TRACI GREGG: Hi! Hi! DEBORAH TILLMAN
(VOICEOVER): I meet a family with no respect for authority. Take a time out now. [bleep] [bleep]. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER): And
hot-tempered triplets run wild. [laughs] DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
Four-year-old Armani is disruptive. He ignores Mom's pleas-- TRACI GREGG: Armani, wait! DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
And puts himself in harm's way. One-year-old Scarlett is
following in the brother's footsteps. But the biggest kid of all-- You ready for squats today? DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
41-year-old Dad. You guys need to count for me. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
He messes around with the kids, leaving Mom in charge
of health and safety. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
It's got to stop. It really is by
the grace of God that your kids
aren't, like, dead. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
So I'm stepping in. Welcome to our home. Thank you. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
Bringing some tough love-- DEBORAH TILLMAN: Come on, Ma.
You can do better than that. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
--a take-no-prisoners attitude-- You have to hold hands. That's the rule of
the store or else we're going to the
Calm Down Corner. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
--and my expert opinion-- And if you lose
control by yelling, then you're not teaching him. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
--to tame this wild family-- No!
[laughs] DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
--before it's too late. - Ah!
- Mom! [music playing] My name is Deborah Tillman. I'm a wife, a mother,
and my child care centers are amongst the
best in the country. Yeah! I've dealt with
every kind of kid. - Ah!
- --in the world was that? DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
And every kind of family. They don't have the problem.
You have the problem. The dog pees and
poops over there? [screams] DEBORAH TILLMAN:
This is a madhouse. DEBORAH TILLMAN
(VOICEOVER): Some people call me a miracle worker. MOM: I'm so glad you're here. But you can call me
"America's Supernanny." [music playing] I'm in Independence,
Kentucky, and not a moment too soon, to help
the Gregg family. Don't break the bed. [cries] Ow!
[whack] Ow! TRACI GREGG: Why
would you do that? DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
Traci is the exhausted mom. You gotta put your hands up. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
And Bill, the dad, riles up the children. Ow! DEBORAH TILLMAN
(VOICEOVER): They have six-year-old triplets. Roman, who lashes
out at his siblings-- [grunts] Stop! DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
--hot-tempered Xavier-- Uh-uh-uh-uh! DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
--and Giovanni, the instigator of much of the fighting. - Ew, gross.
- [blows raspberry] Ew! DEBORAH TILLMAN
(VOICEOVER): Then there's four-year-old Armani,
who tries to outdo the triplets with his outrageous behavior. And one-year-old
Scarlett is starting to imitate her brothers.
- Help me! Help me! DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
It's a wonder no one has gotten seriously hurt yet. TRACI GREGG: Can you
please put your pajamas on? Now.
- I'll see you in the morning. We are co-owners of a
very busy coffee shop, and it is also a bakery. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
Dad bakes all night at the store and then returns home to watch
the kids while Traci pulls the morning shift. BILL GREGG: So we're
basically tag-teaming at the cafe and the house. And then we just do it all
over again, seven days a week, as far back as I can remember. DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER): Mom
and Dad are in charge at work. But at home, it's
a different story. [crash] BILL GREGG: The children are
constantly breaking things. They're constantly causing
catastrophes-- disasters. TRACI GREGG: Everybody
just runs amok, because they can't listen.
[clatter] They can't follow direction. BILL GREGG: It's a
constant challenge. TRACI GREGG: Armani! Xavier!
Guys, wait. BILL GREGG: Xavier! If you try to take the kids
somewhere to a public place, you know, forget it. Because you turn your
back, they're gone. TRACI GREGG: Armani! BILL GREGG: Armani, hey. Bad language is an
issue with all of them. They just--
- They like to mimic you. I-- I'll-- - It's locker room.
- I'll take the blame for some-- I live in a locker room.
[music playing] DEBORAH TILLMAN (VOICEOVER):
And at this point, Bill and Traci have
just about lost hope. All we know is monitoring
destruction, preventing fights, and keeping somebody from
having a serious injury. We're concerned for their lives. Ah! [cries] TRACI GREGG: I
want some normalcy. But I have put my white
flag of surrender up. BILL GREGG: We're kind of
at our last resort now. If this doesn't work, I'm afraid
somebody is going to end up getting hurt. Get off that car. You know how dangerous that is? [music playing] TRACI GREGG: Hi!
- Hi. How are you? TRACI GREGG: Great. I'm Traci. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
I'm Miss Deborah. How are you?
- Hi, Deborah. When Deborah arrived, I
was like, now can I leave? Deborah is here.
[laughs] Thanks, Deborah. Bye-bye. [laughs]
- Hi. Hi.
I'm Bill. Bill, nice to meet you. Yeah, nice to meet you. Hi, Armani.
I'm Miss Deborah. How are you?
BILL GREGG: Say hi. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Roman.
Hi, Roman. BILL GREGG: Say hi. Say hi, Xavier.
DEBORAH TILLMAN: Hi, Xavier. Hi, Scarlett. [whines] Giovanni, how are you? Nice to meet you. I'm Miss Deborah. I'm just here
observing today, so I want you to go about
your normal activities-- your normal business. And just really be as
natural as you can, because that's the only way
I'm going to be able to help. OK?
