10 Best Ideas | How to Win Friends and Influence People | Dale Carnegie | Book Summary

most successful world leaders have one thing in common they've all read how to win friends and influence people what's up guys Clark from Clark danger calm super excited for this book review today we have how to win friends and influence people the old classic sun-bleached edition right here that I got says over 15 million copies sold I'm sure it's way more by now because this is a 97 Edition anyway not to bore you let's get into the 10 best ideas on Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people and before that you know why should we even care about winning friends and influencing people I mean really this is almost a primary source meaning that all the new books coming out on communication all the new self-help books they're all pullin from this guy some of these ideas might sound kind of duh or common-sense but we got to be sure to not skip over them because if we just write them off completely we're gonna miss their benefits okay so as we're going through these 10 ideas really be open-minded to each applying each one even it's as simple as at number one last thing be sure you're listening for your best idea which one of these ideas stand out to you which ones do you agree with or disagree with and put it in the comment down below let's get going now on the top 10 ideas from Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people starting with idea number one this is become genuinely interested in other people there's a quote here that says you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people then you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you you know simple fact people love to talk about themselves so if you want to win friends influence people if you want to just get to know people better you want people to like you become genuinely interested in them kind of on the same point I was talking to my mother the other night and she said she was going to some Meetup I think online and she said I don't know why making friends is so hard for people all you have to do is smile introduce yourself and ask people about themselves or ask people to talk about themselves you got an instant friend and I'm like that's that's a really simple way to put it but but also really true because people love to talk about themselves they do and if you get someone going on one or two things that they're really passionate about boom there's your conversation they'll open up to you and over time they're gonna like you because they feel like they're themselves around you so principle number one how do you win friends and influence people become genuinely interested in other people get them to talk about themselves big idea number two let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers great advice if you're in a group setting or a leadership role allow other people to take credit for you what was the quote it was it's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't care who gets the credit for it we want credit for everything but if we step that's all our ego so if we step away from that and let other people take the credit make it feel like their ideas is his or hers they're gonna feel like around you they come up with all these ideas I want to hang out with you more when I was first starting podcasting I got some great advice and it was from someone who had been podcasting for a long time they said Clarke the secret to doing an interview show where you're the host is make the guest sound good it's your only job make the guest sound good and you will have an awesome show they'll want to come back on your show they want to contribute to your show they want to promote your show because they feel like they did a good job and so for three years now my goal with the podcast has been to make the guest sound good let their I let whatever idea we're talking about make it sound like it - they're so for talking about a health point you know I'll softball them a question on oh so you're saying gluten can disrupt the GI tract do you have any interesting or that's a really that's a really good study you just brought up you know kind of be the height man behind it so there's multiple ways you can ply this let the other person think the idea is theirs give give them the credit is I think what Dale Carnegie is trying to say on this point and definitely a good way to get people to like you point number three this is talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person this is a phenomenal one again on the podcast I got some more advice that said if you want someone in an interview it's kind of an awkward format with an interview show you've never met that person you're talking to them through a camera on the other side of the globe about a subject and this is your first interaction and you're just supposed to hit it off some advice I got on how do you get the other person to be themself over Skype when you've never met before is to share something vulnerable about yourself and in doing that they're more likely to open up to you and so the okay apply that same logic to if you're talking to someone maybe you're in a leadership role maybe you're working with kids maybe you're working with other people maybe you're in a relationship before you criticize or give constructive feedback to the other person share something about yourself that's kind of revealing or maybe a time that you messed up and they're more likely to not get on the defensive and take it the wrong way you know so I mean I can remember as a kid I had a youth instructor do this when they were about to I would act up quite a bit and they would need to talk to me need to discipline me well every time they came at it from you shouldn't be doing X Y & Z you know I've responded be doing X Y & Z but every time they said hey you know when I was a kid I did something similar and I get it but it's not okay and here's why I'd be like oh this person understands me okay now I'll listen to it this point is kind of hitting on how do you give constructive feedback without being an or jerk you know how do you let people know that you need them to do things differently without them blowing up and get an offensive and a good tip on that is instead of using the word but use and swoop it switch it out so you know you can say hey an example us online was we're really proud of you Justin for getting better grades this quarter but if you work harder in your math class you would have done better versus ah we're really proud of you Justin for getting better grades this quarter and if you continue to work hard next quarter your math grade could be as high as the others see how that's a little different wording but it makes all the difference it's every time we hear but like okay nothing before the what is that saying nothing before the but matters point number four