You Bet Your Life #59-32 The funniest Baptist preacher Groucho ever hoid ('Book', Apr 28, 1960)

hasten to add that mrs. Marciano is the mother of the former heavyweight champion of the world Rocky Marciano so here they are welcome find her thank you mrs. Marciano you're a fine-looking girl thank you there's a Rakhi with you tonight no where is he he spent most of his time now that he's quit fighting in Florida in Florida yeah did you ever hear anybody say you fought a lot of stumblebums on his way to the top get out now you're making a big mistake good fight yeah those rumors were untrue another profession man good man he didn't fight in cats pies he didn't fight a lot of stumblebums huh on the way up he waited until he was champion and then he a lot of pushovers and you sure he's not hanging around me anyplace no no what I know I and take any chances of my age now your name is dr. James Whitcomb Riley is that right no dr. James Whitcomb Brower Brower yes it rhymes with B or o wer why do you have that gh in there to make it difficult for quiz masters yes is that what you intended to do here tonight now how many times did you fight there Marciano and I'm sorry to say I never even met him why do you when you focus on God I'm over in Jennings County Indiana I'm a Hoosier yeah oh yeah yes did you go to college in Indiana no I went to college in California my parents moved there when I was 12 years of age and I lived there too I was 21 and graduated from college and made my first wife the daughter of the president the president of the college yes now that's a good way of getting good marks and when did you graduate in 1891 you graduated in 1991 yes sir oh boy how old were you when you graduated three make a guess well let's say no 1891 that was a 70 years ago 70 years how old is that well guess at that I'd say 72 thank you thank you nobody ever graduated at the age he did from car how old 53 am i close no I went to the seminary after that at rush to New York before I began my ordained minister your life oh oh you're a minister yes I thought you were a doctor yes Lord I you doc well I mean Reverend rabbi or whatever it is Padre it's quite evident Groucho that you are not acquainted with preachers it depends on the denomination how old did you say you were that I was 90 On January 7 wanna shake hands with a man who's even older than I am how about the ladies doc are you a gay bachelor or are you in the track well I'm in the trap all is your mrs. Brower Wellman Brower is 69 she's 21 years younger than I am you're a cradle snatcher aren't you married a kid 20 years younger than you yes I'd rather smell perfume than liniment I would - unless I had arthritis it sound like you're pretty active fellow doctors your wife keep up at this fast pace that you yeah she go to thing every while I go men's clubs I she goes to the men's clothes with you yes yawn so homely she doesn't go long and kiss me goodbye I want to ask you a question have you ever had a transfusion from Milton Berle what kind of a minister are you a Methodist I'm a I've been preaching the gospel of Christ for seventy years and I'm a Baptist preacher in the past president of the American Baptist Convention oh I just honored that any preface please you can get in this campus what made you decide to become a Baptist minister when you could have been an old renegade like hey I'm going to tell you the My Father no no good you know no good my father and mother were very religious and they wanted me to be a preacher Franz wanted me to be a comedian and that perhaps if I had I had appreciative you know buddy has preceded me look if you'd like I'll switch spots with ya nobody would succeed you well I'm not sure but anyhow in a salary they pay you Minister Z you better have a good sense of humor that's the truth and a rich wife I went because you marry for money that I went to cash a check the other day and they bounced anchored gave me out some old mine he said are you're fated germs I said no no germ could live on the salary I did you know I never knew that they crack jokes like that in the Baptist change I thought it was all Hellfire and brimstone really I did I thought they were very seriously laughter yeah if it depends if they need that while we give it to them yeah well I'm asking you a very interesting minister to listen to and you are you still preaching yes likewise I may hear something I'm twice every Sunday and deliver 247 mad dresses between Sunday's last you all well could you the level one to my address and I mean where do you do this well you're not preaching here in LA at all not get right here on the old temple philharmonic auditorium was my former church as they're 16 years that's why I got so well acquainted with all the movie people I'm I dug prayer Benson Mary Pickford forty years old and I'm sorry to say but I buried with Rogers when he was killed you know I used to have huge debates for the charity he's an old friend of mine to his oh he's agree I taught him how to play the guitar you know yeah that's a head ring and you utilize your sense of humor in your preaching yes yes I do uh-huh in what way well pennies you start off with like saying a funny thing happened to me on my way to the church for instance now I went up to Sam sister club to a Banford and I was getting dressed in my room when a knock came on the door I said come in and a man walked in all dressed in his tux she done said I want to introduce your doctor and want to know something about you and I also