- Great. DEBORAH TILLMAN: All right. Not long after I arrived at the
Gregg's, Mom was heading out. She works every morning at the
cafe she and Dad own together. And dad said that they
were going to wash the car. What could possibly go wrong? Hey, let's not fight
over the hose, all right? That's my rules. [boys whining] Hey. Could you listen to me? Where's your brother? Did you see Armani? Can somebody tell me if
Armani went on his scooter? [music playing] Did you see him? Where'd Armani go? I was panicking. A four-year-old on his own
with no adult supervision? But Dad was acting as
if it was no big deal. BILL GREGG: Xavier, did your
brother take off already? DEBORAH TILLMAN: I'm
like, OK, really? You don't know
where your child is? Why are we walking? Why aren't we running? We're pretty much home bound
with these guys, because they-- they just disappear. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
In no time at all, the boys were on their bikes and
scattering in every direction. BILL GREGG: Xavier,
stay out of the street. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Has anything
ever happened before? BILL GREGG: Giovanni took off at
4:30 in the morning on his bike in the dark. And he was about a mile away
and the police brought him home. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
Oh, my goodness. I think they're going
to the park, but-- We don't know which way.
OK. The bottom line is is that
no neighborhood is that safe that you can allow your
child to be gone for longer than a minute and not
know where they are. There they are. Hey, guys. Did I tell you to
come down to the park? I don't think I said
anything about that, did I? You know how dangerous
it is in that street? [whines] Do you see cars coming
up and down that hill that can't see you? [music playing] DEBORAH TILLMAN: The boys
are not listening to him. They are not responding.
BILL GREGG: Come here. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
And I don't know if that's registering to Dad. They're like a
pack of raptors. One distracts you and
the others just take off. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Mm. BILL GREGG: And then they--
they take advantage of that. They move as a group and they
use the others for the excuses. And Armani is pretty
much the ringleader. They kind of make
their own rules, and that's a big,
big problem for us. SCARLETT: Dada!
Dada! If we can get through the day,
nobody goes to the hospital-- SCARLETT: [shrieks] [whimpers] --the little baby
survives, we're good. [whines] DEBORAH TILLMAN: Survival? Really? Is that how low your
expectations are? Not good. [music playing] BILL GREGG: Hey, who's
opening the front door? TRACI GREGG: No basketballs. DEBORAH TILLMAN: After
lunch, Mom gets home. Dad goes down for a
nap, which leaves Mom with all five children up. And all heck breaks loose. I mean, they go berserk. TRACI GREGG: Stop. This is Xavier's.
- [whines] TRACI GREGG: Look at Mom. Hi-yah! TRACI GREGG: Oh, no!
- [whines] What happened? Armani stepped on my-- No, he's lying. I didn't-- I didn't hit him. I can't tell who's telling
the truth and who's lying. We all three go time out then. [cries] TRACI GREGG: Boy, I will-- go take a time--
just take a time out. DEBORAH TILLMAN: I have no
idea how Mom's time out system works. The boys decide whether or
not they're going to time out. A time out now. No. DEBORAH TILLMAN: They decide
where it's going to be. Go sit down. TRACI GREGG: Armani, go.
- [whines] You want to go time out there? [laughs] TRACI GREGG: Time out. Take a time out. You sit down and go time out. Just sit it-- no. [laughter] You sit down for time out. [laughs] TRACI GREGG: Sit down. [laughs] TRACI GREGG: Roman? DEBORAH TILLMAN: The kids
are running rings around Mom, and she's just giving up. [laughs] 'Cause I've gotta
go get dishes done. [laughs] Gotta be kidding me. You've gotta be kidding me. GIOVANNI: Hey, Mom. ARMANI: No!
- What's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with that. No! TRACI GREGG: You have to-- [bang] All-- have to have
all kinds of colors. I promise.
- No! Quit acting silly. OK? You're not going
downstairs with me. You're not gonna
do the fun stuff we do before I go into work. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Dad
is encouraging the boys to finish their dinner
because hurry up, some big thing is
happening downstairs. And I'm wondering, OK, what's
going to happen downstairs? Boys? Downstairs. You two who are finished here. Well, I was about to find out. - It's going to be Armani first.
- Yeah. BILL GREGG: I've told Traci that
I'm going to stay till 10:00 with the boys. I'll stay with you
and I'll help you out. Well, my workout time was
blown, so I've decided to kinda integrate the boys
into my workout. You ready for squats today? [laughs] I'm gonna try to do 50. Then we'll-- we'll do him. ARMANI: Whoa! GIOVANNI: Yeah. Whoa! Xavier, you're next. Bill thinks he's helping
me by burning their energy. But instead, it revs them up. We can do sit-ups after this. DEBORAH TILLMAN: The timing of
Dad's "burning off the energy with the boys," as what he calls
it, could not have been worse. [whines] [giggles] Ah! Oh, you're OK. [laughter] DEBORAH TILLMAN: I've never seen
anything like this in my life. This is crazy. [whack]
[laughter] Like, why are you doing this? [thumps and grunts] Boy. ARMANI: [whines] No! BILL GREGG: Everybody come here.
