TODAY, HAPPY 4-20 TO ALL WHO
CELEBRATED THIS DAY! NOT REALLY AS EDGY AS IT USED TO
BE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? NOW THAT MARIJUANA IS LEGAL IN
CALIFORNIA, YOU KNOW, SO THIS IS LIKE THE EQUIVALENT
OF WHITE WINE DAY. IT'S ROSEÉ DAY! THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS DAY. I HOPE WE DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IN
THE COMMERCIALISM OF 4-20 AND FORGET THE REAL MEANING OF 4-20. YOU KNOW? ( LAUGHTER )
REGGIE, HOW TO YOU MARK 4-20 AS BEING DIFFERENT AND HOW DO YOU
CELEBRATE 4-20? DO YOU NOT GET HIGH? IS THAT THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR
I DON'T GET HIGH, JUST TO MARK ALL THE OTHER DAYS THAT I CAN
GET HIGH? >> Reggie: YEAH, I MEAN,
THAT'S DEFINITELY AN OPTION. ( LAUGHTER )
I USUALLY JUST THINK OF IT AS A DAY WHERE I'M, YOU KNOW WHAT? DOESN'T MATTER WHAT TIME. JUST GO FOR IT ALL DAY LONG. >> James: GO FOR IT. >> Reggie: IF YOU HAVE IT,
HEY, I ONLY DO WEED AT NIGHT, DO IT WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP. YOU KNOW, HAVE A BOWL OF CEREAL
AND -- >> James: HAVE A BOWL OF
CEREAL AND SMOKE A BOWL. >> Reggie: SMOKE A BOWL AND
WAIT FOR THE EFFECTS TO SAFELY PASS YOU BY, THEN DRIVE TO WORK. >> James: YES. >> Reggie: THEN WHEN YOU'RE AT
WORK EAT SEVEN EDIBLES AND WAIT FOR THAT TO PASS TILL THE NEXT
DAY AND DRIVE HOME. IT'S FUN. YOU CAN MAKE 4-20 REALLY FUN. >> James: I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO
WITH YOU AFTER THE SHOW? >> Reggie: HUH? >> James: I'M OINGT EAT SOME
WEED. >> Reggie: JUST LIKE THE
BEGINNING. THAT'S HOW IT ALL STARTED. >> James: THAT'S HOW -- I
DON'T KNOW IF WE'VE SAID THIS ON THE SHOW BEFORE, BUT THAT'S HOW
REGGIE CAME TO BE THE BAND LEADER ON THE SHOW. WE SAT IN THE LOBBY OF A HOTEL,
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT, YOU KNOW, REGGIE WAS LIKE WHETHER REGGIE
WANTED TO DO IT, DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, WHATEVER, AND WE ATE THIS
CHOCOLATE WEED. AND BEN HAD BEEN OFF AT ANOTHER
MEETING AND HE CAME BACK AND WE WERE JUST LIKE THIS --
( LAUGHTER ) OUR EYES WERE, LIKE -- AND
REGGIE WAS LIKE, I'VE GOT TO HEAD, AND I WAS, LIKE, CAN YOU
LEAVE SOME OF THAT CHOCOLATE HERE? ( LAUGHTER )
I GOT DISTRACTED BY THE STORY BECAUSE STEVE DECIDED TO TAKE A
WALK AROUND THE STUDIO. DID HE GET HIS STEPS IN? WHERE IS HE NOW? STEVE, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE
ANOTHER LAP OR ARE YOU GOOD? >> A COUPLE MORE STEPS. >> James: FEEL FREE, JUST
WHENEVER YOU WANT. ( LAUGHTER )
STROLL AROUND. BE WHATEVER, EYE LINE OF THE
CAMERA, DOESN'T MATTER. WE'RE ALL RIGHT UP HERE, AREN'T
WE, PETE? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? TAKE A MOON WALK THROUGH. THERE YOU GO. DID EVERYONE SEE SUSAN'S MOON
WALK? HANG ON. >> YEAH! >> Reggie: THE SUSAN WALK. >> James: STEVE, YOU WANT TO
MOON WALK? IS THIS SOMETHING YOU NEED IN
THE SOUND DEPARTMENT? STEVE, I THINK BECAUSE OF THE
VOLUME OF WALKING YOU'VE DONE TODAY AS PUNISHMENT IT WILL HAVE
TO BE A MOON WALK. >> HERE WE GO. >> James: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU CAN'T DO IT. >> YOU CANNOT DO THAT. >> James: SPEAKING OF 4-20,
DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS -- WILLIE NELSON CALLED ON PRESIDENT BIDEN
TO RECOGNIZE TODAY AS A NATIONAL HOLIDAY. HE WANTS TO REMOVE THE STIGMA OF
