You Are the B*tthole In the Story

what's a conversation you've had with someone telling a story when you realize halfway through they are the butthole in the story just the other day i explained to a customer how my father-in-law had to dredge out his pond so we caught as many of his base and bluegills and took buckets of fish to other pond owners in the area rather than killing them during dredging the other guys were very happy about the new stock and would let us fish their ponds after that well the customer then says he knows the area but doesn't like the people because they don't let him fish i asked if he got permission and he said well no now if you're like me you're thinking this is when i find out this guy is in butthole and yeah but not just what a completely pox-ridden butthole he goes on to tell me that he backed his truck up so the bed was in the water and used a net to fill the bed of the truck with fish he wonders why he gets chased off and people holler at him i'm wondering why nobody had shot the sucker it's customary to just take a meal and catch and release the rest tl dr butthole empties ponds of fish and thinks everyone else is a butthole i met a bubbly girl in one of my classes who seemed nice very chatty she was complaining about her aunt who wanted her to stop doing something it went something like my aunt doesn't understand how tough breakups are so true it's normal to want to know what your ex is doing yeah i think a lot of people have been there he and i still talk awh that's nice he keeps telling me to stay away from his new girlfriend who he's just using to make me jealous oh he's been playing hard to get for a year now i'm so sick of these ups and downs okay our relationship was the best two weeks of my life and he keeps pretending it never happened turned out her aunt was telling her to stop driving past his house at night big yikes my friend was telling me about him wanting getting revenge on his ex after they broke up due to cheating he didn't actually do anything but he told me about how he wanted to egg her car or house or something mess with her new boyfriend etc i thought that in itself was a bit of shorty to start with but i thought everyone sucked since she cheated on him about halfway through he drops me the knowledge that he was the one that cheated my grandmother was a real pose of a person her favorite story to tell was that when she was a little girl her best friend in the whole world got the most beautiful porcelain doll for her birthday the doll had long shiny blonde hair and eyes so blue they were like glaciers my grandmother really wanted to play with the doll but it was porcelain and her friend wouldn't let her play with it instead she put it in her glass doll cabinet to keep her safe well this made my grandmother so furious she was shaking at this point in the story my grandmother's eyes would just light up with glee and she would just laugh and giggle as she told the rest of the story like it was the funniest thing in the world so my grandmother waited until her best friend fell asleep and she quietly took that doll out of the glass cabinet she snuck outside into the woods behind their houses and dug a hole and threw the doll in it smashed the doll's pretty porcelain face and buried her then she went back to her friend's house climbed back in bed and went to sleep my grandmother was so proud that she never did tell her friend what happened to the doll she said if she couldn't play with the doll then her friend couldn't either i first heard this story as a little girl and even then i thought me grandmother was a pose she told this story over and over clear up until she died like it was some badge of honor she was proud of i mean okay kids are messed up and do messed up things but being proud of stuff like this for the rest of your life is a whole different ball game guy is devastated because his wife took the kids and left him basically begging her to come back she went to her homeless shelter which made me feel weird so i asked why she would feel the need to leave to her homeless shelter he said because she's crazy i said well what was the reason she gave that's when it came out that he was an alcoholic and had been spending all the money on cab rides booze and cigarettes and that he had been verbally abusive and once physically but he thought she was just his fault because she bought organic peanut butter i was like man i'm not going to tell you how to get her back you're just sorry that you lost her not for anything you've done but yeah i always keep my ears out now for those stories that sound one-sided girl complaining that her ex-husband was paranoid about the idea of her having a crush on this other guy while they were still married but then later revealed she did indeed have a crush on that guy and started dating him immediately after telling her husband she was going to file for divorce it was a weird conversation she was saying it in the can you believe my ex-husband accused me of that kind of way and i'm just sitting there like but you just told me he was right that you had long been checking the other guy out before your husband even said anything i was confused what this girl was trying to accomplish in this conversation validation and attention omg girl you poor thing he was a suspicious untrusting bastard and you were right to leave him he was clearly too flawed to be in a relationship you are blameless and have no reason to feel guilty my mom had a rough divorce from my dad that stayed with her mentally for years told a story about how she noticed a car in front of her on a long narrow road was trying to get away from her i thought oh no how can you tell