All right. Who's ready to play pirates? Yes, yes, yes. I'll be Blackbeard.
- No no, I'm Blackbeard. No, I'm Blackbeard. Don't you dare tell me what I am
and what you're not. You're not the boss of me. I'm always the boss.
- No, you’re a stupid boss. You’re a stupid boss who isn’t Blackbeard. Because you can't be Blackbeard. I'm a better pirate than you. No, no, no. You stupid idiot.
I’m blackbeard, get off me. Ouch!
- That’s right. That's right. Who wins? Who's Blackbeard? Say it! Say it!
- Me. [howling] Kate! I’m heading out.
- Remember my shake. Why don't you leave the house for a change
and get one yourself? I'm busy. Thanks, Dad.
- I'll be back by four. Bye. - Bye. Congratulations. You are now officially an Online Certified
Ninja. Your certification will arrive in 7-10 business days. Okay. This is it. Hey, Dad. You're late. You're supposed to call me when you’re late.
So call me. And remember my shake. If this is another prank
to get me out of the house. It's not funny, Dad. It's actually super lame. Forget about the shake. Just come home, please. Okay. And declaring it, I'm officially
worried. Just call me back. Where? Hi, sweetie. Hi, what’s up Maggie? It's your father. Come on. Hey, I thought you handled that really well. You want a cup of coffee? You know, you’re really not as weird
as everybody says? Can you please have my house to myself? Technically, it's still your dad's house. He left it to me. So technically, it's my house. Oh, shoot. Sorry. I meant to give you this a few days ago. It just didn't seem appropriate. I think it's an audio CD. What's it say? How would I know? Because you listened to it, which I'm 100%
sure you did. Because you always have to know
everything. I think you just need to play it. This is the will of Frank Collins. If I'm not dead yet, skip to track two. I had Dan put some
classics from the Boss on here as well. He gets the booze, by the way. That's part of the deal. Kate,
I know I've given you a hard time about, you know, not leaving the house and all, but I want you to know that you made me
the proudest dad in the world. If it was up to me, I would get you your shakes
until the end of time. But it's not, so... You got to get your own shakes
from now on, so to speak. What I'm trying to say
is I'm not leaving you anything. Not the car, not the house. Nothing. Oh, wait. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Oh. Unless you agree to go on one final adventure with me. Just like we used to.
When you were little. I can promise you treasure maps, secret
codes, and amazing experiences. All it takes is for you to get out there
and see the world. You have a week from my passing
to find the treasure. Once you do,
everything that was mine becomes yours. And I think you'll really
like the treasure, too. It's something I've never told
a soul about. And I'm trusting you
to take good care of it. You can do this. Good luck.
- Seriously. A week? Well, four days now. Is this even legal?
- It's airtight. Your dad made sure of it. The bank is authorized to seize
the property when the seven days are up. No, Maggie, you can't just throw me out
because my dad made a stupid CD. I'm not the one throwing you out. It's his will. It'll be easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Come on. It'll be fun. I heard you're an online certified ninja. My certification
hasn't even come in the mail yet. Is this 100% for sure?
- Yep. There's nothing else I can do about it?
- No. I was planning on playing
video games today. Okay, Let's see what he had in mind. That's a lot of green. Do you know what that means? Nature. Mother frickin’ nature. I don't hike. You do now. Are you going hiking? What the hell are you doing here? Finest selection
of crossword puzzles in town. It helps him with his bowel movements. I mean, what the hell are you doing in
Frank's house? I'm collecting my inheritance. Dan, you helped my dad make the CD, right? Did he say anything to you
about a treasure or a scavenger hunt? Yeah. I used to be a disc jockey
back in the eighties. You, have a good morning. Life’s great mysteries...
- Bye Dan. May the beacon guide you. Basic clue, Dad. There better not be bugs. Son of a bitch whipped his head around almost stuck me up the ass
with the horn! Kate, so you're really doing it? Damn it!
- You owe me ten bucks. I knew you'd come through for me. You're welcome. You know, your dad, he loved these beans. He’d buy a couple of cans of these
to go on his hikes for the last 15 years. You're not hiking, are you? Maybe. How much? It's on the house.
- Yeah. Is this enough? - It's free. Oh, yeah, I knew that. I go to stores all the time. Frank fought this bear once... Can I have a [unintelligible]? Did you say vanilla shake? A peanut butter fudge shake, please. Peanut butter fudge shake. It'll be $4.25. Oh, please have my change of quarters, please. Shake will be right out. Oh, okay. Kate? Axel. I haven’t seen you in forever. How you been? Good. Did you go away to college or something? No.
