11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting in TANGLED

I even met someone yes the wanted thief I'm so proud so you know I hate leaving you after a fight especially when I've done absolutely nothing wrong I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and follow that oh great now I'm the bad guy I now realize that I've probably been gaslighting my dog i'm jonathan decker i'm a licensed therapist and i love movies hi I'm Alan see right I am a licensed filmmaker there's no license and I need therapy but I can't afford him so I'm making an internet TV show where I get free there this is this is all a big con huge anyways today we're gonna talk about gas lighting and the movie Tangled gas lighting that you've probably seen it in the news is this concept of making someone question their sanity or their ability to reason or their own judgement the outside world is a dangerous place filled with horrible selfish people you must stay here where you're safe do you understand flower yes Marley where's it come from so there is a play written in the 30s and then two films made I haven't seen the one in 1940 there was one made in 1944 by George Cukor famed director I'm sure you were aware of an Cukor yes no he's not he's never heard the great Cory for cocoa puffs I am cuckoo for Georgie puffs delicious anyway the movie is called Gaslight it's about a woman whose husband lies to her he lowers the lights in the house tells her that she's going crazy when she points it out so that he can get her to move out and he can rob a corpse that he actually has in the Attic it's dark crazy twisted things it's very dark especially for the 40s that's fantastic really good is it gas lighting as a tactic is routinely used by cult leaders by dictators but also by abuse of boyfriends and girlfriends husband and wives employers friends family to manipulate people into thinking I can only rely on you as my reliable source of information and one of the best examples in cinema was in modern cinema of this is tangled mother Gothel is constantly lying to Rapunzel telling her she's worthless telling her she can't do things belittling her making her feel like less than like she'll won't be able to survive outside how much of that does Mother Gothel line up with there's a really good Psychology Today article called eleven warning sign of gaslighting by stocker Stephanie a circus a circus the dr. Sarkis yes Mother Courage and Mother Gothel is 11 for 11 her whole strategy is to get Rapunzel to question her own sanity her own reason her own judgment so she hits all the points from the articles number one gas fighters tell blatant lies so right out of the gate mother Gothel was telling Rapunzel things that simply are truths for example she greatly exaggerated the risk of the outside world in the song mother knows best [Music] [Music] it's almost as scary as real life number two they deny they ever said something even if you have proof best example of this is mother Gothel telling Rapunzel you can leave when you're old enough you can leave when you're grown-up and smart enough and then totally number three they use what is near and dear to you as ammunition now quote from the article that really exemplifies this they will tell you you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits they attacked the very foundation of your being and and mother knows best mother Gothel just completely decimates Rapunzel's looks her character everything about her snobby underdressed immature [Music] I do find it very interesting that in that what she is denigrating about Rapunzel is actually something she's just projecting onto Rapunzel there her own concerns about herself I believe number four they wear you down over time Rapunzel's been in that tower for eighteen years being steadily fed a mental diet of all of this garbage so no wonder when she actually leaves the tower she goes a little bonkers and questions her own sanity her own reason her own judgment so number five is their actions do not match their words Mother Gothel constantly says but what she actually means is I love controlling you the most she won't let her be reunited with her real family and she keeps her from experiencing real love which this being a Disney movie happens in three days but come on just go with it and after years and years of ask number six they throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you in other words the very person who is attacking you just ripping into your identity as now the person who's praising you building you up and it's confusing as heck also oftentimes the gas lighter the very thing they're gonna praise you about is the thing that benefits them the most right so think of Mother Gothel she praises Rapunzel for seeing the song because the song energizes the hair which brings about her eternal youth right when she's talking to her pencils she's brushing the hair when she hugs Rapunzel or kisses her she kisses the hair everything she praises Rapunzel about is about what serves Mother Gothel and gasps letters are gonna do that all day and all night they're gonna tell you that you're garbage except for the thing that you do well at least that they want you to think you do well is the thing that serves them and Flynn Eugene is constantly brushing the hair out of Rapunzel's face he's touching her face to see he's getting to her he's trying to get the hair out of the way number seven they know the confusion weakens people our natural tendency is to try to find a person that makes us feel the most stable and in this case when it's the gas lighter you're pretty much out of luck so you were tell me there's an example about this yeah so when Rapunzel wants to go see the lanterns she doesn't know what they are she just knows that there's lights floating up and Mother Gothel says that plus the entire mother knows best song is meant to confuse her and make her question her own judgment judgment yes like she can't she can't rely on her own judgment her own interpretation of reality everything goes through Mother Gothel mother Gothel is the source of wisdom right this is I mean this is a cult leader oh my got a cult of one yeah but she's got her in little Enclave and she's just completely subjecting her and bending her mind to her will yeah the only thing that Rapunzel knows that our facts are what's inside the tower anything outside she has to just trust this woman who's completely abusing her all right number nine is they try and turn people against you now in mother Goethals case she doesn't have immediate access to Flynn who is literally the only other person in Rapunzel's life it's it's Flynn and it's Gothel but what she does is she starts to say what's the best boy who are Flynn's friends that I can turn against Flynn and Rapunzel so you got these two brothers the guy outside the tavern anybody she can get on her side to fight this fight against this person or to bring that person back to her side right number 10 they tell you or others that you are crazy and Gothel does this all the time with Rapunzel by telling us she's naive [Music] telling her she's concocted things in her brain likes you please Rapunzel that's demented but mother I is why you never should