a car in front of you is trying to get away from you unless you're following them but i'll let her continue mom's talking about how she's trying to drive closer just because she's curious who the other driver is not because she's following her nope says she loses the car but for whatever reason needs to pull over and decides to pull over behind the only grocery store in town you know like a normal person totally does and surprise there's the car mum was so surprised that it was my dad's new wife and that she had the nerve to accuse my mom of following stalking her i let her finish and calmly told her that i of course totally believe her that i understood that she accidentally chased someone down for miles but to never ever ever tell that story to anyone else i had a friend who i thought i knew fairly well i was excited when we first met because we were similar in a lot of ways one day she texted me and told me to report this guy on instagram and says he's a huge butthole not wanting to pry for details wanting to be a supportive friend and believing she was a sensible girl like myself i immediately blocked him i was thinking he harassed her then she told me the story over dinner one night she found him on tinder bumble stalked all of his social media profiles and his families he went through his photos thought about it for five days then finally sent him a message about skiing because she found a couple photos of him skiing on his facebook he unmatched with her because it is weird she would know he went skiing in colorado with his sister he untouches with her she then goes to his social media and sends him a whole rant about how horrible he is he's stuck up thinks he can do whatever he wants because he's hot etc as she told me this story my mouth was on the ground she was the pie show girl from tinder you hear about from your friends i instantly felt bad that i reported him as spam though it probably didn't do anything anyways well i don't know if she created a new profile or they just matched again but they matched again a couple weeks later she sent a super creepy message about how she's back and remember me after that part i began to drift from her clearly she was not the one i would want to go for romance advice former friend was telling me about how she found out that her bf had a spanking fetish but that she didn't want to spank him she just wasn't into it this sent her into a weird place where she was convinced someone else must be spanking him and that this gave her reason to go through his phone she went through years of messages and all she found was that when they had first gone on a few dates not dating just a few dates he also went on some other dates at the same time once they were exclusive he stopped she told me this like her i caught him i thought it was so messed up she went through his phone and then yelled at him about it trying to make him look like the bad guy so she could feel okay about breaking up with him myself runs an etsy on and off so when it comes up she's often questioned about how people can do it themselves she normally doesn't mind so long as the time is right she's going through this with one person and how to promote their work my partner mentioned social media showing the process etc the problem she didn't own any of the images she was making prints off she was just selling images of things she found and liked online and just could not wrap her head around why it was so hard to advertise a guy in my college friend group was talking about a party he went to with his boys and spent about 10 minutes talking about this really annoying girl and all the shenanigans she was up to he then wrapped up the story by saying that girl got really drunk and passed out so him and his friends decided to take turns raping her he didn't use the word rape he said something along the lines of taking turn having sex with her i had to stop that dude and make it very clear to him that it was rape he disagreed and we fought about it i stopped being friends with him immediately but our group continued hanging out with him as usual i then decided to ditch them completely and switched friend groups i do not even remotely understand that mindset like it's not rape if she didn't say no or i'm not the reason she passed out she shouldn't have drank so much she was unconscious you freaking butt hat a guy was bragging about how he managed to get free food from a diner he specifically went to one where you take the receipt to the cashier up front dude like saying he left his wallet in his car left the diner a fake car key with a fake id called an uber and went home in my head i was like this butthole underage girl from work was bragging about how she noticed a restaurant wasn't carding so she ordered drinks drank them and reported the waiter to the manager on the way out for allowing it i had a ton of these conversations due to a former friend of mine and this is my personal favorite she told me about how she was backing her car out of a parking space when she heard a man repeatedly yelling for someone to stop she continued backing up felt her car collide with another car and then continued backing her car up into the other car instead of stopping at this point i started to realize that she was the butthole the man and his girlfriend then ran over to her and he yelled stop what is wrong with you what she then learned was that the car that she had hit was the girlfriend's car and the couple had been walking to the car when they saw my friend about to back into the car then when she hit the car and continued to back into it the man had run over in order to get her to actually stop and get her insurance information to