SMOKING WEED AND HE'S EVEN GONE SO FAR TO PROPOSE THAT 4-20
THROUGH TILL HIS BIRTHDAY ON 4-29 BE RECOGNIZED AS THE HIGH
HOLIDAYS. >> Reggie: YES! >> James: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M
SAYING THIS, BUT I NEVER EVER SAW WILLIE NELSON AS ONE OF
THOSE BIRTHDAY WEEK GUYS. ( LAUGHTER )
WHICH IS REALLY THE LEAST CHILL THING I'VE EVER HEARD. GUYS, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WEEK! ( LAUGHTER )
MONDAY BRUNCH, TUESDAY LUNCH, WEDNESDAY DINNER, THURSDAY
DRINKS, FRIDAY PARTY. YOU KNOW THIS! ( LAUGHTER )
I THINK WILLIE NELSON IS STARTING TO HAVE AN INFLUENCE ON
THE PRESIDENT. HERE IS BIDEN JUST TODAY
SPEAKING TO THE PRESS. IN OTHER NEWS, THE STATE
DEPARTMENT JUST ANNOUNCED NEW COVID TRAVEL GUIDELINES. ALL THE AMERICANS AGAINST
TRAVELING TO 80% OF ALL COUNTRIES. YEAH. THAT'S IT. IT'S OFFICIAL. MY BULGARIAN HOT GIRL SUMMER IS
CANCELED. ( LAUGHTER )
80% OF COUNTRIES HAVE BEEN DESIGNATED BY THE STATE
DEPARTMENT AS LEVEL FOUR DO NOT TRAVEL, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS LEVEL
FOUR, WILL TRAVEL, WILL NOT BE INSTAGRAMING ABOUT IT. ( LAUGHTER )
BEING TOLD YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING IN AMERICA JUST MAKES PEOPLE DO
IT. LIKE HALF OF AMERICANS NOW, WHEN
THEY HEARD THIS, THEY'RE GOING TO BE, LIKE, GOVERNMENT TELLS ME
I CAN'T GO LICHTENSTEIN, I'M GOING TO LICHTENSTEIN. BRENDA! GET YOUR BAGS! GOING TO LICHTENSTEIN! TELL ME WHAT TO DO, PUT A
VACCINE IN MY ARM? NO THANK YOU, SIR! SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. HAVING A LOVELY DAY. ALL BEEN GOOD NEWS TODAY. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE FOOTBALL? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? DO YOU KNOW WE TALKED ABOUT THE
FOOTBALL LAST NIGHT? >> Reggie: YEAH. >> James: GONE. CANCELED. AL 16 TEAMS PULLED OUT. THEY WERE, LIKE, WE SAW "THE
LATE LATE SHOW" AND WE'RE FINS DOWN. THAT'S IT. ( APPLAUSE )
MOVING ON, RUSSIA HAS ANNOUNCED PLANS TO LAUNCH
ITS OWN SPACE STATION IN 2025. THE COUNTRY PLANS TO STEP AWAY
FROM THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION, A SCIENTIFIC
COLLABORATION BETWEEN SEVERAL OTHER COUNTRIES, TO FOCUS ON ITS
OWN WORK. I GUESS RUSSIA JUST NEEDS SOME
SPACE. >> WHOA! ( APPLAUSE )
>> James: RUSSIA ANNOUNCED IT WILL NO
LONGER BE PART OF THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION
COMMUNITY. TO WHICH ALL THE OTHER MEMBERS
RESPONDED " NO, DON'T GO! PLEASE! STOP, SUCH FUN TO WORK WITH ." ( LAUGHTER )
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE NEW SPACE STATION THEY PLAN TO
BUILD, BUT SINCE IT'S RUSSIAN, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE SPACE
STATION WILL BE FULL OF PULSING DISCO MUSIC AND YOU WILL BE
ALLOWED TO SMOKE INSIDE. WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON INSIDE A
RUSSIAN SPACE STATION? >> EVERYTHING I KNOW IS ON TV,. >> James: BIG DISCO UNIT IS
WHAT I MEAN. WE GO SPACE, HAVE GOOD PARTY,
HAVE GOOD TIME, YEAH? ( LAUGHTER )
>> JAMES: AND THIS WAS INTERESTING. SCIENTISTS HAVE IDENTIFIED A
PHENOMENON CALLED LOCKDOWN FEET, WITH COUNTLESS PEOPLE REPORTING
PAIN AND INFLAMMATION IN THEIR ARCHES AND HEELS. IT'S APPARENTLY FROM PEOPLE
STAYING HOME AND SWAPPING SUPPORTIVE SHOES FOR SLIPPERS. THIS IS BASICALLY EVERYONE BEING
