How to Deal With Different--and Difficult--Personality Types Pt 1: How to Spot Which One Someone Is

there are four basic types there's the expressive type there's the amiable type there's the driver type and there's the analytical type those are the four generic names for them people call them the expresses the amiable's the drivers and the analytical's what happens is different people want to sell different systems and so instead of calling them the expresses the amiables the drivers the analyticals they'll call them things like the SEL F or the D is C or the red blue green yellow or the owl the lamb the lamb the lion and the hound or whatever they'll call them they'll call them different things simply because that way they can write a book or give a presentation or whatever maybe and sell that too as if it is new material but it's all going to come down to the same stuff even for example the myers-briggs where I am an INTJ it's all focused on the for driving personality types and we are all a mixture of each one of the four styles we're all a mixture of them but we all have a dominant personality style that really drives us at home and at work and you're going to be primarily either an expressive personality type an amiable personality type a driver personality type or an analytical personality type so once you understand really what the four types are and how they work together and the languages that they speak you can do many things with that information you can more effectively put together a team you can more effectively assign work you can understand why people might be exhibiting behavior that you don't like and then you can once you understand that you can work with that person and their behavior more effectively there's so many different things that you can do what we're gonna talk about in this lesson is what's called style stepping meaning I'm going to change my language a little bit change my verbal patterns form my benefit statements to you and what's important to you so I'm going to start out giving you a brief overview of the four types and how they work with one another and what they kind of look like and act like so that you can spot them now you will know which type you are once you learn about the four types if you haven't already determined what type you are I would not suggest that you spend a lot of time and money taking assessments to find out who you are if you are familiar with the four types you'll know which one is most you that's going to be the type you are you generally do not need somebody else to give you an assessment to tell you which one of the four you are now of course in the Enneagram the one that I mentioned before that I'll be covering in upcoming lessons that's a little bit different there are nine core driving factors in the Enneagram and sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking that we are one type when we're actually another so it's good to take an assessment for something like that so we can be more honest with ourselves but with these four types it's simple here's what you're going to have the as I mentioned expressives the amiable's the drivers and the analytical's let me start off saying how they work together the expressives and the amiable's for example you'll see that they're right next to one another they're horizontal on the scale all of these different personality systems can be mapped out and you should be able to look at the types on a piece of paper and see how they relate to one another visually meaning you'll see that the expressive and amiable's are on the same level what that really means is they have a lot of characteristics in common for example the expresses and the amiable's are both basically right brain thinkers they're going to be thinking with and using more of their right brain they're more emotional they're more creative they're more extroverts they need people more they're more people people and they'll speak a lot of the same language so they tend to understand one another more when they work together the same as expressives and drivers they're on the same side of the scale they will both speak similar language patterns they understand one another a lot they're both for example more extroverted types they're both more leaders they're both naturally more assertive personality types they will understand another and one another's working style a lot so you'll see that for example on the top I put two green lines and on the sides you'll see two green lines on the bottom you'll see two green lines that's because when you are going on any of these systems when you're going right to left or up and down those styles will share characteristics they won't be identical and they won't speak the same language but they will share characteristics you'll notice however that for example expressives and analyticals and amiables and drivers you'll notice that those are positioned on opposite sides of the chart and so they have a red line connecting those to the expressive than the analytical's have a red line connecting them and the amiable's and the drivers have a red line why because that's where you'll find most conflict amiable types and driver types are opposite personality types expressive types and analytical types are opposite personality types therefore if you just plonk an amiable and a driver personality type together and you ask them to do for example the same job work on the same team and we don't cover personality types or social styles or working styles what's going to happen is there'll be a lot of conflict and misunderstanding because they're going to be thinking as they're working with one another what's wrong with you why do you think that way why do you speak that way why do you do things that way and unless we understand oh it's because you're that type therefore your tendencies are to do with X Y Z and to say X Y Z there's a lot of confusion and miscommunication so what I'm gonna do at this point is quickly cover the four types what some of their strengths are what some other weaknesses are how to spot them and then we'll move along into some strategies to communicate differently with the four different personality types already let's get started with the expressive the expresses some people call them the star types what they are is the type that comes into work and they are always seen and heard wherever they go they're very visible people they thrive off with being seen and heard the last thing you want to do with an expressive personality type is ignore them and make them feel as though they are on they will find a new job where they are noticed now that doesn't mean they're egomaniacs that just means they do not want to be invisible and by the way when I talk about these four types I'm going to make caricatures of these types so we can all be an extreme type or a moderate type but