7 Signs Of An Oblivious, Clueless Narcissist

if you have ongoing exposure to controlling people it's a virtual certainty that you're going to experience blurry boundaries which is why i have created the extensive online course called this is me establishing boundaries with the controllers in your life there's a link below that will give you all of the details and i hope that you would find it in therapeutic [Music] i want you to think about some key moments that you've had with a narcissist in your life where you've walked away thinking i don't get anywhere good at all with this person when i try to discuss things of significance or importance to me that person is just oblivious to who i am and my legitimacy and my decency they're clueless in terms of knowing how to manage a life in a clean and fair kind of way you ever thought that way how many times let me let me just run through some common phrases or sentences that you might state when you've been in the presence of that narcissist how many times have you thought to yourself i don't think that other person has ever said even once good point or it might be that you think to yourself every time i try to explain myself that individual just starts talking over me which is by the way their open aggression or it could be every time i start explaining myself to that person they just go into a blank stare and they completely ignore me and that's passive aggressive how many times have you thought to yourself stubbornness doesn't even begin to explain what i'm up against ever think that way or you might think to yourself we can't even get down to the basic of saying well why don't we just agree to disagree that person just simply can't go into that space with me or it may be that you'll think to yourself well in public that person may seem to be congenial and friendly but behind the scenes that's something that we just do not experience when you have something like that that's an ongoing pattern between you and that narcissist we can say that that illustrates how these individuals are anchored in oblivion they're anchored in clueless a clueless approach toward life now when we say that some things uh somebody's oblivious there's an interesting way for us to look at that when you're oblivious it's like you're not only not aware of how you come off toward other individuals but you also just don't care it's accompanied by apathy it's like i don't care what you think and the oblivion is just like i'm not even going to going to go into the space at all of insight or certainly no empathy or when we say that a person is clueless we can say that they have a lack of knowledge and awareness but there's no capacity or willingness to learn oblivious and clueless now whenever you're engaging with this person there are all sorts of emotions and reactions that you can have in the aftermath many times you'll feel perplexed when you're with this person often you feel mystified you feel like you're just at a loss i don't even know what to say anymore sometimes you feel baffled you can very commonly feel alarmed you might feel hopeless you might feel desperate sometimes people will describe themselves as feeling invisible or it may be that you just feel like you're chronically dismissed by these people certainly there are times when you feel like you're being ridiculed that that apathy is just like you're such a nobody to me many times you feel grossly invalidated or strongly you can feel like you are not known if you ever feel that way clueless and oblivious and you're the kind of person over here that says well i want to have a meeting of the minds but it just doesn't happen now i want to see if we can come up with seven signs that indicates that you are with that clueless and oblivious kind of person and as i go through this uh see if these uh sound very familiar to you uh first when we say that a person is just oblivious toward you we can say that once these individuals are emotionally triggered they're not able to pull out of it they i have a phrase that i like to use that helps us monitor our emotions i call it mind over emotion sometimes your emotions are strong but your mind can say hey wait a minute let's think this thing through let's monitor this with uh oblivious narcissist it's the opposite emotion over mind it's like if i'm ticked off or if i'm annoyed or if i'm bored then the feeling that i have right now overrides any kind of mental stretch or mental exercise that i might go through they don't think things through just like the emotion just carries them a second indicator is these individuals are driven by egotism and when i say egotism it's like it's my way or not at all they always have to be right now just a little bit of logic just a little bit would say nobody's ever right all the time but that oblivious clueless narcissist is like i am and and and though basically you can see that there need to be rights so persistently despite what the facts will tell us says that they have such a deep hunger to be significant that they fear saying i'm i'm an incomplete person or i'm a work in progress that seems to be such an awful thing for them to admit which is why they remain in their oblivion or a third indicator that you're dealing with an oblivious person and that is that it's not that they don't have empathy they have an exaggerated lack of empathy uh basically there's uh in their minds i mentioned they honestly think i do not care i do not care about your point of view they have zero desires zero willingness um zero thought that says there's benefit in knowing who you are it's like doesn't even register a fourth indicator that you're dealing with an oblivious person you'll notice that once these individuals are triggered in their anger they tend to jump from topic to topic uh when you when there's something that triggers you and you feel frustrated or annoyed or irritable and that happens in a lot of relationships that doesn't really threaten me but we can at least sit down and talk about it but with oblivious people it's not like okay well why don't we discuss it in their mind it's like well i've got this that bothers me and while we're on the topic i've got this over here that uh that really bugs me and you remember last year something happened i'm still stewing over that one and and they just can't ever come to any kind of resolution and that's why the topic to topic kind of thing uh happens because what they're trying to do is somehow another score