LIKE, I KNOW WE'RE VACCINATED, BUT I'M STILL NOT GOING BACK TO
THE GYM. FROM NOW ON I'M GOING TO BLAME
LOCKDOWN FEET FOR MY UNDESERVEDLY LOW SCORE ON WIKI
FEET. LOOK AT THAT. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS IS REAL. IT'S REAL. I'M A 3.3 OUT OF 5. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S GOOD OR
BAD. IS IT BAD? >> YEAH. >> James: HOW DO YOU KNOW SO
MUCH ABOUT WIKI FEET? >> I'M ON IT. I HAVE A PAGE AS WELL. >> James: YOU'RE ON IT DAILY? RIGHT, NO. >> James: YOUR FEET ARE ON IT. YES. >> James: LET'S FIND OUT
HAGAR'S SCORE. HOLD ON. >> FOR SURE. >> James: HANG ON. HAGAR IS -- HOW DO YOU FIND --
4.5. LOOK AT THAT. ( APPLAUSE )
YOU HAD 17 VOTES. >> WE SHOULD ALL JOIN IT SO WE
CAN VOTE FOR EACH OTHER. >> James: I'M NOT THAT --
( LAUGHTER ) I THINK I'LL SLEEP TONIGHT. I'M HAPPY AT 3.3, I AM. >> I FEEL LIKE HAGAR IS GOING TO
GET A KICKBACK FROM WIKI FEET FOR THAT COMMENT. OH, WE SHOULD ALL JOIN, IT WILL
BE FUN, IT WILL BE GREAT, IT WILL BE THE NEW THING. >> James: YEAH. YOU'RE A MINORITY SHAREHOLDER IN
WIKI FEET? >> I DO HAVE A FETISH, JAMES. >> James: YOU DO? IT'S NOT FEET. >> James: OH, WHAT IS IT? IT'S JUST US. NO ONE HERE. I DO REALLY LIKE NOSES. >> James: NOSES. YOU'VE GOT A FETISH ABOUT NOSES. >> MORE LIKE AN ATTRACTION. TAT'S A BODY PART I ADORE. >> James: THE PANDEMIC MUST
HAVE BEEN BRUTAL FOR YOU, ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL. THE ONE THING YOU'RE REALLY INTO
JUST COVERED UP ALL DAY. JUST NEED TO FREE THE NOSE. >> JAMES, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS. YOU HAVE GOT A 3.1 ON WIKI NOSE. >> James: I THOUGHT I WOULD BE
LOWER THAN THAT. THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT THIS NOSE,
BECAUSE IT'S JUST A LITTLE -- >> NO, NO WAY, DUDE! >> James: JUST A LITTLE STUBBY -
THAT'S PERFECT, THOUGH. IT'S DOING ALL IT NEEDS TO DO. >> James: I DON'T THINK IT IS. SOME PEOPLE'S NOSES ARE JUST
LIKE, ENOUGH WITH IT, ALREADY. AND YOURS, IT'S A NOSE, IT'S
BREATHING IN AIR, IT'S PUTTING IT OUT SOMETIMES, IT'S ADORABLE,
YOU ARE FINE. >> James: LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING
I WANT TO SWAP IT, AND I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANY WORK TO IT. MY POINT IS, I THINK IT'S A
BASIC NOSE. ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S A BASIC NOSE. LIKE IT'S RESCUED BY MY EYES. YOU KNOW. WHICH ARE, LET'S BE HONEST,
POOLS IN THE OCEAN. ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT'S CRAB SHACK'S NOSE SAYING? YOUR NOSE IS SLIGHTLY TOO SMALL
FOR YOUR FACE. THAT'S THE PROBLEM HERE. >> IT IS A SMALL NOSE. >> James: IS IT A SMALL NOSE
OR IS IT BIG CHEEKS? >> I HAVE AN ENORMOUS FACE. >> James: YOU DO! I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE! PULL THE WHOLE MASK DOWN. >> MY FACE IS GIANT. >> James: IT IS! I HAVE A BIG FACE. >> James: IT IS! IT IS! OH, MY GOODNESS! I FEEL LIKE I'M LOOKING AT THE
MOON! IT'S NOT A SMALL NOSE. THE NOSE IS REGULAR SIZE. IT'S A GINORMOUS FACE! >> IT'S A NOSE SWIMMING IN A
GIANT POOL. >> HE WAS THE BABY ON THE
TELETUBBIES. >> James: NEVER EVEN NOTICED
THAT FACE BEFORE. >> I'YOU'VE SEEN MY FACE
30 MILLION TIMES. >> James: YOU HIDE THE FACE
WELL. >> MAYBE IT'S MORE OF THE MASK. IT'S MORE OF A REVEAL NOW. >> James: THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT
BE RIGHT. ( APPLAUSE )
