Yom Kippur Kol Nidre Services (High Holy Days 2021 | 5782)

so foreign foreign so so so me oh is we ask everyone to please rise um is me adonai you who are the source of all the loving energy in the universe we seek your presence on this night of repentance and forgiveness more than ever on this day of atonement we are reminded of the fragile nature of life and the holy gift of each individual moment and breath we approach this time and your presence with deep humility wonder and awe avinu malkenu we pray that as you open the gates this night to your realm so too will you open the innermost chambers of our hearts help us to peel back the layers of persona that hide us from the true essence of our real selves and help us so exposed to dress ourselves in garments of wisdom and understanding love and justice holiness and peace grant us fortitude and strength to transcend the challenges of these difficult days in this new year 5782 may we plant ourselves anew in the garden of a purposeful and meaningful life may we uproot anger selfishness and pettiness may we tear down the walls of ignorance arrogance and chauvinism that separate us from each other may we build up the bonds of friendship community and love return us to you adonai and we shall return and may we all come away from your presence renewed for life and peace good yant of everyone it is with tremendous excitement and anticipation that we celebrate these high holy days gathered together again as a community in our sacred space somewhat distance from each other by a few seats or a few rows but tighter with each other through the bonds of friendship and shared community and we share our deep appreciation for the broader expanse of our community that joins us online this evening those who share this community geographically with us and those who share this moment from among our people from across the country in the world who are joining us tonight as part of one community together united in search of a common destiny seeking holiness and repentance and hoping to find within ourselves and from god the pathways to forgiveness before colidrae the daughter of rabbi israel jacob of kremnitz awaited her father's blessing holding in her arms her three-year-old daughter the pious woman wept as is the custom on yom kippur evening and the child at the sight of her mother's tears also began to weep so when the rebbe came over and said to his granddaughter my dear why are you crying the little girl answered well i heard my mother crying and it made me want to cry so after he gave his blessing he went to the synagogue and turned to the congregation and said my little granddaughter is crying tonight she sees her mother's tears and so she sheds her own and we who are the children of god he said the holy one cries and weeps and why are we so hard of heart that we do not weep at the voice of god's own weeping on this night of col nidre a night we begin by asking for forgiveness for the vows and promises that we may yet be unable to fulfill a night we beseech the holy one to help us to rectify our moral failings and repair our broken hearts do we weep can we feel the pain of god's own broken heart the holy one gave us so many extraordinary gifts god gave us a magnificent glorious creation of world and yet we despoil its splendor god gave us the power of intelligence and discernment and yet we choose ignorance and conceit god gave us hearts for love and compassion and yet we choose callousness and indifference god gave us souls that yearn for connection to the divine and yet we wallow in lusts for fleeting power or immediate gratification how can god not weep at the tragedy of our unfulfilled potential and yet with teshuva tufila zadaka with a deliberate return to the path of righteousness constant meditation on the right and the good and acts of justice and generosity we can turn god's tears of anguish to tears of joy we can be judicious in our use of natural resources and properly care for our natural world we can use the gifts of intellect and reason to seek truth and understanding we can use the gifts of our hearts to feel the pain of others to heal fractures and harmonize discord we can use the gifts of our souls to build a world inside and out with holiness and light help us o god help us to weep with you this night of yom kippur for all that is broken in our world help us to seek inspiration from you to be true to our highest callings and the best expression of our most authentic selves let these holy hours draw us back into holy relationship with each other and forward to holy relationship with you amen as we begin these days and these moments of holiness we mark the beginning of our celebration of renewal and repentance with the kindling of the evening candles and we invite mitchell mates to lead us on page nine with the kindling of the festive lights the human spirit is the lamp of god searching out what lies within us guided by the flame of conscience on this sacred night we search for truth shine your light upon us as we strive to serve you may we find safety in your faithful love we light the flame of healing and forgiveness on this atonement night we give thanks for love oh shall you do is foreign page 15. call me dre a chant that begins in a whisper and rises to a cry on this night of promises remembered each soul in solitude communes with the soul of the universe god from this day of atonement to the next may we reach it in peace all israel makes these vows to turn from wrong dishonesty and greed to walk in the path of justice and right yet we know our weakness how prone we are to fail help us to keep our word help us to act with humility and integrity we seek pardon and forgiveness we seek your radiance and your light please rise is is is is with one voice assembled sages past and present declare all may pray as one on this night of repentance let none be excluded from our community of prayer together we say with one voice god and congregation