5 Steps to get your ex to come crawling back

[Music] what's up what's up what's up it [ __ ] man Chazz Ellis once again and a lot of people ask me how to deal with exes how to get the upper hand how to make their exes want to come back well here are five steps to get your ex to come crawling back to you and give you that upper hand step number one repair now I know a lot of y'all are like why should I have to repair anything he's the one who dissed me I watch it hard to repair today door I mean she don't want to play me well a lot of times you've gone completely left you may have said something or done something that actually ends up giving them the upper hand it puts them in a position of feeling like they haven't lost anything it puts you in a position of feeling like you're the one who actually did the damage the longer time goes in the less upset you are the less angry you are about the situation the more you will often regret some of the things that you did in the initial breakup so you want to take the time out to try to do whatever repairs you can sometimes it may not even be a negative thing that you did sometimes it may be a bagging situation and maybe you were trying to pretend like they were all right and you were all wrong so you could get them back but since it didn't work now you feel guilty now you feel bad now you feel like you played yourself well this is an opportunity for you to repair this is an opportunity for you to get some things off your chest this is an opportunity for you to do what you feel that you need to do so that you don't have unfinished business unfinished business is the leading cause of obsession so what you want to do is make sure that you get some of those things off your chest make the repairs that you feel necessary so that now if you do need to move on you don't feel like you left some stuff on the table you don't feel like the situation was all your fault and it becomes a lot easier for you to do whatever you need to do in the future step 2 cut the cord you got to cut the cord you have to let go let it go you got to let it oh okay if you can't cut that cord you're gonna put yourself in an emotional state that allows them to keep control this means if you're calling them texting them if you're getting mad at them if you're trying to whisper sweet nothings you've already done whatever you could to repair the situation you've already tried to fix what you really honestly feel you did wrong so anything after that becomes begging you don't need to do that what you need to do now and start moving on start disconnecting from this person don't give them the feeling that you're still chasing them don't give them the feeling that you're still there for them you have to let go you have to completely cut that cord or they will keep that emotional control over you and they'll never need to come back because they're still kind of with you so make sure you cut that cord and get that power back and get that control back step 3 be single when I say be single I don't mean go out there and have sex with everybody you possibly can somebody else seem to think that that's what being single is all about but no being single is about doing the things that you really may not have done when you were in a relationship you may not have spent as much time with your friends you may not have spent as much time working on your goals you may not spend as much time in self-reflection you may not have spent as much time working on yourself maybe you wanted to go to the gym but you were spending all your time with them maybe you wanted to go see certain movies but you never get to do it I recert in Bucks there's a time for you to take advantage of being single to take advantage of some of the things that you can do for self-improvement some of the time you could just spend being happy and being with you reconnecting with some of the people that you neglected meeting new people it's not all about going out smashing every girl you possibly can or mess with whatever dudes you possibly can because in those situations a lot of times all you're doing is really downgrading yourself from a girlfriend to a friend with benefits or from a boyfriend to a side [ __ ] you're not really putting yourself in a position where you're making yourself feel better and doing better for yourself you want to put yourself in that position where you know that you're actually building on what you had before you're adding to some of the things that you got from the relationship and making yourself a better and stronger person that way when you do decide to reconnect with person or they decide to reconnect with you you're in a position of strength because you actually used a single period to really build think about you focus on you focus on the things that you want and the things that you need to grow and not just sit there and have a pity party and cry and all that old other stuff step 4 take your time now we live in an instant gratification society where everybody wants things to happen fast so how long should I do this a week how long should I do this three days how long should I do this a month when does it work windows at work this is the problem this is why a lot of your relationships don't work out in the first place cuz you want everything that happens so fast you want to meet somebody on Monday and be married on Wednesday you want to be in a situation where you can skip all the steps this is why things don't work look it takes time you have to allow yourself to get stronger and to improved you have to allow them a chance to miss you you have to allow them a chance for things not to work out in their life so that they see how much they needed you so that they see that you can survive and operate on your own you have to put yourself in a place where you're not just following the same pattern you've done every other time where maybe y'all broken up three or four times and you came back after two weeks you came back after a month you came back after six months whatever that may be you have to make sure that you're allowing enough time to go by so that you're not following that same pattern over and over and over again you got to put yourself in a position where now you seem to be the one with the power you seem to be the one with the upper hand and that takes time you have to put yourself in a place where you're comfortable where you've done the steps to get yourself improved to put yourself in a position where you have other things occupying your time before you even think about dealing with them and that means even if they try to contact you if they try to call you if they try to hit you up and you know you're not emotionally mentally spiritually ready to deal with them or to put yourself in a better position don't answer that phone call don't even try to hook up with them don't even try to connect cuz all you're doing is setting yourself up to being the same and that you were in last time if you're not ready to be in a real relationship with that person right this second then don't even answer the phone don't even try to reconnect with that person again and I'll tell you why because a lot of times all you're gonna do is downgrade from boyfriend or girlfriend to friend zone or friend with benefits period all you're gonna do is put yourself in a position where you're not ready so instead of getting what you actually want from the situation you're going to get a lot less you're going to get it down right so take your time take the time to figure out what you need figure out what you want get stronger then you can accept contact then you can talk to this person but don't do it until then step number five accept the best offer this means take what you want if you wanted certain things in a relationship and they're now offering those things to you take them I'm not saying for you to take less and I'm not saying for you to reject what you actually wanted if you have been saying that you want it you know them to take you out more if you've been saying that you want it for them to you guys to get engaged or move in again whatever it is you want it whatever you've been saying if you get that accept it because if you don't accept it nine times out of ten you're going to regret it a lot of people get in a situation where they finally get this person to come back they get everything they wanted from the situation and now they want to try to punish him because for this moment they seem like they have the upper hand and right now you do but when you don't accept that offer where you don't accept them giving you what you want it basically you're telling them that you never wanted that in the first place and you were just playing games so now when you finally do get back together all the things that they promised you initially they're no longer going to deliver on why because you didn't take them when they offered them this is something people may not know when someone offers you a contract and you continue to negotiate you continue to reopen negotiation that nullifies the initial offer this means that whatever the new contract is that's what you signed so if they say hey let's get back together I want to get married let's get married in the next month you were like now I'm not trying to do that I don't know I don't feel like I want to marry you you have to prove yourself to me marriage isn't really something I'm even thinking about right now we could get back together but you need to prove yourself to me that marriage offer is no longer on the table y'all came into a new agreement so you didn't accept the offer that they initially gave you that means that offers no longer on the table so don't get mad five or six months down the road were you like what happened to that marriage proposal nothing you said no this is a new agreement that you have decided to enter into so it nullified the old one that you you rejected the old offer was nullified you are in a position now where you have to deal with the new agreement which is probably a lot like the old one sometimes we get victory but then we snatch defeat from the jaws of victory we get ourselves in a position where you have everything we wanted but we just feel like we got to get that little bit of stab at the person we got to get that little bit of extra you know I would let me dance and then you know a lot of times from there we lose and put ourself in the same position we were in before and then we act like we don't know what happened so make sure that if you get that offer that you want it you have to accept it make sure that you actually take the victory that you got all right once again is your man Chazz Ellis make sure you like to subscribe and share this video with somebody else

Channel: askchazzellis

Views: 680,247

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Keywords: how to get your ex back, get your ex back, get your ex to come crawling back, getting back with your ex

Id: 94i3Zcsq-gA

Length: 10min 24sec (624 seconds)

Published: Wed May 02 2018