Series 13 Unseen Bits Part 1 - Would I Lie to You?

[Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] good evening welcome to a very special edition of previously unseen clips from this series of would I lie to you joining lemak tonight Bob Mortimer steps McGovern Davis in Calgary Lucy Worsley dr. Raj Singh I'll or balding joining David Mitchell tonight our audio Inka monkey suit Johnston Jay blades Victoria [Applause] Collins where our panelists read out a statement from the card in front of them to make things harder they've never seen the card before there's no idea what they'll be face to it it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction that's him you're first up tonight I once ruined the date when I punched myself in the face what was the context we were doing party tricks and she was doing all these kind of like she's a double-jointed she was the face she was like coming in so what's your party trick I was like well I can kind of do this punching thing where like I don't actually punch myself but I kind of like move with it you know like but I still get the sound I've got a massive neck yes show us it sure okay so he's basically like there's like no you know nothing actually her but wow it looks pretty good right Jamie if you're trying to impress a young lady on a first date [Music] first to find anything better than so as you can see that it's not great and that was the problem what I did is I like forgot to move with it because that's something you move I clipped my jaw and the side of my cheek started bleeding she didn't realize this but I could feel the blood spitting off my mouth so I went to the toilet I'll be back in there [Laughter] and it wasn't stopping it was that my tongue and my mouth and it was like literally pouring around my mouth and then I started getting paranoid because I'm like I've been in there for a while she's gonna think I'm having to prove that's nothing worse it could be from the toilet but some of the things you've had a period your mouth bleeding yeah I was in there for at least around 15 minutes it wasn't stopping and then I just went home and I turned my phone off and I never saw her again serious he walked out of the restaurant I couldn't how far through the meal were you know I mean we were just waiting for stars it was like so she sat there like this still if you're waiting for starters that means you've ordered the meal so a bill is coming yeah look I'm sorry Alma was she in touch with you to ask what happened mmm well yeah kind of I didn't reply imagine your first date Victoria the first time there must have been the first time when you and David went out together what was his party trick what did David do for you David around for the war old school sort of wit and charm no no let me get this why why'd you dropped although I was already besotted before we even went on the date he could have punched himself in the face I've actually got the taste of vomit in my mouth how does this seem to me it seems --until manely it is I'm very ashamed of it and it was a long time ago when I was six years ago I would never do that again you're so obviously embarrassed about it I think it must be true what do you think I think it might well be true as well I think it's true okay you're saying true yeah awesome was it true or was it a lie it was true [Music] it's Bob so lots of people know this this guy including me well I am a qualified dog masseur okay first of all when it comes to dog massage what is the qualification structure I've got a BTech a BTech in dog massage and what was the process of obtaining that I went to my local further education college I admit this was for a television program okay right I did it what was have been a nine-month BTech and I did it in three months what was the television program it was a way didn't happen don't tell them it's not true no I'm either TV television program never came to fruition how do you massage your dog talk us through it well thank you for that firstly it depends obviously what breed is our station and Alsatian is it tattooed or just play tattooed since the advent of the devil dogs and that the Alsatians lost a lot of its clout on it but some of them get tattooed now too up the street you know but the owners do it ah this should be so simple if it's not Road Bob you have made it really tricky for yourself it depends if he's got I was using that silly idea to illustrate that the first thing is you'd have to do is assess the temp every dog the dog if the dog has a gentle kind no soul to it you should and must are on the neck at the nape of the neck move around to be sure if it's a bit testing you know like a little snappy poodle so you start on its haunches because it's weird you might find this with your cuts as well course surely it thing they say in the cat massage BTech now just because you may have a dog mouth high-speed day you probably think you know your way around a cat administering you skills yes where is the dog is it on the floor where is it a massage table it's wiped down with the hole for its face the way that you are carrying on to the [Applause] I don't watch a dog know what happens to keep his body I think it was a golden golden retriever Robin fish you just separate their back pour it you encourage them onto the side you separate their back that you know their fingers are numb no terminal address yeah why would you know the terminology it was only a three-month rush things like you know the name for a dog's foot and you can you can drain their equivalent of lymph system as well Wow you couldn't drain their lymph system how their lymph system like I'm not wrong no it's not is it about the focusing of four legs would know what my complicated stuff like the arms and legs the basics of the lymphatic system which way is your teeth leaving here the thing is I'm really poor things you think it's true no no it's a lie it's a lie well I think we think it's a lie what are you basing that three-month VTEC for a program that might not happen yeah and