Would I Lie to You S14 E9 (1 Mar 21). Johnny Vegas, Alex Jones, Martin Lewis, Anna Maxwell Martin

[Music] [Music] good evening welcome to would i lie to you the show with tall tales and tantalizing truths on limax team tonight an actor and comedian who's donating a thousand free tickets to his tour for nhs workers haven't those poor doctors and nurses suffered enough it's johnny vegas and uh she played a fearsome detective in line of duty so if she catches you lying tonight you can expect to accidentally fall down the stairs it's anna maxwell martin and on david mitchell scene tonight a journalist who helps people save money so he'll be delighted to know that instead of paying him for tonight we've put his fee into a high-yield isa it's marty lewis and she's beautiful and talented like most people who come from wales it's alex jones we begin with round one home truths where our panelists read out a statement from the card in front of them now to make things harder they've never seen the card before they've no idea what they'll be faced with it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction and alex you're first tonight oh okay i once got the giggles on the one show when i accidentally destroyed a priceless historical artifact please do what was the priceless historical artifact it was a letter which letter there's 26 to choose from a written letter so who's the letter to him from to um some soldiers from king george how did you destroy it so um i was going through a little phase was it that phase phase but it wasn't that phase um it was a phase where i was drinking green tea so i had a pint of green tea a pint a pint proper old school welsh doesn't matter what it is it has to be in the paint where were you hiding it on the set it was rehearsal yeah so no need to hide whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa i've seen the one show and you rehearse that i hate them [Applause] so basically the pint of green tea spilled all over the letter and because obviously letters back in the day were written by you know quills and ink the green tea fell on the letter and all the writing fell off and fell off the writing fell off but it didn't slipped off it didn't slip off well it did so what happened then um so the the people from the museum who'd brought in the artifacts the gla veras they start basically crying because they cried yeah because it's a priceless letter they were getting angry and the more angry they got the funnier i thought it was you laughed well i've got that thing you know when things happen i mean i find it really funny you know when you're not supposed to laugh i think there's a name for it it's called something yes insensitivity all right what do we think i think it's an out-and-out line i don't think you'd laugh and if letters fell off a purge i think you were just fantasizing over harry i potter what about you i'm gonna say it's a lie i i think it's true because i think she screams incompetence i'll go with my teammates okay so alex they've said it's a lie was it the truth or was it a lie it's in fact true yes it's true alex did destroy a priceless historical artifact uh johnny you're next on the show tonight it's your turn possession right there's a box on the floor just underneath the desk put the item on the desk and then read the card please out loud this is my roller i regularly use it to clean my back in the shower would you hold it up to us johnny so we can see it everybody can have a nice look at it it's a it's what i'd call it i'll show you how and why i use it yeah yeah give us a demonstration um i once had genuinely an issue with the loofah and i tripped yeah i look like one of them liars in eight and e oh [Laughter] right you've got the extendable you fix that in you do your lower butt mm-hmm you know they can't see that don't you johnny oh sorry right there you do this i only ever go to there with it but it probably gets over and then if you want to go in rough you put it shorter screw it in and you're just getting hard are you soaping it up beforehand or you're just just using it do you know what one little bit of shampoo on that and that'll do you does he have to talk yeah look all my family came from traditional working backgrounds and there's something about being in the shower with this queen working in a gold man [Music] where do you keep that in your shower and do you take it out or have you got a hook uh put it in a separate cupboard because if you have guests you don't want to feel like they have to use it how did you discover it i looked at it and i went i love how it works on walls what could it do to me buddy and i saw it and i thought it's my time it's my hey hello you give yourself a chance to remind yourself you're lovely [Laughter] [Applause] martin what what are you thinking i can see him in the shower yes naked using that thing that'll fade over time i've also got a vision now thanks for that i don't know if it's true or not but what i will say about it is i think it's a good idea right yeah and i would be very tempted to give it a try i think that would be quite a pleasing sensation not as pleasing as putting the soap in the black tray and doing that first okay so what are you going to say uh i think should we go we'll go with it because it's true it was it was very convincing okay johnny they think it's true were you telling the truth or were you actually telling us a lie of course i was telling him [Music] yes it's alive john he doesn't use a roller to wash his back okay uh martin