points so if they can come at you not just with one's discussion about a frustration but they can remind you that there are many many many things about you that are not uh adequate then somehow i know that they win they jump from topic to topic a fifth indicator of a person who has oblivion and cluelessness is that they have no appreciation appreciation whatsoever for nuance you know if somebody makes a mistake or somebody has an emotion there's always a context in which that happens and healthy individuals will say well before we we go too far into this let's talk about what's going on here and how is it that you arrived at this conclusion or what is it that you're really wanting to express the the oblivious person is like i don't need to do that and so they're caught up in their own black and white thinking my way not at all they have gross illogic but to them it's like well if it uh something that suits me then it's logical and they're they're grossly insensitive to you uh they can't appreciate that need to parse out nuance a sixth indicator of the oblivion is that they have no forethought about the outcome of their closed-minded approach toward relationships now one of the things that's part of a healthy relationship is we have what we call future thinking now if i say this what's going to be the outcome over here or how's this going to impact things down the road narcissists are very now focused they don't have much future focus and it's like all i know is now i feel this way now i don't like what you're doing enough and so they don't have that broadened sense of reasoning and then of course then this uh this leads to a seventh indicator and that is they're not teachable uh these individuals are perpetually str stuck in what i refer to as pre-adolescent thinking uh there's not any kind of uh deeper thought about how values and principles and standards and certainly being connected with one another all fits in it's like i don't need you to teach me anything i know everything i need to know it's like oh you so don't but they think they do so how are we going to respond when something like this is a part of your relationship and i'm just going to go ahead and tell you as we think about this before we close there are not very many good answers these individuals like i say they they're driven by apathy and they're driven by their egotism what an odd combination that is just understand that when you're with these oblivious clueless narcissists you're with someone who you can only engage with on a functional level that's it in other words pass the salt or are you going to take this down the hall to that person over there or you know just what's the function and that's as far as you can go it's kind of sad because you'd like to have a heart connection but it's like no they don't do that in the least you know all they're thinking is what are you going to do for me that's the function also remember when they come at you with their oblivion and i mentioned all these emotions that you can have it's not about you they want to make it make you think of this about you when they have this unapproachable unteachable kind of thing all they're doing is they're they're indicating they're stuck in their own dysfunction and they try to make you think like you're the problem it's like no healthy individuals grow and these individuals don't it's not about you don't even let them uh convince you otherwise in addition don't even try to school them about your standards or your principles or your values now that doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries and that you don't have assertiveness because you can stand upon your standards and values and principles but don't expect them to uh to learn and to understand why you would do what you do in my mind when i'm dealing with that oblivious clueless narcissist i'm thinking i really don't like how dense you are but you know what i've decided i don't need your acceptance i don't need your encouragement like it but i don't need it i don't need your directives i don't need your your regulations i don't need your parameters i don't need your understanding i don't need your approval i don't need your vote of confidence and i sure don't need your fantasy egotistically driven patterns of thinking i'm on team healthy where we stand for dignity respect and civility and to that clueless oblivious narcissist my thought is and if that's a matter of thinking and being that you can't understand or appreciate oh well that's on you i do hope that videos such as this kind of give you a good idea of what it is that you're engaging with and how you can respond in a clean healthy kind of way if you've not already hit that subscribe button i would encourage you to go ahead and do so and hit that notification bell we'll have more videos coming your way in addition when you're dealing with this many times you think you know i could use some therapy to help get somebody to help me sift through all of this if you have someone in your area obviously i think that would be a good idea for you to pursue or if you would prefer otherwise we have a sponsor with with online counseling and there's a whole team of licensed professional therapists that can assist you and the link is there below and i would certainly encourage you to take advantage of that as the need is there in addition i put together courses video courses and they're very extensive this is me it's about establishing boundaries free to be it's about finding yourself multiple videos and then teaching documents that go along with it lots of questions that makes you think things through and we've received very good feedback on that also we have my books and other other resources below all right i know that it's frustrating for you when you're dealing with somebody that's oblivious but at some point you just kind of have to decide okay that's where they are that's not where i am though and i'm hoping that you can live a life where indeed you do stand for your standards and your principles and your values and i'm hoping that that includes you being committed to being a person of decency and a person who wishes to be a giver of peace [Music]

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 102,846

Keywords: Covert narcissism, malignant Narcissists, gaslighting, anger, Dr. Les Carter, psychology, passive aggressive

Id: si-b7vAZbEY

Length: 13min 46sec (826 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 02 2021