proclaim all may pray as one on this day of return let all find a place in this sacred assembly you may be seated um um uh ah uh ah foreign ah ah ah ah ah my ah ah ah um ah he's your eyes foreign me oh foreign oh oh i am oh together on page 18 we say together all vows resolves and commitments vows of abstinence in terms of obligation sworn promises and oaths of dedication that we promise and swear to god and take upon ourselves from this day of atonement until next day of atonement may it find us well we regret them and for all of them we repent let all of them be discarded and forgiven abolished and undone they are not valid and they are not binding our vows shall not be vows our resolve shall not be resolves and our oaths they shall not be oaths gaga all shall be forgiven the entire community of israel and the stranger who lives in their midst for all have gone astray in error moses prayed to god as you have been faithful to this people ever since egypt please forgive their failings now in keeping with your boundless love vishamna marv and god responded i forgive as you have asked um barhu page 22. oh these be seated together we read on page 24. um foreign ah is page 26. love beyond all time and space your love enfolds your people israel we receive it in your teaching your gift of torah sacred obligations discipline and law so let us speak these teachings when we lie down and rise up and find joy forever in your torah and meets votes they are the very essence of our life ours to ponder and study all our days may we never lose or be unworthy of your love for you are blessed the one who loves your people israel please rise is god hey is i'm foreign please be seated a page 33 at the beginning of creation god spoke and primordial light infused all existence contained in radiant vessels an intention arose in the mind of god to create a being capable of choice able to distinguish good from bad holy from profane god breathed in seemed soon and for the smallest moment was absent to make space for human beings to develop their godly essence as expressed in the divine intention let us make the human being according to our image utter darkness reigned the forces of chaos tore at the cosmos the vessels were broken all creation threatened to fall asunder at that instant when darkness was complete and creation was in peril the human being came into existence and god breathed out again filling the universe once more with splendor but what of the rays of light that escaped from the broken vessels were they lost forever we read together now the fusion of divine intention and human potential became clear for human beings are able and thus commanded to retrieve the wandering rays of light those entangled in darkness lost in unlikely corners of the universe each act of kindness each effort to be human in inhuman circumstances returns a spark of light to its source the rays of light are everywhere when all have been retrieved and uplifted the messianic time of peace will be upon us as we look forward to that moment of redemption we sing now of our redemption of past we turn to page 40 to sing the words of miramocha lord i am god oh the darkness foreign oh age 43 when fears multiply and danger threatens when sickness comes when death comforts us it is god's blessing of shalom that sustains us and upholds us lightening our burden dispelling our worry restoring our strength renewing our hope reviving us page 45. me me oh foreign god over this day we are going to stand and we are going to sit we are going to pray a lot and we are going to pray in silence we will stand before the holy one as individuals as a congregation and as part of binay israel the people of israel on this day we are judged and our fate is sealed as a community and as individuals and so as we turn now to page 46 and we rise for the tefilo for the first of many times throughout this day we will stand before the holy holy one open our hearts and our souls and pray in earnest for a good year to come may declare hello hello foreign oh my is sorrow i um listen me me foreign my page 53 please be seated in a moment we will continue with a section of the service that delves deeply into holiness there is a story told of a sculptor who took twice as long to put together the sculptors that a town needed and when the townspeople asked why these sculptures were taking so long the sculptor told them i'm working as hard on the backs of the statues as i am the front and the townspeople said but we don't see the backs of the statues and the sculptor said god does that is the purpose of this segment of the high holy day service these overhangs are a pause a conversation with god to dig deeper into the holiness that lies in our world not just the blatant and obvious but the sculptors that lie and the holiness that lies in the back of them and all the nooks and crannies of our world there is holiness we continue with on page 53. your holiness give all creation the gift of allah turn our fears to reverence let us be witnesses of wonder perceiving all nature as a prayer come alive we bow to the sovereignty of your strength the privacy of your power we yearn for connection with all that lives doing your will with wholeness of heart all inspiring your creation all encompassing your transcendent name and so in your holiness give your people the gift of honor blessed with praise those who praise you blessed with hope those who seek you give your believers a basis for faith true happiness for the land of israel true joy in jerusalem may the sparks of david your servant soon grow bright enough for us to see a beam of light in the darkness a promise of perfection oh my and so in your holiness give the righteous the gift of a vision bright with joy a world where where evil has no voice and the rule of malevolence fades like wisps of smoke good people everywhere will celebrate the sunning sight of arrogance gone from the earth we continue on page 58. the team loch hatta you and you alone