you're next thank you once after misreading a sign it took me two hours to get out of a supermarket car park please do which supermarket um it was tesco as it happens sainsbury's waitrose wow you really were lost so talk us through what happened i actually got the van stuck in the entrance to the car oh yeah so you weren't lost i wasn't lost it was stuck wait you did it wrong turn it and then you got it wedged into the ceiling wasn't the wrong turning he said he misread misread what did the sign say the sign said maximum height six foot right uh and i because the sign wasn't at six foot high the sign was like 12 foot and they even though it said maximum height six foot i just saw it and thought oh that must be the maximum height and so i drove the van in and it's just getting stuck and more stuck your wedge what happens so the first idea i had was to deflate the tires didn't work but that was actually a winnie the pooh story about this i know what winnie the pooh did but i'm not sure it would work on a van how did you get yourself out of there so i went into the supermarket i just bought loads of butter baked beans make me no you i've got them to get a forklift truck and bring out loads of crates of baked beans yeah have fun and fart it brought out in the back of the van got loads of the guys who worked there as well to stand in the back of the van to weight it down and reversed it out that's my turn upon the theory test how many beans does it take here's a question did it have a ticket barrier no end of questions okay what are you gonna say lee is he telling the truth or is he lying anna i think martin was doing a very uh sophisticated bluff so i'm gonna say true i don't believe you you think it's a lie i think it's something all right we'll go with that lie truth and lie ah i'll say true you're going to say you think i think it's true martin was it true or was it a lie it's true [Music] our next round is called this is my where we bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection to one of our panelists this week each of lee's team will claim it's them that has the genuine connection to the guest it's up to david's team to spot who's telling the truth so please welcome this week's special guest johnny so um johnny what is johnny to you uh this is johnny and we once pretended to be members of take that to get backstage at a gig right johnny's boy band buddy anna how do you know johnny this is johnny and it's my fault that he had to climb a mountain twice in one day right anna's unhappy hiker and finally lee your relationship with johnny this is johnny at school we both fell victim to brian pimento's infamous biscuit con so there we have it david where would you like to begin johnny what did you do with him you snuck backstage well we didn't sneak what we did is we convinced an ignorant promoter in the early days of that that we would take that if we didn't honest snuck backstage we wanted to go honest to that did you you said that you were actually in the band we said that we were the band we were a local county show and we decided it would be a good idea take that a just released it on a texas minute girl which is an unusual brag and they weren't that well known so they booked them cheap and we we decided to just chance our arm and pretend that we were them and which particular member because i'm struggling here to to think who it would be this was a stroke of genius um johnny told them that like every boy band needs one that's like everyone thinks they stand a chance with and that was me you always need one in the band that you think yeah i could yeah and that is why we have you thank you very much thank you so so where was this had a big show a big show that's not very specific you said it was at a county show yeah yeah right i imagine it's a lot of livestocking display but it wasn't that far right because before we were due to go on stairs they just judged the best rabbit i can totally imagine a kind of event where early in the evening they judge the best rabbit and then take that comes on but just in case not everyone can picture it can we have some details it was saint allen's um what what count is sent helens in merseyside and yet with the chess your postcode sort that out it was a big show it was a big show johnny what happened did you get up onto stage no what we did is we turned up and announced ourselves as to that yes but there's only two he was better looking yeah at the time [Laughter] you know um marriage and a running a pub hadn't ravaged him um and we turned up and just announced that we were take that and how far did you get with it we got backstage they were running late so we were gonna go honest to that right and there was only one guy who outside of myself who'd seen the video yeah and just as they were about to announce us on he ran up and and told us to get out all right who would you like to question okay um first question anna is what johnny's saying true um the fact that you're considering it is bad news for your story [Laughter] can you remind us of your story something about a mountain twice yes it's my fault he had to climb a mountain twice in one day which was the mountain it's called cat bells [Laughter] it sounded like she was trying to say kathmandu and forgot the rest cat bells yeah where's cat bells is this country my love it's near kevin yeah he's in the red district what was johnny was he like with you on a trip was he your guide or was he like an ambulance person is it gonna be one of the three i'm