fix the damage he had just caused it really annoyed her that he had raised his voice to her first to tell her to stop before she collided with the car and then that he asked what was wrong with her because she felt that this was mean and rude how dare someone yell at her to stop before she caused damage and then get upset when she causes damage so she told me that she went back hours later found the car and keyed it in order to get revenge she was so proud of what she had done and this really cemented her as the butthole of the story but she also sounds slightly unhinged when a guy i had been kinda dating and talking to told me how funny it was that his dad left his dog on the roof during hurricane katrina and how it was even funnier when they came back three days later the dog was still sitting on the roof terrified he got hysterical telling me this story over the look on the dog's face i had never been so turned off in my life i didn't talk to him much after that this makes me sad had one just last night i was telling my story of how my soul's family had an unrealistic expectation that i would attend my brother-in-law's girlfriend's nieces six-year-old day party a kid i had met once in my life instead of one of my best friend's 40th day party guy i've known for 20 plus years then this dude chimes in with his exact same story about how his wife's sister had just had a baby in the night before they were leaving town to see them his buddy scored tickets to a basketball game and he was damned if he was missing the game turned into a giant screaming match where the wife and family went on this family trip without him so he could go to a game with his buddy oh yeah same exact thing totally yes my friend once called me to complain he got written up at work for not answering his phone he claimed he was off the clock so was under no obligation to take a call to go out to a job site somewhere in the conversation he let it slip that he wasn't actually off the clock but that had merely completed his scheduled jobs for that day in his mind that means he was done for the day even though he was in fact still on the schedule for a few more hours because of this he was ignoring calls so he could keep talking to a girl he worked with that he liked he couldn't understand that if he is scheduled to be on duty that means he has to respond to cause even if he had already completed all the on-site work he was scheduled for that day i mean all he had to do was just be on standby he was getting paid to literally not have to do anything and yet he still freaked that up and then bitched about it when his boss wrote him up for it this is why you should always pace yourself so that your scheduled work takes your whole shift no employer rewards you for finishing it quickly by letting you finish early with full pay it's a freaking joke a guy i was friends with broke up with his girlfriend he told me it was because she kept prioritizing her job over him she was a suicide prevention counselor he was full of glee telling me about the argument that led to their breakup while i sat there feeling very uncomfortable and he told me with the smug jerk of the head what he said to hurt her the most you're so bad at your job that you couldn't even help your sister her sister had killed herself just a few months previously i told him he was a freaking butthole and haven't spoken to him since oh wow that slow i'm glad you stood up to him once had a friend with mental health problems one day she goes over to my house and finds out i'm taking zoloft because of depression she wanted to try it i said no because i felt like she may have something else maybe bipolar too etc that can make her life worse i said why not talk to a therapist she says they keep shoving pills down my throat i doubt she had to take as many as she described but she was mentally messed up i replied okay what did they try to give you zoloft and xanax woman that's what i'm taking minus the xanax but why not take therapy antidepressants don't make you happy only lessen some symptoms because the therapist was abe she tells me she punched the therapist why because she was asking personal crap i don't need to tell her what my life is like that's how they work you have to open up about your problems her constant issues made me break off our friendship this was the exact reasoning my friend had for leaving therapist after therapist and she'd always take out her anger on me after she left another one they got too personal with her it wasn't their business etc the worst time was when one asked her if she'd been cutting since her last appointment my friend was utterly horrified that they'd just ask that every single story my co-worker tells ever he loves telling stories of times he was superior smarter than a fellow co-worker and how he put them in their place even if you don't know the guy he's clearly the butthole in his own stories and he just doesn't get it dude has zero self-awareness one of my university teachers when telling the class about the importance of formatting our final exam papers properly being proud of himself he was telling us how he failed his student who was already graduating and had a job offer from a respectable company because of using wrong font size and type in his paper his student had to refuse a job offer and stay at the university for another year just because of it dude clearly has a complex i think the student could afford that and still graduated if they wanted to go through the hassle which might have taken the wind out of his sails i was at a military inco academy and this supposedly super respected retired chief master sergeant came in to speak to us but now usually