adonai will reign over creation upon mount zion home of your presence and in jerusalem a city set apart by you as the psalmist believed adonai will reign eternally your god zion for all generations hallelujah you are holy your name is awe there is nothing divine beyond you as the prophet isaiah taught the source of all might is exalted through justice the god of holiness made holy through righteousness page 62 by t10 linua knight in your love eternal our god you have given us this yom kippur a day on which our wrongs are forgiven with love a day of sacred assembly a day to be mindful of our peoples going out from egypt our god and god of the generations before us may a memory of us ascend and come before you may it be heard and seen by you winning your favor and reaching your awareness together with the memory of our ancestors the memory of your sacred city jerusalem and the memory of your people the family of israel may we be remembered for safety well-being and favor for love and compassion for life and for peace on this day of atonement eternal our god remember us amen be mindful of us amen and redeem us for a life of goodness and blessing amen favor us with words of deliverance and mercy show us the depth of your care god we await your redemption for you reign with grace and compassion our god and god of our forebears pardon our failings on this day of atonement erase our misdeeds see beyond our defiance for isaiah said in your name it is i alone who wipe away your defiant acts this is my essence i shall pay no heed to your errors and the prophet said as a cloud fades away as mist dissolves into air so your wrongs and mistakes shall be gone i will wipe them away come back to me that i may redeem you as you said to moses for on this day of atonement shall be made for you to purify you from all your wrongs and pure you shall be in the presence of adonai we continue on page 79 we read together on 79 eternal source and soul of peace send your peace in the midst of am israel your people let it heal our rifts and soothe the bitterness of intolerance let it overcome distrust isolation and rivalry may your peace flow in every stream of judaism and may it inspire solidarity uniting us as one people let peace grow and increase and let it shape the lives of all human beings let there be nothing but peace no hatred or jealousy no victories that bring suffering and loss to people and nations only love and peace strong profound and true we yearn for love that knits us together we yearn for wisdom of community share knowledge empathy and trust may the words that we speak and the meditations of our hearts open pathways of truth and understanding we continue now in silent prayer foreign me oh they are me our core task on this evening of yom kippur and for the hours tomorrow we will spend in repentance is to participate in those holy acts of teshuva of return the word to return is related also to the word shev which means to sit and it is ironic that the same word that tells us to sit there and do nothing is that once also the word that tells us to get up and do everything in some ways we are asked to sit to sit in the house of god and to try to find our pathways to holiness and in other ways we are asked to effect a journey of return to our truest and highest selves david white writes in his beautiful book consolations that confession is a stripping away of protection the telling of a truth which might once have seemed like a humiliation becomes suddenly a gateway an entrance to solid ground even a first step home to confess is to free oneself not only by admitting a sin or an omission but to profess a deeper allegiance a greater dedication to something beyond the mere threat of immediate punishment or the desolation of being shunned to confess is to declare oneself ready for a more courageous road one in which a previously defended identity might not only be shorn away but be seen to be irrelevant a distraction a working delusion that kept us busy over the years and held us unaccountable to the real question when the ark of the covenant was placed into the holy of holies the golden poles that were attached to it in its side rings were never removed there was a sense that even though god was fixed in that sacred of sacred holiest of holy places still we were always ready to be on the move to transition to an even greater place of holiness to transition to an even stronger place of peace page 82 we rise m to feel our tears new no oh rules our god and god of all generations may our prayers reach your presence and when we turn to you do not be indifferent adonai we are arrogant and stubborn claiming to be blameless and free of sin in truth we have stumbled and strayed we have done wrong a a together of these wrongs we are guilty we betray we steal we scorn we act perversely we are cruel we scheme we are violent we slander we devise evil we lie we ridicule we disobey we abuse we defy we corrupt we commit crimes we are hostile we are stubborn we are immoral we kill we spoil we go astray we lead others astray sarno meets vote our turning away from your meat's vote and laws of goodness is a hollow pursuit you are just concerning all that happens in our lives your way is the way of truth while ours leads to error what can we say to you whose existence is beyond time and space what words of ours can reach your realm beyond the clouds beyond heaven itself every hidden mystery every revelation surely you know them all together you know the secrets of the universe and the secrets of the human heart you know and understand us for you examine our inner lives nothing is concealed from you nothing hidden from your sight eternal one our god and god of our ancestors we pray that this be your will forgive all our wrongs pardon us for every act of injustice help us atone for all our moral failings for these sins our god we ask forgiveness the ways we have wronged you deliberately and by mistake and harms we have caused in your