giving options okay well don't go through them all we'll be here all day was he a fireman was he a postman was he a friend of your cousin or your cousin's friend was it your uncle pete or your uncle bob or your auntie paulie or just you could use another system who was he who was he johnny uh johnny's my friend why was he and why were you and were you going up cat bells because it was like an anniversary friend group anniversary leave the children at home get on get on the bits but earn the things and do get a bit of [ __ ] get on the fence and learn the things she's making perfect sense get on the bits and learn the things what do you mean have you got a bag on the head get on the beats i learned [Music] we're marking um 25 years of friendship right to earn the night out this is the exercise that you're doing to justify getting drunk later yeah and you go up cat bells yep tired nice view go down cat bells why do you make him go up again because i realized that i had lost my phone and presume my phone is at the top how long does it take to get up cat bells about two and a half hours good luck so i'm having a little you know episode a weep and a cry and johnny uh volunteers to go back up and get it right and is that because johnny fancies himself as wolverine it's i'm not seeing those films is he a great phone fetch neither have i but he's very hugh jackman have you ever seen that film david wolverine phone fetcher i think um it's more that he's a very kind person and i know a few things about johnny so it's a mixture of goodwill and blackmail yeah i'm i'm hurting when johnny was in my life in my story he was a very generous person he always went out of his way to help um in my story he's an intolerable pillock so he goes back up to get the phone then what happens and then i realize the phone is on my person johnny came back down so i'm so sorry i couldn't find it and then i just said oh dear and kept hidden that i actually had it and when did you come clean last new year how did johnny react when you told him he was pretty good-natured he likes uh he likes exercise all right now what about um lee's stories so just remind us lee what it is you're trying to convince us of this is johnny and when we were at school we both fell victim to brian pimento's biscuit con who is brian pimento and what was his biscuit con good question brian pimento was a kid in our school who was a few years older than me and johnny so how old were you at this point 11 or 12. and what was his biscuit con well he approached us in the playground and said hello boys i've hidden a biscuit do you want to find it he said that his dad worked for mcvitis for as a lorry driver yes and that he could get us uh a whole tin of assorted biscuits each those big christmasy ones with three layers and what did you have to do to get these well he said so if your parents smoke and you can take some cigarettes from them and give them to me i'll exchange it for two big tins of triple stacked christmas assorted biscuits how many cigarettes did he require for those biscuits five each that's a good deal for who and johnny stole five from his parents did that's where he got us from okay you never ask questions with these sort of things i said to him where'd you get cigarettes from and he went i thought you said you never asked questions with these sort of things no that's when i learned what i said where to get cigarettes from so this was the next day you turn is it that evening that evening meet us in the woods nice and specific meet us in the woods tonight and bring your keyboard [Laughter] what happened he came and we thought he'd be on his own like he was when he offered us the deal from the bushes three lads appeared either side of him he took the cigarettes he said thank you and then they all started laughing their heads off at us oh sadly ain't no biscuit son all right well we need an answer is johnny johnny's boy band buddy anna's unhappy hiker or lee's scammed schoolmate what do you think i think it's anna's hiker i think that's the one that has the biggest ring of truth for me lee's story was you know fine but the thing is you and johnny are not the same age don't listen to her johnny she's being very rude to you i i see a lot of myself in anna and i would have gone up a mountain for bits so i believe that side of it and i i think you both think it's anna what are you thinking david we're gonna go with anna okay so johnny would you please reveal your true identity i'm johnny and johnny and i pretended to be members of yes johnny is johnny's boy band buddy thank you very much johnny which brings us to our final round quick fire lies and we start with it's david once on a family day out i got the jitters and had to flee an owl sanctuary please t what gave you the jitters i well i'd been asked to have a photograph of me taken uh holding an owl right where was this in uh cornwall i'm on holiday with your family yes oh it was recently yes oh i think it meant as a child with your parents as a fully grown man as a fully grown man you got the jitters add up man i got it you've got the jitters because you thought the owl might be a bit terrifying yeah david can i say that if you were my partner and we were at an hour sanctuary and you got the jitters yeah it fled you'd be toast mate i simply would have no respect for you at all what you have to remember anna is that there's a long journey that leads to someone choosing to marry a person like me and part of that journey is learning to cope with a person