dramatic eyes your ideas if you're going to do any sort of public speaking if you're gonna do any sort of presentation any sort of communication where you're the focus find a way to implant your ideas into people's heads break the script get out of the standard narrative best example I know is Jamie Oliver's TED talk on sugar and obesity in America okay the sugar in everything I know the ins and outs of those ingredients it's in everything where he's talking about the sugar intake and how much kids consume in a year and how it's terrible never I'm sitting there nodding their heads like okay yeah we get it sugars bad it's in soda pizza like yeah we get it then what does he do he's like all right people have heard this multiple times so he gets a wheelbarrow and pulls it in with him and it's full of the average consumption of sugar a year that every student eats I'm a liberty or putting in just the five years of elementary school sugar and he dumps it out on stage and says this is the amount of sugar you're eating in a year I mean which one gets your attention more a graph on a chart or a wheelbarrow dumped out full of sugar boom I mean that stuck with me and that stuck with people so there's clever ways you can dramatic eyes your ideas and people will respond to it better another example of this I remember when I was growing up there was that smoking commercial or the anti-smoking commercial where the lady had the the hole in her throat and she was like I tried to they'd say nicotine is not addictive and then she smokes through the hole and says how can they say that I mean that's stuck with me for I don't know 14 years now and it's another way you can dramatic eyes ideas so this is something that's pretty common knowledge of advertising but if you want to get your point across think of creative clever ways you can use anchors or visual aid or whatever to really hit the audience in the face alright point number five talk in terms of the other person's interests with them what is with them stand for what's in it for me this is what every single person is asking themselves when they're watching one of these videos when they're gonna look at your Facebook feed when they're going choosing what classes to take what's in it for me what's the incentive I'm getting out of this so you as the communicator or the salesperson if you know that inherently every single time before we do anything we ask what's in it for me you can frame things with that question and almost answer it for them that's why if you notice in these videos at the very first five seconds I get that attention grabber and basically say hey look all the best leaders have read how to win friends and influence people implying that if you watch this video you'll know a little bit what the best leaders in the world know because of this book you know and then I tell you you're gonna get 10 big ideas from this and it's all about framing it for what's in it for you with this video and you know there is something to be said here the counterpoint is what about selfless giving and not everything selfish or self-interested that's beyond the point talking in terms of the other person's interests is a good way to frame something if you want to have influence over people number six get the other person saying yes yes immediately this is based on the psychological principle that people are more likely to agree to your your request if they've agreed to something smaller before that so you basically give them a softball before you pitch on the fastball um start small and then ask for something bigger you know I don't know off the top of my head the source of the study I remember reading it in one of these books though was talking about getting students to volunteer for an animal shelter and they asked students you know with the clipboard outside of like a Trader Joe's or something and they said hey would you be willing to come in two hours the Saturday and volunteer at an animal shelter and like 18% of the students were like no or said yes but when they asked hey would you be willing to sign a petition for animal rights before they said would you be willing to go into the animal shelter the people who sign the petition I mean the number doubled for the amount of people who would come in to volunteer at the animal shelter in other words they signed the petition so they're in their minds they're like I'm someone who loves animals then that next question of do you want to come into the animal shelter well they agreed to that little thing now they identify as someone who loves animals so of course they want to come in and help the animals on Saturday so if you can get the other person saying yes yes immediately kind of saying yes in their mind to whatever you're asking it's a good way you can get a desired outcome this is of course why so many blogs if you go to my blog you'll see an email opt-in box now the point of this this is sales 101 okay online marketing get people's emails and they've said yes they've opted into that now you can develop a relationship with them and provide value value value and since they opt into something they're more likely statistically to buy one of your products in the future that's email marketing right they're building a list they call it and selling them things through relationships and quality added value and what's amazing is that the people who buy a product from you are way more likely to buy another product from you then total strangers right that's that's the whole point it's called like the sales funnel getting people and narrowing them down to this fine group who just by anything you do next point give honest and sincere appreciation who does not love appreciation that's honest and sincere I mean if you want to make people like you I think that's one of the best fundamental ways to do so you know in the other videos I've talked about giving one awesome random sincere compliment a day and that if you did that you would see relationships change you know and of course it has to be genuine that's why it's honest and sincere I think in the book it talks about the difference that this is not flattery because flattery is of the tongue an appreciation is from the heart and so that you know anyone can say things that kind of sound nice and we kind of brush it off but if you actually give them a meaningful compliment then that's something that's gonna stick with people so remember don't just say thank you say thank you for and give them the meaning behind what you're thankful to them on and this is a great way to get people to like you honest and sincere one last thing on this doesn't mean big and massive right you don't have to come up with some elaborate huge appreciation or compliment to give that person less is probably more here as long as it's sincere I wrote down the example you know if you're someone who works in a nine-to-five office could