10 Anger Reduction Techniques to Help you Control Your Anger

hi my name is dr. Daniel Fox and I'm a licensed psychologist in the state of Texas and thanks for checking out my video on the 10 anger reduction techniques and it's important to know that as we go through this that everybody experiences anger all of us do and a lot of times we can feel controlled by it and you don't have to there are things that you can do to control your anger so that you can use it as an energizer for choice and energizer for change and you can reduce that anger for where you feel it's controlling you so that you have greater control over it and my goal of this video is to empower you with that choice to help you with these with these 10 techniques you know it's important that you know you don't have to you know try all ten of these techniques you don't have to find two or three that fit into your lifestyle fit into how you see the world and practice them don't just do them when when you're angry practice them right when you're not angry so that when you do become angry that you're ready to implement them I tell a lot of my clients that sort of learning mental health skills a lot like roller skating or ice skating is that it takes practice and practice and and if you're a professional ice skater figure skater is you practice and practice and practice so when it's time to to be in for - to be in that big competition you're ready for it and it's the same thing with these anger skills learning these techniques learn to master it so that when you are in a situation where somebody angers you you can use it and master yourself and the situation empower yourself and my hope is is that you will learn these techniques to control and manage your anger and they'll empower you with choice and so you won't feel like like your anger is is taking over you or taking control of your life so briefly them let me talk about what is anger well anger is a feeling or can be a cluster of feelings but it's not necessary that we have this sense of anger it's how we use it and how we interpret it and how we manage it that that that's really important whenever I work with with my clients on anger I'd like to sort of use the example in the Odyssey right the old story of The Odyssey when Odysseus tells his son right he's come back and he tells his son that you know the these men have been in this house and they have taken his food and taken his property and everything else and his son wants to wants to hurt these folks that are in his house and and Odysseus cries out and says you know to be angry is easy and it's so important to know that and there's so many different sort of stories and anecdotes and tales that relate to that right more recent is Star Wars right as Darth Vader is that he fell into the dark side and so the anger consumed him and that's what anger does and to be angry is easy it is harder to maintain that empowerment to maintain that sense of control but when we maintain that sense of power we maintain that sense of control that gives us choice and choice is a good thing choice means that you are choosing the direction of your life so let's get started and let me go over these 10 anger reduction techniques so the first we're going to talk about is called think first speak later right we've all put our foot in our mouth when we've been angry Hey and what this is that anger can drive you to say things right that you'll regret perhaps immediately or weeks later days later or anything like that and what this technique is it's very simple you just stop breathe and think about your anger hey and also think about what you want to say in the consequences of saying it you don't have to respond immediately stop breathe and think and reason it out what are the consequences if you explode in anger now hey so think first speak later the next one is is using I statements now when you're angry you tend to point fingers now I remember my house right when we were growing up if we would blame somebody else right a lot of times what what I would hear is well remember that when you point a finger at someone else there are three more pointing back at you and that's always kind of stuck in my head so these I statements are really important and you use I statements instead of blaming others saying you did this you're making me angry you did this and using all that blaming because blaming just it kicks up all that frustration and all that tension that that's in that interaction okay so for example right if you came home late right and you didn't call so instead you know you instead of of getting into it for example if if someone had said something mean to you right if someone said something insulting or they did something that insulted you you could say hey you did such and such such and such or you can say you know when you did such and such it really I felt really hurt by that okay and you're using those I statements I felt you know I think using those I statements is is empowering yourself it's an important thing for you to do so that's use your I statements and let anger be a balloon now to let your anger be a balloon is that you're gonna let it go and let the wind take it you just have to let it go and cuz holding on to anger will eat you up inside I was actually talking to a client today and we were talking about anger issues and we identified what he called his anger cancer and his anger cancers anger that he has held on on to for the last 20-some odd years and he says he cannot let it go and as we talked about in discuss it he said I won't let it go and one implies choice can't means you have no choice you have to deal with it but won't is a step in the direction of empowering him to have control over it and that's what we want to do I want to get to the point where it's a balloon and you just let it go you just let it go and when you let it go replace that anger with something else with something positive meant perhaps take a hot bath go for a massage go to yoga watch a funny video watch a funny YouTube video so there's all kinds of funny YouTube videos out there just don't hang on to it if you do that you're letting the anger win and don't do that okay and that's so let anger be a balloon now the fourth one is once you're relaxed relaxed then you can express your anger and this is right when you're calm you're better able to express your frustration and your anger in an assertive way not a passive aggressive or an aggressive way what is your goal alright why are you angry and how can you maintain your power and resolve the situation that's critical right in this component which is once you relaxed then express your anger okay now the next one is exercise I know everybody says exercise exercise exercise there's a reason why people keep keep saying that right because there's so many benefits and getting your anger out is a great way to do that when