will take you to the bathroom well I said fine and dandy I said I'm just tying my bow tie I said can you tie one of these bow ties and still stand straight he said you bet I can team over and put his arm around me lead me down on the bed tied it I got up I said well that's fine and dandy but why did you make me lie down well he said that's the only way I can do it I'm an undertaker I say they had saved me a holier-than-thou attitude and any more jokes up your sleeve Ram yes don't can I call you Rabin's no doubt show you know people enjoy jokes toward on yourself yeah that's right they're getting so sensitive I can't tell the joke on the Jews they can't tell a joke on the colored people it's hard to tell a joke or an Irishman yeah if this is true you know it could tell jokes about Italians a Frenchman and every group now it's it goes even further than that if you tell a joke about a dentist or a plumber or copied or anybody at all everybody tell him on the cell yeah that's good you see well I can't tell a joke about an Irishman on myself anyhow I was the one night after I'd heard good funny thing happened to me my way to the synagogue good night from dubrovnik armed started when i saw a friend of mine on the sidewalk that had made the mistake of taking something and do stomach that made him see double and think hey but and i said to me brah we better take him home so I drove up at the side wall got out and took them to their arm and he said war hello doctor what are you doing here I said to take you home come on got him in the car we we went got out in front of his house and I got him out and got him up the steps and rang the bell and I said now bill I've got your home I'll go but he grabbed me he said no no no can't you go yet you wait up my wife comes to the door I want her to see who I've been out with tonight the Baptist Church is going to get a lot of convoys here tonight gonna be a lot of water spelled around like we ought to go on a business together you give the jokes and sermons and I'll take up the collection we split 50-50 I'll write the cash and give you the puppies let me tell you one more than I wish your water no man who had heart trouble reform and he bought a a Irish sweepstakes ticket and he won $50,000 but his wife and daughter were afraid to tell him pretty drop dead so they called up the Episcopal tournament to come an old man for him to come and tell him so he came and they talked a few moments pleasantly and finally he said John didn't you buy a ticket for the strip steaks he said yes I did he said now supposing you should win $50,000 what would you do with it and the old man said I tell you if I win $50,000 I'll give half of it to you and the preacher drop dead I've tried to do before and I know you're one of America's best known ministers and it's a real honor having you up here and I'd appreciate it if you could put in a good word for me now and then you know you know with the right crowd Leyna let's get back I gotta talk to Lena here you know we've been ignoring her you want a chair what you tie it no you look great you look like a fellow 50 years old I never saw it thank you me No young looking fading out for lunch and people it was just pay for it I'll listen now you wrote a book you bet I did you get $50 but saying this a good way you see what was the name did you read the book I went to buy it and they were all sold out yeah well well that's it I'll tell you what I'll do I published a book called life and Laska nine of my popular lectures and every serious paragraph in the book is illustrated the funny story I'll give you a book autographed if you would give me one of yours autograph I'll do it if you'll mention the name of my book uh-huh well how do I leave me and go to now it's Groucho and me we know let's get back to you now by the way how much do you weigh when you wait well I usually wait 190 is that why they call you Lina yeah tell us about rocky in the early days what was he like as a baby was he a big good child well he was be Chinese he what did he weigh or the Rings I let me papi 11 point drinks are there that's a big baby in me baby when he was born he probably slapped a doctor didn't he well there was he a good boy did he behave as he mind you when he was a kid was good but he was sad when he threw his weight on me there was time when he demanded me and I spanked him yeah yeah slug him Noah yeah spank rocky marciano the champion of the world I'm sure you're very proud of rocky Lamy Mary I've been teasing you about him but I'm aware of the fact that it yes I like records I know not only as a fighter but as a nice guy too yeah we're all his fights fixed no he's just a good five well it's a tough fight the mom but you won and when you see that broken-down son of yours give my regards and I will tell him as lucky as path has never crossed mine let's play you bet your life mr. Penniman would you bring out the question rocking wheeze about you while you wouldn't hit a man with of the cloth we're here are you doing it I thought you were in Florida or out of town I came up to pick up my mom that you hadn't you haven't heard this conversation with your mother have you I just heard one thing something about a stumble bump you know I you know I'm always kidding all right Blackey to me you were the immortal the great fighter pod I always said when you were in your prime you could elect any lightweight in America gotcha Bob I think we better get on with the quiz yeah letting it happen around I'm here