Why You’ll Never Be Able to Silence Your Haters | Patrick Bet David on Impact Theory

if you don't ask the questions on what you want to do next the world is gonna put you in the box on what you have to do next because they're determining who you need to be and you are rising up to their expectations because you're not asking the questions yourself so clarity to me a stems from you being able to sit down and ask those tough questions that piss you off that irritate you that make emotional that you cry over that you reflect that makes you want to do research that makes you follow-up that makes you sit down and say I don't really know I've never thought about this before and that goes deeper and deeper and deeper everybody indirectly will impose their belief system into you and it's never gonna stop you know this whole thing about people say oh my gosh I can't wait to win to shut up all my haters reality check it ain't never happening okay it ain't never happening because every time you come up it's just more about right and they're always the great thing about haters is haters highlight your weaknesses [Music] thanks for tuning in to this episode of impact theory sponsored by our friends at Skillshare enjoy the episode everybody welcome to impact theory our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams all right today's guest is the founder and CEO of PHP one of the top insurance firms in America starting from scratch he built PHP into one of the fastest growing companies in the financial marketplace that now employs 8200 agents across 84 offices in 49 states taking himself from massively in debt to a personal net worth of roughly one hundred and fifty million dollars pretty extraordinary for somebody who fled Iran at the age of 10 spent two years in a refugee camp in Germany got fired from Burger King and left the military in his 20s with no money and few monetizable skills he summed up a secret to success in his video the life of an entrepreneur in 90 seconds which went viral ultimately gaining well over 30 million views and helping to blow up his personal brand now he's also the founder of the YouTube juggernaut value tainment which has nearly 1.2 million subscribers and a ton of valuable content if you're looking to succeed at the highest levels as a part of his mission to spread the power of entrepreneurship he's interviewed some of the world's most extraordinary people including NBA Hall of Famer Magic Johnson billionaire Mark Cuban and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak making their wisdom accessible to anyone willing to learn so please help me in welcoming the man who wrote the 25 laws to doing the impossible the ferocious Patrick Bet David how are you dude welcome thanks for having me absolutely my pleasure I'm super excited to have you here it's good to be here and I want to start maybe somewhere a little unusual but I want to talk about bodybuilding let's do what what was it that drew you to that maybe more importantly what did you learn from what I'll call one of the most intense disciplines in the world so when I was 14 years old I was 6 1 135 and my name wasn't I Robin that's this that's what I got the body will then and there was a commercial maybe you'll remember this there was a commercial that said you know I used to be skinny you know rejected by girls and now I drink milk and you know I don't know if I remember that commercial of the milkman yeah so for me I said man I need some muscles because I I need a date I need girls I need to go out there need to protect myself and I started hitting the weights at 14 years old I would go to the gym with three sweaters on and there was a guy in there named Fred who took a liking into me was like five years older than me and I was bench in the bar you know the bar is 45 pounds and when you don't have a lot of strength when you you know bench the bar the bar is shaking right say pokeman says come here kid don't look at anybody you're gonna have a two and a half pound rule on what you're gonna do every week we're gonna increase your bench by two and a half pounds and that's all I need to do and then from there that whole 25 pound idea I applied in business in everywhere else and it worked because that led me to you know I was in the army I had my room was all you know posters of Arnold of Ronnie Coleman of Aaron Baker of Chris Cormier of Lee Haney all of these guys and I said I'm gonna run for I'm gonna go being strolling here one day what did Arnold represents you Arnold represented to me this story of an immigrant with a fire to prove a point that he wanted to control the narrative you know when I say controlling the narrative to me is he's written the story for his life you know Winston Churchill said many years ago history will be kind to me for I intend to write it I think Arnall wrote is history this is what I'm gonna be doing you know I'm gonna come here I'm gonna compete I'm gonna win I'm gonna go into Hollywood I have an accent with or without it I'm still gonna go into Hollywood I'm gonna marry you Kennedy I'm gonna go and be a governor and I'm gonna do what I want to do my life he was an example of this is possible so the thing that I find interesting about bodybuilding because I started lifting in my mid-20s ish and for me it was very different I grew up in a morbidly obese family so I was somewhat trying to escape that but quite frankly I wanted to look like Hugh Jackman so that was my obsession that was right at the heyday of the x-men franchise exactly oh man I was I was just bout it and I really did hate it I hated every minute of being in the gym but there was something to that that does discipline the two and a half pound rule you know if every time that I cycle