10 Signs Of A Troubled Jealous Person

i'm aware that many of you have expressed the desire for online counseling and to that effect we have a sponsor who will help you and assist you in that respect so if you will go beneath the video you'll find a link to our online counseling sponsor they they have a whole team of counselors that can help you practice self-care get the help that you [Music] need [Music] one of the most difficult emotions for us to come to terms with is the emotion of jealousy now my guess is if you're watching this video you're probably not necessarily the one who has a lot of jealousy toward everyone else but i'm guessing you may be the one who's on the receiving end of another person's jealousy and it's very difficult to break away when you are engaged with somebody who has that strong jealous nature now let's keep in mind that jealousy is an emotion of fearful anger and it's infused with a very strongly controlling nature and at the heart of jealousy is the entire issue of possession jealous individuals are very turf conscious this is mine that's not not mine over there you stay away from what's mine by the way um i make a distinction between jealousy and envy uh with respect to possession envy means there's there's something that another person possessive uh possesses and you want it jealousy says there's something i possess and i don't want you to have it so just a little distinction there now we can have jealousy of course in strong relationships whether it's in romantic relationships or marriage or family or we can also have it in places of business where somebody is very turf conscious in social scenarios where somebody wants to control the people that are in their social circle it can be very broad but i want to go through 10 primary indicators that says that this is a strongly jealous person and as i go through this i want you to be thinking about your experiences with that individual and what it might mean to you now the first thing i'm going to mention that is that goes along with the whole identification of jealousy is a dread of aloneness or separation now notice i didn't just say a fear of aloneness or separation i mean a dread jealous individuals are very afraid of just being left out they're afraid of being known as a nobody and so much of their persona uh is in a very burgato kind of way saying hey you need to see how important i am you need to see how good i am and everything everybody around me needs to make sure that you're connected to me and jealous individuals want to hold the person in their possession very tightly to them a second indicator is disapproval of emotions or actions that might imply a lack of affirmation these individuals like i say they're very hungry for someone to prop them up and so if you say or do anything that implies that you're not on their team that can really bother them greatly now they'll just say something like hey i'm a very loyal person and i want you to be a loyal person but make no mistake it's much more than that they crave they must have your affirmation because ultimately they're empty on the inside a third ingredient is they're a relationship taker and basically their whole life is their whole way of thinking is what are you gonna give me next now they may actually give certain things to you whether it's in a place of work or business or uh or in your relationships they may give nice things to you or do nice things for you but make no mistakes then at the end of it it's like now uh i've done i've done my fair share what are you going to give me and so even the giving has a taking angle that's attached to it that's how they operate a fourth indicator is they have a diminished view of the person they wish to possess and that's important for you to recognize these individuals it's like well it sure is good that you have me around because i can do all the thinking for you you're too dumb in your own right to have to to be able to think for yourself and they can be very insulting and they can be very condescending toward other individuals part of the reason that they try to hold you as a possession is they think of you not as a person but as a thing as someone to manipulate is that what you want a fourth or excuse me a fifth indicator is they create isolation the in in the the jealous person's mind their thinking is you'd be a lot better off if you just keep attachments from other people from happening i don't want you to be attached to someone else they'll take you astray meaning you you might actually get some input from someone other than me and that's part of their insecurity and so many times they isolate you they don't want you to be around other individuals they don't want you working on other kind of things that might expose you to different people or perspectives or ideas that threatens them greatly isolation is something that many people who have been attached to jealous people will acknowledge a sixth element and i've already alluded to this but jealous people can be absurdly controlling i've mentioned in other places that it's okay to want to have a certain amount of control in the sense that you want to have organization you want to have certain outcomes to different projects and all that's fine but when i'm talking about control in this sense the jealous person has a very tightly scripted way of living and they want to make sure that everything stays inside their script and of course the script is very self-serving and so anything that seems to imply that they're not there that you're going to go outside of that script is going to bring you bring them back and they're going to say hey you keep you need to keep get back over here and do what your script and your