing oh I'm good mm-hmm because so often when you have a wound the thing that you try to do is hide it I don't want the person that I'm with to know I'm in as much pain as I am so I want to present an image if I got it all together I'm good I'm cool I'm calm I'm collected I'm successful nothing fazes me it's just not true so I would encourage any woman to go beyond how are you doing oh I'm fine no no ask that man what's worrying you right now what are you anxious about what are you what are you afraid of right now what are the things that are that maybe making you a little insecure right now mm-hmm when you start asking those questions then start to get to the heart of the matter Wow and what begins to happen is that man starts to feel more connected to you then he might any other woman because most women are not asking those questions they're not going beyond the surface oh he's good I think wait you're good great that's what we're gonna do now right Oh what's our date tonight yeah cool we can go to we want a date but I want to know how you really doing hmm what's going on in the inside I think that's some truth and those are some things that a woman can do especially with someone who's lost their father or the father's not around and I would I would argue that those are tips just some discipline could in general yeah yeah great yeah what does they don't ask a few more questions what's the process if you could do these things every single day in your marriage or in a relationship to continue to make it thriving and growing yeah what would be the few things every day that would be non-negotiable for you I know that when I do these things it's better and sometimes I forget or maybe you do it every day but what are those things that you think if people did these things every single day in a relationship both sides it would thrive or supposed support the cultivation yeah I think I think first and foremost you know start the day in love you know what it really all that means you know like let's just say if you're in a dating since let's say you're not living together you know communicating your love and your appreciation to that person when you start the day hey babe is one don't you know I'm thinking about you just woke up I want you have an amazing day just something so there's something simple just something simple where you communicate like yo you know or here's the thought for the day you know here's an information I just read I want you to have here's a scripture something where you are communicating your desire for there will be well that oh my goodness oh yeah it's because cuz it's like well oh my goodness I forgot my back yeah they got my back they're thinking about me in a way that is it goes beyond anything that anyone's ever done so just just something that small in the morning in the morning start the day letting that person know how much you love and appreciate it like and you know and I gotta say you're married you know or you living with somebody you do it the same way yeah you know it's like not just like okay I'm getting up checking Facebook or whatever I'm rushing to get to work just take a moment take a moment plug into him you know hey hey we woke up it's good to see you I love you okay cool all right just that can just that little that little bit of consideration it sets the tone for the day mm-hmm because sometimes in a marriage or in a relationship things get so busy yeah that the other person no matter how supportive they may be can start to feel like they're not a priority mm and they don't matter as much and that happens on both sides you know and so just those little things that communicate no no no I'm thinking about you I care about you you're important to me and doing that as a level set I think it's awesome I think also chip being it's more than just checking in during the day sometimes this is my experience people have come to me for help in this area and the only thing they're really interested in is what their partner can provide to them what they can get out of the relationship and yes not always interested in meeting what their partner does mmm right and what's going on I believe in I think success is in the opposite and everyone has their philosophy on this but I think be aware enough of what that person is going on in their profession what's going on in their life so that you can even ask questions hey you know you haven't that meeting with Bob today how'd it go right not just like oh you're home now let's go eat or what are we gonna do like no no because there's because what happens when you start to have when you start to have separate lives we all have separate lives it's important to maintain individuality even in a collective sense but when you start to have separate lives and your partner has no idea what's really going on in it this is when you're you are you are your relationship is liable for somebody to step out so I have a whole chapter in the book here's how you say put proof for your relationship here's how you claim your territory you got to start plugging in so during the day it's okay to say hey how'd that meeting go or you know hey baby you know I know you're gonna go to the store what it can have that go there go okay so there that way both of you feel like you're invested in what death each person is doing these are small little tips and tools there's small things it's like somebody told me you know when I'm not I don't I don't not a captain of a ship I know nothing about not I think about it but somebody told me that you know if if that if a ship is one degree off from where it ultimately wants to be by the time it gets where it's supposed to be it becomes way off every great relationship that ultimately does not work every great merits that ultimately falls apart I believe starts with the one degree hmm it's the one small thing that you don't look at every day but then over time become so massive you can't bridge the gap so that's what I would just encourage anybody that's in in a relationship marriage just practice on a small thing a little things they'd let the person know I hear you I see you I love you I'm for you if you do that everything else take care of them well what about a woman who's dating a man who knows could be a great man in a relationship but maybe they're living in fear they're not fully sharing their truth yeah they're doing things that are a little all over the place a little messy yeah they're still acting like a boy yeah coming becoming a full man yet yes they know man this guy has great potential yes to be this incredible partner this great loving father this thriving man in society is there anything a woman can do to call that man forth being more man or is it have to be the man's decision to say okay I'm ready to step up okay so this is good I talked about this in the book so I use it and I use an anecdote that to articulate the answer to this question which is so there was a great preacher old preacher that said in every man there's a king and a fool yeah and Terry Crews talked about this so much show oh okay good you probably tell a story about huh what I mean this is a quick anecdote I don't know what anyway but uh he's in this this preacher said that his wife whenever he would act a fool she would talk to the king and she said and he said what that did was it helped him put aside his foolish ways Wow because your ATAR she when she would talk to the king at him she would bring the King out of him so in my book I talk about love represents the master right so when every man there is that master and so in in a dating sense if a woman is dating a man and she knows that there