also you don't seem to know much about tell me anything this is the longest conversation about rubbing a dog I've ever had okay we'll go lie you see it's a lie I don't think you've thought enough about this right Bob they are saying that it is alight where are you telling the truth or were you telling a lie I was telling a lie it's David my weekday breakfast regime is always as follows monday cornflakes Tuesday cornflakes Wednesday cornflakes Thursday cornflakes and on Friday Jersey corn what's jazzy call Flo it's cornflakes with chocolate milk so the phrase chasity cornflakes is something you've created it's not just as a renowned wit so how did you come up with this system David well I like chocolate it's a treat I can say Friday's the day of treats I'd say it's it's a fun day because it's not actually the weekend but by the time the weekend started you're already disappointed by it the anticipation of something nice happening is almost invariably nicer than the thing itself so Friday morning is peak yet yes actually I'm although increasingly I now prefer Thursday's because you're looking forward to the Friday that ends up being a bit disappointing so talk us through the routine David the routine I get a bowl I put some cool flakes in it then I pour the milk on down the side not over the top I don't want them to go soggy no I like I like a sort of sogginess rising from below but a sort of resistant crunchiness on the top so why don't you put your milk in first and then put the figure centered the reason is that I literally never thought of it soli what do you think it's unlikely because the David I know would say cornflakes milk on a Monday complement the Tuesday complaint there's Wendy corporate milk with Thursday only get to Friday go I better not take any risks Joe what do we think I don't believe it you don't I don't think so it comes across as boring but I don't think he's actually that boring so what do you say is it the truth oh I have to go with lies a lie okay David truth or lie it is a lie it's it Claire after accidentally spilling red wine on my dress on the way to a skit I deliberately spilt more wine on it and pretended it was part of the pattern where is the initial spillage in my lap and wow did you spill bread red wine because we were being driven to Royal a skit and so it's just normal car wine brought some wine cuz I thought it'd be a good way to start the day yeah yes and I couldn't turn back because I was meant to be presenting a trophy did anybody comment on it during the day actually somebody told me they thought it was a rather how very modern someone said to me I said oh yes it came from and I named a designer that I thought was kind of fashionable Merlot how did you put the wine on in a straw suggesting just taking it yeah just take drink your wine with a straw it's trying not to spill it on me but it didn't work that's a horrible image isn't it presented no they're available soon if you have been drinking the wine from a store initially to travel it unfortunately didn't get the store back into the bottle why did you remove it from the bottle having put it in you put this join let's just you then leave the straw okay now this is a day I would rather have forgot but this this also must have been a special straw that you have cuz it must have been long Oh God I'll stop here in Thresh's driver only five strolls that easily I'm not proud I'm not proud because unfortunately that is quite an accurate reflection was Claire telling the truth did it happen Victoria hi it's not insane but I want to say true what do you think I don't know I refuse to believe that I think it's true same truth Clare Balding truth or lie it's live soon you're next okay I once taped over a rare recording of one of the Beatles biggest hits in steam so why were you in possession of the recording well it was given to me to listen to oh so it's an audio tape reel to reel and it was given to you by a Beatle yeah which Beatle Paul what him for what it was the song which Beatle song love me do that was their first hit wasn't it yeah oh so this is pre fame was it the original liner put the four that we know yeah okay you're looking to be a worry black I know a bit more about the Beatles in your interview oh no party and why did he give it to you and you can't just say yes to this one because I was a friend of his I met him at the cavern where did the table over a cursor in my house in your house then you thought it was a blanked tape no you you that you are recording over love me do ya what did you think of love me do cuz that's what he wanted to know right you said Gavin listen to this to see if you like it was that the idea I said it's good did he say you can't do public art you can't you know very well know do you feel bad that you taped over it yeah because I could have got a lot of money for it what are you thinking has sue been telling the truth I'm surprised this hasn't come up before like I haven't heard this story I've seen you in interviews I've seen Paul McCartney in interviews and he's never gone [Music] he's getting better we're just forgetting what Paul McCartney I think it's true you're right maybe we would have heard more about it alright it's a lie think it's a lie okay sue will you tell them the truth are you telling a lie well it was next I once revived a tortoise by giving it the kiss of life David still what was the scenario well I had a pet tortoise years old did he have a name Bob Bob the tortoise tortoise which isn't a game for Halloween yeah how big was this tortoise topic where was it from under Taurus country from the shop so anyway he normally roams around and yeah course tortoises stop and don't do stuff but it seemed a bit weird when out had a look I thought what was different about the way he looked well he looked a bit dead dead little bit it's how you break the news to people in this job okay he looks a bit dead so I thought I've been obviously I'd better score in biology lessons and thought right okay do you know what give it a go and