world through the words of our mouths together the ways we have wronged you by hardening our hearts and harm we have caused in your world through careless speech the ways we have wronged you through lies and deceit and harm we have caused in your world through gossip and rumors the ways we have wronged you by judging others unfairly and harm we have caused in your world through disrespect of parents and teachers the ways we have wronged you through insincere apologies and harm we have caused in your world by mistreating a friend or neighbor the ways we have wronged you through violence and abuse and harm we have caused in your world through dishonesty in business for all these failures of judgment and will god of forgiveness forgive us pardon us lead us to atonement the ways we have wronged you openly and secretly and harm we have caused in your world by losing self-control the ways we have wronged you through sexual immorality and harm we have caused in your world through consumption of food and drink the ways we have wronged you by giving in to our hostile impulses and the harm we have caused in the world through greed and exploitation and the ways we have wronged you through cynicism and scorn and the harm we have caused in your world through arrogant behavior the ways we have wronged you by hating without cause and harm we have caused in your world through offensive speech the ways we have wronged you with a slanderous tongue and harm we have caused in your world through a selfish or petty spirit for all these failures of judgment and will god of forgiveness forgive us pardon us lead us to atonement oh please be seated on page 98 in a moment we will sing the words and hear the words sung of shema kholenu hear our voice the words of this plea we cry out to god please on this day of yom kippur hear our collective voice as we call out to you for atonement for forgiveness but as we hear these words let us also remind ourselves that god is not the only one who we hope will hear our voice this evening we are also crying out to ourselves as we make our atonement on this day as we ask for forgiveness on this day as we make our confession of deeds done wrong and express our pleas for hopes of a better future may those words not fall upon our own death deaf ears may we forgive each other may we forgive ourselves that we can move forward into this new year page 98. oh your mind you are is you lord no page 101 as parents show tenderness to their children may you show mercy to those who worship you like the heavens that tower above the earth your love is powerful for those who revere you liberation is a gift from god a blessing from upon your people you are the god of all we can perceive our haven the god of yaakov and you are the god of all that is beyond our perception the one who has faith in you is fortunate sovereign god show us the way to freedom answer us on this day of our calling out to you moses prayed to god as you've been faithful to this people ever since egypt please forgive their failings now in keeping with your boundless love by yomer adonai and god responded i forgive as you have asked page 113 please rise um oh it's oh oh oh cool page 114 we read together aveeno malcano almighty and merciful hear our voice avinu malkenu we have strayed and sinned before you avinu malkenu have compassion on us and our families avinu malcano halt the onslaught of sickness violence and hunger avinu malcanu halt the reign of those who cause pain and terror avinu malkenu enter our names in the book of lives well lived aveenu malkenu renew for us a year of goodness avinu malkenu let our hands overflow with your blessings avinu volcano let our eyes behold the dawn of redemption avinu malcana we pray do not turn us away from you with nothing avinu malcanu welcome our prayer with love accept and embrace it avinu act towards us as befits your name aveenu malcanu for your sake if not our for ours avinu malcainu you alone are our sovereign avinu malcanu let the gates of heaven be opened to our prayer avinu volcano hear our voice treat us with tender compassion avinu malcano almighty and merciful answer us with grace for our deeds our wanting save us through acts of justice and love go is could yant have a few announcements this evening tomorrow morning i encourage you to get up a little early because at 9 00 a.m we will have our yom kippur young children's service for families and children who are around the age of eight years old and unger but trust me you want to watch this it is the world premiere of super jonah this is something 10 a.m here at temple bethel and also online we will have our congregational services and also at 10 o'clock am and repeating at 1 pm online only we will have our yom kippur family participation service for families with grade school-aged children at 1 30 p.m tomorrow afternoon i encourage you to join us online for our celebration of bethel talks our celebration this year of resilience we have three extraordinary people who will be sharing with us harold jonas a recognized expert in behavioral health and specializing in addiction we'll talk about his road to recovery we will have kira mohammed weinberg who grew up in the ukraine made aliyah to israel and will share with us the extraordinary struggle that she has faced as a young mother with breast cancer and captain jeff schneider who served in the us army for 10 years deploying to kuwait and bosnia and then again being recalled in the reserves for 15 months of active duty in 2004 in iraq will talk with us about the resilience of having to renew from combat at 3 30 p.m in the afternoon yom kippur afternoon services will be here at temple beth ellen also online with yuskar and niila we encourage everyone to please participate in our high holiday hunger drive you can find times online september 16th 17th 19th and 20th during that week to september 24th you can drop off bags of canned good and non-perishable items to help the hungry in our