7 Times Officer Crabtree Spoke Perfect French | 'Allo 'Allo | BBC Comedy Greats

[Applause] it is a very big man i think it is a transport plane hi there how can that big plane land in this little field it is not landing look [Music] there [Music] they are going to drop the other side of the wood quick it must have landed somewhere near here what are you doing i'm going no further until someone tells me what's going on i agree [Music] i see something it is a copper i say is anyone down there oh my god not another stupid english man i say are you from hq we rather thought the plane would land change of plan we're trying out a new escape package we'd better get you down i suppose i seem to be a bit stuck if honey held me up in his strong arms i could reach up and pull him down he could earn mean his strong arms oh but i might drop you precious this way now up you get what's going on fairfax one of the barmaids has pulled the policeman's trousers down it's all go isn't it oh you're giving it what that was all rather exciting why have they sent us another englishman they sent me over because i speak french thank heavens for that they have sent him because he speaks french hello everybody to hear our own tongue [Laughter] i have brown grootings from british intelligence headquitters what does he say assini brings greetings from intelligence headquarters i have disgust as policeman so i am able to move a boot with complete freedom do you think he will get away with that accent as long as he does not speak yes we will tell everyone that he comes from a remote village in the country on the outskirts of pekin picked up this package this yeah this is the escope pookage you must heed it in your sealer what was that the escape package you must add it in the cellar how does he know i have a cellar in london we are not stupid we know every move you mock oh not her again [Laughter] now listen very carefully i shall say this only once the escape package brought by this british agent was damaged in the landing you must help us to mend it mend it i don't even know what it is it is a balloon made of silk filled with hot air it will lift the basket with the airmen and with a favorable wind take them back across the channel brilliant and what do you want a needle and cotton some of the fabric is torn away and missing we need silk to replace it silk where am i supposed to find silk the urgent crabtree has a plan which you will explain you must go and get your hands on girls knockers he means silk knickers sorry perhaps my french could be butter i will give up my knickers for france always the patriot all the girls in the resistance will sacrifice their knickers when i hear words like that it brings a lump to my throat but even that will not be enough well how many pairs of knock knickers do you require at least 40 or even 50. [Laughter] i will try for 50. well we are hoping to start about seven but it is best to get there early we are expecting a crown and there will be coffee and sandwiches afterwards whatever happened tell them we are hoping for an home win i'll see you then so many friends oh i admire you you are like a rock i know this to be a quality you appreciate in a man i'm so worried why well i am miss you alphonse is a crack shot there was a competition he put one of his balls through a playing card at 20 buses quite a feat this is how he started in the undertaking business yvette normally i would be worried by such news but i have a secret arrangement with the colonel at the time of the duel he will be on exercises with tanks and troops and machine guns and things and he has promised to take care of the undertaker oh could you not take care of your wife at the same time i could mention it i suppose i might be pushing my luck and talking of pushing my luck oh it's that english idiot who thinks he can speak our language could die to you he has heard about the duel are we alone i wish to tick to you [Music] tick he means talk ah yeah we are a loon so tick away the english airmen are no linger in the cow oh good where are they then i will kill them in here chaps you will never get away with that you cannot pass those two idiots off as french policemen i'll give them quick curse in the french long watch it's nose to spike your tongue pleased to meet you sir germans quick in the back room uh officer if you wish to search my premises uh i have nothing to hide start in the back room take care of the crowds listen carefully the balloon is ready it will be taken and eaten in the old ruined barn five kilometers to the north of town when the wind is favorable a message will be sent your renee will guide the airmen to the barn where they will take off an head forum oh i do not wish to be a wet blanket but i do have a duel in the morning you know what if i am killed well then monsieur leclair will guide them must go now to the ironmonger he is preparing the blue lamps which will provide the hot air for the balloon renee affleck has been here yeah flick of the gestapo quick we will have scooped