6 Ways To Fight Off Narcissistic Fatigue

[Music] i want to talk with you today about a phenomenon that i refer to as narcissistic fatigue and to get an idea i want you to just think about how many times you've just emotionally or mentally just felt wrung out by being in the presence of that narcissist again it's like i don't even want to be in this person's presence whenever i'm around them they're just like a drain to my personal energy i don't like being around them i don't want to deal with them anymore and and it just wears you out from the inside out now i i want to give you a few examples just to kind of give you an idea of what i'm talking about and i suspect you could think of some more examples yourself i spoke once with a woman who had an adult brother who would be the one that would come around during family holiday times and whenever he was there he would be the one that would set the mood to be surly and and agitated he would easily argue about anything and everything to the extent that the rest of the family members would think does he have to come this time can we just kind of have a holiday time without that person that's what i mean when i talk about narcissistic fatigue or i remember speaking with a wife whose husband was super controlling his father her father-in-law was super controlling and they love to argue among themselves about politics and who's right and who's wrong and what's the correct way and they would just dominate the the the conversations whenever they would be around and this woman felt shut down any time that she would offer a thought or an opinion worn out narcissistic fatigue or a co-worker who has this one person and everybody knows who that person is at the place of work that just does things their own way they'll sabotage what you would do those are some things that that happen when you can have narcissistic fatigue it's like i've got ongoing exposure to these kind of individuals who just don't care about anyone beyond number one and i'm not number one what is it about narcissists that create emotional fatigue well let's run through some things narcissists are constantly trying to gain an angle to control you and that wears you out you don't want to be controlled narcissists show zero willingness to collaborate with you they can suck all of the emotional energy out of the room when they're in your presence they can let you think all as well until they fall back into their predictable mannerisms of being disruptive they in other words they they're two-faced and that can wear you out their most consistent characteristic is inconsistency they can be totally phony with other individuals and yet behind the scenes with you you see an entirely other person they can carry an edge of tension whenever you're in their presence you can just feel it when you're in their presence you just know that it's only a matter of time or the wrong comment or something of that nature that's going to bring that tension out you know you're going to be judged and you know that the judgment is not going to have any kind of consistency with accuracy or fairness about it you might feel obliged to get along with that person but then in the end you realize well whatever loyalty that implies is not going to be reciprocated they uh their contentious nature is such that you feel ineffective anytime you try to offer an explanation about who you are because you know that they're not good listeners they don't care about where you're coming from that's what i'm talking about when i say these are individuals who can create this feeling of fatigue it's like when is the end going to be i i don't want to be associated with this well sometimes people say well just go no contact well if you can it might be that you'll need to do that there there are some circumstances though where that's not possible and i want to offer you six what i consider remedies or six ways that you might be able to respond to the emotional fatigue that they bring to you and see if these would be some things that you would be willing to commit to all right so let's go through them uh number one and this is a mental adjustment and that is remove the narcissist from your emotional epicenter now what i mean by that is they want you to run all of your sense of well-being through them and they want you to feel good based on what their opinion of you is and yet when they're argumentative and when they have all these opinions they're trying to push and all like that you know that if they become the epicenter they're the one that you filter everything through then it's it's going to be disastrous go ahead and develop incredibly low expectations you're not the person that i look to as my epicenter you're not the person that i filter life through i expect nothing except that you being what you are number two when you're with this fatiguing narcissist practice what i call delicate or excuse me a detached firmness and when i say detached what i mean is you have no veto power over me i'm unhooking uh i i don't mean to be rude but frankly i don't care if you disagree with me at this point it's irrelevant because you disagree with so much anyway i'm unhooking from that and when i say firmness it means i'm going to decide to be decisive i have my own plans that i'd like to make i have my own opinions that opinions that i'd like to maintain i have my own decisions that i intend to follow through on i'm going to be firm in those kinds of matters in a detached way from you number three follow through with those initiatives that you have and then as you follow through make no particular defense of yourself for example that person that's uh that's constantly being argumentative and you're having some sort of a family function it's like you know you're not invited this time and when they get mad it's like you're still not invited i'm gonna be firm in the way that i do it i'm going to follow through