Guy: You know what I look like, right? Buk Lau: Half the time I was driving, you had your face in between your legs, like *blblbl* Russell: One of my buddies is an Uber driver. Russell: Loves the job and meets some really great people everyday. Russell: But every once in a while, they have to pick up one of those passengers that acts like a total nightmare. Russell: About a month ago, my buddy got yelled at, spit on, flipped off, hit with a soda and a bulls**t bad review. Russell: For a two hour car ride with no tip. Russell: There was nothing my friend could do. Russell: You can't argue or fight with a customer, you end up losing your job. Russell: Well, when I heard what happened I got so mad. Russell: And I get a hold of the passenger from hell cellphone number. Russell: Y'all better buckle up. Russell: I'm about to take this dude on one hell of a ride. [phone ringing] Guy: Who is this? Buk Lau: I'm the guy who driving you home yesterday in the Uber, right? Guy: You got the wrong guy. Buk Lau: I have your number here man, I drop you off and you throw up all over my Uber car, right? Buk Lau: Like, there's throw up everywhere. Guy: I never - I never rode in your car. Buk Lau: Yeah, but you were the drunk guy last night, you had beer all over your shorts - Buk Lau: - and you were dry heaving all over my car. Buk Lau: I don't drink you dumb son of a bitch! Buk Lau: But what is - Guy: I haven't had a drink for over 38 years, so get the f**k off my phone! [phone call ends] Buk Lau: - did you get so drunk you forgot about it,
or what? Because, it was definitely you. [phone ringing] Guy: What the hell you want now? Buk Lau: Look, I went to the dry cleaning and they were gonna and they gonna send a bill to your housie. Buk Lau: So, you are not a guy, or? Guy: Y'all damn better not because I'm not paying it, because I never went in your f**king car. Buk Lau: [sigh] Man, like a Uber - Guy: You bring the f**king cops out here and we'll settle this s**t! Buk Lau: - okay, I'm gonna come there right now, how about that? Buk Lau: I'm gonna come over there - Guy: Alright, you bring the f**king cops out here right now! Buk Lau: - okay, you are just a fat old guy, one bicycle kick and you'll be flat on the ground. Motherf**ker! Guy: [laughing] I'll tell you what - Guy: - you might be dead and laying on the f**king ground if you f**k with me pal! Buk Lau: I kept your vomit in a bag, so we can do a DNA test, okay? Buk Lau: I have it in a bag here. Guy: Well you haven't got my vomit in the bag, pal. Buk Lau: Yeah, but I have to cheek swab, okay? Buk Lau: I'm gonna come there with a Q-Tip and just put it in your nose, okay? Guy: You bring the god damn - you bring the cops up. You know what I look like, right? Buk Lau: Half the time I was driving, you had your face in between your legs, like *blblbl*, right? Guy: Oh you're so f**ked up, you don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal. Buk Lau: What?! Are you the one - Guy: That's exactly right! Buk Lau: - yeah, you are the one who are f**ked up, right? Buk Lau: I tried to driving and then all I hear in the backseat was *blblbl* Guy: No, you're wrong! Buk Lau: *blblbl* Guy: Hey, you don't know what the hell you are talking about. Guy: Come on out here and you'll find out I'm not the right guy. Buk Lau: Alright, get your check book ready please. Guy: And you bring the cop with you, okay? Buk Lau: Okay, just sign in date the checks so it's easy when you have to pay me, okay? Just do that. Guy: I'm not gonna pay you a f**king penny because I wasn't the one. Guy: He wants me to pay for puke at the back of his Uber car and I - Buk Lau: Got you, okay. I'm gonna come there, I just need to smell your breath. Buk Lau: I have very sensitive smell, I can tell - Guy: Just come right on up right now. I'll be here. Buk Lau: Okay, just don't brush, don't brush. Guy: I won't brush my teeth. [laughing] Buk Lau: Okay, okay, okay, perfect, okay. Guy: Oh man, what a f**king idiot. [phone call ends] Buk Lau: What?! What? Rakesh: Uh, hey man, what are you doing? Buk Lau: I'm just going to watch my favorite Netflix show. Buk Lau: [***] Buk Lau: What?! What the hell is this? Buk Lau: I want to watch the Vietnamese shows, you know? Rakesh: Oh, I guess that means we're going to have to watch my favorite Bollywood movies. Rakesh: Paan Singh Tomar. Rakesh: Motheryucker. Abdo: Ya donkeys, don't you know that you can unblock shows from around the world with the VPN. Abdo: Not only that, it helps you stay private and protected while online! Abdo: And away from all those prying eyes on the computer. Abdo: Here, watch this you stupid. Russell: You've been thinking about getting a VPN for a while. Russell: Well, now is the time to sign up for private internet access. Russell: Let's talk numbers. Rakesh: Hey, how many servers are part of this VPN? Russell: Ten thousand. Buk Lau: And how many countries? Russell: Over seventy. Abdo: Uh but, how many devices can I use at the same time? Russell: Up to ten. Russell: Private intetet access accept all form of payments, inclulding Bitcoin and gift cards. Russell: And most importantly there won't be any logs, ever! Rakesh: Oh! Rakesh: Hey man, sign me up! Buk Lau: No, me first, me first! Abdo: Well, I know how stingy you guys are with your money. Abdo: So, for you and the viewers I got a special promotion! Abdo: Only $1.98 per month! Abdo: And four extra months for free! Rakesh: Does that mean we can watch my favorite Bollywood movies now? Buk Lau: No! I want to watch my favorite Vietnamese or Chinese movies! Abdo: Uh, you're going to have to wait your turn habibies! Abdo: I just unlocked Arabic Netflix! Get ready for [speaking Arabic] Abdo: For everyone else link is bellow, go sign up while there's still time. Guy: "Yo!"