without you on get me a baseball bat yeah pardon me uh how are you gonna be in town Rocky all week why don't you come back here next week and we love a rematch okay will you be here yeah yeah Oh Mario you don't frighten me big boy I'll be here next week however I'm not sure that I'll be here the week after take care in the best day of ahead have you and mrs. Marciano agreed on a category but doing it because I'm going to allow some service man here to come down and get the money if you can out of this quit why don't you like money no I don't need you in $50 I can get home on that wait a minute see when you may have to stay up there's a reservist man out there who's on the lam I mean hey dub WOL crotch Oh looks like this may take a little time so why don't we use the time for a message book how do you do my name is Groucho Marx let me know whether you are Larry Horwitz you're Barry Hollis right this is the Reverend Brava okay can I preach now you're good man this is a this is mrs. a Marciano wake up oh god I'm a mom huh don't you forget that book one eye I said you won't I'll see that you're better I'll see you before I leave here tonight all right you hang around that door that's the kind of man that make religion worthwhile Georgia what do we do about a category for these people did you like a category what what was it mmm uh sports sports and games yeah well you know how to play the game man you know he's had it so you want to take the first one yeah poor little lady take the place when they're the hundred dollar ones are a little easier to know you gotta give a 900 in order to get a chance with the play and I know rocky needs his money desperately for a hundred dollars in what game would you use knights and bishops but jess is right yeah sure I thought Nye to use nightgowns but I get you one hundred dollars and three more chances to make five whatever here come on no you gotta win five hundred yeah I don't want to influence you that's good that's good good pick because I want your son to like me yeah in what sport or game is a score of 300 perfect why not marry he's gonna have a no father what brings for the cyber see you in their booths a pause when you say new plenty of flying right here who is the absolute way bowling I thought 300 was pinochle in space oh yeah the bowling green all right now you got 300 you need five you have two more chances to make a total of five you have 300 now gotta try giving them another blue all right this will do it if you got it right yeah no I wonder we heard you play Pinochle and this is not you know Pedro no just bingo bingo in football how many points are awarded for a safety here they go again mr. what try to do is right two points for safety I thought a safety only had one point I mean it be wearing diapers why didn't you why did you quit the airforce and run away with mrs. márcia MA and rocky I'll chase you yeah have you think war is dangerous you'll find out now what is your rank I mean how is your no why does your right airman third plants both class what third class apprentice radar frigate oh well you about as low as a man can get mister unless you're in a submarine well you got one more chance you already have your 500 if you remember huh take an easy one to make sure Iran yeah all right there's a hundred of them oh you foxy yeah for $100 what is another name for ping-pong here they go again watch they've been muscling in a minute Anna you don't know guess mom no table tennis well it's alright because you've already went 500 which means you'll be back in a little while to try four to five or ten thousand dollars okay and if you see that big plug ugly again tell him I'm laying for him I live nice meeting you and I'm glad you want some money mrs. Marciano and airman third class bari palace won $500 so here they are with a chance for 10 5 or 2 would you come right back out here now Sperry Hollis is that right that's right now you pick a number from 1 to 10 for $10,000 you Sperry 3 3 put up a tree now you pick a number for 5 bucks 7 save on now either of these numbers comes up that's what the question is what the number if any other number comes out and you win it's worth a total of 2,000 is that clear I'll spend the wheel here is for a total of 2,000 the celebrated Scopes trial in Tennessee in 1925 Clarence Darrow was the chief attorney for the defense for a total of two thousand who was the famous man who was chief prosecuting attorney in the Scopes trial opposed Darrell took it over what's a noun what's the answer we haven't got no I know I well it's William Jennings Bryan who ran three times for president I'm sorry you missed it but you still have but how much would you wind up with six hundred no that's not too bad a night's work huh congratulations and thanks for being with us yeah and tell that big you

Channel: Groucho Marx - You Bet Your Life

Views: 1,432,533

Keywords: You Bet Your Life (TV Program), Groucho Marx (Author), Groucho Marx, Episodes (TV Program), Game Show (TV Genre), Comedy (TV Genre), George Fenneman, Rocky Marciano (Boxer)

Id: OcjQLArEDYU

Length: 23min 7sec (1387 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 14 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/EliCross]

Yeah, racial & societal insensitivity never seem to go out of style.

[u/msptech3]

Video mark 8:15

[u/Irishane]

”Or even an Irishman”

Because we’re the most ridiculous, of course.

[u/yaosio]

The people that claim I'm sensitive get real angry when I make jokes about white people.