through a body part I've got to be a little bit stronger a little bit stronger a little bit stronger and my partners and I used to talk a lot about what's super weird is here we are were these three entrepreneurs were using discipline in lifting in the exact same way that we would use it in business the ability to push through something hard the demand that you grow and get better and we were looking at other people and Arnold became fascinating to us because he was the only one that could apply it to every area of his life like what made him great and bodybuilding and I think my favorite Schwarzenegger quote is somebody said to him I don't want to look like you and he said don't worry you won't and like the the truth and the sort of wonderful arrogance of that quote of how hard it is that it's never gonna happen by accident but it's always fascinated me how few bodybuilders are able to translate that discipline how are you able to take that and apply it to business and other things I gotta tell you I'm surprised you're asking this question because no one asked this question but everything that I've done post bodybuilding goes back to bodybuilding it's amazing when I tell you everything in bodybuilding you'll learn areas you miss out on which is what most people don't do legs you know Arnold at the beginning stages of his career would take pictures in the water because you know you don't want to show his calves so he would always do thighs because he had the thighs but he didn't have the calves so I'm doing a pose with the minimizing the calves and he started doing the donkey raises with Franco Colomba on his back and really got focused about the calves and he had these massive calves and business it could be the same thing you could be all good on front-end you know marketing but your operation sucks and for me I was so front-end I was so sales that I wasn't good in operations and I didn't pay attention to the systems I didn't pay attention to we don't need technology we don't need to look at automation we don't look at this we need more marketing we need to do this and finally the conversation got deeper and deeper and deeper to the point where we have to pay attention to it and my wife pulled me in and she brought the board and she brought every and anybody sat and says we need to invest in technology and when we did that I could scale because now you have a knob and whenever you have a knob to control and you you increase it a little bit one flow is coming in that's what really helped us grow the business to a different level so yeah when I look at bodybuilding and what that did to my life business-wise everything went back to small little growth right beating your prior best and then shocking your business because that's like a new campaign new initiative so same thing with business so I would say a lot of it applied from that into business for me I loved the the life of an entrepreneur in 90 seconds it's basically that it's how to build yourself brick by brick you're talking about how you see the flash you see the cars the money to house but you don't see the times they were freaking out stressed anxiety things were going wrong and they had to just get better every day and by doing that day after day after day they're able to really turn themselves into a beast and one of my favorite stories about what you're talking about with Arnold and his calves is so he goes through the phase where at first he's standing in the water and he doesn't let himself be photographed and then he flips it and he makes a sweatsuit where the only part that's visible are his calves so that he could never distract himself with something that looked good and he would walk around the gym with his worst body part exposed so that he'd make sure that he'd put in the work and I found that like incredibly interesting what do you think about this notion of made not born like how much of it do you think people like Arnold has terrible calves but he can really build them how malleable are we made not born so for me I have three kids okay now we just had a great conversation my kids but I have three kids myself so I look at my kids from the day they are born they are who they are so we do parents tend to take a lot of credit for their kids like hey you know they look at my kid that's my son well you know I don't know how to raise them and I know how to do this and in a way it's fine because it's pride because that's my kid that's my blood that's my this but I don't know if parents can take as much credit or as much blame for the kids I know some people may disagree with this and say woman what are you saying you're I'm not saying there isn't but it isn't 80 percent I think it's 20 percent I think the other 80 percent is when you're born there are some element to you of how you are my oldest is very quiet every picture you seem taken he's looking at you like he's looking through your soul and he's trying to figure out what you're thinking this kid has been like this since day one the middle one charmer everybody loves this kid everybody's like fascinated by this kid because he's so friendly he'll run around here he talked to Ricky over there from Boston and it'll go around making friends with everybody that's Dylan that's a villainous and the small one one's got a temper but she's gonna get what she wants and she's very assertive right okay so I can sit here and say yeah that's you know that's man because of my parenting stuff so I think one is the way we're born that's our DNA that's one - is things that happens in your life for instance for me if I watch or with if I see a movie scene with a whistling sound I'm gonna straight back to Iran instant right but if you hear a whistle - you're going