if I'm talking about these personality types I'm going to use extreme language and create caricatures of these people so that you can spot them more easily for example the expressive types I like to think of each one of these types is driving a certain type of car or certain types of cars go along with each of these types and the expressives tend to come into work driving Mustang convertible you know they are even heard where ever they go there it's a visible flashy car they like things also such as Cadillac Escalades a big shiny pretty car they like sports cars they like motorcycles they like cool cars and they like cars that for example make noise like there's that new Fiat car that has a special noise that it makes because of the muffler remember like when I think it's the Volkswagen bugs they used to have a special sound that they made that special muffler Hollywood also has a special sound to it and by the look at that car and the sound of that car it is made for expressive personality types expressive also person to express it's also come in wearing sparkly clothes you know though during the Christmas season for example or the holiday season I should say they will come in wearing like antlers with little bells on them they'll be wearing jingle bell earrings they'll be wearing sweaters if at all possible that actually light up you know like they might have a little battery pack in it and it's the Christmas tree sweater that actually sparkles and if it can make noise that's their favorite Christmas sweater ah they will wear a lot of colors in their clothing they'll wear a lot of patterns in their clothing they will experiment with their hairstyle they tend to talk a lot they are very big picture thinkers and so they tend to in their office face be a little more disorganized than some other types because it's all about really what's going on then the looks of it they tend to have a theme song remember that each one of these types has a theme song and the expressive theme song is they'll come into work and they'll sing so great good times come on because they want everybody to celebrate in their party they want everybody to have fun and they are the most social of all personality types remember they like to be seen and heard wherever they go they wear a lot of colors and patterns and sparkles in their clothes they drive cars that are seen and heard in their office space you can sit in a expressives office space and gather little pieces of information about them you know you can actually see photos of people that they like and love they tend to have games and candy and things that will draw people into their area and when people are in their area they enjoy being in their area they are for example the first person I would invite to a party but what we want to do is look at the opposite sizing scale remember so if I can see somebody is an expressive personality type I'm going to think oh you're going to be naturally very creative you're going to be very big picture thinking you're going to be a natural leader you're gonna be great with people however if your opposite personality type is really good with details that's gonna be something that naturally is not a strength of yours so I would invite you to that party I would not give you the checkbook to balance you know I would for example love to put you in a leadership position I would not want you to be in charge of the final findings report generated by your research team because you're not going to be as thorough and complete by nature as the person who's opposite from you on the personality scale now of course that's not to say that there aren't expressive personality types who are very detail-oriented of course there are and some of them are great with numbers however if we're talking about basic natural strengths and weaknesses I'm going to generalize and I'm going to make assumptions when I don't know the answer based on your personality type and go with that so now I'd like to move along to the amiable personality types the amiable personality types are the ones who come to work dressed in clothes that are comfortable and kind of people-oriented for example they wear a lot of soft clothing that that feels good to the touch they'll wear sweatshirts with pictures of people on them like they'll wear a sweatshirt that might have a picture of you know a baby and they'll say you know world's best franchise and you'll say oh is that your grandson your granddaughter and they'll say no I just thought it was cute I saw at the thrift store and just set a pit they'll have comfortable shoes on things like Birkenstocks shoes or a pair of tennis shoes that they worn for a long time because they're comfortable and they'll drive up to work in cars that are people cars they drive a lot of things such as minivans they'll drive cars that look like people like that folks like the new Volkswagen Beetle they'll drive things like remember the Dodge Neon that the front of it kind of looked like a person going meet me they will drive cars they're very rarely going to be seen in two-seater cars because they would think well that's a selfish car you can't have more than one other person in it and the theme song that is running in their heads when they come to work tends to be joy to the world and you and you and you and you they want everybody to feel the joy they want everybody to be friends you know they want everybody to like them and they want everybody to like one another they don't like conflict if you go into their workspace you will see that they have lots of things that are very personal you know they'll have a calendar for example with pictures of people on it and you'll say hey isn't that calendar expired that's from like 2009 and they'll say yeah but I really like the pictures looked as the kitty going hang in there you know they'll have plants that are dead but there's still sentimental value in those plants they'll have things that their children have made them and they'll put those around and the reason that they want to that they want that they put those things up in their workspace is to share that with other people they love these people they love these things they have emotional attachments to things and they want to share that with you so that's good to keep in mind because when you look at their opposite personality type for example the drivers the drivers are those who have almost nothing in their workspace except maybe a picture of their children and their spouse or a family photo but it's very different the reason that they have that out there from the reason an amiable personality type would have it out there remember amiable's have things out because they want to share that with you they want to share the love and the in the emotion that they have attached to those things the drivers have things out there because they want