- Oh. Oh, hey, I heard about your dad. I'm really sorry. Yeah. So, what have you been up to these days? Video games. Oh, a gamer. That's cool. I wish I could make
a living off Call of Duty. I don't make a living off it. Speaking of duty, I work for ICE now Keeping America safe. Why are you talking to me? Oh, I just hadn't seen you in a while,
and you came in, it was one of those... Peanut butter fudge shake!
- Sorry I didn't mean that to be mean or anything. I just don't talk to a lot of people. But here, do you want a sip of my shake? I can’t. Peanut allergy. I'm so sorry. I have to go, but keep the goatee
It looks really good on you. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You missed a spot! Thank you. [unintelligible] So you going digging for treasure? No, I'm just. I'm just going on a stroll. I'm not. No. Mm hmm.
- [unintelligible] What? He says you ought to put on some real shoes. But I say it ain't our place to judge
the fancy footwear of you city folk. I'm from here. Then you're just one fry shy of
a Happy Meal, ain’t you, honey? Thank you. [unintelligible] Watch out for skeeters. What?
- And bears. Oh, my Gosh. Oh, my Gosh. No. Oh. Okay. Where is X? Where? Oh! X. This way. How am I supposed to find X
when everything looks the same? You're supposed to be a rock. X!!!! [heavy breathing] [animal scream] Oh, my God. [screaming] What's that? Back off! Beans!
- Beans! It's delicious. Where did you get this?
- The store. Why are you here?
- Because I got lost. Why?
- Because my phone stopped working. Why?
- Because I lost service. Why?
- Please back off, I can’t breathe. Why? - Because you're in my personal space,
and I don't appreciate it. Why are you here? Why do you care? I. I don't care. We saved you. Really? You scared me. And you made me run into a tree. And then we saved you. - Yeah,
but I wouldn't have needed saving if you hadn't
scared me in the first place. I don't like her. Why not? She has beans. It’s too dangerous. She has to leave. She's not dangerous. She's like a rabbit,
but really, really slow. She’s not like a rabbit.
She's like a possum. Ew, no, she's not like a possum. She's a. She's like a doe. A cute doe. Can we keep her? Stranger danger.
- Yeah, stranger danger. I'm not scared. You're scared. I’m terrified. I'm Red.
- Personal space. I'm Red.
- Red! Stranger danger. She's not a stranger. She's... Kate? Kate? She's Kate? Hi, Kate? I'm Red. Nice to meet you, Red. That's...
Jondeer. Like the tractor? Nothing runs like a deer. We’re Wild Boys. Ugh.
- What does that mean? We're Wild Boys. So, what, you guys live out here? Well, we live next to the... You can't tell anyone that we’re here. Anyone. Kate? Hey, that's mine.
- It's a treasure map. X means treasure. You're a pirate? She doesn’t looks like a pirate. How do you know what a pirate looks like? Are you a pirate? I am a pirate, Captain. Nice. What's the treasure? I can't tell you. It's a secret. What's the secret? Personal space, okay. What is personal space? Yes. What is it? It's like a bubble around you
where no one else can enter. Only you. I don't see it. Oh, I don't see it. It’s invisible. You just have to feel for it. Oh, I don't feel it. Can I have my map back? Oh, we'll find the treasure. We have the map. Can you even read a map? No, no. Can so! The treasure is where the X is. Oh, yeah. As a pirate captain, I'm
an expert at reading maps. So how about I read the map
and you guys find the course? We get the treasure.
- Yeah! No, My dad left it for me. Well,
then you have to give us something else. Yeah. - Like what? More beans. Okay, fine. I can do that. Chips hot chocolate and Spaghetti-Os.
- Tomato soup! You guys can get three things,
and that's it. Beans, hot chocolate
and chips! Ok, beans, hot
chocolate and chips. I will bring you guys those things
after you help me find the treasure. Do you think we're idiots? No. What? Idiots. First you bring us the beans, and the chips
and the hot chocolate. And the hot chocolate.
- And then we help you find the treasure. No, but we're already out here. It makes so much more sense
to just do it right now. There's no treasure here. You're very bad at treasure hunting.
- Very, very bad. Ok, fine. We'll do it your way. Beans! Deal. Deal. How will I find you? We'll find you. Does he always do that? Every day. So do you guys play video games? Me neither, that's like, super nerdy. I have hand sanitizer! What’s happening? Bye Kate. I don't know how to get home. I need my map back. Hello? Peanut butter fudge. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, sorry. My God. What happened to your head? A tree. You okay?