like me but also to be fair i've been to old sanctuaries and they flapping everywhere i mean it's enough oh yeah they're predators i didn't know which owl they were gonna put me with right some little that's fine any trouble but you had a great big one like a like a mini post box who was it who asked you for a phone i think it might have been the manager of the owl sanctuary he wanted a photograph with tv's david mitchell yes when i i was initially asked you sort of think oh i should you should say yes and then well you know i don't know it's not like i want to hold an owl i'm sure it would probably be fine but what were you worried about but you i mean i thought they'll give you a big glove and i don't i never liked it in science at school do you want to be putting this glove on no no i wasn't worried about that i'm trying to explain but this is like a four-clause explanation so um how many claws do they have then they've gone off they're not really you know i'm saying do i now have to sort of go to the reception desk and say and ask for the photograph to sort of go is this what i said i'd get a photo so shall we do that and then it might look like i'm sort of desperate to seeing as i'm here will you please take a special photo i'll tell you what sounds like a lovely relaxing day out with you so did you have to say to victoria um i'd be happier if we left or did you just say we're going how did you approach that i think i did it in more of a vague pathetic way let's go we're going let's go to the car oh i don't like that impression of you [Applause] let's go i want to flee the scene david i'm so sorry [Music] these guys have been trying to build up my confidence for weeks four this is the first episode i've spoken right let's have the voice of reason johnny what do you think i don't think it's true i think you're too well-mannered i think it's true because i think david is a duplicitous person all right um what are you gonna say lee you got a truth and a lie i i can see david doing this they were probably on the edge of bankruptcy and they said what we need is a celebrity to walk through the door then the music started and you walked in and they went the owl sanctuary is saved if you can have a photo and we can put it on the website things will change for us but no you fled and all those owls were put down no you i've got to go with a sensible one and say true you're going to say that it's true david was it true or was it a lie it was true [Music] yes it's true david really did flee an owl sanctuary next [Applause] it's johnny oh i once spent the night in millets after falling asleep in a tent david's teeth which branch of millet it was a big candle when was this five six years ago five six years ago and what were you going into millets for i had a big argument with my child and my nephew we had the camper van and i said have you got your caught yes have you got everything yes yes stop being boring we got there and they hadn't brought anyone with the gear not even a girl i then left them they they they paddled off you know they were you go there's no internet go and play when they got playing got to talk to this family got about it and the dad said to me you go off if you know what i mean get them some courts they're fine with us i went to millet and there was one of them ridiculous stupid like back in five minutes we'll be open i won't lie i there was a pub you might because of the format all right yes okay there was a pub over the road i went the pub eventually i saw a light on i went in and i couldn't find the guy and i thought i thought i thought i'll hide in the tent and surprise him quite natural of course no because i was part of me was annoyed that he'd gone so long it wasn't like i'll be back in five minutes right by the time i left the pub i thought jumping out of a tent was a good idea right and um i set it up and i just fell asleep and when were you discovered i set off the alarm where were you your children were still with this family you'd left they seem trustworthy moses is on a campsite yeah but you didn't did you know the family we bet not dead i mean like his dad seemed very competent at pushing a swing i didn't like abandon him i thought i was coming back in half an hour how long were you gone about nine hours did the family say to you when you turned up they wouldn't believe that i'd fallen asleep and the fact is the the thing that really think of me was i set the alarm off people turned up who the uh police and the manager and then he wouldn't turn the tail on to send me two carts so what do you think um martin what are you thinking um you're going in the pub and going into minutes and falling asleep i can believe the the other family just going yeah it's fine you came back i didn't say they said it was fine yeah but i don't have anything they would have done more it's possible but i'll go with lie i think it's true you think it's true i think you think it's a lie i'm gonna go true you're saying it's true yeah okay johnny truth or lie lie yes it's a lie johnny didn't spend the night in minutes oh that noise signals time is up it's the end of the show i can reveal it lee's team have won by five points to one thanks for watching we'll see you next time good night [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: ViVaHD

Views: 575,982

Keywords: Johnny Vegas, Alex Jones, Martin Lewis, Anna Maxwell Martin, Would I Lie to You

Id: cIjD6xDaYcA

Length: 28min 53sec (1733 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 01 2021