is potential or power there I do think it's important to help cultivate that love in him to help call that master out to help you know affirm the goodness that is within him however here's what's so important so the answer your question is that both if that man is is not open to doing his work there's nothing that that woman can do a woman cannot do a man's work for him as a man I have to commit to doing my work and when I have a woman in my life that I involve in the process then I allow her to even speak to the master and me to bring that master out to bring that love out but some men are like saying hey no I'm I don't want to become better I don't so you can call the master all you want he ain't coming I'm not ready yeah so in this situation here's what is so important and this is where one of the reasons I want to write this book so women can have information why so they can take the power back in a relationship when you're dealing with a man and this book will give you tips and tools to know what kind of man you're dealing with when you're dealing with a man who is not willing to do his work who is not willing to lead in love or operate in love we're not even open to what you're trying to do to bring love out of it the biggest thing you can do is leave why because the pain of your absence talking to a single woman now the pain of your absence and sometimes the only thing that can convince into change it's true and sometimes when you're a man and the woman is with you walking with you sometimes men take that for granted the presence her presence for granted absolutely so you know I know it's hard to do but sometimes you guys say you know what I'm out I love you too much to stay hmm and if you choose to change and maybe I'll still be around but I can no longer accept living life less than what I know I'm actually qualified to live and that's taking women to be called to their own self-worth and there you go an acceptance of being alone there you go intentionally yeah and being okay being alone and not having that partner or that person by your side because because there's a reality to me it's like I don't believe you have to choose between love and being respected mmm and and so often I think that you know the culture wants women to feel like they have to make that decision well at least I have a man in my life no I'm not respected as much as I might like no I'm not valued as much as I might like but I still have that companionship but what's that companionship worth if you as a woman can't be your full self it can't be the hundred percent of who you really are is it worth it I'd rather you be alone and single and behold then to be in a situation where you never feel like you can be on all that you want to be just because you want the companionship mm-hmm and I do believe that if you are whole and you are single and you're gonna find the right part it's gonna happen just give it time you know and don't lower your standards just to have companionship because most of the time the person you're lowering your standards for is not gonna bow you anyway but the person that has to work and that you keep your standards high for they say wow man this is a value this I value her man as a man I had to step up to her you know like that for men that matters versus sometimes when you're dating and you know the woman is kind of compromised it just it's not it's not the best analogy yeah this is powerful man what have you come back on soon and talk more about relationships just are just getting started here but this question is called the three truths I think I asked it to you last time okay we'll see if it's changed oh boy so imagine you've achieved everything you want in your life yes for the next hundred 200 years you're around for as long as you want but then one day you're got to say I it's time for me to go yeah physical body okay and you've created all the books the movies you've done everything you can imagine yeah any dream it's come true the most beautiful family marriage everything but for whatever reason you got to take all your work with you when you go okay so your message isn't in the world physically anymore yes but you get to write down on a piece of paper three things you know to be true about your entire life's experience these lessons that you know to be so true that you would want to pass on to the world and this is all the world would have to be reminded of you mm-hmm except for their memory of you mm-hmm so three things that you know to be true that you would share with the world what we just say are your three truths I would say love will love works in Love Wins that's what I would say love will always find a way love absolutely works and at the end of the day love will win Wow period powerful yeah it's powerful thank you we can get your book online right now every bookstores make sure you guys go get this book the truth about men what men and women need to know this is gonna be really powerful I recommend getting this whether you're single whether you're in a relationship read it with your partner and you get it for a girlfriend of yours because I know that women are gonna read this more than men probably so get it for a few girlfriends of yours and let Devon know what you think about it make sure you share this episode out let him know what you enjoyed most about this interview before I ask the final question I would acknowledge you Devon for again just constantly doing the work I love that you said that you've shared your truth but you you continue to be humble with an asterisk and say you know what but there might be more stuff that I uncover later today or next week or in a year that I haven't been truthful about yeah so that you continue to do the work that you're honest about your relationship of what not being perfect like on social media all the time yeah there's constant challenges but you've created a safe space for that relationship I acknowledge you for for constantly producing inspiring work I feel like you're in an industry that people can get caught up with with the wrong things and you continue to create meaningful work your movies around ideas and inspire the world and for me that's you're living in truth and the work you do and the relationship and the man that you are so I ecology for that my brother appreciated of course why of course men follow questions what's your definition of greatness who what's my definition of greatness man lord have mercy oh man you know I really think greatness is mostly found in humility hmm I think that the greatest people I know are the most humble no they're they're not the strongest they're not the richest they're they're not the most dominant they're the most humble mm and that humility when I've been around him is like oh man you're great because you could you don't have to be humble you but but when I'm really in the presence of greatness I'm absolutely the presence of human hmm that's how I define Duvall Franklin thank you [Music] [Music]

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 905,449

Keywords: devon franklin, LEWISHOWES, RELATIONSHIPS, LOVE, men, women, cheat, lust, love, interview, 2019, success, entreprenuer, hollywood, the school of greatness, the wait, lewishowes 769, why do men cheat, mask of masculinity, esther perel, the truth about men, self help, dating advice, love advice, what men want, lewis howes interview, self improvement, tips for women, relationship advice, lewis howes, school of greatness, matthew hussey, relationship tips, dating tips, how to find love

Id: UAqj2LHYKt4

Length: 68min 56sec (4136 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 11 2019