5 Indicators That A Narcissist Has Drained Your Psychic Energy

we've received quite a bit of interest in my free to be workshop so to that effect beneath this video is a link that will give you a description for the workshop and we've also included a special discount so if that's something you would be interested in i would invite you to click that link and i hope that you would find the course to be quite beneficial i want to begin today with a simple uh declaration and that is when you have ongoing engagements with that narcissistic person they can absolutely wear you out emotionally and psychologically how many times have you thought about how weary you feel with that person or how much futility that's generated by that person or despair or confusion or befuddlement you know what's going on here and why are we engaging in this non-productive way that just seems to be so common and then what to make matters worse it can actually pull you into a deeper ongoing pattern of carrying tension when you're around that person there can be a simmering anger that can settle down on the inside of you or maybe anxiety or depression just a sense of pessimism can that can come over you when when you're dealing with a narcissistic person they can literally just drain that psychic energy out of you to the extent that you feel like a shell of the person you were meant to be let's underscore that narcissists with their self-absorbed controlling ways have little sense of reciprocity as a in your healthy way of thinking you're wanting to say i'll i'll be there for you and and i want to engage with you in a productive way and i want you to do the same with me and we can make this a win-win the narcissist is like i like the word win i win you lose they don't think about you know their responsibility for you because it's all about who they are and that being said then they don't have empathy for you they don't really care about knowing and understanding you from your vantage point uh they're in the relationship pretty much for a what's in it for me kind of a an outcome uh it takes very little to provoke them they feel zero need to receive input from you they can make up the facts if we can use that word rather loosely as they go along they can rationalize pretty much anything about their inappropriate behavior it's exhausting isn't it and i know that there are times when you feel that way now let's understand that when when you have that exhaustion and when they've drained you of your psychic energy narcissists can actually take a backwards kind of perverse satisfaction from that it's like i win and then they can rationalize and say you see this is why i have to tell you what to do or this is why i'm stubborn whenever you bring your stuff to me because you don't make any sense anyway they may not be thinking that consciously but that's the net result and so it allows them to feel like you're not somebody that i want to take counsel from anyway it's it's absurd how predictable it can be isn't it now i have five primary indicators and frankly we could come up with more that show that that that person that narcissistic person has drained you of your energy and we're going to see if we can figure out how not to let this being a perpetual thing for you indicator number one is that you find yourself feeling cautious around that person to the point of being overly defensive how many times do you feel like you have to justify yourself how many times do you say no that's not what i said this is what i was trying to tell you instead and and you go into this rationalizing and explaining and then of course they interrupt and they invalidate and then you continue and you play the game just as they're playing the game stop it it doesn't work and all it does is it makes you feel that much more defeated and deflated when you move on down the road excuse me simply because they won't quit that they're highly offensive which is part of that control and the more you stay in that defensive posture you have to begin asking why am i working so hard defending someone that doesn't really need a whole lot of defense that's crazy making or a second indicator that they've drained you of your psychic energy is that many times you feel like you're playing the peacekeeper role way too much how many times do you find yourself apologizing when you don't really need to or you give in to the narcissist demands unnecessarily now you play the role of the enabler okay if i do this then maybe they'll be in a better mood today and at some point it's like you know i'm working so hard to keep this person off my back and that narcissist is over there thinking keep it up uh maybe you'll eventually get to me but not today but keep it up and and because they love it because uh it implies that their pronouncements and their behaviors are of utmost importance and they they pick up the cues on that it's like good you seem to really want my approval or my cooperation i'll just keep playing that game with you that's how they operate or a third indicator that you're being drained is and i know that this is something you'll embarrassing perhaps um say yeah this is me you you get drawn into the same arguments repeatedly you know what i'm talking about with that i i can't tell you how many times uh somebody will come in here and they'll say you know i have this person in my extended family or my partner or my kids or whoever it might be and we just keep arguing about the same thing and every time i try to explain things it just blows up and i'm thinking well do you think the next time you give the same arguments to that same person that this is going to be the one that works there's no i mean just push that replay button with the recorder and say the same things doesn't get through remember they don't want your input they tend not to make adjustments they'll never say hey thanks for bringing that insight to me and yet you wind up trying to over and over and over repeat your thoughts uh that needs to stop it it drains you of your energy a fourth indicator and that is uh when you're with other people in other relationships you feel less effective in those relationships i recall talking with a woman 50ish who had gone through a really ugly divorce with an awful awful person that was just you know so difficult to engage with and as the weeks and months and and the next couple of years had gone by after it all was done one person after another would come to her and say you seem