community we hope that you will participate in sukkot and some khatora services that you will participate in opportunities for small group engagement through our havaroat and bethel circles that you will join us on several of the trips that we have planned this year on our second installment of our civil rights journey in february 26 to march 1st where we visit atlanta montgomery selma and birmingham retracing the steps of america's civil rights movement and our june congregational trip to israel so many things and more that you can enjoy at temple bethel it's my privilege to welcome our congregation's president wendy whalen as temple bethel president it gives me great honor to be able to speak to you during these high holy days it has been an extraordinary year a strong reminder that we live in an ever-changing world through all the change in good times and bad we must have a constant in our lives a constant source of stability and spiritual guidance that constant is temple bethel each year temple bethel serves as a lifeline to children individuals and families of all ages for many the warm embrace of our membership and the bright futures instilled by our early learning center and religious school would not be possible without your generosity this evening we will showcase a short video featuring three of our temple families first longtime members carlos and melissa romero carlos is one of our temple brotherhood's co-presidents and melissa sits on the sisterhood board debbie and joe godima have been members for four years debbie is on our board of trustees and serves as the vice president of our early learning center and last but not least our long-term members dr peter and eileen wogelmuth both have served not only in our synagogue but have been active leaders in the broader jewish community peter now serves on our board of trustees as vice president of development as you watch this video please know that you are showing temple bethel the way forward with your love with your kindness and with your support of our annual appeal thank you for all you do temple bethel's annual appeal is the cornerstone of our fundraising efforts it provides much needed assistance for membership early learning center tuition and for those in our religious school nearly 20 percent of everyone who comes to temple bethel does so because of your support of the annual appeal imagine a world where our doors are closed to one out of every five people who wish to walk through them i can't and i hope you can't either more people than ever rely on us to connect them to their judaism we must maintain the highest of standards both in our in-person and virtual programming we cannot we will not deny you a meaningful connection to your spirituality without your critical support individuals and families of all ages would be disconnected isolated from the temple bethel experience that means so much to them this year's campaign is called the way forward the way forward now that we are healing the way forward now that we are reopening the way forward to create brighter futures for individuals and families who wish to call temple bethel their spiritual home we've been temple bethel members for the past 26 years our daughter alexis was baby named at temple bethel when we first moved down to boca raton so the temple's been there for us for of course you know family moments which is our son's breasts and just being there if we needed someone to talk to or to connect with but i'd also say i have found the clergy to especially during copenhagen but even before cloning really be there if we just needed an outlet a voice and someone to just talk to because there's so much going on in our world with children when there was a new baby on the way to the fan so that's why i feel like they've really been there for us temple has always been there for us um some of the most special memories that i have of temple are um every 10 years peter and i renew our vows and we do that in temple we did it the first time in the rabbi study with rabbi singer and we have done it with rabbi dan and it is a beautiful reminder of what it means to be part of a synagogue and to be connected to your clergy and connected to each other and create family and life cycle events and i will forever be grateful that we have had incredible clergy to be able to turn to to make those moments in our lives even more special we celebrated wonderful mitzvahs and we also endured some difficult times you know loss of family members and those were tough times for us and our family and temple bethel was always there the fact that temple's been able to develop and in many ways exceed expectations in the virtual program has allowed a lot of healing especially at times when people are feeling isolated and need the connection to temple sometimes just having a place to share when we feel we're all isolated in our own challenges and we've got nowhere else to turn that's what makes it really special that's what makes being part of temple bethel a very important part of our family you know we keep a lot of numbers in these things numbers we call for all different kinds of occasions but the number that we call on the most important days of our life is the number for temple bethel it's the number we call to commemorate the most important occasions and celebrations we can enjoy it's the number that we call on the darkest days of our existence when we're suffering from illness or loss it's the number that we call for inspiration and for guidance and for education and learning it's the number that we call to find the wisdom and the understanding and the counsel to face questions we don't know how to understand and challenges we're not sure how to face and temple bethel will always be there to answer the call because of you just as we have been for the last 54 years this year we are committed to enhancing the quality of our education our programming our social justice efforts and our ability to reach far beyond