Russell: "My name is Dr. Schwartz.. I'm calling with the [redacted] Mental Health Clinic." Russell: I was following up because one of our patients actually got unauthorized access to one of our staff phones. Russell: And seem to dial out to this number.
I was juck checking in to see if you got any strange phone calls possibly in the past hour, hour and a half? Guy: Yeah. There's one guy here in town called me,
tried to accuse me of throwing up in his Uber car. Russell: Got you. He is saying that "Don puked all over my car". Uh - Russell: This might be the same individual we're speaking to actuallly, um - Russell: So you said somebody called you about puking in his Uber ride, is that right? Guy: He's one of those, uh - From one of the arab countries. Guy: From India, I think. Russell: I believe he's Chinese actually. Buk Lau: [screaming] I'm Half-Chinese half-Vietnamese. Guy: Uh, this guy was from uh - India. Tyrone: Hey, calm your ass down! Sit down, man! Sit down! Russell: He's actually sitting here, strapped to a chair um - Russell: And he just ke- He just keeps telling me about you owing him $80. Guy: No, I don't owe anybody any money. Buk Lau: Uh, please man [indistinctive] Guy: And I don't even know who it is, is it Vietnamese or Chinese Buk Lau: You know me man, come on it's me right, like Don. Right? Guy: Okay, I can hear him in the background, he sounds like the guy that called me! Buk Lau: Please, come on and just tell them I'm not crazy, please! [stuttering] Can you tell them please? Buk Lau: Don I have to get out of here man, like - Buk Lau: They're keeping me here until you tell them, right? Guy: I who you - I don't have any idea who that guy is so you keep them.[laughing] Buk Lau: Come on man! Like, that's so rude right? Like - Buk Lau: How you gonna throw up in my car and keep me locked up? Have a heart! Russell: Uh- Sir, sit down! Tyrone: Hey sit your ass down boy!
Abdo: Brother, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Abdo: Sit down! Guy: It sounds - it sounds - Buk Lau: Please! Tell them I'm not crazy man! Please like I- Buk Lau: I just need someboodee to help me, c-c-can you pick me up please? Russell: Uh - sir, calm down, we're gonna have to pull out the tranquilizer Russell: Calm down! [phone call ends] Russell: Hello sir? I'm very sorry about that... Hello? Buk Lau: Duh, hello? The video is not done yet! Buk Lau: We have another call coming up right now! Buk Lau: And subscribe and share the video, so more people see it! Tyrone: Hey, I've been waiting outside for like ten minutes now man like, are you coming or what? Guy: Who you're talking too? Tyrone: This is the Uber driver. Like I've been outside just waiting for a pick up and like - Tyrone: So I'm just - I don't know, here and I just, I'm hoping you can come outside soon.
How much more time you need? Guy: I never called Uber. Tyrone: All I'm saying is unfortunately because he - like they gonna make you responsible for a payment. Tyrone: You know what I'm saying? It's about [indistinctive] Guy: Oh, they're not. If you do this, I'm gonna get you in trouble. Tyrone: Okay, I'ma get you in trouble too, I'ma blacklist you right now. Tyrone: Like, if you gonna try get me in trouble - Guy: Why don't you do that?! Guy: Why don't you do that! Tyrone: Watch. I'ma do it right now. Because you change your mind doesn't mean you can just back out - [phone call ends] Russell: [laughing] God, what is this? [phone ringing] Guy: You're now speaking to the captain of the police. Tyrone: Sir, you're the same damn dude, just trying to change your voice. Guy: You're harrassing and we're gonna - we're gonna follow this trace here and - Tyrone: You the same person man, come on - [phone call ends] Russell: [laughing] Actually, dude, couldn't be better. [phone ringing] Russell: Uh, this is Russell, calling with Uber support. How're you doing today sir? Russell: We have a gold star driver who said he waited 45 minutes for you Russell: after being instructed repeatedly to - Guy: Okay, you can say what you want, and I won't use you again if this is how I'm being treated. Russell: Well don't worry sir, you are banned for the next month so, you know... Russell: It's not gonna be a problem. Guy: Well that's fine! I don't ever wanna use your services again and I'm not gonna pay any charges. Russell: Did you by any chance impersonate a police officer for this driver? Guy: He called me the fifth time, I did! Russell: He did tell us - Guy: And man, can I finish? Will you let me?! Russell: Yes. Go ahead. Guy: He called me on [censored] number, then I blocked that number, Guy: then he called on another [censored] number, then I hung up and blocked that number Guy: then he called back on that 2 9 0 number area code, and I blocked that number - Guy: Then he called me on a fourth number! Russell: We do have the driver here on the line, he wanted to figure out what was going on Tyrone: Sir I've been listening this entire time and like it's so frustrating to hear the way you been Tyrone: like lying and spreading this lies sir. Tyrone: I was trying to pick you up for a very long time yesterday. Guy: Why are you calling me? I don't want Uber, I'm not
gonna pay for Uber, I hope I get blacklisted forever. Guy: [choking] Russell: Sir I will have to extend the ban for another month if you keep raising your voice [phone call ends] Russell: [laughing] Oh my God...