- No! Come here.
Come here. Sit down. I wanna talk to you.
- No! I need you guys
and be good for Mommy and go to bed when she
says it's time, OK? XAVIER: [whimpers] DEBORAH TILLMAN: So
just like that, Dad winds the boys up
and then leaves Mom to pick up the pieces. Armani, please get in bed. It is time-- you're not
sleeping in my room. Armani, get down! - [giggles]
- Wait. No. Now you're underneath the bed. This is what we did last night. Come on.
ARMANI: No. TRACI GREGG: Stop.
- No. Mama! Everybody goes to sleep. Stop. You do not hit your mother. ARMANI: Nyeh. TRACI GREGG: Stop.
No. [cries] Armani, you do
not hit your sister. You're going down. Now you're going down. [laughs] Oh, my gosh. SCARLETT: [cries] This gonna be your bed? Stop.
Armani. What are you doing now? Armani, come sleep
here on the couch. No. I have never in my life seen
a bedtime that was so chaotic. No. We are sleeping up here. We have made a decision. Guys. DEBORAH TILLMAN: The
boys need their sleep. But Scarlett, who's 16 months
old, really needs her sleep. She was up because
of all the commotion. TRACI GREGG: Uh-uh. OK this is it.
You're sleeping down here. - Yeah.
- OK. Night-night. BOYS: Night-night. DEBORAH TILLMAN: What made it
so crazy is that she actually thought that all
of these places, they were really
going to go to sleep. And so this goes
on for how long? Mm, until I can't handle
anymore and I just go to bed. And then I don't know
what happens after that. 'Cause you're in the bed. TRACI GREGG: Yeah. [exhales] It's a
free-for-all in the household. It's just a free-for-all. XAVIER: Come on. DEBORAH TILLMAN: And of
course, before you know it, the boys are back upstairs. BOYS: [giggling]
TRACI GREGG: Two fliers. [laughter]
No. In bed. [laughter] You guys were already in bed. Now you're out of bed. Stop. TRACI GREGG: This is ridiculous.
TRACI GREGG: Stop. BOYS: [giggling] OK, this is not fun. This is not fun. Stop. I want every boy in
this room to get in bed. No dance party. One, two-- TRACI GREGG: You are not
on top of the dresser. BOYS: [giggling] TRACI GREGG: You guys want me
to write in your planners-- No! TRACI GREGG: --and
tell your teacher? No.
TRACI GREGG: Huh? GIOVANNI: No! TRACI GREGG: Would you like
them to know what you're doing? GIOVANNI: No.
- In bed. I-- Roman, I can't
get you safely down. TRACI GREGG: You
have to cooperate. Armani. [laughs] I'm gonna have a heart attack. I'm gonna have a heart attack. She doesn't know what to do,
so she's laughing about it. She has to laugh to
keep from crying. Because what else
can you do but laugh? Because it's too crazy
to do anything else. Would they be asleep
now if dad was here? TRACI GREGG: I don't know.
We've never done it before. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Oh,
you've never done-- No. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
Oh, my goodness. TRACI GREGG: This
entire shift as unknown to him, because
our whole entire lives are our business. DEBORAH TILLMAN: So
you don't feel like-- TRACI GREGG: No.
- --connection. TRACI GREGG: No.
- Gotcha. Not at all. Zero. [clicks tongue] Uh-oh. Yeah. Business transaction. ROMAN: Stop! All right. [laughter] Ah. [sighs] OK. Do I have-- I don't have anybody down. DEBORAH TILLMAN: If I lived in
this house, I would be cuckoo. I mean, literally. This house is exhausting. To see these children
just run the house-- TRACI GREGG: Right here.
Are you sleeping in here? ARMANI: No. TRACI GREGG: You
want to sleep there. Well, that is not your bed. That is a couch. You can't expect anything
else but chaos, disarray, dysfunction-- just craziness. And that's exactly what I saw. Why? TRACI GREGG: Stop. XAVIER: [coughs] TRACI GREGG: Where
are you sleeping at? I'm sleeping on this side. This may take
most of the night. Uh-huh.
[laughs] DEBORAH TILLMAN: And
so I'm going to leave. TRACI GREGG: OK. [laughs] [sighs] I pray
you get some sleep. [laughs] No! And I will-- XAVIER: I'm trying to-- --definitely see you and
daddy tomorrow for the family meeting. [laughter] ROMAN: Come on. Mom! DEBORAH TILLMAN: These
children are just over the top. And I need to talk
to these parents, because something has
got to be done quickly. [music playing] Hi.
BILL GREGG: How you doing? How are you?
BILL GREGG: All right. Hi, Deborah. I am ready to hear what
Deborah has to say, and I know it's not
going to be all pleasant. It's gonna hurt. First of all, the children are
guiding their own discipline. Mom, you do time out-- TRACI GREGG: Mm-hmm. --that I completely
don't understand. It's so confusing. I don't know. You just read the books and
you watch other parents. And the books tell you that
the children are in control of time out?