- Yeah. Hey. Hey, listen,
I was thinking it was really a you know,
it was nice seeing you the other day. Maybe I could take you out
for a drink or something sometime. Oh no. I. I got to go. Oh, are you going hiking? Maybe.
- Oh, can I come with you? I love to hike. Maybe some other time. Oh, come on. It'll be fun. I have to go. Ok. Be safe. Are you stalking me? No, no, I thought it’d be nice if I
surprised you with a picnic. You know, I've got some cheeses
Oh, my God, patriot down! You promised to keep the secret. Oh, no. I didn't know he was following me
until just now. Now we have to kill him.
Kate, Kate, Kate! He’s not going to tell anyone, right, Axel? Yeah. Pinky promise?
- Yeah. Do it. Do it. Here's the stuff. You ready to do this? Who the hell are these guys? It's complicated. They're like savages. Are they even American? Does it matter? Absolutely. We can’t have illegal immigrants
just wandering around our country. There's no telling what kind of raping
and pillaging they could do. You can't tell anyone about this. I am an ICE agent and it is my duty
to inform the public about this. Okay? They can't ask me to pinky promise. I'm asking. Why do you care? They're helping me. I thought you said you didn't need any help. Just get out of here
before they change their minds. Kate, not without you! Why is he still here? He's just about to leave, right? You sure you want to do this?
- I can take care of myself. Could be dangerous.
Axel, I don't need your help. I want you to call me when you get off
the mountain, okay? I need to know
you made it home safe. Whatever. If you tell anyone about us, we'll find you.
- And kill you. Okay? I pinky promised. You did. I did. Did. Enjoy that brie,
if you can. Can I have my map? Thank you. Okay, so this is where we need to go. So all this green we have to cross is
forest, and the gray is mountain. Oh, that's Big Rock.
- You know it? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Is it far? Yeah, it's really far. Mm mm.
- Oh, one more thing before we go. You guys remember personal space? It's an invisible bubble. Exactly. Not invisible any more.
Blow these up. I want that one.
- I want that one. You blow it up. Put your mouth here. On this one. It’s too hard. Bite down on this part right here. Oh.
- Yeah. Guys. Captain calls a break. Ugh.
- Captain's orders. Fine. Bush Tit. Excuse me?
- Bush Tit. What’s a Bush Tit? It's a bird. White Breasted Nut Hatch. That's pretty cool. What other tricks do you know? I can catch fish with my bare hands. No way. Way. Do you know any tricks? I have a magical thumb. Show me. Jondeer, Jondeer, look.
She has a magical thumb. Again. Again. I think that's all I can take. I don't want to make it permanent. I like her a little better now. Word on the street is you two are
the best hunters in town. Is that right? Ain’t you that ICE agent that cried wolf
about 15 times last year if I ain’t much mistaken? I mean, look, are you or are you not? [unintelligible] Damn straight. I want to hire you for a job. What kind of a job? I need you to track two young men
living in the wilderness outside of town. I have reason to believe
they are illegal immigrants. Quite possibly Canadian terrorists
planning an attack on our town. [unintelligible]
- He says bullshit. And to that I say, why aren't you taking this
through the proper channels? This sort of thing
supposed to be your job, ain't it? I need proof before I take this upstairs, okay? I can’t have another case dismissed? Oh, I bet you can't. There’s another one when you’re done. America's in danger? We are talking national security. You hear that?
Murica’s callin’. Oh, we’ll spy for you. Observe and report, okay? Don’t let them see you. I'll be in touch. Your call sign is Hillbilly NSA. Wow. Pretty cool, huh? Where's the treasure? No idea. This is X.
Where's the treasure? Yeah, I don't know. I just have a clue. May the beacon guide
you. Careful, we built that!
- Sorry. You know what? I know.
Let's meditate on it, okay? May the beacon guide you. We built a lot of stone towers like this
all throughout the forest. They’re good for keeping away evil spirits. Keep us safe.
- Hey, can you guys be quiet? How am I supposed to meditate with you
chit chatting the whole time? Just be quiet so we can let the beacon... The beacon! No! No, Kate! Stop, my treasure’s in here. What?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Open it. That's not a treasure. Yeah, no doy. I only have three days left. How does he expect me to find the treasure
if he can't even leave me a real clue? Sorry, Kate. Sorry, Kate. We’ll make you hot chocolate. Yeah.
- Really? Hot chocolate always helps. No one’s made me hot chocolate
in a really long time. Let's go home. Keep your eyes closed. Keep ‘em closed. Walk, walk, walk.
Keep your eyes closed. Keep them closed.
This way Kate. Remember, Wild Boys secret.
- Okay. Are your eyes closed?