back to a park I'm not going to Park I'm going to Iran I'm going to Iran going over a bridge and a bomb drops 50 yards behind us and my dad says don't look back I'm in a white Renault my sister sitting next to me my mom is over here my dad's over we're going to a city called kadaj which is the palm springs to LA we're trying to get away from the war and I look behind me the bridge is coming down I mean that stays with me till the day I die because that whistling sound that's not parents that's life experiences that causes that a heart breaker breaker parents getting a divorce a fight getting bullied being knocked out publicly in front of your peers humiliated girl breaks up with you in front of your peers leaves you for your friend all of these things then make you because of those experiences now when that happens it's like a formula you are gonna do one of three things you know the whole flight freeze or fight you're either gonna freeze and you're gonna suppress and keep it internally and eventually gonna implode and when you employ it gonna hurt a lot of people or are you going to flight and you'll avoid that person every time you were running around them oh my god she see I'm gonna go in this room I'm gonna avoid her I'm gonna avoid or I'm gonna avoid her or are you gonna fight right now you know what freeze happens nothing happens flight nothing's happened but fight that part is born during those moments and you know so you figured that part of what the person's made up of you can teach that part to somebody you can't say somebody could encourage you and somebody could say hey stand up for yourself yeah but you could say that to me when people are around but what if no one's around most of the time no one is around you have to learn to stand up for yourself so when you ask the question born versus made I don't think it's a one-dimensional answer I think it's such a multi-dimensional answer that if we get deeper to it you'll be able to figure people on and say no wonder this guy became who he is today because these three different things combine wow this makes a lot of sense to me so I don't know if that answer your question for you or not but for me that's kind of starts to of it but I really want to push so I'm talking to a guy that does value tainment who is creating content which is definitely telling you how to live you wrote a book the laws of doing the impossible your video that popped off and went viral was all about how you can learn in it it I'm gonna use my words now it doesn't matter who you are today it matters who you want to become and the price you're willing to pay to get there so help me and maybe there's just another part of this help me square the your sort of the totality of your DNA and your experiences and then you completely end up shifting your life you said the best thing that ever happened to you is hitting rock bottom because it forced you to reevaluate your thinking so what I want to know is right now there are people watching us and they are panicking that you're saying that who they are today is just it's a product of you know they're the culmination of their DNA and their experience and it's a trap basically and they are who they are I don't think you believe that I don't think that's what I'm saying though so how what is that next level of malleability how much can we change so what I'm saying as a part of it is your DNA we have to understand that there's a part of it that is your DNA but and you'll never be able to break free from that or you just have to understand it so that you know how to change no for example you know if you know if you are somebody that the personality I can't change your personality to be like X Y Z you know this whole concept of our modeling you know you got to model somebody too much modeling least imitation because you're not being you right so speaking some people say well Pat I don't see a lot of people speak like you you speak differently I don't know any other way to speak but I used to try to speak like a somebody else that I was trying to model and I said no no this is how I speak this is me this is my method of delivering my message to you make sense great if it doesn't make sense it doesn't make sense but the part about the other side for me is I also believe firmly that events conversations certain individuals can completely say something that can change your life forever so what are some of the tools you use I know that you've talked about clarity is super important karates talk to us about those two things which I think are both pretty powerful yeah tell me I would say questions you know like right now I am more curious about people that I can't even help myself I'm asking you questions like hey you know how come you don't have any kids we don't have any kids why don't you have any kids well because you know we decided six years ago when I got have any kids but how did you know that well we got married 17 years ago we together for 20 years and my wife - so was a decision and emotional decision or logical decision I think it was a logical decision because it was finally a way to get in you know fulfillment what you and your wife did is what very few people do and the whole purpose is sitting down and asking the questions what if I get asked a question that I don't have the answer to one of the scariest things about life it's a question the scary question can shake a soul up because no one's asked that question from you so for me the transition for somebody to want to change it and get clarity is actually asking questions if you don't ask the questions on what you want to do next the world is gonna put you in the box on what you have to do next because they're determining who you need to