so much more relaxed right now or it's nice to have you back and she would say to me i didn't realize that that it showed that much and it's like yeah it's like you've been carrying around all this strain and tension in this gunny sack and you pitch the gunny sack on your back you carry it everywhere you go it has a ripple effect and that implies that you've been drained of the legitimate you and then a fifth indicator that you've been drained is your estimation of yourself has dropped significantly even if you have a history of having some good self-esteem or good reason to think well of yourself when you've been exposed to criticism and invalidation and harshness and your second guessing over and over over time it takes its toll and to the extent that it's like well i'd be embarrassed for people to know about some of the things that i've said and done in response to this person they bring out the worst in you or you know i could have done better or you just lose sight of the things that are right about you that's an indication that says the narcissist has gotten on the inside of you and they're still in your head now let's understand that uh ultimately uh when the externals like this are difficult and that person over there is not going to make any adjustment um there may be the possibility for you to have to say i can't change that individual i can't change the circumstances and one of the most difficult situations i've had in my counseling with many people is having these individuals come to terms with the fact that in some external circumstances the narcissists can indeed win and they they can make life difficult for you and we're not going to go with the notion that says there's a magical formula that you can use to make all their negative repercussions go away because they can now having said that uh we're not going to say that that has to ruin you as a person to where you have no emotional energy left to carry on with the rest of your life let's underscore a few thoughts before we uh wrap it here first and foremost when you're engaging with that highly narcissistic person you've got to get away from that reciprocity kind of mindset that actually is healthy but you have to also know this person doesn't do healthy therefore you have to individualize your own emotional well-being and that that's difficult because we want to have emotional well-being based on the fact that other people are kind and loving and friendly i feel good well when it's with that narcissist you're going to have to find it from the inside of you because they're not going to be contributing to that at all another thought is you want to live in your today and recognize that today there are certain things that you can and should do that that reflects self-care what is it that you enjoy whether it's reading a book or doing exercises or having certain foods or going out with certain people and and attending various kinds of functions make sure that you are busy tending to you because the narcissist can have all sorts of plans for you that might run contrary but no one's going to take care of you like you practice self-care in a very consistent kind of way and then we're going to add to that and say in in addition to that look for your ways to be assertive now when the narcissist says well i don't like this and i don't like that and you should have done this differently the assertive person says nonetheless i'm going to stand up for myself i can set my con my consequences when necessary or my stipulations or my plans my boundaries and that person is not someone that you're going to run all of your plans through now let's underscore what i'm talking about here is not easy because they are such they're kind of like ticks on you they just suck the live blood out of you but you're going to need to learn how to stick with your basics and not let them so drain you that you forget that there's plenty of decency on the inside of you you want to hold on to the notion that says i'm my own person i'm no narcissist tool uh and when the narcissist is being difficult that's not necessarily my problem to solve at least of that external nature i'm going to be committed to finding people and places and activities that do reinforce the things that are right and good about me and i'm simply not going to let that other person drain me of who i am i've got enough resolve that says i'm on team healthy and uh if the narcissist doesn't want to join you so be it i'm going to stick with what i know is wisest and best for me given the circumstances that we have i do hope that videos such as this can give you some good thought for stimulating self-reflection if you've not already done so i would encourage you to hit that subscribe button and we also have now a membership that you can have with our um with our surviving narcissism network it's a very minimal fee and it allows us to have live feed allows you access to our live feeds that we have q and a kind of things every single week and extra videos and articles so check that out uh if you have a need for counseling and if there's someone in your area that could assist you then i would encourage you to do so if you don't have someone in your immediate area we have a sponsor who can help you with online counseling that's very popular these days and there's a link below that uh with a group that can help you with finding licensed professional counselors who have experience in it and i would encourage you to do that in addition we have my workshops my free to be workshop which is very extensive about learning how to find who you are we have our surviving narcissism.tv website dr lescarter.com and other resources books etc down below uh we want to be a place where we can help you with your healing our narcissist sure enough can drain you but only as far as you're going to allow that and and make sure that you put the stop sign up and say you know what uh it's only going to go so far i'm going to practice self-care and in doing so i'm going to see if i can find my place of steadiness and consistency and that's going to be the best way that you can go to find your place of peace

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 193,712

Keywords: narcissism, covert narcissism, Dr. Les Carter, relationship boundaries, assertiveness, psychology, counseling, anger, malignant narcissist, surviving narcissism

Id: x_dVXZ7b_os

Length: 13min 43sec (823 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 11 2021