to show you that's mine you know those they drivers are very territorial they spray all over the place so they want you to know that's not for me to share the love that I have with my family with you that's so you know that's my family that's my trophy or whatever that you want to call it they tend to be very trophy achievement-oriented and they're putting it out there to let you know and that's really about it or for themselves cuz they want to look at that and remind themselves why they're working drivers tend to come into work in three different types of cars Toyota's Honda's & Nissan's when they upgrade they don't upgrade to something like a Cadillac Escalade fancy car they'll upgrade to things that are understated luxury status symbols things such as Alexis things such as a an Audi they love Acura's but they like cars that are if they're going to be an expensive car they're more understated and they're usually classy somewhat status symbols drivers come into work wearing a lot of gray black and navy they tend to have just a couple of pair of work shoes expensive fancy name shoes but one black pair of work shoes or boots that they use a lot and one maybe Navy pair of blue of shoes or boots that they wear a lot and they tend to have more of a militant style to their to the way that they dress and they tend to come into work walking down the hallway with their chest forward kind of lean forward a little bit because their theme song is get her done get it done get it done and get it done and get it done and get it done get it done get it done and what happens is a driver and an amiable will pass one another in the hallway and if they're not conscious of speaking one another's language what'll happen is the amiable will walk past the driver and say good morning drivers and the driver right to his or her deaths because they have work to do drivers will think I am NOT here to make friends I'm here to get a job done that's what they tend to think and drivers you know if you're a driver because they really have a problem with incompetent people so what happens is the driver will go back to his or her desk and they aim evil had said hello but they didn't return that hello and the driver is thinking what's wrong with that and the amiable is thinking why they won't say I'm gonna keep trying to say hello to that driver because I know that underneath that cold icy exterior there's a warm heart and I'm gonna get through to it and what the amiable's need to realize is stop saying hello to the drivers you're never getting through to them it's not about you it's about them and what the drivers need to realize is start saying hello to the amiable's they take it personally and they're not working as hard as they could for you and your team if you don't give them what they need you know we tend to see people and we think oh you're not getting the needs that I would want met Matt and so we'll try to meet those four other people for example I am a driver analytical type and so what I'll do is if I work in a place where there's lots of people you'll frequently find me eating lunch in my car because I like to take some time out recharge my batteries I get energy from being alone the opposite personality types from might get energy from being with other people but if I need to recharge my batteries I'll go onto my car and I'll be eating lunch alone and I'll be enjoying myself maybe reading a book listening to something on tape and then the next thing you know I hear this tap tap tap on the window Hidan and it'll be some expressive or some amiable saying oh you're eating lunch just by yourself why don't you come on in and join us in the lunchroom we're having a potluck today and I think uh the reason I'm out here is because I want to eat lunch alone sometimes we'll see people eating lunch alone in the lunchroom and we'll say hey why don't you come and join us now sometimes that's a great idea because we want to be friendly and maybe they don't have any friends but if they know a lot of people and have a lot of friends you know choosing to eat alone maybe we should let them eat alone because remember that many times we come into work and we'll practice what's called the golden rule and the golden rule is to treat others how right as you'd like to be treated don't do that instead go into work and practice the Platinum rule and the Platinum rule is to treat others how as they want to be treated and so what I want to do is study the personality types and treat you the way you want to be treated for example let's get to the analytics the analytics are the types that they come into work dredge driving clunker cards you know their cars are gonna be 20 years old easy but it's paid off because they have a plan you know they have a strategy for just about everything and they are the least concerned with appearances so you look at the opposite and you'll remember the expressive types are most concerned with appearances and what people think about them and of them where the analytical types think the least about what other people think about them and of them and so they will drive whatever car is paid off and still gets them from point A to point B and they tend to be the ones who don't look like it but are the millionaire's next door like if you look at Warren Buffett for example total analytical lives in a very regular home lit drives a very regular car and is one of the wealthiest men in the United States because he had a plan and analytical types where a lot of tan pants they were a lot of tan pants with tennis shoes because it's comfortable for them and if you say to a tampon sir or an analytical if you say hey it'll just a mop hot tan pants you got there do you have anything other than tan pants they'll say things like well yes I don't know many different color pants I have tan pants and beige pants and khaki pants and off white pants and green pants and you're like they're all tan hey and remember that this lesson is continued in the next episode so this is Dan O'Connor make sure to subscribe and I'll see you on the inside these free effective communication skills training course videos brought to you by communication expert keynote speaker Dan O'Connor

Channel: The Wizard of Words

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Keywords: how to deal with different--and difficult--personality types, how to deal wth different and difficult personality dan o'connar, dan o'connor communication, communication training classes online, personality types, great online communication skills training courses, how to deal with different personalities, dan oconnor communication, online communication skills training videos, free online communication skills training videos, communication training dan oconnor

Id: gQj4JFqtZYA

Length: 19min 37sec (1177 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 19 2017