our physical walls all while keeping our dues our congregational commitment the same as it was last year we have done so much but we have so much more to do i know that with your support our possibilities are endless temple bethel's way forward starts with your support it will make sure that we are always there to answer your call and the call for everyone in the community this is our obligation this is our way this is the way forward i personally want to thank you for supporting this year's annual appeal and thank you for showing us the way forward we thank everyone for participating in the most meaningful way you can in our annual commitment we will have ushers that will be circulating through the congregation you are welcome to pass your commitment to them or you can use your telephones and make your commitment online using the qr code on your ticket or by going to tbe boca.org either tonight or at your convenience we thank you for your support and we are blessings we are history we are learning to be strong we are words and we are stories we are carriers this chain these lips will praise your name looking back on the journey that we carry in our hearts from the shadow of the mountain we are blessed who are children of your way and the words that bring us this these lips will name thank you all so much for your generosity and your continued sustaining support for our congregation and our community it means so much for as long as he can remember majdi wadi's mother was obsessed with the american dream born and raised as a palestinian refugee in kuwait america offered the wadi family something they could find nowhere else on earth a land of opportunity and a place to call home a place to achieve their dreams finally in 1992 majdi joined his brother in minneapolis where the two launched their dream to share their culture with the larger community and how would they do it hummus for one small grocery holy land grew and grew supermarkets a bakery restaurants a catering operation and the hummus factory their hummus could be found in stores across the country with nearly 200 employees mahdi said his business was like the united nations we have hispanic we have african-american we have african immigrants we have europeans name it and this also reflected he said the people that we served and in the summer of 2020 in the aftermath of the explosion of racial tension in minneapolis majdi's daughter leanne decided to go out and join the protest movements the family hung black lives matter banners in their store windows they provided food and refreshment to the protesters but then tweets that leanne had posted in 2012 some eight years earlier came to light they were despicable the original tweet said top three races you wish to eliminate ready go jews blacks and the fats another tweet commented if i was president i'd finish off with hitler started and rule the world leanne had a very difficult adolescence she was the only era muslim girl in a nearly all white school she struggled with her identity and went through what her father called a dark time she attended therapeutic boarding school in utah for two years and turned herself around eventually she came home graduated from the university of minnesota and joined the family business when her post resurfaced on social media her father condemned them instantly and publicly fired his own daughter from the company leanne apologized on her instagram feed and television i was so shocked that i ever posted something so offensive she wrote i want to apologize from the bottom of my heart there were such horrible and vile things and that's not who i am it's not what i believe in those statements were made a long time ago i was at a different place in my life they in no way shape or form reflect who i am as a person today but the apology was not enough the posts went viral and calls for a boycott spread mahdi's home address was posted online and he had to evacuate his home for 10 days they lost 5 million dollars in contracts as major stores dropped their brand costco target sam's club and local supermarket chains the landlord at his biggest store canceled their lease and they permanently closed the location he had to lay off nearly 70 people many who had worked with him for more than a decade almost all from minority backgrounds tonight begins the day of atonement the day when each of us are called to account for our trespasses and misdeeds the psalmist laments if you kept account of sins dear god lord who will survive this evening we attest we are not so arrogant and stiff-necked as to say before you adonai our god and god of our ancestors we are perfect and have not sinned rather we confess we have sinned we have transgressed but instead of cultivating humility in the face of our limitations and flaws it seems so often we prefer a posture of condemnation and judgment we are quick to indict and cancel those whose opinions or beliefs we think are offensive as jonathan height and greg lucanov right in the coddling of the american mind we build distortion fields that play on our emotions over generalizing catastrophizing looking at things as black and white us versus them shaming and blaming social media algorithms are designed to promote posts that inflame outrage a 2017 study from the pew foundation found that posts on facebook exhibiting indignant disagreement receive twice as many likes and shares as other types of content media outlets are replete with amped up posturing grandstanding indignation and virtue signaling amazingly harsh and even vulgar denunciations of anyone who posits ideas that are different from our own a student at smith college said that when she started college i witnessed countless conversations that consisted of one person telling the other that their opinion was wrong the word offensive was almost always included in the reasoning i began to voice my opinion less often to avoid being berated and judged by a community that claims to represent