- They’re closed, Red. Come on. We're almost there. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Are your eyes closed? - Yeah, they’re closed.
- Okay. Open your eyes. Wild Boy camp! You guys make this.
- I did. I did. Yeah. Jondeer helped a little bit.
A little bit. Kate, come here. Come here, come here. Look, look, I killed this pig.
I caught him and I stabbed him. Well, Jondeer stabbed him. You know, I skinned him. Kate, look here, we grind with this.
We cook all of our stuff. This is Jondeer.
This is where he sleeps. Okay?
- Jondeer sleeps here. Kate. Yeah.
- Red, I sleep right here. Nice, Red. Yeah.
Sometimes I roll over and hit Jondeer. He gets really mad. Then, right here, Kate, is our food. This is the smoke and the... the heat. Oh, it's so good. And with this right here,
it smells and tastes really good. And, Kate, look over here.
Look, look, look. Kate. Kate. I poop on that tree right there. And Jondeer poops on that one.
- Okay, cool. - You can poop on that one... I don't need to know that one. And then right here, Kate, this is the fire. Tastes weird. Jondeer, this is sunscreen. This is not for eating. Are you okay?
- You guys want to make hot chocolate? Yeah. Hot chocolate. Okay. Here you go, you gotta stir it. Thanks, Red. It’s perfect. I still can't
believe you guys actually live out here. Where else would we live? Anywhere with Internet. Our people have always lived
out in the forest. This is not a very good flashlight. Do it again. Idiot. You're an idiot. Oh, what's it say?
- Hidden people. Oh, it's a story
my dad used to scare me with as a kid. Okay. One time there was this little girl. She went into the forest and she came across these hidden
people called the Hulder. They look just like you and me except they have tails. And she became
really good friends with them. And they showed her all these magical things about the forest
that she never knew before. But then one day she went
into the forest to see them and they tricked her deep, deep into the forest. They jumped her.
And ate her! I don't think they eat people. Okay. It's just a story. But I think I know what it means. I think my dad is telling me I have to go to that cave
where he used to tell me the Hulder lived. On the mountain road.
- I wouldn't live in a cave. There's only one way in or out. If a bear attacks, you’re dead.
Stupid. We'll come with you. You don't have to if you don't want to. She can handle it on her own. We made a deal. You bring the goodies,
we help you find the treasure. Wild Boys don't break their promises. Fine. It's nice having friends. We're the best friends you can have. To new experiences and new friends. Friends. Friends. [howling] It was this big, but Jondeer said
it was only this big. It was clearly this big.
- No, no, it was this big. I caught it first, I was the one that caught it.
- Red, you are so stupid. I killed it. You are so stupid.
- Don’t talk to me like that. You're an idiot! Are we going in that? Yeah. It looks dangerous. We'll walk and meet you there.
- Yeah. - Yep. Oh, okay, I thought you guys were brave,
but guess not. I'm brave.
- I'm braver than Red. No, I’m brave! Then get in the car. I thought you guys wanted
to help me find the treasure. - Yes. Then get in the car.
- No. No. Have you guys ever had these before? They’re good, yeah? You want more?
- Yeah. Come here. You want more? Okay. We're just going to sit back here
for a while and enjoy these. Now, I am going to go up into the drivers seat. I'll drive! I'm driving. [screaming] Really, guys? Sit down. You're fine. I’m Jondeer. The Chipmunks is on the move. This is it. You guys ready to find the treasure?
- Ready. Leroy Jenkins! Leroy Jenkins. What is that? Hey, that country club tool
didn't say nothing about no treasure. [unintelligible] Oh, you damn straight we will. I don't know
anyone who would live in a cave. Except if you want to Kate. Let’s just figure out why my dad
wanted us to come here and get out. This is it. Hulder. What?
- It says Hulder. I thought you couldn't read. I can read runes, it’s easy. Of course, it’s a code.
Red, hold this. Of course. Okay, got it. Let’s go. [unintelligible] Yeah,
Stick’em up and hand over the treasure. I have no idea what you're talking about. We know you lot’s looking for treasure. We heard youse talking about it. Now, unless you want a little meeting here with Garth Brooks,
you better start explaining. You kidding me? The only treasure I have
is dirty underwear and a dead game boy. Look, look, look. Either you or one of your little terrorist
buddies better start talking because we know youse hiding something. [unintelligible] What do you mean Axel's
going to get pissed? Axel put you up to this? This is exactly why
I never leave the house. You can't go anywhere
without running into bunch of idiots. - Idiots! Hey, we're not idiots. We're entrepreneurs. Then go find the treasure yourself.
Let’s go. [unintelligible] Her anger really does keep her from
being mindful of other people's feelings. That was so brave, Kate.