have left and when Rapunzel tries to stand up to her you don't understand I've been on this incredible journey and I've seen and learned so much Gothel just slaps it down and once again this is all in your head dia this whole romance that you've invented just proves you're too naive to be here you don't belong out here you're not ready you've made this up and you're too naive to be out in the outside world you need me to shield and protect you [Music] so it'd be such a dreamboat go and put him to the test the one thing I would push back against is she actually does manage to turn Flynn against Rapunzel at the very end of the film when she kidnaps Flynn ties him to the boat and sets him sailing she makes Rapunzel think that he's left her with the crown yeah obviously this is not Flynn's choice he hasn't actually turned against her but in Rapunzel's eyes that's what happened and Gothel you know force that down yeah and how that shows up in real life is the Gaslight will say so-and-so was saying this about you exactly they could be lying completely or let me show you a text or let me show you that and it's often taken out of context or whatever they can so they can say no one's on your side but me and I saw them attack Ewan - and when Gothel does that with Flynn that makes her 11 for 11 it's a clean sweep they tell you everyone else is a liar it makes people turn to the gas lighter for the correct information which of course is incorrect information at all and the really interesting thing about tangled is Rapunzel starts to figure that out actually as it's happening so Gothel right at that moment takes her and leads her back into the forest but you'll notice the light that she's leading her by is not a warm glow it's not you know a candle light it's the sickly green you know light that Rapunzel has already figured out this is not she's not giving me real light she's giving me something else this is not truth and Rapunzel has started to figure it out but what are things that we can do once we start to see you know these signs of a gas later in our own lives like how can we come back that well in real life first of all you have to you have to assess is this a relationship I want to keep right oftentimes do you think you absolutely do because the gas slider has led you down this path of you can't live without me you are nothing without me you need me and so the idea of being away from this person is it's just petrifying it's horrifying I am you need time away from this person to see what your life is like apart from them right and to see if okay do I really want this person in my life a lot of these relationships are just flat-out toxic and you need to be done with them right in other cases okay it's your mother it's your brother it's your sister it's not somebody that you can just completely cut out of your life and so you have to figure out one what are my boundaries right if I have a family member who's toxic who's a gas lighter do I see them at family dinners and when they try and ask about details my life I don't let them in you know they're it's fine to have surface level relationships with people who are just bad news for you oh yeah absolutely you know and so and that doesn't mean you don't love them it just means they're not safe because there's a difference between love and trust and if someone's been routinely gaslighting you unless they see it and are actively working to change it there's no trust in that relationship so there shouldn't be a relationship at all or it should be a relationship with really strong boundaries but let's say I'm with I'm I have a partner and I love that partner and they don't may not even know they're doing this this is just how they relate to the world yeah that's an issue for counseling this is something that might clear up and counseling because if they don't even see they're doing it they'll probably feel awful and want to turn things around I now realize that I've probably been gaslighting my dog for like 11 years well your dog is a that's how I see in real life and I think Rapunzel gives a good example is in the film don't you think yeah well Rapunzel you know starts the process when she leaves the tower but she doubts herself and her decisions you know has a little craziness and then the longer she's away the more she's able to see through Goethals lies and manipulations and at the end Rapunzel confronts Gothel with the truth and completely breaks free of her grasp I am the lost princess aren't I she finally finds her voice literally and figuratively mother it's a nice callback right to the beginning oh yeah that's great stop with the mumbling you know how I feel about the mummy blablablabla is very annoying I'm just teasing you're adorable and and at the beginning is Goethals way of controlling Rapunzel me at the end it's Rapunzel asserting herself saying you controlled me this is this is something that you said to me when you were controlling me I'm showing you I'm not taking it anymore did I mumble and Gothel still tries to like still tries to smooth it over a little bit but she's realizing she's losing the grip oh yeah seeing the power she deflects right she doesn't even answer she just deflects do you even hear yourself why would you ask such a ridiculous question mother Gothel is so mean and nasty that she completely earns a full on Indiana Jones villain death Oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] that's the way I'd like to go into ashes to ashes dust to dust another big essential part of Rapunzel's journey out of this toxic relationship is she finds somebody else to confide in she finds Flynn and I don't want to suggest like you need a new relationship out of the frying pan and the fire what I am saying is if it's just you and a gas lighter or if it's just you in another person period and you don't even see them in the gas slider you might want to question why it's just you and this one other person and why they kind of push everyone else out of your life except for the people who agree with them so one thing that helped Rapunzel can also help us you need to have other voices other friends other family members and let them tell you what they're seeing what they're hearing because there's a combination of trusting your own judgement and getting outside opinions which Rapunzel does when she has Flynn in her life what if it's not everything I dreamed it would be and so make sure you have someone else in your life to give you an outside perspective absolutely unless you're you in which case you need no other voices just us like subscribe hit the bell and follow us on social media at therapy cinema all other voices are untrustworthy you maggot but you're also beautiful and we treasure you but you're terrible and how can you possibly live with yourself you need our help so if you'd like for help go to the link down below and you can meet with me for a free 15 minute consultation I swear it isn't better he's good that's good at this you can also buy the film using the link below follow us on social media until next time folks there's been a blast it's been a gasps actually and make sure you're connecting with loved ones taking care of yourself and watch movies [Music]