be like hey John really solid job speaking man I can tell you put a lot of practice into that it showed that's honest that's sincere or I really love how authentic you were when you were speaking others or you know the room lit up when he did that joke about the museum whatever it is honest and sincere is the key here number eight give the other person a fine reputation to live up to basically saying that if we have a reputation or an identity we conform to it we conform to whatever identity we believe in ourself and so if you want to motivate people maybe you're a leader one of the best ways I've applied this has been working with kids at a Boys & Girls Club right so if I pull a kid out and I'm disciplining him and or or you know I'm trying to motivate them it's so easy to call attention to what they did wrong right and you just go to this default frame of you did X Y & Z these are the consequences don't do that again or you'll have more consequences that's that's kind of how our parents disciplined us growing up I'm sure a lot of us or people who raised us I tell your teachers responded to you but there's a better way and that is to give people a reputation to live up to so instead of saying here's what you did here's the consequence don't do it again you get a bigger consequence say hey Dustin man you know you did XY and Z but honestly man that's not like you the kids here at the club they view you as a leader and this isn't leadership potential right here this isn't what leaders do and if you're a leader so I expect better from you and just doing that you can see the changes in kids behavior over the course of a couple weeks couple months and it's almost like they get that in their head that I'm a leader and they start acting like that so that's a good way to give someone a reputation to live up to you know whoever you're trying to work with maybe you're a teacher if you got kids give them a fine reputation to live up to all right the next one this is some point on that it is the power of identity and that look the two most and that the two most important two most important words in our English language when we're talking about ourselves is I am the power of I am this goes for positive and this goes for negative so if you really want to change the way you think about things we gotta identify what we identify with it's very meta but for example you know a negative version of I am would be I am too young I am too old I'm too skinny I am too fat I am a man I am a woman I am a depressed person I am too broke I am not educated enough I am you know not in the right location how do those sound those sound pretty negative those sound kind of daunting those sound kind of all right these these again but what if we what if we flipped that and did a positive frame on it you know I am able to accomplish anything I put my mind to I am someone who overflows with positivity to others I am NOT the kind of person who chews tobacco I was a big one for me I am someone who provides massive value and deserves to be compensated fairly I am someone who gives their all in a relationship at all times identifying with those you're going to have a totally different life so just becoming conscious I guess is the point of this of what we identify with and I'll give you a tool at the end of how you can become conscious of that really but just being really aware of our I guess they would be called limiting beliefs his uh the next point the last point say my name this is remember that a person's name is the sweetest sound we've been over this in dozens of videos you know this is one of my favorite points but I wanted to close this one out with it this is the original source I got that piece from that people loved hearing their name if you say someone's name I give the example of a sauna right an le fitness that I go to if I say hey man how you doing we have a conversation it's fine but I've noticed just anecdotal evidence when I call them by their name and remember it take the time to remember it and say hey John how you do it our conversation feels little 10-15 minutes in the sauna is completely different it's more personal it's more real it's just overall better and this goes for anyone else to even people you hang around a lot even people you know a lot just say their name more I was talking my friend Jim quick who's super super connected networks like no other what basically found himself out of dinner with Bill Clinton and a bunch of other celebrities and he said that one of the most you know powerful things about Bill Clinton is that when he shakes your hand and looks at you you feel like you have his whole presence and that he remembered his name and he remembered three things about him that they talked about the last conversation and that part of his charismatic you know say what you will about Bill Clinton but part of his energy that he just exudes on people which so many people talk about you know just a charismatic guy comes from his power to remember people's name and to be present right there with them and one of the ways you show people your present is to give them your attention or repeat their name so experimenting with that with names highly recommended if you take away one thing from this video try that try experimenting saying people's name or move alright that's it's how to win friends and influence people Dale Carnegie phenomenal phenomenal book full blog post in the description as well as where you can pick up this book be sure you like and leave a comment down below on what was your favorite points what's your favorite communication tactic tool method and we can all learn on how to win friends and influence people last thing 11 questions change your life is a free ebook I put out if you want to answer that get more clarity on just where you're going what direction these are the best 11 questions thousands of people have done this by now and it gets great feedback every single time all right next week we are doing let me grab it Rich Dad Poor Dad really excited to bring this one out to finance book excited to go over some of these best ideas with the number one personal finance book of all time I'll see you then until then stop settling start living see you later

Channel: Clark Kegley

Views: 756,300

Rating: 4.8649397 out of 5

Keywords: how to win friends and influence people audiobook, Dale Carnegie, win friends and influence people summary, how to win friends influence people book review, how to win friends and influence people, clark danger book, dale carnegie interview, dale carnegie audiobook, online free, dale carnegie course, influence, how to win friends and influence people summary, how to influence people and make friends, carnegie, communication skills, how to be social, social skills, social circle

Id: fiJbP5AFbJs

Length: 20min 43sec (1243 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 21 2016