the free expression of ideas i learned along with every other student to walk on eggshells for fear that i might say something offensive at claremont college in california a student wrote in the campus newspaper how she as a latina felt marginalized and underrepresented adena the college wrote an email to reach out and console her but the student thought the email invalidated her concerns after posting the email online weeks of protests marches and demonstrations ensued and the dean was forced to resign a public defender with legal aid in new york was drummed out of her job by a group of colleagues who called her racist and openly so because she published an op ed saying she didn't subscribe to certain school board policies influenced by critical race theory and if you want to hear what canceled culture on the right looks like just ask colin kaepernick or liz cheney or brad raffensberger in a letter to harper's weekly in july of 2020 more than 150 scholars writers and intellectuals from across the political spectrum wrote that free exchange of information and ideas the lifeblood of a liberal society is daily becoming more constricted sensoriousness is spreading more widely in our culture and intolerance of opposing views of vogue for public shaming and ostracism and the tendency to dissolve complex policy issues in a blinding moral certainty how do we learn to talk to each other rather than cancel each other how do we heal these fractures and divisions that have rendered our society so polarized how can we learn to stop demonizing each other and constantly questing each other's motives how can we break the gravitational pull of polar extremes to meet each other somewhere in the middle adam grant in his book think again note that when we try to persuade someone of our opinion or idea we tend to fall into three different kinds of mindsets preachers prosecutors and politicians preachers pontificate and deliver sermons to advance their ideas they will exhort you to see the truth and moral grandeur of their beliefs trust me i know prosecutors shoot for flaws in other people's reasoning and they build cases and amass arguments and data to prove that they're right and to win their case politicians seek to win over their audience by pressure and persuasion campaigning and lobbying to win someone over to their side but preaching prosecuting and politicking hardly ever work dr corky becker from essential partners taught me that debate is like a game of volleyball your job is to slam the ball to make your opponent miss so that you can score points and win the match and no one likes to lose so we hold fast to our opinions even more tightly when we're told that we're wrong changing our minds becomes a mark of moral weakness and admission of defeat not subscribing to the mainstream opinion of our group or community could result in ridicule ostracism or cancellation the net result is people inevitably end up hardening their positions as we learn in the talmud in tractate sota our preaching prosecuting and politicking make things worse when those who show their arrogance by speaking too long the text is literally drawing out their spit the number of arrogant people in general proliferated dispute proliferated in israel and the torah became like two taurus does it ever dawn on us that we might not have a monopoly on the truth that people on the opposite side of a question might have something to teach us does it ever occur to us that the other side might actually be right what if we could learn to replace arrogance with humility what if we could learn to see changing our minds as a virtue not an admission of weakness or defeat but as a righteous strength an opportunity to learn and to grow what if we could learn to replace our convictions with curiosity and judgment with inquisitiveness what if we replace our instinct to say i don't want to hear it with that's interesting tell me more the pierce teaches every controversy that is for the sake of heaven its wisdom will endure real dialogue dr becker suggests is more like a game of catch your job is to create a give and take with your partner to see how long you can keep it going before you let the ball drop my teacher rabbi michael chernick suggests that when people argue for the sake of heaven they put aside ego and the need to win at all costs by not descending into ad hominem insults and dismissal of the truth of the other participant in the argument the parties to the argument bring to light different facets of ultimate truth in this way they arrive at a as much truth as human beings are vouchsafed this truth which is the end product of a combination of deeply held principles tempered by a willingness to yield in the face of a point of view that resonates with the mind or the heart endures and has a powerful impact on the lives of those who hear it and accept it we do better when we become better listeners adam grant relates a story of a woman from montreal who gave birth to a very premature baby and even though montreal had recently had several outbreaks of measles the woman had decided not to have her children vaccinated she had heard from friends and neighbors that vaccines were dangerous and could cause terrible side effects now studies show that when people are shown the research about the safety of vaccines they actually become more ambivalent rather than more accepting much like a vaccine inoculates our physical immune system against a virus the act of resistance fortifies our psychological immune system grant says refuting a point of view produces antibodies against future influence attempts we become more certain of our opinions and less curious about alternative views efforts by the doctors and nurses to convince her to vaccinate her newborn went nowhere she felt like the doctors and nurses were accusing her of wanting my kids to get sick as if i were a bad mother so the staff contacted a neonatologist named dr arnold he approached the new mother completely