- Nope. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Right.
- My children are in control. - But your children are--
- Are in control of time out. Yeah. No child should be in
control of discipline. And right now, your children
are in control of all of that. All right. Let's talk about the
boys running away. They don't even think about it. They just go. And so when Armani left, we
went walking down the street. And I'm telling you, it took
every bit of me not to say, why aren't we running? Like, aren't you scared? I-- I guess that's
a fault of mine, just being so
lackadaisical with it, because it happens
so frequently. I mean, do you even
understand the severity of thinking like that? There's no fear with these kids. They don't fear anything. It's just like they're
climbing on top of furniture. They're jumping off of counters. And it really is
by the grace of God that your kids
aren't, like, dead. We're gonna talk a
little bit about bedtime. Dad, it's a little
selfish of you to rile them all up like that
before you go to work, and then leave her with that headache
of trying to put them in bed. Sometimes they'll fall asleep.
Sometimes it's hard-- DEBORAH TILLMAN: How many
times has that happened? TRACI GREGG: I mean--
- Just give me a number. Have they fallen asleep
before Dad went to work? - Never.
- Thank you. BILL GREGG: Never.
- OK. BILL GREGG: OK. DEBORAH TILLMAN: So then why
did you not change this-- exercising with them? Well, because when
I was down there, they would come down anyway. If they came down
looking for you, why didn't you say, we're
not doing this tonight? Because it's fun. It was fun for me.
I mean-- It's your male bonding.
BILL GREGG: Yeah. OK.
So we got it that it's selfish. Bottom line. And it's not helping her. You two have got
to get it together. You guys are not acting
like husband and wife. Right. Like, I see no affection. Literally, you guys
look like roommates. I'm just being honest. Yeah. We're business partners. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Tell
me what's going on. TRACI GREGG: There's just
not enough time in the day. You just can't get it done. To be a business owner, to
be a mom, and to be a wife-- that's my struggle. It's been six years that
we've been doing this. DEBORAH TILLMAN: A lot of
stuff is gonna have to change. There's gonna be a lot of work
that's gonna have to be done. This house is at
zero, so we really have to begin with
the most basic stuff. The first thing I need to put
in place are the House Rules. Tell me what this
is a picture of. It's a person. Somebody's sleeping. This says, "Stay in your bed." That's one of our rules. Can you put that right here? Now that we've got
the House Rules, it's time to go over discipline. OK. Now, say I took
this from Armani. And say, Mommy said, do
not snatch from Armani. But say I snatched it again. Then Mommy's going to
say, I gave you a warning. And now you have to go
to the Calm Down Corner. The Calm Down Corner is used to
allow children the opportunity and time to settle
themselves-- to calm down. What if I go like this? I don't want to be in
a Calm Down Corner! Mommy and Daddy can't
start the timer. Once I'm calm for three
minutes, then I come out. The Calm Down Corner is
the perfect discipline for the boys, because there's
no self-control in this family. And the Calm Down
Corner actually teaches the child to
self-regulate themselves and to calm down. [music playing] Bill and Traci haven't been
able to set safe boundaries with their children. TRACI GREGG: Guys, wait. BILL GREGG: Stay
out of the street! DEBORAH TILLMAN: To ensure the
parents know where the children are at all times, I decided
to implement my Out of Bounds technique. We're going to
put on our helmets and we're going to play
a game on our bicycles where Mommy's gonna ring a bell. When you hear the bell,
put on your brakes, turn around, and go
back to where Mommy is. This is a technique that's
designed to keep children in their boundaries. OK.
DEBORAH TILLMAN: OK. BILL GREGG: I felt like
the bill was a little bit elementary school
and I thought, it's never going to be loud enough. How they're going to hear
me if they're tuning me out? So I was a bit
skeptical with it. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Mom and
Dad looked a little unsure that this was going to work. But I think they're
in for a big surprise. You're going to go
to where Daddy is. Mommy's gonna ring the bell. When you hear the bell,
what are you gonna do? Come back and get Mommy, right? Go, go, go. Go to Daddy. [music playing] Go ahead and ring. [bell rings] Oh, what did you hear?
DEBORAH TILLMAN: Come on. Come back.
- What did you hear? TRACI GREGG: The bell--
you are supposed to stop. And boy, are they stopping. They're stopping
right in their tracks. [bell rings] DEBORAH TILLMAN: Yay! Yay! TRACI GREGG: I am commanding
their attention with it. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Now
we're gonna do a trick. Daddy is gonna
leave, and you just have to listen for the bell. Go, go, go. Good job, Armani. [bell rings] Woo! Good job. Yeah!
Woo! DEBORAH TILLMAN: Good job.