be and you are rising up to their expectations because you're not asking the questions yourself so clarity to me is stemmed from you being able to sit down and ask those tough questions that piss you off that irritate you that make emotional that you cry over that you reflect that makes you want to do research that makes you follow-up that makes you sit down and say I don't really know I've never thought about this before and that goes deeper and deeper and deeper so clarity is stamped based I like the way you answer the question to me Tom it was amazing so do you have any kids no we made a decision a long time ago we don't want to have kids the way you said it was like very nonchalant really it was so like yeah that's what we did then I said so tell me how you processed it it's very obvious that was a very comfortable certain decision what a lot of time put into it very few people do that and then you've got clarity and clarity gives confidence so somebody looks at your eyes when you give the answer there is no you know look in a way you're uncomfortable or anything look this is who we are this is the decision we made but that clarity came from all the conversations you and your wife had together I don't think you know if people do that together yeah no question one thing in your book that you talked about that I thought was really interesting was you asked the question to your point about questions when was the last time you thought about your identity and you just brought that up what's that process for people how do you be like how what is the identity which I think most people give stats like what do you mean by that and how can people begin to shape their identity so Tom who were you in high school what was my identity yeah so if I was in high school with you who were you your comedian thousand percent okay comedian and when did it change as soon as I went to college I consciously decided I wanted to become the artist which was not necessarily the right decision but that was yeah when I changed and then what happened from artists to Quest poverty God and so I so I start want to be the funny guy because I need attention in high school Tice by the end of high school I'm very good at making people laugh in a sort of living room funny way I do countless hours of practice of stand-up comedy and when I go to college I'm like my only sadly humorous self-deprecating so I'm always making fun of myself which actually makes me think a little bit less of myself so I very much had an inferiority complex in high school I cheated my way to being in the top ten of my graduating class did terribly on my SATs and I come into film school and I'm like this is what I want to do with the rest of my life like I actually want to be good at this and that's one sort of realization I'm grateful for was I realized at some point you're in the big bad world and you're either good or you're not and so you better stop cheating really pay attention and get good and so I thought I need to take myself more seriously stop making fun of myself so I didn't tell anybody that I was you know a comedic person or anything I didn't make jokes nothing and so I began to adopt the identity of the artist I have some artistic failures which creates this identity crisis I'm very much in the grips of poverty now as I've graduated my parents on helping me anymore I'm selling insurance door-to-door so this is this would have been 99 Wow so years ago yeah so and and I'm just like in this I'm sliding towards depression I have no sense of how I can make things come true this is all pre-internet so like there's just there's no hope for me I think there's I the idea to make a hundred thousand dollar film which back then there was no YouTube there was no video cameras you can make movies on I mean it just wasn't a thing so it was like a hundred thousand dollar film might as well have been hundred million dollar film so I'm stuck what am I gonna do and that's when I meet these two entrepreneurs who are like look you're coming to the world with your hand out and if you want to control the art you have to control the resources and so that began a very long journey of identity for me of figuring out who am i how do i define myself now and how is that useful like understanding that it is completely malleable I can decide right now that I'm somebody else that my identity is something new and something different like I remember the day I told people I was going to start lifting and I just said right now today I'm lifting and I told people I'm gonna put on muscle I'm gonna look like Hugh Jackman everybody yeah right and I just went beast mode and I just started working out all the time and I realized whoa like it's a demarcation line in the sand yesterday at this time I did not have the sense that I'm gonna become like Hugh Jackman that I am a lifter I am somebody who sticks through with what they say and now today I'm just gonna decide that is me and so I began telling people that which gave all this pressure that I had to live up to it and I began to realize like whoa this is a lever that you can pull and it drives behavior that's amazing I mean that pretty much explains the whole thing about identity right so I think the first identity we have is whatever identity we're trying to get attention for I'm you know when you come out you're saying you're your family extremely obese I think you said so I don't know it was that a mom and dad stayed together was it a healthy family was a loving was it was it a crazy environment was a lot of pressure no like it was pretty good but my parents end it so I I have this recurring nightmare as a kid and I can't explain I'm in a loveless marriage so imagine me at 14 I've never had a