I didn't literally turn them over doesn't it they says are you from biology lessons I know what to do exactly told you in GCSE biology they said do you ever see a tortoise now it's past that just general life support just sort of general resuscitation generalization never mind the species human or wasp or anywhere in between give it a go in the heat of the moment I thought I'm just gonna give this a go so turn him over grabbed his little head oh definitely his head blew a couple of times Lou into into his loling mouth its little legs started to move and I wasn't sure food he may not have been dead but did you say he may not have been dead he moved afterwards he moved very quickly what I'm gonna tell you is that if he subsequently moved he wasn't dead is there a chance that he was always completely fine and you assaulted him what do you think Steve it does just this sound true to you I think it's a pack of nonsense what about you Liz I don't believe a word of it easily right David time to decide I don't think we believe it do we okay shall I ranch were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie it was a lie its Lee possession right now there's a box under the desk you can hold the box and read the card first and then take the item this is the mug I use to silently signal to my wife if I think a tradesman is trustworthy or not David steam that is one side that is the other side so how do you signal what's what's the signal for coming good god Shirley let's imagine for a moment that Alice is is your wife bob is a tradesman yeah I don't if you've met my wife probably easier to imagine Bob smaller [Applause] ladies old-school what would you like today I want to install broadband with those tiny wires tiny way let's go from the moment that that Bob rings the doorbell and you're waiting for the broadband man to arrive okay from there so we're just chatting now now obviously I'm very happy with you my wife I'm talking to my wife Jim I come rob prizes in the corner yes Oh should I get it yeah why don't you go hey I called earlier by the way No until repair your broadband I believe you've been having some trouble with it I have it happen to all of my 400-pound yes please come in if you'd like to show me the central hub please do the central hub is just under the television there that's okay I am now taking my trousers off that's just the way that I do my repair are you gonna introduce me I'm sure yes I'll pull myself up yes this is my wife Alice hello Alice how do you do what was your name sorry I haven't given you now it's not company policy but I'm perfectly happy with it with me off you didn't see what I did Romi putts with them how much will it cost to fix it to fix that to fix that you need a completely new system 2,000 pounds yes but I'll suck the internet out of that air like that would this oh you think you could do me a favor this is this really Lee's mug that he uses no are you sure I'm very happy to say no we can kick it around a bit we'll be saying no me you're telling the truth is that your mug or was it a lie it wasn't fact it's Klaudia possession ah under the desk there is a box could you pop the box onto the desk and before you show us what's in there read the card out the object in this box is on display in my bathroom but I'm too scared to touch it David will now reveal it David you take out what's in the box yeah [Music] is that a tarantula yeah I got it when I went on a course what course if you don't like spiders and then that is your like party bags like party bags phobia course yeah you can put it down if you like we've seen a lot of it and we don't scare people so the course was what a week long two weeks so it was like a full day and how did you find out about its course where was it I don't say on the web I'm not talking about it the word on the street are you scared you nervous yeah so you go for this course you go for this course and then at the end what they say on the end what's the bothers it stop okay welcome that's how I not lit you out as a stop just tell us the first thing they do to overcome the fear away so they come in coming in because now you've got further back than the hollow they say thank you for coming what's quite nice is that you're with other people who are scared of these little creatures so you all find bonding like hi I'm Trudi I'm scared big ones or little ones or furry ones yeah like Archie ones you know there are all kinds of different spiders yes and what do they do one more time Claudia no what they do okay good I'll tell you what they said on the course which was absolutely compelling which was you are not alone there are spiders everywhere they do sort of aversion therapy perhaps where you were confronted with spy we had to meet spiders right you've been fed that information and that's the furtive answered every question so far you've said they said hello is still a former fellow because you get to meet some spiders can you tell us one thing they did on the court 0:02 most we had a lovely lunch [Laughter] what did they do where we met them we met them when we made forget to hold on and they were crawling on us and like being all cuddly and soft but you're not saying the killers are because you're still scared of the I am still scared I mean this has gotta be the worst line that history that's so what do you think it is is Claudia telling the truth I think that she's lying and if she's telling the truth I'm not having it because if she's telling the truth she's contractually obliged to tell us something as opposed to every question definitely a lie goodbye so staying alive okay so Claudia Winkleman were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie it is totally true well that's all we've got time for on this special edition of would I lie to you thanks very much for watching good night [Applause] [Music] you [Music] [Applause]

Channel: WILTY? Nope!

Views: 5,352,506

Keywords: WILTY

Id: g-QEjSDtOdM

Length: 28min 42sec (1722 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 14 2020