through the window no i will be getting into his car he will see you what did he want he had not seen this to disguise this policeman no he was looking for the colonel he has gone around to the headquarters did he want to check on his sausage no he cancelled his table and ordered two large portions of hot pot to take away that means a nice quiet dinner with elgar in the dungeon this evening lenny really your wife is trying to attract your attention take no notice it will not be anything important it may be very important she may wish to sing another song really good what is it the grandfather clock in the back room needs winding edict we have no grandfather cluck it is code do you never read your code book it means the resistance is in the back room awake right now that english idiot thinks he can speak frenchies outside good morning it is not moaning it is evening now what do you want michelle of the resistance washes to tick to you she has had a nasty accident by failing of a drain poop all right you know the code book what is he talking about carry her this wee and do not let her drip she has strewned her back and has also a compost fricture of the left lung listen very carefully i shall whisper this only once because i am in great pain her log is in plister of porridge oh my god what did she land in i have a plan to get rid of the british airmen by air oh no not that balloon again no in the museum is an exact replica of the plan used by pierre laconte to cross the channel in nineteen hundred and ten piela i have never heard of him think back you must have done it was uh not in the pepper he endeavored to cross the channel before blerio he crashed but the plan is still airworthy except that there is no engine what good is it without an engine well the engine of a lawn mower would give sufficient power so what do you want me to do about it steal the plan find a moter and contact me in bed three word seven nouveau general las vegas she has pissed out [Music] can i get you a cognac no i am not allude to drunk when i am on dirt i'm amazed that no one has penetrated your disguise i have been licky but i have had some narrow squawks i wish to spook with renee kill him and get me a kiffy renee good morning ah officer how kind of you to patronize my humble cafe what are you doing here you stupid knit you're going to get us all nicked michelle has a massage for you sat here and she will gin you at this table ah i must be a boot my boss ness a policeman's lit is not a hippie win and he is supposed to be on our side stand aside like a dog oh my god i have missed him and shot the women of the streets that was my gun colonel that was my gun she shot them with my gun [Music] i was pissing by the door [Applause] when i heard two shots you are holding in your hand is smoking goon you are clearly the guilty potty i did not do it tell him i did not do it i was not looking officer you have no authority over the glorious german army this was just an ordinary crime of passion that happens in france on any saturday night but if it should come to the ears of general von klinkeroff if it should come to the ears of general that that an officer allowed his gun to be taken from him then both he and his superior would be in very hot water uh you see you are in it too for the usual bribe of 50 000 francs i trust you will overlook this incident did i make those shut up is there an undertaker in the house miss your alphonse undertaker quickly and with style oh what luck [Music] i will turn to this blonde eye remove the biddies here comes that english idiot who thinks you can speak our language good morning good morning [Music] do you want the good news or the bad news oh do let us have the good nose i have hashed up the shatting of the two tits [Applause] what does tractory say of it he has rushed up the shooting of the two tarts good and what is the bad nose the gestapo are hoovering around the graveyard just geezed as a nan a boship and a roman catholic farter i knew i should not have asked where are the airmen they have taken spades they have cracked along the tunnel and they're dogging well that does not sound like a lot of fun we are supposed to be helping them what are we to do with my dis keys as policeman i am able to escoot you there look can you not find a phrasebook and improve your friendship it is terrible nobody has complained so far if they do i will told them that i am from the left bunk [Applause] you

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

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Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, Sitcom, Comedian, Comic, Sketch show, comedy show, comedy video, allo allo, alo alo, allo allo!, 'allo 'allo, officer crabtree, crabtree, allo allo officer crabtree, allo allo crabtree, rene artois, gorden kaye, arthur bostrom, 7 Times Officer Crabtree Spoke Perfect French, 7 Times Officer Crabtree Spoke Perfect French | 'Allo 'Allo | BBC Comedy Greats

Id: m3ChVi1CyJ4

Length: 16min 49sec (1009 seconds)

Published: Sun May 08 2022