- [laughs] So they do have ears. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Of
course they have ears. [laughter] The kids are so used
to their parents yelling that they tune them out. They're not listening. But with the bell,
the sound is distinct and it gets their attention. The reason why we
ring the bell is so that you're not screaming. Sometimes they don't
even hear you screaming. Yeah. The Out of Bounds technique
is important to me so that we can stay safe--
so that we can go outside. I think they will
respect the bell. [music playing] DEBORAH TILLMAN: Bedtime in
this household is outrageous. TRACI GREGG: Armani! BOYS: [screeches] DEBORAH TILLMAN:
And the children were sort of running the show. And I knew that I could not
wait to teach these parents how to do a bedtime. So now, the next technique
I'm gonna teach you is the three B's for bedtime. Bath, brush, book, and sweet
dreams starts for the S. I told Mom that
between 7:00 and 7:30, it was her responsibility
to get Scarlett in bed. And Dad was responsible
for getting the boys bathed and for them to
brush their teeth. - Night-night.
- [whimpers] TRACI GREGG: When Deborah first
told me about the three B's, I said no way. There is no way she's gonna
get these four boys into bed by 8:00. OK.
Good job. But in the shower.
BILL GREGG: Good job. Good, good job. BILL GREGG: Cool.
- All right. You're naked now.
Thank you. BILL GREGG: Good job.
- Come. Let's get on the floor. [gasps] On the floor. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
Come on. let's go. Yeah! DEBORAH TILLMAN: Now that
bath and brush are done, it's time for the third B-- book. Right here by mom. Mom was responsible for reading
a book to Xavier, Giovanni, and Roman, while Dad was
responsible for reading a book to Armani in his room upstairs. Wow. Look at that long name. Alamnus-- Alamosaurus. Look how much apples. Whoa! That was your-- uh-oh. I think it's night-night time.
- What was the-- DEBORAH TILLMAN: After the
book, it's sweet dreams. And that means that basically,
the children get in their beds. Parents say good night, I love
you, kiss, hug, and they leave. Just close your eyes
and go to sleep. You're fine.
You're my big boy. Night-night. Xavier, Roman, and
Giovanni did fantastic. They all were in their beds
and they didn't get up. Come here. Armani, it's time
for bed and we're gonna go into your own bed. I know. BILL GREGG: This
is your warning. - Put him in the bed, Dad.
- Hey! This is your warning. You're gonna go to the Calm Down
Corner if you can't go to bed. [whines] Now walk away. ARMANI: Hey! DEBORAH TILLMAN: Armani had a
little bit more difficult time. He actually got out of
his bed and his father had to put him in
the Calm Down Corner. That was your warning.
You're out of your bed. Let's go to the
Calm Down Corner. No!
[whines] No! You're in the Calm Down
Corner because you didn't listen to Daddy. No! Uh! No! No! You're in the Calm Down
Corner because you didn't listen to Daddy.
- No! [cries] DEBORAH TILLMAN: Surprisingly,
Armani settled down after just a few minutes. I think these children
were hungry for discipline. You were in the
Calm Down Corner because you didn't
stay in your bed. Stay in your bed. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Let's go. Don't touch him. BILL GREGG: I thought, wow. If we keep it up and he
understands that Daddy's not gonna back down, I
think that that's going to work in my favor. Good night, Armani. Yeah.
- All right. This is as quiet as
it's ever been, isn't it? TRACI GREGG: Wow. BILL GREGG: Yeah. - This is great.
- So what do you want do? Take a vacation now? [laughter] DEBORAH TILLMAN: So
you see how important it is to be consistent? Very important. And to be the parent and not
let the children run the show. See how quiet it is?
TRACI GREGG: Mm. DEBORAH TILLMAN: This is a
wonderful opportunity for you to sit down, come
together, and then try to work on your marriage. Yeah. I'm gonna make sure that by the
time I start leaving for work, then you're in a good spot. - We're gonna do this together.
- We're gonna do it together. TRACI GREGG: Yep!
- All right. - Thank you.
- Take care. TRACI GREGG: Right! DEBORAH TILLMAN: Mom has not
taken the boys out anywhere for the past three years
because they run away from her. [bell rings] I'd already introduced the
idea of the Listening Bell. This is a cue for the boys to
come back to Mom so she's not constantly screaming. But if Mom's gonna them
to, say, the grocery store, she's gonna need even
more tricks up her sleeve. We're gonna go shopping. Can't do it. Mm-mm. All right. Well, we're gonna put some
techniques in place so that you can do it.
- Mm-mm. When Deborah told me we were
going to the grocery store with the kids, I
thought, I can't do this. This is like my worst nightmare. We're gonna to plan
our list after lunch. OK?
TRACI GREGG: Excellent. Oh, my goodness. OK. Wow. [laughs] We're gonna go food shopping. And I need all you big
boys to help Miss Deborah. The first step is to involve
the kids in making the shopping list so that they feel
they're a part of the process. Yes, Roman. Ah, yes, sir. What do we-- The second step is to make sure
the kids have a healthy amount of caution. What if a stranger is there and
says, "Come here, little boy." What are you gonna say?