- Yeah. I just get so frustrated with idiots
like that. Idiots. Where are we going? Back to my house. It's the best place to lay low for a while
while we figure out what the code means. It's too dangerous.
- Do you have more beans? I've got beans. I have a bad feeling about this.
- Beans. - No too dangerous. Beans. Beans, beans, beans, beans! This makes no sense. Hi, Dan. Still solving crossword puzzles? It expands the vocabulary
and exercises the noggin. You ever done code breaking?
- I was with the CIA in the Cold War. Of course you were. My dad left this for me,
but it makes no sense. - Hi. Hi! You wanna play It? We were playing sticks. - Sticks. I can teach you It. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Come. You're not going to help me? Can’t you see? I'm going to go
play It with my new friends. Whatever, Dan. I’m it first.
You’re it! You got to touch him. Go. He's got to get me now. I'm missing something really obvious. Who’s it? What the hell is a Zoplec? Those aren't runes. [screaming] Time out. I'm using the wrong alphabet. Shakes! Guys, it’s shakes. Have you ever had shakes before? Okay, we need to go. But you can't go like that. Okay, here's some hot chocolate. Now we just need to get you
some normal clothes so you guys are going to look like you
own this town. Nope. Try again. I used to do the Prêt-à-Porter
shows in Paris in the eighties. You need help. Oh, okay. You guys look...
- Weird. Nice.
- I done good, huh? Yeah. Dan, real good. Now let's go find some treasure. I used to be a grave robber down in Egypt. Let me tell you it was a long time...
- It's time to go home, Dan. Are you going to help me
or just sit there and gorge? I’m so full. Kate, there's nothing here. What is that? That's my parents. The clue has got to be
somewhere in this picture. Kate. Maggie? - Are you going to introduce me
to your friends? Oh, sorry. Yeah, This is Red mund. And this is John.
- Jondeer. I'm Jondeer. Like the tractor?
- No. I'm Sheriff Maggie Jones. How did you two sneak into town? Terrorists. These men are terrorists. You're ridiculous. Sheriff, I have reason to believe
that these two men are affiliated with a Canadian terrorist cell operating out of the Rockies
known as the Maple Leaf Mad Lads. You've been on the Internet
reading conspiracy theories again? No. Check their IDs. He's delusional.
They haven't done anything wrong. Then there shouldn't be a problem
with checking their IDs. Boys? It's complicated. They don't have their
IDs on them. Hah! Hah! Should I be worried here, Kate? No, Maggie, we're just trying out shakes and looking at pictures.
- And looking for treasure. They are planning an attack.
- I’ll attack you. You just want Kate because you like her.
You think she's pretty? Everyone calm down! Axel, stand down
before I report you to your supervisors. I'm sure you don't want them to hear
you're out performing another act of heroism
on their behalf. Kate, Red, Jondeer. I'd like to have a chat
with you down at the station. That's not necessary. I wasn't asking. You broke a pinky promise. Now you're going to
have bad luck for 27 years. 27. Ladies, Axel Johnson, local hero, patriot. If you're ready for a fling,
give me a ring. Well, after I fell,
they offered to help me. There's no way I would have been able
to do anything out there by myself. So they pretty much saved my life. And Jondeer was strangling him...
- Sit down! Where did you come from
before your home in the forest? Was it Canada?
- I've never seen a Canada. Where then? It's a secret. You got to work with me here, buddy. Red Shouldered Hawk.
[hawk sound] So, have you ever been with or dealt with
known terrorists? What's a terrorist? Do you have a girlfriend? Kate is my friend.
- Oh. So are you guys, like, doing it? Yeah.
- Where? When? On the mountain. In the forest. In the cave. In the house. It's getting hot in here.
- It's hotter in the fire. Jondeer said it was this big,
but it was this big. Guess I'm the best fisher I've ever seen. Just answer the question. Are you related to Jondeer? So you're not doing it? We were looking for it. Looking for the treasure. That makes me very happy. Why did you help Kate? She's very clumsy. And? Red think she's pretty.
- What about you? Red doesn't think I'm pretty. I'm Jondeer. Yes, you are. Red. I'll take it slow this time for you, okay? Okay. What is your real name? Reeeeeeed.
- Oh, got it. Yeah. Thanks a lot. They're my friends. Are you having sex with them? No, Maggie. No. Jondeer said Red likes you. Maggie, you are such a gossip queen. Okay, so just stay out... No. Is that why you're blushing?