you're exercising so right go to the gym and you're if you're not a big gym person you don't have to go to a gym you can go for a walk you can go anywhere and be active so we want you to expend that energy we want you to put that energy out and you'll be empowered with what's left is that you won't feel as control you'll feel more relaxed you'll feel better and control and you'll think clearer once you've gotten all of that at anger energy out okay because what happens is if you give in to it you will be at the mercy of it and those are usually consequences that are very very negative and they can have really some some long-term negative effects as well so that was exercised the next one is called adult timeout and the adult timeout is when you remove yourself from anger and voguing situation out you need to go to a quiet place and this is a place where you're just able to relax get it out okay and find your Center that's your adult timeout just relax go somewhere and be alone and then what you can do is you can use number seven which is practice relaxation skills now these are not relaxation skills there are tons and tons of mindfulness skills on on YouTube and you can google it and there's tons of like relaxation techniques and yoga is great building that into your lifestyle is really great when you first start it's a little painful and a little uncomfortable but it's really good to do it over the course of time because there's so many benefits to yoga and anger lessening anger is actually one of them okay so practicing relaxation skills deep breathing breathing correctly is important as well okay and this will help you calm yourself and relax and focus and clear out some of that fogginess and that haze that's caused from being angry now the the next one is called be solution focused and here is that we tend to be angry about things that we didn't expect or things that we feel that we cannot control and this anger is that we can actually use this anger to seek out solutions and if you feel overwhelmed journaling is really good sort of just starting a journal where you write out possible solutions and you can feverishly just write and write and write it's like a free association and this is where you're just writing solutions you're not writing about your anger you're not writing about your hatred because it's a solution focused but you are just a piece of paper and you're just writing it out pen to paper writing it out and doesn't have to be pretty it doesn't have to be you know spelling you don't worry about all that just put it out and it's solutions to your anger what would you do how would it work okay and just writing it down and then once you get it out go through it I'll cross out the ones that are just way out there because you're not gonna edit yourself it's free association you're just putting it out there and just write it out there and then cross off the ones that are not but what are you left with solutions that work and your solutions to the situation that kicked off your anger try it okay that's being solution focused now there's also laughter laughter is inconsistent with anger doesn't work they can't they they can't occur together okay so when if laughter is the best medicine right perhaps you've heard that okay so the best thing to do is watch something funny when you're frustrated and you're angry watch something funny they've all kinds of stand-up comedians on on Netflix and even on YouTube and stuff like that I love Dave Chappelle you know he's very funny so Suman if I'm frustrated I might watch some of that I have particular friends that I think are very funny so I may call them and we may talk about a little bit and they always kind of make me laugh a little bit so it's using anger to sort of reduce reduce this this anger and when you laugh your your body and brain cannot continue to process that anger they just they they just they just can't be in the same house they just can't so laughter is another anger reduction technique that you can use and the last one that we're going to talk about is when when you need to seek help and so when you need to seek help this is when anger is so prominent in your life and it continues to occur and it's so disruptive and it's become problematic and maybe you've heard from your boss your significant other or your kids or or other loved ones or people who care about you that you're angry all the time why are you so angry all the time and if you're not aware of it building that insight a mental health provider can help you do that that is a really important thing to seek out help knowing when to seek out help I'll put a link here for a video that I did on how to find a therapist and that you might find that helpful as well so I hope that that these 10 and anger reduction techniques were helpful for you because anger can seem like a powerful thing when you feel it right it's very energizing and you're like oh you got all this energy but there's a lot of negativity that comes with it and over the course of time it can have health certainly mental health issues there are long-term negative consequences to hanging on to anger to constantly being anger angry and not knowing how to deal with it so the best thing that the best thing that you can do is learn some anger reduction techniques utilize these skills build up your skills to manage that anger when it does start up and it does kick off so that you can control it and you can empower yourself to control it and you're going to empower yourself with choice that that will help you have a greater understanding of your anger as well as how to control it so thank you very much for for your time today I I hope that you enjoyed it and please try some of these things and anger reduction techniques and I hope you find them helpful please leave any comments perhaps you have your own anger reduction techniques and please leave them that's helpful to those who read them and sometimes it's great for me because I can sometimes utilize them in my treatment with some of my clients and that's really great and I appreciate it very much if you enjoyed this video please check out some of my other ones and again thank you so much for your time I appreciate it and take care Thanks bye bye

Channel: Dr. Daniel Fox

Views: 45,564

Keywords: 10 Anger Reduction Techniques, anger, control anger, anger management, anger issues, dr fox, dr fox bpd, dr fox borderline personality disorder, controlling anger, how to control anger, how to deal with anger, dealing with anger, anger management tips, how to manage anger, how to handle anger, anger management problems, life hacks, stress, anger management techniques, bpd and stress, bpd treatment, coping skills, therapist, mental health, healthcare, psychologist, extreme anger

Id: laRWVbeS6OE

Length: 13min 40sec (820 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 25 2018