- No. Mom! Say, "Help! Stranger!" BOTH: Help! Stranger! The third step is to pair the
brothers up so that the kids can keep an eye on one another. And so you are gonna buddy
up with one of your brothers. And Miss Deborah is
going to tell you who you're gonna buddy up with. And finally, the children
need to know that they'll be rewarded for good behavior. [gasps] ROMAN: Wow. DEBORAH TILLMAN: You
have a black belt! TRACI GREGG: Whoa! DEBORAH TILLMAN: When
you get to the store, we get all of the
groceries and you come out and you still have your
belt on, Miss Deborah has a surprise for you. If Mommy and Miss Deborah
have to take your belt, then no surprise. Who wants to come back
with their belt on? All right. TRACI GREGG: The Buddy Up
and the buddy belts is cute. The boys were owning
that like crazy. So I think that's just an
extremely effective way to approach the
grocery shopping trip. [music playing] DEBORAH TILLMAN: All right. I need you guys
to be the leader. Stand right here. Other two buddies, hold hands. This is your list. We're gonna all stay with Mommy.
- Giovanni. Armani. Let's go. we're
going to the store. Stay with Mom. It was a little overwhelming. And I was still scared. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Get
your buddy's hand. What's wrong? Well, you have to hold hands. That's the rule of the store. We weren't shopping long
when the boys started to get fidgety. I understand this
is new for them, but I had to remind them
of the consequences. This is your warning. You need to hold your brother's
hand and we're walking. Or else when we get back
home, I'm taking the belt, and we're going to
the Calm Down Corner. - Xavier, get your buddy.
- No. OK.
So then what do you need to do? What if this happens?
What if this happens? [bell rings] Ring your bell. TRACI GREGG: It
was awkward for me, because I kept wanting
to use my voice. But that wasn't the point. The bell is what's
going to stop them. Ah.
Ring the bell. Ring the bell.
[bell rings] Don't say nothing. Ring the bell. Good job. TRACI GREGG: I gained some
momentum with power, because I became more in control. Give it to somebody
to put it in, Mom. You don't do all the work. Let them do it. OK.
Is that it? I like this. Once mom started to get some
confidence with the boys, I noticed a real
change in her attitude. And everyone was starting
to have a good time. TRACI GREGG: Our buddy
belts are still on. Good job. Put it in the cart. We have our own cart. TRACI GREGG: Oh, my goodness. It was fun for them. They were participants in it. They enjoyed the experience
as much as I did. Good job, guys. Way to wear your buddy belts. Yay! You did good, guys. ARMANI: We did it! [laughter] [music playing] You all did such a
fantastic job shopping today! Everyone earned the reward,
because they did so well today. Giovanni, I would like
you come see Miss Deborah. For doing such a
fantastic job, you are going to get
your first stripe. And they can earn up to 10
and then get a big reward. TRACI GREGG: The boys
loved getting the stripes. Miss Deborah made it
like an awards ceremony. They think that's the
neatest thing ever. Everybody happy? Good job. [claps] [music playing] Are you-- hey, Armani. - Where's-- oh.
- Armani. TRACI GREGG: Armani.
BILL GREGG: Come here. Mom! DEBORAH TILLMAN:
Later that day, when the boys were helping with
laundry, Armani acted up again. You were in-- DEBORAH TILLMAN: Bring him up. Because he didn't listen, he's
going to Calm Down Corner. I'm very worried, because
what I had observed was a woman who
was, like, defeated. And so I was thinking, can
this woman really do it? Because this really
does take perseverance. And I didn't know if
she had it in her. Oh, get him. You're in the Calm Down Corner
because you didn't listen to Mommy. You're in the
Calm Down Corner. Grab him. You did not listen to Mom. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Get him. Get him. Come on, Ma. You can do better than that.
[claps] You're in the Calm Down Corner.
Straight face. Straight face. You're in the
Calm Down Corner. ARMANI: I'm gonna get out. Yay! You're in the
Calm Down Corner. Straight face, Mom. TRACI GREGG: You did
not listen to Mom. [giggles] He thinks you're playing,
because all the time, you break down and laugh. TRACI GREGG: You're in
the Calm Down Corner. DEBORAH TILLMAN: No laughing. The Calm Down Corner
is so hard for me. And you're talking too slow.
[claps] You're in the Calm Down Corner
because you didn't listen to Mom. I didn't think it was as
physical as it would be. But with Deborah there
teaching me and encouraging me, I gained momentum. Ah! DEBORAH TILLMAN: He thinks
it's a joke, because that's been in the past. He's trying to break you.
Go ahead. You can do it.
- Calm-down Corner. Same thing he did to Dad. You're in the
Calm Down Corner. You did not listen to Mom.
- Not gonna wear you down. This is your baby. You're in the
Calm Down Corner. You did not listen to Mom. Good, mom.
Good. Good. Yes, he was gonna test her. He was gonna try her. He was gonna run away from her. He was gonna call her all
kinds of names, which he did. TRACI GREGG: I'm almost in
shock when Armani curses at me. That hurts. DEBORAH TILLMAN: His mouth is
outrageous for a four-year-old. For any age, but particularly
for a four-year-old. Like, how do you know
all of these words? And how are you using them
in the correct context? So I left Mom on her
own and went downstairs to confront Dad. And I was surprised. He took full responsibility. That's my fault. The
only person on earth who would have gotten that
from is his dad, because I knew that that was my-- my mistake. Because you see that
we model the behavior we want for our children. And when you model that,
they mimic it back to you and they sound just like you.
