Why "Showing Intent" Is Ruining Your Game

today I want to talk to you about one of the biggest issues you probably have in your game and that is showing intent we're not showing intent or maybe misunderstanding over all what intent is that's probably more to the heart of it but before I get into exactly the details us let me tell you why I think you have this problem over the last week or so I've been coaching a lot of people right gear doing a lot of like Diagnostics for new students that I've been taking in and almost every single person has a version of the same problem as one or two versions of the intent problem and so when the first guy came to you guys like oh you know you just don't understand what intent is next guy all you don't understand what intent is by guy number six I'm like you know what people are not [ __ ] teaching you guys what intent is you're misunderstanding it and you fundamentally probably think that showing intent is attractive you probably think that that is not true let me explain now [Music] so if intent is kind of [ __ ] why is it taught and why is it taught the way it is well as a beginner especially the type of beginner that's usually coming into trying to learn dating skills or learn pickup intent is a big thing because most of those type of guys are very shy very little experience with women and probably a little scared to even put their you know their feelings out there right remember when you were in middle school and you know if someone found out you had a crush on a girl so go todd has a crush on you know whoever right and it's like it was embarrassing shameful thing and you become very scared about showing interest very scared about being caught being interested in a girl in whatever way and so there's this natural inclination to hold back and not show intent so that's one of the big things that you'll see from really new guys is that they're afraid to even tell a girl they like her and they end up in this conversation we call it the half hour conversation in nowhere right where it's just like random topic the next random topic next random topic guy comes back and you're like did you sure you have a penis right anything guys like no you like well you [ __ ] up you didn't show her you have a penis right and for that guy that specific guy telling him just tell her she's cute tell her you're interested that is progress for him because for that very beginner guy it is going to take him from an interaction that has basically zero chance of going anywhere to an interaction where if the girl really likes him there's some chance of it going somewhere all right now just because it works at that very beginner level though does not mean that it's what you want to do at a higher level so if you are terrified of telling a girl you like her go do it a little bit just to get yourself over the fear fine but don't think that it's actually good game okay the problem is this and this brings me to mistake number two that I see over and over and over again guy goes up and he starts with the most common opener of all time hey you're cute I wanted to meet you or hey I really really like you I think you're very cute I just was overwhelmed I thought I'd be kicking myself I didn't come over here just to go even further with it right that opener is [ __ ] terrible that is the worst frame right the frame there is you're this goddess I would do anything for you I'm this lowly guy and I hope you would deign to spend some time with me yeah you showed intense yeah you showed that like you're they're interested okay fair enough you did that you also completely shot yourself in the foot you're also completely conveyed that your overwhelms conveyed that this isn't normal for you convey that you haven't had girls in your life etc etc etc so you did so many negative things at the same time so here's what I want you to understand showing intent as okay it's a means to an end okay it's a means to an end and what that end really is is what I call establishing a premise or a lot of times I tell my students getting to the point okay that's really the mentality and the phrasing that I like better now it is given what I've seen over the last week or so with all the mistakes students are having is getting to the point or establishing a premise okay think of it this way um certain social interactions have a certain social context if you show up you met someone online on like match.com you show up you expect to show up for a date you don't expect to show up for a business meeting and then someone started acting like giving a businesslike handshake and set you down around a board table and started talking to you from far away like what the [ __ ] is this this is violating my expectations it's not we had a date right similarly if you go for a job interview and someone cozies up with you on a couch and starts getting physically like what the [ __ ] is going on this is some [ __ ] up job interview okay so there's there's a context there's an understanding of what the meaning of the interaction is and that's important so when you say being man to woman it's important that you establish that man to woman context however showing overt interest in the girl giving a girl massive compliments giving away your power is only one of many ways to do it and it's probably the worst way to do it right so if you learn that showing intent means just flat-out overtly telling a girl you like her just as this like blanket statement you're really really shooting yourself in the foot but that's what's taught I'm the reason that's what taught is because it's the simplest way to get newbies from like level zero to level one problem is if you keep those habits you're gonna stay at level one or two for a really [ __ ] long time that's a big reason why guys don't get good at game okay so you understand need to understand better ways of establishing that premise better ways of establishing that frame and there are so many there are so many right it can be as simple as you're talking to a girl and she says something that could potentially be embarrassing to be misconstrued sexually and you just kind of like give her like give it a little eyebrow raise you just did it we that little you just conveyed that this isn't like a platonic thing right or when you shake a girl's head instead of having I call it the businesslike handshake you do the man to woman handshake more like this right more like you're dancing with the girl from that moment you've already conveyed that it's a man to a man interaction but you did this just through your way of being with her not through your declaring interest not through your giving your power away all right are you guys may have noticed we came in 10 I had a video on the channel recently oh is like steal my lines how to show intent right every line on there it did show some interest it also had a bit of a way called push pull a little bit of a push away or a little bit of disinterest along with the interest or a little bit of suspense because as soon as there's no more suspense for the girl as soon as the girl knows she has you then sleeping with you is no longer a win dating you is no longer win returning your call and getting on the phone is no longer a win so she doesn't feel the validation associated she's much much less likely