differently dr genyer began by telling the mother that he was afraid of what might happen if her newborn got the measles but he accepted her decision he just wanted to understand it better they spoke for over an hour during which time he asked open-ended questions about how she had reached the decision not to vaccinate he listened with respect and open curiosity and validated her concerns he expressed trust and appreciation for her intentions and explored their mutual motivations and beliefs in a non-threatening non-judgmental but open and inviting conversation she ultimately decided to vaccinate the baby and her older children as well she said that the key to her changing her mind was when he said whether i chose to vaccinate or not he respected my decision as someone who wanted the best for my kids just that sentence to me it was worth all the gold in the world what would have happened in minneapolis if leann watty's old tweets had been greeted with curiosity rather than judgment imagine what might have happened if the community instead of resorting to moral condemnation and boycott had instead gone to her and said what's the deal with these tweets is that what you really think why did you post that imagine what they might have learned instead they might have learned that leanne shared much of the same anguish as did so many people in her community that loneliness and fear sometimes result in toxic hate they might have learned that people in pain will often mask that pain by pretending to arrogance and hatred they don't really mean or feel they might have learned that she had endured an incredibly difficult struggle to discover her authentic self and had grown from a dark and hateful teen into a loving and aware young adult they might have learned that she came from a family that had not only realized the american dream but had turned around and given back to their community and exported extraordinary causes for vulnerable people in africa and around the world they might have learned that even the people who would seem to be your enemy could actually be your allies all they would have had to do was to replace their judgment with curiosity ask some questions with humility and understanding and stop screaming loud enough to listen curiosity does not mean avoiding conflict it simply means approaching conflict with openness and curiosity wilbur and orville wright argued back and forth for days and days on how to design the propeller for their new airplane the arguments often grew loud and hot but throughout they both constantly listened to each other discussion wilbur once said brings out new ways of looking at things the next morning orville showed up at the shop first and told their mechanic he was wrong they should design the propeller wilbur's way wilbur showed up later and suggested that orville was right and his way was wrong they then discovered they were both wrong at kitty hawk the brothers figured out that they didn't need a propeller they needed two propellers spinning in opposite directions in a great argument writes adam grant our adversary is not a foil but a propeller with trim propellers spinning in divergent directions our thinking doesn't get stuck on the ground it takes flight we call our god one because it is only in god's realm that all truth can be known in this new year let us cultivate the humility to cast aside judgment and embrace curiosity let us be willing to rethink our assumptions and to open our hearts to new ideas and new truths let us reject the impulse to self-righteous indignation and self-certitude and instead seek out opportunities for dialogue and learning the more open we are to growing in our understanding and appreciation for the truth shared by others the closer we may draw to god in our own lives and the more godly will be the world we create together the shanatova we turn to page 116 and we rise for elaine you oh oh here page 119. may the time not be distant our god when all shall turn to you in love when corruption and evil shall give way to integrity and goodness when lies and bigotry shall no longer enslave the mind nor either blind the eye so may all created in your image become one in spirit and one in friendship forever united in your service then shall your dominion be established on earth and the world of your prophet fulfill adonoi will reign forever and ever this is the praise of the living praise for the gift of life praise for loved ones and friends for listening hearts laughter and forgiveness praise for their searching and striving for perseverance and vision minds that aspire to know and understand praise for their courage and faith for souls that brought light to dark corners for hands that were gentle and strong praise for those who walked before us in valleys of darkest shadows who endured their grief and brought forth new life yet gaddafi is gaddafi praise for the one who is always with us the source of growth the promise of goodness praise for the gift of life and memory praise for the blessing of hope we call to mind now all of those whose lives brought us joy and celebration whose memories live on through us as a blessing we rise and turn to page 122 as together we say the words of mourner's kaddish is may the one who sends peace from the high heavens send peace to all of us and comfort the bereaved as together we say amen special thanks to our wonderful cellist susan bergeron for playing a beautiful cole nidre for our beautiful choir and accompanist vindicari thank you to all of you behind the scenes who's making it possible let's join in the words of o shalom is return us to you god and we will return for those of you who are fasting may our fast today be meaningful may we all be inscribed and sealed for goodness in the book of life good job everyone you

Channel: Temple Beth El of Boca Raton

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Length: 134min 48sec (8088 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 15 2021