Channel: Cinema Therapy

Views: 1,740,981

Rating: 4.9859953 out of 5

Keywords: cinematherapy, cinema therapy, mental health, counseling, therapy, mental health therapy, online therapy, online counseling, Disney, disney animation, tangled, tangled songs, gaslighting, gaslighter, walt disney, psychotherapy, disney princess, rapunzel, walt disney animation studios, therapist, Alan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, disney, therapist reacts, Mother Gothel

Id: Efua__7B7j4

Length: 16min 30sec (990 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 09 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/-Draclen-]

Tangled has actually been one of my favorite movies since I was a kid and is quite frankly a big part of my life (is the movie that made me want to an animator), so this video was pretty sweet.

Ironically, this movie when I was really young kind of helped set the stage for me being able to spot toxic masculinity/behavior later in life. A lot of my “friends” straight up bullied me when I said I really liked the film cause apparently it’s a “girl’s movie”.

[u/BartBeckett]

Stumbled upon this Youtube channel a couple of days ago and think it’s great.

This video reminded me of this sub and hope it fits here.

The warning signs mentioned in the video fit what an ex of mine did to me, fortunately I got out of that relationship fairly quickly and because we had no overlapping circle of friends I could cut him out of my life completely. But while we were together I did question my sanity a couple of times.

[u/Elbombshell]

God I’ve used this term twice today while arguing with my ex and What are the odds that I stumble upon this. Thank you so much for posting it. And if anyone reading this is experiencing gaslighting (in my personal experience/every situation is different): when you say you think/feel/believe something and their first response is “you’re crazy”..... watch out. All my best to everyone who’s dealing with or dealt with gaslighting.

And an edit just because: Again, every situation is different. But in mine, my ex and I share a child. Currently trying to make things work for our son. Spoiler alert (it’s not working). So he started gaslighting. And instead of trying to convince him how he had it all wrong and blah blah blah. I simply said. Well not simply, I said it like a boxing match announcer: “Well I don’t believe that is the case. So it appears we have reached an insurmountable impasse and will take it back to court in a few months then.”

He didn’t know what to. The look on his face. Lord have mercy he was shocked. I gave him a big overly cheesy grin and a thumbs up and left. It’s really hard when kids are involved because he gets to manipulate our son into believing things that aren’t true. And at his age, he’s starting to favor dad more than mom.... ah my heart. Sorry off topic. I called him on it without going into “this is gaslighting and it’s manipulative behavior designed to make me feel crazy”. He’d just shrug and still call me crazy. Not validating their attempts robs them of the satisfaction they get when the know how to get to you. Don’t give them the power and they get no satisfaction.

Hopefully that can help for someone’s situation. Take that gas light it on fire and let them figure out what to do next.

[u/HMourland]

Gaslighting is used so often to control children we don't even register it.

[u/nc863id]

This makes me wonder how many kids have watched Tangled, looked at their parents, and gone "...oh."

[u/allahwishoes]

Their vid in Aragon and toxic masculinity is good too

[u/AlicornGamer]

the part where Tangled is like 'yay i'm free but will mother be annoyed if she knows ive done THIS/ what would mother say' hits too close to home

[u/parikuma]

That's a really good video, thanks.
I hadn't really cared about the movie when it came out and this is probably a part of the reason why (a visceral reaction to gaslighting), but with the bits and pieces they're showing it gives me a wave of sadness about Rapunzel, as an echo to all the people I love who have been or are victims of gaslighting to this day.

A difficult thing with that subject is that it matters little how much everybody else knows about the signs and gaslighting, and to some extent even how much those are being pointed out (however softly or harshly one would). It's a violent situation to be in for the victim because not only are they deeply controlled but pretty much the only way to actively get out of it has to come from within themselves. They're not likely to hear the love coming from everybody else who's able to see it, and that is the most vicious aspect of gaslighting.

I've seen gaslighting being "lifted" when the abuser is no longer in the picture, pretty much because the abuser moved on. Being able to help people stuck with the abuser for months, years, decades even, is something that can be incredibly frustrating. And from the outside it's not that easy to commit to giving this unconditional love while at the same time not allowing the bullshit of the abuser. It often feels like a gamble as to how much you say, whether a subject can be touched on, etc.

The subject of gaslighting truly is one where prevention is incredibly important, so whoever you love or know who doesn't know well enough about the subject should really get to hear more about it BEFORE it ever happens to them.

[u/this_knee]

Ya, that channel is great. Johnathan Decker has great vids as well. Was surprised to suddenly see him here. Great human.