role in the script says it's supposed to be a seventh indicator and this is a really large one is jealous individuals have impenetrable reasoning you just can't reason with them when you sit down and say hey you know i want to do this over here or don't you understand that your anger or your fear or your insecurity is showing you can't get through that person but most of us have some element of defensiveness but the jealous individual tends to have a very thick wall and a very high wall of defensiveness where you simply cannot get through to them uh they are walled off from any kind of thought or insight or reasoning that might uh prompt them to think maybe they need to do things a little bit better an eighth indicator is they're prone toward very strong anger they can be prone toward outburst or rage or they can give threats they can have hatred toward rivals they can sometimes be very violent as an aside for several years i worked as a volunteer for a women's shelter and basically now all i did was i would go on a saturday morning and cook breakfast for people there at the women's shelter and i actually absolutely love doing it um every single person just about that came through there the women and the children there would say oh yeah we've been exposed to that kind of violence because that person really felt like they owned us and it just got to be where it was just unworkable and it's very sad to hear some of the stories that go along with that kind of that kind of rage and anger number nine uh as an indicator is these individuals fear powerlessness which goes back to that need for the control and their anger basically they they they build their persona on the notion that says nobody is stronger than me nobody is more important or needs to be more important in this world than me and because the their own use of power is their way of saying uh i've got to be the one uh that has the final call in things but actually it is a reflection of the fact that they're thinking you might think of me as being a weak person and i can't possibly think that way of course that jealousy is all about displaying their weakness but they just have no insight into that whatsoever and then a tenth indicator is a contemptuous outlook about people in general jealous individuals tend to be very paranoid it's like you're out to get me aren't you you can't be trusted and they have a very low regard towards other individuals they operate with a great deal of pessimism so as i go through these 10 indicators in this checkpoint that you can look at you can realize if you're living with somebody who has a real strong sense of uh jealousy um it spells trouble doesn't it and and frankly uh when i as a therapist one the ingredient that i look at most is their impenetrable reasoning you just simply can't get through to them and so if there's going to be any kind of adjustment it's going to have to come on your part because it's not going to come from that individual basically that jealous individual is wanting to deprive you of everything that makes you unique and so i'm hoping there are a couple of thoughts that you can lock into as you realize what you're dealing with if this is the case first and foremost i'm hoping you can say you know what i'm no one's possession my thoughts my feelings my interpretations my preferences my priorities belong to me i'm certainly willing to take input from others but ultimately i get to be the determiner of all of that and then another thought that i'm hoping you can lock into is if the jealous individual is incapable of accepting my uniqueness then it's obvious we don't have a relationship here it's simply an arrangement and i want you to ask yourself a very basic question and that is do i just want to be an arrangement do i just want to be someone's transaction you can do better than that and i hope that you are going to be able to embrace your uniqueness as you engage with individuals who have this very troubled pattern of life i hope the videos such as this give you some good food for thought if you've not already subscribed to this dr les carter channel i would encourage you to do so we already have our surviving narcissism channel and you can see there's some overlap obviously in what we're talking about here if you have a need for counseling and many times when you're dealing with this subject counseling is a is a almost a must if you have someone in your area then i would encourage you to seek that out or if you would have a need we have a sponsor that uh that helps individuals find online counseling and there's a whole team of licensed professional counselors we have a link for the online counseling below and if that's something you would find beneficial i would strongly encourage you to go in that direction we also have my courses the free to be course and the brand doing coming up called this is me it's all about establishing boundaries we have my books when pleasing you is killing me the anger trap and more resources below jealous individuals are very difficult they tend not to have good insight which means that you have to be the one that says well i have insight and i'm going somewhere and i want to go somewhere good and i don't want to be dragged down by somebody who's a very troubled individual who simply can't come to terms with their own inner strain and struggle i want you to be a person of steadiness and ultimately for you to find your place of peace [Music]

Channel: Dr. Les Carter

Views: 132,940

Keywords: Dr. Les Carter, jealousy, narcissism, gaslighting, psychology, counseling, anger, possessive people, controlling people

Id: pdfqje75FzM

Length: 12min 45sec (765 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 10 2021