relationship but I have this recurring nightmare about being in a loveless marriage not realizing of course my parents were in a loveless marriage and I just didn't know and so on some subconscious level I was obviously picking up on that mad respect to my parents who stayed together until three weeks after I left for college and then they split now and I actually respected like that I would never do that I would never repay that because that's so crazy to me to live a life that's less than it could be for your kids why I don't have children makes so but that they did that I'm very grateful Wow going back to the identity part you know you had a moment that you had to make a decision and you asked some questions and you made a couple people that eventually inspired you to want to make change and then you went after what you wanted to do and that day when you said I'm gonna start looking like Hugh Jackman the next day and one day the decision not that series the next day here so I'm gonna end up being when I listen to your story it's all y2 and we don't spend enough time with y2 y2 is linked to identity how to is systems learning it's a skill it's a skill set anybody can pick that up so identity is you asking the questions until eventually you get to a point that you get to the deeper part of who do you want to be what life do you want to live and why do you want to live this stuff why is it important you was it what you're putting through all these hours why would you want to do that that's transition when you go through it and then the pressure part when you said here so I'm gonna be where you declare your intentions to the world this is what I'm gonna be doing a lot of times we keep things too secret and so there's a debate some say you should never declare your intentions to the world because that pressure could create anxiety you should never do it you know like Babe Ruth pointed a finger and I'm a date a homerun what if you don't hit it what if you fail you know what if you say Michael Jordan says the Bulls never winning losing Game seven you should never say that because there's too much pressure on the players or then the other side said well you should put the pressure on yourself because your teammates play better because it's not on them it's on you and the leader does that to me I think the clearing intention serves a purpose I think when you go out there and you say this is what I'm gonna be doing this is where I'm gonna be at you officially have the world holding you accountable that pressure could be good pressure to put into your life we we hear the phrase peer pressure and we always get the negative connotation with peer pressure it's like hey don't do drugs because of peer pressure you know say no to drugs peer pressure go to school peer pressure peer pressure where I mean it all depends would appear is that's giving you pressure because if you get the right people giving you're right kind of pressure you can do some big things in your life so I think that additional kind of peer pressure you put into yourself you're in the right circles right environments those two guys that you know put some kind of a peer pressure or direction into you can really be a spark to change someone's life where all of a sudden the identity goes from being a regular person to the next day no one recognizes them in the world of social media of influencers there's some that will say things like listen you have a lot of time take your time you're okay you're gonna be alright you're gonna be fine you have a lot of time and that's fine that can work for some audiences and sometimes you wonder if it's almost like a strategy so other people don't catch up to you because they think they've like honestly you sit there and say is this guy really that dark that he's trying to get everybody else to slow down so he kind of you know works his ass up everybody else you slow down it's okay where for me on the other side is listen this never lies this lies when I look at my hand this way I'm 25 years old when I look at my hand this way on 40 years old we look at our hands too often this way I like to look at my hands like this this doesn't fly this is a 40 year old wrinkles this is 40 okay I can't allow you about that that's 40 years old now I can look at this and say now I'm a lot younger I got a lot of time we don't so for me I would sit there one of my biggest drivers was you're at your dad's funeral this this sounds crazy to some people but I have visualized it's gonna be the first time I'd ever gonna hear this because I've never said this to him cuz you know I just don't want to tell him this kind of sucks I don't want him to think about it like I don't want him to say hey can't believe you said this I have visualized my dad's funeral 50,000 times and when I visualize I'm like okay you're speaking what are you saying you know you're the closing speaker what are you gonna say you okay with it are you okay with who's gonna be there you know are you okay if he does at this age your kids never met oh they don't have a relationship with grandpa like you don't for you it matters because a bit David last thing you're the only person I can continue to spend David last name all the other guys didn't have kids you have to continue this generation there's a legacy Syrian communities a small community we're endangered species it's not like there's millions of us it's a very small community with Syria we lost our country so I go there I'm like oh my gosh that's not how it's gonna be here's how it's gonna be he's gonna live this this is what's gonna take place so when that day comes I'm not gonna have any regrets because I'm gonna be good that visualization of going there creates so much urgency for