to do it okay when the girls unsure when the girl thinks you're higher value when the girl thinks you have a lot of options then in that situation it is a win for her she's likely to follow up she's likely to chase and you're likely to get a much better scenario so I talked about the two mistakes first is not showing any interest at all right just conversation in nowhere and we're pretty familiar with that one so I won't go into more detail it's pretty clear if you never show her you're a man you just have like a friend to friend conversation you end up in the friend zone at best probably not even that probably because she'll just disrespect you and not even like you because you did that and she probably won't even put you in the friend zone but at best you'll end up in the friend zone okay on the other hand if you show this intent in a way that gives your power away what's gonna happen there either age will be disinterested or be you're gonna end up in a situation where you're chasing and chasing and chasing and pushing and pushing and pushing and she's always in charge she always has power and she decides whether you go on a date with you and she decides whether to sleep with you and then if you get in a relationship you're in this very powerless state within the relationship because of the premise you set up from the start right and that's assuming you even get that far or occasionally I mean very occasionally you run into that girl that just would like you no matter what and she's happy you showed interest however that girl probably is not that hot and doesn't have a lot of choices and you're probably the best she's ever gonna do alright so those are kind of the options and that sounds a lot like what guys getting game right a lot of guys get the half hour conference you know where a lot of guys get with girls occasionally that are kind of low quality but they're pushing pushing pushing or they get with if the girl liked them from moment one it works but if the girl didn't like them from what it doesn't work then the fundamental problem is you're not understanding about showing intent you may have heard like I said that showing intent makes you more attractive it shows you're like ballsy enough to do it yes at a point of total newbie at a point where you suck so much that you're clearly terrified around girls showing intent at least shows you weren't that terrified so yes it can get you from level zero to level one but it's not getting you much further and it's very clearly indicating to the girl that you're not at level eight nine or ten right and for the type of girls that we want you want to be at those levels so you really fundamentally are shooting yourself in the foot so when you go in and you're just putting all your cards on the table up front you're just giving everything away you're fundamentally [ __ ] yourself over and it's actually the opposite of the ideal scenario the ideal scenario is if you can again establish your present sorryi premise or you know get to the point without showing intent and in order to explain that let me give you two kind of situations that are so good that even guys with no game get laid in them situation number one is you're your wingman or your roommate goes out meets two girls brings them back and you're just chilling at the house doing your own thing completely non-needy a completely chill he goes on with his girl and you're left one-on-one awkwardly with your girl and she's feeling kind of dee validated she you know it was maybe looking for a guy oftentimes because you and she are there there's a premise that you're supposed to meet each other she starts doing the work she starts making the moves it's the easiest thing in the world I've seen guys with no game whatsoever get laid in this situation scenario number two which is really funny is let's say that you're out as like a you know pickup artist guy and you devalue a girl but you like D validate her she feels a little hurt and she decides to go try and make you jealous by talking to some other dude and she opens the other guy now this other guy is suddenly being thrust into a manda woman conversation without having had to try without having had to show any interest and a lot of times even just a vaguely remotely cool guy will end up pulling in that situation because the scenario has been set up so well for him it's been basically like like food just laid on the table in front of him okay and that's what you'd like that's what you'd like as you want it to be man to woman you want to establish the frame that there is an interviewer get to know you there is a seal being made whatever frame you want to kind of place it there right there is this evaluative process that you kind of like her maybe she kind of likes you maybe you want to establish that without just saying overtly huh I like you no matter what and again there are so many ways to do it so in practice what should this look like it should look like instead of overt interest maybe a little bit of a push-pull instead of going in and conveying that you want to like go meet and have sex with her go imply that you just are a fun sexual person in general and start bringing that into the conversation so it's just a natural thing that that would be the case or maybe instead of overtly saying haha I like you you can be it through a look a gesture the way you touch her those sorts of things okay all of these things are there another one is just taking on a cocky frame even playfully or pretending some kind of frame of like if you were my girlfriend dude you'd be out on the street right now right you just established the premise right you establish this frame of she might be your girlfriend it's within that realm of possibility or something being considered but you did it without showing that intent without putting giving up putting like your balls on the table really without giving all your power way so that's what you really want to do so understand that the showing of intent is not actually a good thing it's a it's a crutch it's a crutch or a shortcut used to get to the point or establish your premise but there are so many better ways to establish a premise so many better ways to get to the point that beyond that that very beginner level where you're just scared to even like you know scared to even admit you like girls are scared to even let her know that you like her at all once you're beyond that level you really want to find a different way to establish the premise a different way to get to the point and once you do that everything in your set everything in your interaction is going to change because the frame that you're in dictates everything that occurs within it all right so that's it stop thinking that you need to show intent just start thinking you need to get to the point need to establish a premise and then from there just be a cool [ __ ] cool fun guy and be a little selective actually make her work for you establish a friend that's a lot more useful [Music] [Music]

Channel: Todd V Dating

Views: 850,862

Keywords: Intent, direct game, direct approach, indirect game, indirect approach, sexual intent, premise, context, frame, man to woman, dating, women, girls

Id: UQGBDNdlU3I

Length: 12min 24sec (744 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 04 2018