i'll listen good when they speak because you don't make 30 plus years enlisted and retire at top rank and not have something to share usually this guy just started at the day he enlisted recounting stories and talking about how amazing he was at every base and that then he tells the story of when he was a section chief in the 80s one of the married enlisted wives came to him complaining apparently the junior co was caught on multiple occasions by his wife wearing the women's clothes i fail to see how this is a military matter personally but the retired chief gave him a reprimand and ordered him not to do it again so naturally he does with the wife returning and complaining again so this time rc moves the guy into the military dorms so they can keep an eye on him takes a married with children man outside of his home and makes him live with airmen younger than him and inevitably that sets the rumor mill off so one day then co doesn't show up to work and the rc and another guy go to his dorm to get him tear him a new butthole and find his body hanged from the ceiling the rc just let the story end there no admission of guilt no wish i would have done different or anything just sharing what seemed to be an amusing anecdote from the number of jokes that came in the story half the audience sat there stunned and all i could think was due to freaking kill that guy there's a saying of the usaf there's e9s pay grade and then here's chiefs but man frick that guy different air force or no he killed that guy and had no dang remorse when i was at ancho school we had a commander that reacted to a rage overdose by shutting down liberty for everyone on base so 10 000 18 21 year olds couldn't leave the base and had to muster four times a day lot of people died after that it was months of hearing about it when i was on watch and had to call an ambulance to take a guy who drowned himself in the bathtub the butthole ah spoke about how she broke up with her then bf they were teens at the time and then a female friend started dating him a few months later r said then she made the girl's life miserable because xbf was hers and how dare she dated xbf when it was possible for them to reconcile and get together in the future r kept saying how it was wrong for that girl to date xbf cause girls have a code of honor when it comes to dating exes her posse bullied the girl so much she had a nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized but it was okay because i was miserable without xbf and she was depressed and realized she actually loved xbf all this while except xbf went our ukraine and refused to talk to her are kept saying about how he was the one that got away and she deeply regretted breaking up with him until today this happened to me but i didn't even date the guy i was texting him helping him through the breakup with general advice and somehow that got to his ex she was my friend too they both were my friends i had to leave my high school i was bullied so bad that i still have ptsd symptoms over 10 years later my mum used to have a small wedding favors business mum couldn't make a pick up one day so my dad did it i was in the kitchen and heard this conversation older guy comes to the door seems pretty normal from what i saw out the window dad asks for his name and goes and gets the favors my dad for reference is a kind chatty soul and people tend to tell him all sorts of crap dad are you the father of bride congratulations on the wedding guy yes but you know i wish you wasn't marrying him it's quite upsetting she is dead oh that's a shame i'm sorry to hear that what's he done to upset you guy well we got into an argument he was disrespectful so i stabbed him 12 times dad so you meant it then well lovely to meet you goodbye swiftly shutting the front door on the guy would love to know how that marriage turned out kyle that kills people in 10th grade a girl i was friends with she was really annoying and i was only nice to her because i knew if i told her to back off my teachers would throw a fit over it basically told me all of her problems over the course of the year for instance she complained that her parents took away her bedroom door and her phone for the duration of the year i asked why and it turns out she stole two bottles of wine from her parents liquor cabinet invited her boyfriend over got drunk had sex and somewhere in the process spilled the wine all over the house especially her bedroom and somehow broke the door but when her parents returned after their weekend vacation away they returned to her trashed house and hung over daughter desperately trying to hide what she'd done but she was only successful in smearing the wine she was trying to clean she had many more stories like this and the more i tried to distance myself from her the more clingy she got to me i'm so glad i've since graduated and blocked her on all of my social media so she can't see me anymore if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: UE Stories

Views: 69,092

Keywords: negative creep, negative character, bad guy, bad guy story, bad guy storytime, i am the bad guy, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2021, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 7C60IvZilPQ

Length: 22min 50sec (1370 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 09 2021

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[u/Superb_Introduction]

One of the best things about r/AmITheAngel is how it roasts "guys I'm so humble but look at this amazing thing I did that the cartoonishly evil antag didn't like!" stories. I don't like those stories much, so it's kinda schadenfreude to know that a good chunk of them may be made up lmaoooooo