Why Scotland Wants To Leave The UK

we live in a land of the lost every one of these countries lost so you can see right I can see right now why the jocks run out right yeah okay see what I the Scots want to leave and go form the People's Republic of jockey Stan whatever they want to do I understand now do we have any Scotch in tonight over there the lady over there what should I love Claire wait you're from [ __ ] got the debt Glasgow I understand now the point I love you people you know why I say this guts if you want to go go ya [ __ ] jog on right can I say to the Scots I say to the Scotch this is an old expression in there if you love someone set them free what we love you Jaques so [ __ ] off I'm not I love I love Scottish people we used to have the best time yeah it was a great time on it with a crazy game I've seen the Welsh England Scotland and Wales who are [ __ ] crazy gay the Welsh would turn up Souter the locals cause the distraction then you come in a ship that you'd built on the Clyde and we'd steal their stuff [ __ ] brilliant yeah last year Egypt's in flames everyone's worried about the mummies they were in London we'd nicked them fantastic but I love these Scots a beautiful people but the rip the thing is the relationships run its course isn't it and that happens don't it relationships run their course yeah things run out of steam and I understand it people look for different things that they end up in different places I mean if you were in a marriage where one of you earned a great deal more money than the other person and the other person had a problem with cholesterol alcohol and type 2 diabetes what would you do and the truth is to say though I was in Scotland in the summer and the debate is fascinating the debate about Scottish independence is a fascinating vigorous debate all sorts of concepts flying around all different ideas all in the melting pots they trying to figure out the next step it's a fascinating debate well worth listening to [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] [ __ ] so not sure that covers all the constitutional complexities ahead of us but it's a vigorous and lively debate now planet these that when the Scots do go right if you do go on there's a couple of conditions I'm afraid just a couple not big things just a couple of collisions just one or two first one is if you're going to be a separate country you go have your own border what proper border a proper border yeah passport checks proper Bolger yeah one of them things that goes up and down it's soldiering a hat yeah sold barbed wire maybe yet razor why some of those but giant red and white breezeblocks and sort of zigzag pack you got to drive around like that yeah a machine-gun following you through the pad a watchtower with a searchlight on it and a blight with a rocket launcher 19 foot tall concrete wall with a rounded top and broken bottles along it yeah razor wire helicopters a satellite in geostationary orbit with infrared sensors looking for jocks trying to get in a mile deep minefield why not we gotta bring back landmines this is important sorry lady but this is important done par as you term soon now it's [ __ ] ain't nobody that if you forget your passport there's a little hat with a woman in leathers right who pistol-whip sure perhaps your tits in your face fifty Shades of Glasgow appointed a proper border that's my first condition clear of course what you don't realize what the Scots don't realize is when they do live when they do leave the British Empire they will get themselves a magic wish did you know this everyone gets a magic wish when they leave they're granted a magic wish yet now whatever the king and queen of the time grant the people wherever they want on departs now the Australians they use their magic wish to become Australians so they've wasted this in order stupid stupid bastard the Kiwis ask to be forgotten about right and that's worked out in canada in canada they asked to speak fridge even though we knew the whole world was about to speak English let them have that anyway in Zimbabwe they wished for Robert Mugabe you got to be careful what you wish for in Ireland and they were very insistent on this and we said you're sure they said no this is what we want right in Ireland they insisted whenever the Roman Catholic Church put in charge of babysitting I insisted you nominate me do Filioque idli fitted neatly fiddly video video felipito figlio hillbilly be using Sydney now you Church when you do gun when the Scots do leave you'll get your magic listen if they're gonna be fine is when the Scots gonna be fine not like they're not gonna have any problems today they're gonna be alright because there are genius people no one could deny the Scotch a genius people look at what they could do whiskey 25% of Scotland's exports whiskey they have somehow convinced the whole world that is a luxury to lick a disinfected wooden floor they're gonna be fine they'll get their magic wish they'll go but there's a second condition second condition if Scott that wants to leave and it's may well with a deal-breaker if you do go you got to take Liverpool with you [Applause] you

Channel: Al Murray

Views: 2,771,846

Keywords: Al Murray, The Pub Landlord, Scotland, Indyref, Scottish Independance

Id: kam0WRzJW9g

Length: 6min 41sec (401 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 03 2019