- Yeah. Just like-- DEBORAH TILLMAN: And
that's when it hurts. That-- that's-- I
think that's what got me. He was sounding like me.
- Right. But I know I'm gonna--
I'm gonna-- You're gonna stop. I'm definitely.
And I'm gonna-- So that's good
you recognize it. BILL GREGG: Yeah. And you're gonna
do-- you know, you're not gonna curse anymore.
- Yeah. The more they don't
hear you say anything, then the more it'll sink in. Right. So it's actions speak
louder than words. That's true. That is true. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Dad understands
his cursing is a problem. He says he's on
board, but we'll see. Now I need to go and
check on Mom and Armani. You're in the
Calm Down Corner. You did not listen to Mom. DEBORAH TILLMAN: I knew that
Armani was gonna test Mom more than he tests Dad. But I was happy to see that
Mom stuck to the technique. And she wore Armani down. He stayed in the
Calm Down Corner. TRACI GREGG: This
discipline technique-- I like it. I think it's really gonna work. And I think it's gonna be
very helpful for our family. Oof. It was hard. DEBORAH TILLMAN: I thought it
was actually gonna last longer. OK. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
But you stayed firm. Remember, straight face. Right. Don't have to yell your voice,
but it's more authoritative. - OK.
- You don't let him touch you. There's no affection there. There's just, I'm
breaking away from you because I don't
like the behavior. - Right.
- OK. Not that I don't like you.
- Right. - I don't like the behavior.
- OK. DEBORAH TILLMAN: OK.
- I'm serious. That's right.
I know. I can tell.
- I got it. - Good job.
- Yes! [laughter] [music playing] DEBORAH TILLMAN: Before I leave
the Greggs for a little while, there's one more issue
I want to address. Mom and Dad do not communicate. Our into our lives
are our business. DEBORAH TILLMAN: So you
don't feel like connection. Zero.
[clicks tongue] Uh-oh. So I thought it important to
put a technique in place called "In the Loop." This is an opportunity for you
to come together, sit down, and discuss things that
happened throughout the day. The stipulation is that you
cannot talk about business. It has to be about your
family, because your family is the number-one priority. I gave Traci and Bill notebooks
so that they can write down anything that happened during
the day with their family. Traci and Bill caught onto
the technique pretty quickly. How did you feel when
Armani was challenging you and your-- when you were up
there in the Calm Down Corner? And were you OK with him? I felt like I wanted
to call you in on it. Mm-hmm.
Right. For backup. Bill and I have not
been communicating. I think it's gonna be a great
technique-- very beneficial. BILL GREGG: We're not only
learning about the boys, but we're learning about
each other through all this. TRACI GREGG: I wrote,
I don't want Xavier to become a tattle-teller. BILL GREGG: Right. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
When you communicate, your marriage becomes
better and you become more effective in
solving the problems that you have in your household. Good deal. - So right.
- All right. All right. [music playing] I am gonna leave you
to do this on your own. BILL GREGG: OK. But in order for me to
feel really confident, I want you to go shopping with
the boys without me tomorrow. OK.
[laughs] You can do it. Oh, my gosh. You can do it. TRACI GREGG: I'm
a little nervous. The boys are gonna test me
when Deborah's not there, because they want to see
if I'm for real or not. - You can do it.
- I can do it. Stick to the techniques. Be confident. You are the parents. You are in authority. What I would like
to see from Bill is that he not make
a lot of excuses. And that whatever he knows he
should do, that he actually does it.
- OK. All right.
I'll see you when I get back. - Thank you.
- OK. OK? I'm really worried that
when I'm not there, are they gonna follow
through, or are they gonna revert back to their
old ways of just letting the children run the show? ng] When I first met their four boys were completely
running the household. Mom and Dad worked hard
to learn my techniques, but I'm not convinced they stuck
with them while I was gone. It's time for some
show and tell. Hi.
- Hi. Hi. TRACI GREGG: I was
nervous about what we are about to view on the DVD. There were highs and lows. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Well, let's see
how you did while I was gone. Oh. [click]
[music playing] BILL GREGG: All right.
Let's all walk together. Where are you not
supposed to be? I don't know. BILL GREGG: You're supposed
to not be on the street. How about coming over
here on the sidewalk with the rest of us?
XAVIER: [whines] BILL GREGG: Come over here
on the sidewalk with the rest of us.
TRACI GREGG: Not "how about." Use your listening ears. [whines] Oh, dad.
Too much talking. I'm directing him yeah. He was testing me. "How about coming over here"? Yeah. I know. Where's the bell? BILL GREGG: It's in my hand. DEBORAH TILLMAN: OK. [laughter] OK. What happened? BILL GREGG: I'm-- I'm-- He's like, it's in my hand,
had but I'm still talking here. BILL GREGG: I'm
constantly fighting that battle of my verbals--
TRACI GREGG: It's in my hand. --and just shut
up and use the bell. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Oh, my gosh.
OK. You said a better than I could.
BILL GREGG: Yeah. Yeah.
DEBORAH TILLMAN: (LAUGHING) OK. - Just shut up and use the bell.