- Did he really say that? I can't hold you guys,
but I am going to have to run your DNA and your prints against our national
databases and that may take some time. What about Axel? I know Axel's like an angry hemorrhoid. Trust me. I wish I could make him disappear,
but I can't. So you guys are going to have to tread
carefully for a while. Okay? Okay, can we go. You're free to go.
Kate. I know you've got dibs on Red,
but I'm calling dibs on Jondeer. I'd work that tractor every day. Cool. Really proud of you, Kate. The scavenger hunt is really working. Never seen you so full of life before. No, as soon as this is over,
I'm getting Amazon Fresh and I'm never leaving my house again. Kate has a boyfriend. Bye Maggie.
- Bye! It's a real pirate paper.
- Wow. What does it say, Kate? Boss Spectrum 71381, 11. The Boss is Bruce Springsteen. My dad was obsessed with him
like beyond what is healthy. He used to sing me Born in the USA
as my lullaby. What about the rest? I'm not sure. It must be some sort of,
like, lesser known song... “The River!” What?
- Bruce Springsteen. The Spectrum in Philadelphia,
July 13th, 1981. Me and your father
was there with 90,000 other people. Oh, I said it then and I'll say it again. It was a day I'll never forget. But why “The River?” 11th song on the setlist neatly positioned
between a Woody Guthrie cover and a Jimmy Cliff cover. Dan, you can't even remember where you live. How the hell did you remember that? Priorities, Miss. Pri-ori-ties. Okay. Guess we're going to the river.
- Swimming. Oh, and you know, the second
verse of that song is true in Frank's case. No, no, no. What? In the second verse of that song,
the guy gets his girlfriend pregnant. Are you saying I was conceived
at the river? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I know that had to happen for me to be here,
but that’s just so gross to think about. I don't want to right now.
I don't want to hear about it right now. So it just. It’ll ruin my childhood. So we're just going to...
You guys can watch some TV. I feel gross. I'm gonna go take a shower.
So here. Here’s the remote, go watch some TV. Just don't go anywhere. If you guys sit that close
your eyes are going to get square. The kidnapper allegedly grabbed the victim
in broad daylight, taking him as he was going to his car. The police say
it's as if he just disappeared. The criminal is still at large
and the police are eager to hear from anyone
that can provide additional information. We will continue following the situation
as it develops and keep you up to date on everything. Hey, hey, hey! All have a good morning. Thank you.
Where’s Jondeer? I don't know. Maybe he's in the bathroom. I guess not. His spear’s gone.
- Crap. He's probably just hunting us some breakfast. No, we have breakfast here.
- Oh. Hope he doesn't do anything stupid. This is delicious. Shouldn't Jondeer be back by now? I'm sure he'll be back soon.
Oh, this one time. He was gone for three or seven days, and he was chasing this fox
that took our food. And he came back with the fox
and not our food. I think he ate it. Okay, if he's not back in 20 minutes,
we're leaving without him. Freedom. Hey Billy, Call of Duty later, yeah? Okay. I guess whatever John Deere is doing is more important than helping us
find the treasure. Red, are you ready?
- Ready. Okay, let's go. All have a good morning. How are we supposed to find
the treasure here? Swimming! Woo! Kate, jump in! Let’s go look for the treasure. I'm Jondeer. How are we supposed
to find the treasure here if my dad didn't even tell us what
we're looking for? Maybe we should do what your dad was doing? What? No, we can't do that. I nev...
We can’t do what he did here. I’ve never done that.
Unless you want to do that. I never done that before. What are you talking about? I don't think my dad sent me here to have... Sex. What’s sex? You don't know what it is?
- No. Tell me. Is it fun? I don't know. I never done that. Walk me through the steps, Kate. Why do you want to know? Because then we can do what
your dad was doing and maybe find the treasure.
It’s what a good hunter would do. Not a bad idea, but I want to say that
I kind of feel like you're trolling me. No, I hate trolls. Okay, well, I’ve never done it before,
but I feel like probably... Maybe you probably start out by, like,
getting really close to each other. Okay. Okay. Then, you would
probably, like, touch each other. Okay. This. This is sex, this is...
- No not yet. Maybe you get really close.
- And that's it. We had sex. My dad probably would have offered my mom
a bottle of wine or something. Like this? Where did you get that?
No, no, I found it. I'm close to it. I like it.
I want to have sex with it. Red. Give me the bottle. You said.
- Just. I'll tell you more later. Hold on. It’s a clue. Congratulations. You're almost there. The last thing on this little adventure awaits along with all the old treasure maps
from when you were little. This last map will lead you
to the real treasure. I hope you find it as enjoyable
as I have. Now, you take good care of it.
Go get’em. Let's go. Did we have sex?
- No! What the hell?