me that makes me move too often this whole gift that we have like we're not putting that gift of imagination and visualization in place and so either we waste it and we just gone to lala land oh my gosh what if I have a big house what if my you know zip code is Beverly Hills what if I have this big house and what if I could put the big parties what if I date these hot girls what if I date the best-looking guy what if I have this what if I'd that that's fine but that's not deep enough you got to go really deep really deep with purpose and really deep with if you don't move what could take place so again going back to it for me is for people to sit there and realize if you really want to move yourself ask the questions go deeper on what life could happen both get in bat don't just say oh I'll good or all bad tap into both of them and hopefully that creates urgency for you to start taking the next necessary steps to grow your business but the gift of imagination and visualization is rarely used properly it's interesting that you say that so the 19 year old version of myself has actually asked what's your ideal woman and I described her just like you were talking about height I said she's going to speak a foreign language but she needs to speak English perfectly to get my humor she but I find accents so sexy and I think it's so cool when somebody can speak a second language which was always a fantasy of mine said she'll be short she'll either be able to draw or sing and she's gonna be like ethnic somehow because growing up in Tacoma dude it was white people 24/7 and so it was like just finding somebody that was like a little bit different was very intoxicating so of course I end up marrying a Greek girl but she grew up in England so she speaks Greek but English perfectly and she can draw she's a world-class artist so I was like wow this is so crazy when you really have clarity about what you want and it comes across your path and you're paying attention then it's like all of a sudden hey I'm gravitating towards this this is you know something that's interesting to me but one thing that I think really became powerful for Lisa and I is something that you talk a lot about which is you've got to shut out the noise of what other people think and you've got to be willing to really be yourself know what you're thinking about why is that powerful why do we need to excluding some of the right people why do we need to stop caring about what other people think because life goes by wasted when you do that you know I remember when my parents got a divorce so my mother's side they're armenian and my dad's side there is syrian okay so if I go to the Armenian side and I would hang out with them they were on their way to getting a divorce the Armenian side would say he's a bad David he's a Syrian and it would pin me against them and if I went on the Assyrian side they would say oh he's Armenian look at him he's bad Adam a knee which bad that many means a terrible Armenian is what it meant I mean these things that they had Armenians and Assyrians they have a big debate on who is the first Christian Armenians or Assyrians why was that an important situation for me as a kid because everybody indirectly will impose their belief system into you and it's never gonna stop you know this whole thing about people say oh my gosh I can't wait to win to shut up all my haters reality check it ain't never happening okay it ain't never happened them because every time you come up it's just morrible right and they're always the great thing about haters is I always talk about the fact that my best consultants are my haters best because it's almost makes no sense to be a hater let me explain to you why because haters highlight your weaknesses and if you're smart you're like he makes a good point I do have bad cats but it's not working on my calves thank you for that feedback now I kick your ass because you pointed up my weakness what a great consultant we don't need a consulting firm we just seem to hire new haters looking for haters right come on more haters please send me some more hate so I can see my flaws my weaknesses but the whole idea about that is hey one day I'm going to make so much man I'm gonna shut everybody up that doesn't work first of all that's not going to take place the more you move up the most hated man in the world today is the present United States and prior to him the most hated man in the world was the president of the state's prior term which was Barack Obama once a Democrat wants a Republican it's irrelevant that that part is not going away so the voice is never gonna be less so you have a choice either you can say I don't want to deal with the voice live a small life no problem it's okay as long as you're happy with it you're content you're aligned with your values and principles more power to you but if you can't live a small life and you have to live a big life you have to understand that it's going to be pushed and you have to figure out a way to silence everybody every time somebody gets married for the first time and if they ask the question I never impose but if they ask the question I say so what feedback would you give us that we're just getting married first of all one's gonna tell you when you guys gonna have kids it's number one when you're gonna get pregnant I said my suggestion to you is tell everybody up front you don't have any plans of having kids for ten years okay but if you do you do but if you tell me gonna have kids everyone's gonna tell you what how come you're not pregnant yet does this thing not work does your thing that work what is going on I bet she's sick I always knew she had that limp maybe it's because of the way he walks I hates the list I