Be More Charismatic With These 5 Science Based Habits

we welcome back the art of human lie detection by the language 101 Vanessa van Edwards I think that intro is one of the most charismatic I've ever given definitely definitely we try to say here's there are some people who just seem to have that thing when they're in a room where they're talking or they're Hmong people they have something what is that so that question always fascinated me so we run a human behavior research lab and I was like I want to study this what makes people so memorable so we actually found patterns between people who are really memorable and have that quality that's that's you instantly want to know them and people who are more forgettable so I tend to think I've met a lot of different business people and you meet the heads of companies and they all seem to have what almost of them seem to have that same it factor that's big celebrities have there's a star quality yeah absolutely it draws people to them definitely and that is learn about that's what I'm hoping we could talk about really you can learn it absolutely you can increase it so the first thing is there's a myth I want to bust and it's that we think that charismatic people are perfect they're more attractive they're smarter than better than that is absolutely not the case and so the first habit that charismatic people do is they embrace their imperfections so this was done with a study by psychologist Richard Wiseman and he wanted to see could vulnerability really make you more likeable so he had two actresses selling blender in a mall one actress had the perfect pitch the other actors had the same pitch but she spilled the smoothie from the blender all over the table so question is who sold more blenders surprisingly it was actress number two the one who spilled the smoothie funny and not only that but everyone in the audience raised her is more likable because we can relate to her because we're imperfect and okay exactly so when you're out I don't want you to worry about being smarter or better than what I want you to do is if you're feeling uncomfortable if you're feeling nervous that actually bonds you to people you can use those imperfections to connect to people I would imagine there's a balance to that though if you're constantly self-deprecating and you're constantly pointing out your own failings that's after a while you're just annoying yes and that brings me perfect exactly and that brings me perfectly the point number two which is don't be a conversational narcissist because the noise kill the me effect yeah they kill it so what we found is that charismatic people have this skill they have a mentality shift when they go into interactions with people all they focus on is how can they ask the most interesting questions which is very different they don't think about what they're gonna say or how they're gonna talk about themselves they figure out how can I get this person to tell me their story so I challenge you next time you go to a big event or a party think about how can you get the person you're speaking with to tell you their story what questions can you ask they're just gonna pry out their most interesting aspects of themselves well it's not gonna be what do you do write write what you do it's gonna be what are your personal passion projects right it's gonna be what was the most exciting thing that happened to you today here's what somebody asked once in a group I was in who's the most interesting person you ever met oh yeah yeah and you know what that's actually what we did in our study is we asked people who is the most charismatic person you know and then we started to look for patterns in those charismatic people so I love that you could even say I watched this awesome segment on Android west on charismatic people who do you know who's charismatic what do you think makes someone charismatic so once you start asking these questions it's very important this is habit number three is to gush don't gossip mmm so the old saying that we have two ears and one mouth so we should be listening mostly more right are speaking and what's important about this is something called the spontaneous trait transference forgive me for the scientific term what this is is they found that when you speak ill of someone people cannot help but associate those negative traits to you as well as the person you're talking oh we cannot help it so for example if I were to say oh she's so mean I don't like her she's awful mean and awful actually stick to me just as much as her really is that true is that true even if the people who are listening don't know the other person even huh even if they know or don't know no I don't know you mention those adjectives people just cannot help but associate that to you so what you're better off doing is find genuine ways to gush about people and it has to be genuine so I did this just the other night my friend Carrie came up I was talking to a group of people I said oh this is my friend Carrie she's a fierce feisty female entrepreneur everything she does is pretty awesome mm-hmm because I genuinely love Carrie so I was able to introduce her so when someone comes to a group and you're introducing someone take that opportunity to genuinely gush about them that's a great way to share my uncle my uncle is like that and he's fairly charismatic but he always sees the positive in some people and it's amazing and it's just it's never negative first it's always something nice and I'm not translates onto him it's like a halo yeah sure so I had to have two last body language tips you know I love talking about my language so the first one is showing your hands our hands are our trust indicators women are often taught to put their hands underneath the table right that's a polite actually your must better much better off keeping them above the table because studies show that when someone can see your hands they rate you as more trustworthy which is exactly what charismatic people do and use your hands when you're talking use your hands when talking to no jazz hands okay now john-boy keeping them visible don't tuck them into your purse don't put them behind your back when you're talking as much as possible keeping the brush in your arms oh no not allowed so keep them keep them out keep them keeping young and they're just together and what about looking into someone's eyes that's my last tip and that's the most important I contact is great that's half the story I want you to try deep gazing that's noticing someone's eye color and the reason for that is because they found that when you do that it really doesn't get creepy a lot well it's a little bit creepy but just briefly Dave briefly remember no no extremes god yeah just a little bit of deep bathing enough that builds that connection keep eye contact that's important I conduct and don't overhead gaze to see who's better to talk to yeah yeah that's a hard private habit Rick all right very good human lie detection body language 101 is the book and thank you so much always fine it is so great to see you again

Channel: Science of People

Views: 2,776,287

Keywords: Charisma (Person Or Being In Fiction), body language, how to be memorable, presence, how to increase your influence, vanessa van edwards, charisma, how to be charismatic, charismatic, how to be charming, charismatic people, how to have charisma, how to be more charismatic, science of people, people skills, communication, how to, charismaoncommand, charisma on command, nonverbal communication, memorable, confidence, success, how to make people like you, self improvement

Id: aPhNnk7MDRI

Length: 6min 2sec (362 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 27 2014