- Careful. What happened here? I made hot chocolate.
- No. Here. I kidnapped him. What made you think that was a good idea? TV .
- That's a horrible idea, Jondeer. Oh, we had sex. I’m so sorry about this. I promise you.
It's never going to happen again. Untie me right now. So I can knock these fart
brained sons in tomorrow. Calm down. I am perfectly calm,
but nobody treats a patriot like this. It's probably just a joke, okay?
Right, Jondeer? It was just a joke. He's a hemorrhoid,
and it's best if he disappears. We are going to rip out
your toenails one by one. I swear. You are getting a one-way ticket
to Guantanamo Bay. Do you realize what you've done? The sheriff said she wished
he disappeared. - She did? Yes. So I made him disappear.
- Jondeer! Kidnapping people is illegal,
and it's not nice. So just untie him while I go figure out
where the treasure map is. Good job. Thank you. She's so mean sometimes. The sex, Jondeer. The sex is... Tell me what it is. Me and Kate did it, but she
showed me all of it down by the river. She showed everything.
- Enough! Enough! You're going to regret ever touching your hands on me. Stick’em up! Now. Alright, let's show these beardos
how Americans treat terrorists. Let's go, boys. Now. Get in the truck. [unintelligible] Found it! You guys ready? Hello? I did it. New York Times Sunday edition
has been conquered! Dan, where did everyone go? Oh, I thought I heard kerfuffle. And, then, I heard that Bear's voice. Oh, she makes the finest moonshine
I have ever had. And, I thought for sure I must be dreaming. Because ain't no way she could be here. And, then, I heard silence. So I went back in, and I did it. 13 across. Grizzly. Dan, do you know where they brew
their moonshine? Moonshine Mansion, heaven on earth. Can you take me there? I'm not due for
a refill till next week. Dan. Game on. That'll be a whole good time. Hillbilly NSA, this is Patriot One. What kind shake you want? Over. Peanut butter fudge. You know I have a
level red peanut allergy, right? It's the only way to go. All right, fine. Just because I owe you one.
- They must be in there. The good stuff’s always in there. Wait. We got to MacGyver ourselves
out of this situation, okay? Do you have any explosives? Not on me. Here. Hold that. I got to go take a piss. [unintelligible] Okay. Now’s our chance. Okay. Just go that way. [screaming]
- Hiyahhh. Ah! Nobody messes with my Yappy. Cave troll! Dan! Dan! There’s a very rude,
mean looking woman out here. Okay, Bear. Okay. I'm an Online Certified Ninja, Bear,
so watch... And I’m a bear! This is my first fight, okay? Aw, did you hurt yourself? Why don’t you cry and call
somebody who cares? Run! Get out guys! Drop my moonshine now! Damnit Dan, that’s my best moonshine. Hey, Bear, you want some beans? What? Let's go. Kate, you're so pretty.
- Are you drunk? I had a little bit of that weird water. All right. Who is ready for some hamburgers? See what happens when you treat everything different from
you like it's a frickin’ terrorist threat? Just because someone is unfamiliar doesn't mean
they're going to blow your house up. It's because of people like you I never want to leave my house again. Peanut butter fudge. Let's go. That was a whole good time. Lightweight. We're going home. No. We only have one more day
to find the treasure or else I'm going to lose all this.
We're having so much fun. Don't you just want
to know what the treasure is? I found the last clue. Look, it's a map of the forest. So here's Big Rock. Here's Hikers Parking
and we just need to get to here. X.
- No. Oh, come on. Don't be such a buzzkill. Think about what Red would want. Kate, we're Wild Boys.
We don't belong here. One more adventure
is not going to hurt you. It already hurts a lot. Don’t you at least just want
to know where X is? This is where it leads.
- Yeah, you know it? Yeah, it's over, Kate.
We’re going home. Come on, please! Why?
- Because I need your help. You need our help? You need our help to get to X. You guys have helped me this whole time,
and I can't do this by myself. Yes, you can. You've been there.
- No, I haven't. Look. You’re the treasure? We're Wild Boys. You knew my dad? Always had a helpful hand
for those in need, your father. Why didn't you tell me?
- Wild Boys don't tell secrets. He brought us beans and chips
and Spaghetti-Os and hot chocolate. I messed up.
- No. Kate, you’re our new best friend. No. My dad trusted me to take care of you guys,
but I can't even take care of myself. I'm sorry. I'm going to fix this. Sheriff Maggie Jones.
- Hi, Maggie, it's Kate. I need help. Kate, what the hell have you been up to? It's a long story, but Axel and
his goons tried to kidnap the boys. Axel is prancing around down
here telling everyone who will listen that your boys tried to kill him. I don't know what you guys are up to,
but it looks like he's making out with poison oak
and people are actually listening. I can't do this alone.