- All right. Buddy Up. [chuckles] [music playing] We're here. We're gonna cross the street. We have to stop, right? And look both ways. [bell rings] Good job. Make sure buddies are
always holding hands. I want to go. Well, let's get
out of this area. We've got our carrots. Here. TRACI GREGG: Nobody touch.
- Ah. - No!
- Ow! [cries] TRACI GREGG: Oh, no. What happened? (CRYING) He kicked me. Did you just
kick your brother? Say you're sorry
right this second. - Hey.
- Sorry. Look at your brother
and say you're sorry. Ow! Now, I want better
buddies right now. [cries] Roman, hold his hand. [cries] Right now. Hold your buddy's hand. Now. This is your first warning. Hold your brother's hand. No! No. No! TRACI GREGG: Armani, you will
go to the Calm Down Corner when we get home. DEBORAH TILLMAN: OK. First of all, you did a really
good job with the children. You got them involved. You rang the bell. Good use of the bell--
- OK. DEBORAH TILLMAN: --as a
stimulus for them to stop. But then Roman kicked Armani. Armani starts crying. He needed to be held. OK. DEBORAH TILLMAN: He needed to
know Mommy was there for him. Roman actually kicked him, and
he should've got the Calm Down Corner. I didn't know at
this point what to do, because Armani refused
to be by Roman. And why? Probably because
he got kicked. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Exactly.
BILL GREGG: Yeah. So this is not a
good day for Roman, because he kicked his brother. And his brother doesn't
feel really good about being with him anymore.
- Right. DEBORAH TILLMAN: What you
could have done is said, you know what? Since we had a problem,
Mommy is gonna be your buddy. Because then that's another
way of letting Roman know, I'm not pleased
with what you did. [music playing] You're in the Calm Down
Corner because you did not listen to Mom. Hey, get back here. Take it off! [laughs] TRACI GREGG: You're in
the Calm Down Corner because you did
not listen to Mom. [thump] No! [slam] [rattle] There. [laughs] How did you do that? You're in the Calm Down
Corner because you did not listen to Mom. [shrieks] (YELLING) You're in the
Calm Down Corner 'cause you don't listen to Mom. [cries] OK. This is about Giovanni
getting self-control. And if you lose
control by yelling, then you're not teaching him.
- OK. DEBORAH TILLMAN: OK? Just stay on the same level. You're in the Calm Down Corner
because you didn't listen to Mom. That's it. Armani tested you. He's getting better at it. Now, it's Giovanni's turn. Right. DEBORAH TILLMAN: They all have
to go through the same thing, because they were
used to you guys breaking down and
not being consistent. And so each one of
them is gonna try you. But remember, just
that same confidence-- that same sense of, I'm the
parent and I'm empowered, you have to give to
each one of them. OK. OK. All right. Later on.
[music playing] Did he not do what
you were asking him to when it was time for him-- He said he refused
to do the three B's. I said Giovanni,
this is your warning. Mm-hmm. And he looked at me. And I said, "Calm Down Corner."
- OK. You were really
struggling with him. TRACI GREGG: Right. BILL GREGG: I'm
resolved to just stay. I mean, if I have to stay,
I'll be here to back you up. And I just needed to
know how that happened. Yep. OK. This is great. Great communication. Yeah. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Wow. How does that make you feel? We're taking the time that
we've needed to for so long to give this problem attention. And I think we're just seeing
great things happen not only between the kids and
us, but us together. Yeah. Just in teamwork. TRACI GREGG: I think it's great.
Just making the days count. Yeah.
DEBORAH TILLMAN: Yes. And accomplishing
something that's positive. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Yes.
- Yeah. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
And not negative. Instead of so negative. I think that this was a
great first start for you both. [music playing] Overall, I think you
did a really good job. - Mm-hmm.
- Thank you. [laughs] From the first day I saw you
till now, you did a fantastic job. I mean, I've seen a great
amount of improvement. I've seen a tremendous amount of
confidence built in you, Traci, where you're feeling better
about you having a voice. Yeah. Just regaining control.
DEBORAH TILLMAN: Yeah. I feel--
- Being the parent. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Yes. You both have actually
done a lot of work. So stick to it.
- OK. - OK.
- We're on the right track. - All right.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
- Thank you. You're welcome. [music playing] Can everybody stand
up and give me a hug? I'm getting ready to go bye-bye. You have done such a-- oh, OK. TRACI GREGG: Aw. DEBORAH TILLMAN: Aw, thank you. BILL GREGG: Deborah
was a great coach. She was able to carry
herself with authority and show me how to
use that as well. We needed a coach like her. We needed somebody to
just come in and show us how to get it done.
- Take care. - Bye.
- OK. - Thank you, Miss Deborah.
- You're welcome. Bye, little Scarlett.
- Say bye-bye. I think it's been tough, but
one of the most positive things we've ever been
through as a family. Be good. Take care.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- All right. You're welcome. Bye-bye. DEBORAH TILLMAN:
The Gregg family has come such a long way. Mom and Dad have finally found
their authority as parents. And because of that, the
kids are happier and safer. If they continue
down this new path, I think they've got a
bright future ahead. [music playing]