know what was gonna happen with his family and then you're overthinking right shut everybody up right up front tell everybody to manage expectation anticipation is game they before I got married I set my parents down they hadn't been the same room for 20 years 20 years had him in the same room and if they were in the same room together a German would have been resurrected to start World War three I mean they could not be in the same room together but I I brought him to my house they said we're coming to your wedding I said no you're not of course we're coming to your wedding so who told you coming your wedding did I send you an invitation I didn't send you an invite you are invited to my house both of you together we're not coming to your house well you're not coming to the wedding so what is wrong with you your were your parents so I said listen I'm just an it's very simple you come to my house that is your ticket to the wedding cuz you are not gonna create this escapade at my wedding the first time you see each other after 20 years Iran all this other stuff so they came to my house and they said it was so uncomfortable it was entertaining I wish I would have recorded this setting right so they're sitting I'm looking at them I can't take the smile off my face because I'm having too much fun with this so I say hey mom dad I'm gonna step out you guys got a talk and you guys got a hash it out because you guys can't have any politics at the wedding so I step out I am literally out for 20 seconds they tell me we're ready we're ready come back and so I come back and I said what happened we're good we're I said no problems no that's okay you guys run about it here's the invitation here's the invitation they came to the wedding but I told my mom that they said mom you have to realize in a Middle Eastern culture a lot of times moms are put number one before wives I want you to know that they I get married the following that you go from number one to number two and it's very simple and I don't want to hear about it she is my number one you are my number two I love you but you're not number one she's number you're number two it's very hard for her but it was clear so you can't come in between me and my wife if me my wife gonna argue we're gonna argue it's none of your business this is our business we're fighting we didn't ask for your advice we're fighting leave us alone we have our own issues we have to deal with but we don't say those things so everybody creates noise so the more you tell the world how to manage expectations dealing with you and what to anticipate you actually minimize a lot of the noise and most of the noise that's the most irritating are from the people closest to you that's strange because who cares what a stranger says about you you care what your family says about you and that can be controlled if you do it properly mm-hmm yeah the the world will treat you exactly the way you let them treat you which i think is super powerful and you as you were talking I was like it's so important to do to lay down the ground rules to tell people like what's okay what's not okay and so many people are terrified to do that they're afraid to upset their mom I had a similar conversation my mom what I find interesting is your concept of family values and it's not what people think and walk us through our traditions excuse me family traditions walk us through this notion of family traditions and how people just take that stuff on without ever questioning it yeah you have to question everything first of all it's not just family traditions for me you got a question everything you got a question if you grew up a Republican are you a Republican and why if you grew up in a family where everybody was a military you know general army whatever and because of that you're a Republican why are you if you're a Democrat why are you Democrats because what because you're Latino because you're black because you're middle-eastern you're you're Republican because oh are you Christian for what are you Christian because you're a Christian because your parents are Christians are you an atheist because they you or your parents are you a Scientologist because you're your parents what are your belief system right what are you doing and do you subscribe to the same line said these subscribe to the same mindset of what rich people are you know I grew up in a family where my mother didn't like rich people so for me was kind of like rich people are terrible people they're greedy all they care about is money I can't stand rich people they're selfish they put everybody else to work and they live in these big homes and they do nothing and they party and they go to their nice restaurants and buy thousand-dollar bottle of wine and I'm freaking having a $2 beer here screw these rich people right I can't stand these rich people he drinks a Bordeaux and I'm drinking a Budweiser that cold-hearted rich guy right and so to me it was that so it's coming up I'm like you know these rich people are greedy then I started questioning everything every single thing and when I started questioning everything my philosophies in life became clear you see for me one of the reasons why I like a book by Marcus Aurelius meditations while I crave a Lewis book principles is because it's here's my principles here's my values and a lot of times we don't take the time to say what are the values and principles that I'm willing to build my life on what are they and what it really are they what what are you willing to really stand up for you know what is your core belief system you know are you a certain belief because you live in a certain city and you have to be are you thinking about money in a way because your parents looked at