- Listen to me. You're a strong, independent woman. You can do anything you set your mind to. For God’s sake, you're an Online Certified Ninja. As far as I'm concerned, the boys
could disappear back into the wild and never be missed. I can't say the same for you though. Got it. How long do we have? I'll do my best to stall them,
but it won't be long. Okay. Thanks, Maggie. Time to go home. No! - Finally
- I want to stay here with you. We're about to have the wrath of a bunch of angry hillbillies on us,
so we need to go and we need to go fast. Kate, then you come home with us. Kate, this is Patriot One. I mean, Axel. Look, let's just end this
before anyone else gets hurt, okay? Just give me the terrorists
and I'll make this all go away. You know in your heart
it's the right thing to do. Okay, America will thank you. And, Kate, you're the bald eagle to my American flag. I love you.
Do you copy? Eat shit. Gods, I hate that guy. Okay. It's time to put the wild in Wild Boys. We're going to have to go farther
and deeper than ever before and I have a plan. Do you trust me? We'll be Wild Boys together. Game on. You all have a good time. Bye, Dan.
- Bye, Dan. The goal is for us to gather
at Wild Boys camp no later than sundown. Whoever is not there
by sunset gets left behind. No exceptions. Understand? Okay, so I'll take the regular trail. Jondeer, I want you to take the trail that
goes west and then south to throw them off. Red, just go straight to the camp
and be fast. - Ok, fast. We need to get everything ready for... Run! I want them alive. Split up. Whoever is not back at camp
by sunset gets left behind. [unintelligible] He says it’s an awfully strange way
of winning a young girl's heart. And to that, I say, love's a fickle thing. Like the Lord It works
in mysterious ways. I don't pay you to play Dear Abby, okay? I pay you two to track terrorists. Now, which way did they go? Now, he says...
- I get it! [unintelligible]
- Yeah, tell me about it. Who the hell's Abby anyway? I should have done Ninja Extreme. Son of a bitch!
- How could you miss? - He’s scrawny. Where the hell are you all going? I told the wife I’d have the grill fired up by 7:30. And now I’m gonna catch hell
because it ain't gonna be done till eight. And we got the barn dance tonight. There are terrorists
at large in our county. Oh, we scared them up good. They ain't gonna come
around here for a while now. We scared them up real good. This is ridiculous. This is un-American. God, you yell a lot.
- Inbreds, roll out. You about to really piss me off
with all this yelling. Hey, idiots, over here. Son of a bitch! Did you already get them?
- We scared them up good. We're going to the barn dance.
You coming? Is Axel still out there? Yep. Him and Bear and Yap. Shit. Red.
- Yeah, nice. What? Where’s Kate? Kate! This godforsaken rent-a-cop got me up here on this mountain when I could be making moonshine chasing half naked men
that I can't even have my way with. And they make me do all kinds of stuff... Unh uh... I'm done. [unintelligible] You now, too? I ain’t made for this kind of stuff. I'm good at sprinting,
but I'm wasted over long distances. You on your own. America will not thank you for this. America will thank me if I
shot you in your behind. Good luck catching her, short feet. No, no, no. Stop it.
- Kate! We can never be like them. She's gone. She's gone. We can't be like them. Wild Boys? Wild Boys. We have to move quick. Game over, Kate. Where are they, Kate?
- I have no idea what you're talking about. Tell me where the terrorists are!
- You’ll never find them. [Red howling] Stop! Police! Axel, lower your weapon.
I’ve got it from here. Axel! Put down the shotgun or I'm blowing
your brains out and calling it self-defense. You’re out of your
jurisdiction here, Sheriff. Want me to call your boss? What? One phone call to her about how you've yet
again embarrassed the agency, you'll never have a career
in government again. No. Look, okay. This job is
the only thing I've ever been good at. Kate Collins,
I'm arresting you on charges of assault. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law. Do you understand the rights
as I’ve read them to you? I understand. Are the hotties okay? Yeah. Let’s go. [Wild Boys howling] I’ll never forget the shine
in that auburn hair. Mother Nature sure did good with that one. I miss them. It's your last day out here, right? You ordered that Amazon Fresh yet?
- No. I'm going to keep shopping
at Gifford’s. Besides, I'm almost done with my game. The room cleaning thing?
- No, it's a new one. I think you’ll really like it. It's got some really hunky characters.
- Now you're talkin’. Sweetie, your dad would
be so proud of you. Thanks. Okay, let's see how you look.