with what i say i'll give minimal defense which means i'll explain myself once and then beyond that i'm not going any further that's what i'm going to do when i say something then i'm going to follow through with what i say number four determine in advance what you're going to do not if but when they start putting the guilt trips on you okay i know that's what they do as i have a sense of firmness and decisiveness they're going to say well you're being rude or you're being mean or you're being harsh or nobody likes you and my response is okay you can have whatever interpretation you want but as you try to put guilt on me and as i determine that i'm not a guilt deserving person at least relative to this topic i'm not accepting it think what you will i don't have any control over that i'm gonna remain inside my truth number five remain firm with your assertiveness assertiveness is you is your healthy form of anger it's you standing up for who you are and standing firmly for your convictions and sometimes people say well i try to be assertive and it doesn't work and what they mean is i didn't change that other person's mind i don't have to change that other person's mind in order for me to be assertive assertive means i'm going to stand up for me and and in doing so if the other person likes it that would be nice and if they don't like it i'm not very good being someone other than what i am therefore i'm going to go ahead and assert myself and my convictions and stand on my needs nonetheless and then number six i'm going to set stipulations and consequences where necessary if if a person doesn't like what i have to say then we might not have much coordination with each other and if they are going to be harsh or argumentative or sabotaging then i'll move my efforts to someplace else where it's going to be more appreciated see i want you to understand that part of your fatigue comes from the fact that you want to apply normalcy to an abnormal set of circumstances and that's not gonna happen so rather than hoping that you can get that other person to think well i want you to have a sense of resolve uh that says uh i'm not going to lay down my emotional well-being in favor of someone else who frankly doesn't have my best interest in their mind and in their heart anyway i'm going to resolve to be reality-based as opposed to idealism based in my approach towards the narcissist i'm going to resolve to be decisive even in the presence of pushback i'm going to resolve to listen to my own common sense i'm going to resolve to offer no apology for my good preferences i resolve to be a person of dignity even when that narcissist is indignant i resolve to be clean in my use of anger i will use anger but i'll use it in a constructive and a reasonable kind of way i resolve to find time each day to have reasonable time to pursue my personal needs i resolve to exercise self-restraint i'll not be pulled off my game plan and i'm uh by someone who is an emotionally immature person i resolve to plan in advance who i'll be when i face challenging comebacks from that person and who i'm gonna be is i choose not to be argumentative i choose to be a person of my word i resolve to let my yes mean yes and i resolve to let my no mean no i resolve to accept the truth that narcissists are often insensitive i also resolve to accept the truth that i don't need their sensitivities in order for me to follow through on what i know is wisest and best i resolve that it's legitimate it's good and it's necessary for me to be fully me so do you sometimes feel uh narcissistic fatigue it could be that it's uh you've laid down your sense of resolve as you're busy being over there being argumentative with that person they are what they are and except that is your truth but i'm hoping that you can also lean into the fact that there's a decent person on the inside of you and you get to stand in it and be whatever that leads you to be and i'm hoping that you can say to the narcissist and whoever else wants to know that's good enough i do hope that you get good insight and awareness from videos such as this if you've not already done so i would encourage you to go beneath and hit that subscribe button we also have an email list that we would encourage you to sign up for if you need counseling to get someone to help you find that sense of result we're talking about if there's someone in your local area that could help you i would encourage you to do so if not then we've vetted a group that can help you with online counseling and right now that's very popular given the state of affairs and our in our globally uh situation with all the covet and all people like to have the online and i would encourage you to go there if that's what you need to do we have a link below that can help you in addition we have my uh it's not just a workshop my free to be workshop it's a full-blown course and it's uh it's very lengthy and it uh has a lot of insight and awareness it'll take you through how to respond to the controllers in your life you might look for the length with respond with with respect to that we also have links to our books and other workshops lots of resources there including our websites the surviving narcissism.t tv doctorlesscarter.com i know you can feel fatigued by that narcissist and when they do that means they've taken that resolve away from you i want you to have a resolve to be a decent person uh to be a person of goodness and uh and steadiness and in doing so i'm hoping that you can find your well-deserved place of peace [Music] you

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 77,893

Keywords: narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, Dr. Les Carter, Surviving Narcissism, covert naricissism, gaslighting, boundaries in relationships, assertiveness, anger management

Id: kprd5m-g6GI

Length: 12min 57sec (777 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 16 2020