money way maybe your parents don't like money because they didn't want to work for money maybe they're out in you know their escape was they had a nephew or a niece or a brother or sibling or somebody that did better than them so for them to prove to you that they still did their part right is to belittle that person listen our parents are still human beings you know we look at parents as they know everything they're the almighty parents make mistakes parents don't have everything figured out they're trying to figure it out for themselves so I think the solution for you to become free is you got a question every single think even the one that is so core to you that you're kind of like you want me to even question this yes all of it here's why because here's what happens the idea isn't to question and change like the idea isn't to say I question it and they're wrong so I change everything no if you question it your argument and belief system in that value or principle could actually go a layer deeper than you currently are and if it goes a layer deeper than you currently are then it becomes a conviction and you give me anybody that leads an army give me anybody that leads the country give me anybody that does anything that impacts the world their convictions or at a higher level than yours everybody has convictions that they live with it's incredible I love that we won't have time to go deep on these but just really fast I would be remiss not to ask what are some core beliefs that you'd be willing to stand up for you know don't be afraid of the truth my dad told me that from day one once you're clear on what you stand for don't be afraid of the truth for me it's keeping your word it's very critical when you say gonna do something you do it like cashing your word like I want your word to have a lot of value for me if I tell you we're gonna do something I mean it has to be end of the world for not to happen I'm gonna go out of my way to make sure my word keeps that value because it's it's more for me than it is for you it's more for me to trust the words that are coming out of my mouth than anybody else but you know I would say those things in an alignment for me is all the way at the top alignment is it's so critical to me the way you live and whatever you believe if they're aligned you're living a happy life alignments all the way at the top for me it's incredible working these guys find you online you know if you want YouTube you tap in Patrick David you'll find me there if you go on Instagram same thing Patrick baby you'll find me I'll typically respond back on Instagram more than any other platform nice alright my last question what's the impact that you want to have on the world so its phases first 20 years was to make sure you know I live and I figure out a little bit of life by seeing everybody the next 20 years was business which is purely understanding the ins and outs of running a company running a business kind of like really building a company from scratch founder how do you do this how do you do that raising money a human nature study in there for 20 years the next 20 years is controlling the narrative media and then last 20 years gonna have to do with Iran Syrian community you know a whole slew of other plans that I have but that'll be from 60 on 40 to 60 is gonna be media we have a very similar 40 to 60 very cool I like the sound of that Patrick thanks so much for coming on the show it was really really incredible guys if you haven't already dive into his world is absolutely extraordinary and if you haven't already be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends be it legendary take care Jesus dude what's up impact of this if you want to acquire new skills or improve the ones you already have then you're going to love this as you know a huge part of my life is about acquiring skills that have utility and exist in service of something greater than myself and that is why I highly recommend Skillshare Skillshare is an online learning community with over 25,000 classes across more Skills than you can imagine at impact theory we view skills share for things like project management marketing analytics and even for our comic book and today skill share is giving the first 500 people who click on the link in the description to three months to their entire library of courses that's 60 days access to literally thousands of courses on whatever topics you choose for no money at all you just have to click on the link in the description below and join the classes that work for you and you will be in very good company as one of seven million people on Skillshare and should you decide to stick around beyond your free trial an annual subscription to Skillshare is less than $10 a month that's nothing for a skill that can very well change your life so go ahead and click on the link in the description below to start acquiring those skills today and until next time my friends be legendary to take care if you enjoyed that interview with Patrick you're gonna love the one that I did with Gary V so be sure to click that link there and check it out enjoy and I'll see you there so many people are keyboard activists right everybody's good at sending a tweet about how the world should be and nobody's doing anything about it and that just that is just very much human nature

Channel: Tom Bilyeu

Views: 137,060

Rating: 4.9207921 out of 5

Keywords: Tom Bilyeu, Impact Theory, ImpactTheory, TomBilyeu, Inside Quest, InsideQuest, Tom Bilyou, Theory Impact, motivation, inspiration, talk show, interview, motivational speech, Patrick Bet David, Patrick Bet David & Tom Bilyeu

Id: Mj8kr-wZqlM

Length: 41min 40sec (2500 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 04 2019