(lively music) - [Lily] Hey, Psych2Goers. Welcome back to the channel. We wanted to take a moment and be sure you knew how grateful we were for all your support. Your ongoing support is what
helps us make psychology and mental health more
accessible to everyone. Now let's continue. Gaslighting is a word that's used a lot in the media these days, but what does gaslighting actually mean? The term originates from the
Patrick Hamilton's original 1939 stage play, "Gaslight," where a husband psychologically
manipulates his wife. In the story, the husband
attempts to convince his wife that she is insane by
manipulating small elements of their environment and
insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly when she points out the changes he makes. The play's title alludes
to how the abusive husband slowly dims the gaslights in their home while pretending nothing has changed in an effort to make his wife
doubt her own perceptions. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where someone leads you to
question your own reality, memory, or perceptions. So here are 10 examples of what
gaslighting can sound like. As a disclaimer, we want to note that not everyone who says these phrases is automatically a gaslighter. Gaslighting is intentional and a gaslighter knows
exactly what they're saying and what they're doing. One, "What did I do to you?" If someone responds to you this way, they may genuinely not
know what they have done and are asking you about it. But when it's gaslighting, they are aware they have
done something to hurt you and are pretending to play dumb. In defensively posing
this question to you, they are denying the
impact they had on you and are also forcing you to question it. Two, "Everyone around
you isn't the problem, the problem is you." This is sometimes used as a way to shut down the conversation or dialogue for whatever is happening. This type of language is often referred to as victim blaming, where the gaslighter will make statements that cause you to feel
like you are the problem, even when you have fallen victim to something such as bullying or abuse and the situation is outside
of your direct control. Three, "I'm sorry you feel that way." When someone's hurt you and
they say something like this, than it is not a true apology. Instead, it's a way to make you feel like you are the problem. They say that they're sorry
that you feel the way you do rather than apologizing
for what they've done or how they made you feel. Four, "I don't remember saying that. I think you made that up." This is the go-to phrase
that a gaslighter will use to intentionally get you to
question your experience, behavior, and thoughts in order to take the focus off of them. Five, "It's your anxiety that
made me do the things I do." This is a common response when a gaslighter gets called
out for their behavior. They use this as a reason to justify their own negative
behavior when in fact, they should take responsibility
for their own actions instead of choosing to blame you. Six, "You need help." This term is used to imply
that you are the problem and that you need to address your issues rather than them having to
work through their own issues. This is a shutdown response to avoid working things through with you. Seven, "It's your fault." People who gaslight will neglect any responsibility
for their actions or for a situation. Instead, they will directly blame others. This can be a repetitive cycle
where you may be made to feel like something is your
fault even if it isn't. You may even apologize for
things that aren't your fault to make peace with them. Eight, "You're too emotional." This implies that your
characteristics are seen as flaws. And this can make you
question your own sense of who you are. Nine, "It's not a big deal." People who gaslight have a tendency to minimize the impact
that something has on you. They may make you feel like
you're making a bigger deal out of something, when you are within your
right to talk about things that are bothering you and
express yourself openly. 10, "Why are you so
defensive all the time? You're attacking me." This is a common phrase used when you challenge a gaslighter. They have a tendency to flip
the conversation towards you and make it out like you are
the one who is in the wrong by accusing you of being defensive and that you're attacking them. Then they become the victim. Do any of these phrases
sound familiar to you? These are only some of the things a gaslighter will say to you. You may have heard these before
or even said them yourself, but this does not necessarily
mean you have been gaslighted or that you are a gaslighter. Gaslighting is intentional and a gaslighter knows full
well what they're saying and what they are doing. We encourage you to seek help or guidance if you suspect that gaslighting has played a role in your life. Please like and share this
video if it helped you and you think it can
help someone else too. The studies and references used are listed in the description below. Don't forget to hit the Subscribe button and notification bell icon
for more Psych2Go videos. Thank you for watching. We'll see you next time.
