Why Modern Men Want to Be Chased (And What to Do About It)

if you're in the dating world there's a good chance that you've run into men who want you to chase them pursue them have you paid for their food have you planned all the dates have you decide what to do and where to go and generally make you take on the stereotypical masculine role in the dating and relationship situation so why are men doing this and and should you chase him and if not what should you do instead that's what we're going to be talking about today hello my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to commitment connection so let's get started here number one so men growing up without any strong male role models is the first reason why guys are doing this so many boys today are growing up without any kind of male role model at all and their fathers aren't around or their fathers are too busy doing other things to properly parent their son many times they're not even really good role models to follow anyway and so boys end up growing up into men with no guidance on how to be a good man so that they so they have no idea how to date or interact with women or pursue women or even know that they should pursue women and so men need more and better male role models that they can learn from and learn about and what does it mean to be a strong masculine man and our society tends to demonize and tear down men from a cultural standpoint and we're about to talk about that right now so if you're here with us right now say hi and tell us where you are in where you're from in the chat number two is there are major cultural changes that are happening in our society so the Western world is really leading the charge and this one but it's happening pretty much everywhere men and women are switching roles right and this is being encouraged and even pushed by a lot of society by the mainstream media by a lot of people there's a lot of people with agendas trying to push our roles to be different to be opposite basically and our society is pushing women to be more masculine and they're pushing men to be more feminine and you'll notice that a lot of women's magazines I was actually just looking at some women's magazines online some internet sites online where they've been pushing women to give up relationships all together and stay single because it's it's better to be single than to be in a relationship and they tell women that they should not only act masculine in their normal lives but also in dating in relationship situations as well there's actually a bunch of activists dating advice out there and many times you don't even know it's activists dating advice where they're teaching women to approach and chase and pursue men because they think that it gives them more power and more choice which it absolutely doesn't and I'll tell you why it doesn't here in just a minute and if you're a masculine woman and you want to date a feminine man you you want to be the one that's putting in you know you want to be the one that's putting in all the work while the man doesn't and that's that's totally fine right if you're like hey I'm a masculine woman and this I want am a feminine man and I want to do the pursuing and all the chasing and all that kind of stuff that's fine if you do that and if you want to do that I'm going to tell you I don't recommend doing that here in a second but you're more than welcome to do it if that's if that's what you want like I know people in situations like that who are married and it works really great for them but it it takes a certain kind of people to to do that and for most women I don't think this works for you and so so and also men are being pushed to be more feminine and a lot of masculine behavior is being demonized and termed as toxic toxic masculinity when real toxic masculinity isn't being a strong man it's being an immature man it's a it's a weak man who is only out for himself and doesn't care about others and there have also been some movements to fight assaults from men which have done a lot of really great things and and helped a lot of people out but some women have used it to abuse men who didn't do anything wrong which created more concern around men about whether they can even pursue women or not if you're a man and you know how do you make sure that your advances don't come across as assault right you let the woman chase you let her make the moves you let her push things forward then right the that's the mindset that a lot of these guys have if I if I let her do everything then it can't be termed as assault which that actually won't save them they don't know many of them don't realize that but it actually won't save them and it's more of an excuse than it is a little Ajith emit concern in most cases but fear is an incredibly powerful motivator and so a lot of guys are really scared about pursuing and chasing and moving towards women and making moves on women because they're afraid that maybe it'll be misinterpreted as assault so here's the reality we all have masculine and feminine energy in us and I think that things will go towards men being more masculine and women being more feminine again in the near future and why would I say that because most women are feminine at their core and most men are masculine at their port men have just been wearing a feminine mask and women have just been wearing a masculine mask because we've been getting that pushed on us by society that's not who we really are the mask isn't us and generally speaking once we get back into our core we become a lot more comfortable playing there and being there and experiencing life from there but many of us have just been kind of pushed into these different roles of being ways that we aren't that we get kind of like you know we get stuck there and going to anything else feels uncomfortable because you're most comfortable initially where you are even if you would be better and play better and life would be better and you feel more comfortable in another position if things were just natural and we weren't all getting pushed into different directions and for the most part that's that's femininity right and for most men that's masculine for most women sorry that's femininity and for most men that's masculinity not all but just most right and so reason number three is the hook-up culture so a lot of men don't chase women anymore because superficial hookup situation ships have become the normal thing in our culture meeting up just a hookup has become a normal thing for both men and women to do it's not just men who are doing this there are women in our community a lot of them who are doing it as well or were doing it before they got into our community my suggestion is that you don't just hook up with anyone our community is filled with women who just hooked up with a guy caught feelings for them and now are in a situation where they're in love and want more from a man who doesn't want anything more with them and so my suggestion is that you don't be one of those woman women and don't listen to anyone who tells you that you should be you are worth more than that if you want something greater than my suggestion is that you hold out for something greater and don't close yourself off because you got into a weird situation because you listen to other people or you wanted to just have some fun or whatever next thing you know you've got feelings and you're in love with a guy who wants nothing to do more with you than that so so number four men's dating advice teaches men to have you chasing them and so why would they teach men this because they know the same thing that I'm teaching you whoever is more invested will value the person more so the truth is that you should both be investing right if he invests a lot and you don't it's easy for you to devalue him and your relationship and for you to walk away if you invest a lot and he doesn't it's easier for him to devalue you and the relationship and to walk away ideally he will be investing a lot more you will until you're in a committed relationship you actually have most of the power starting off and anybody that tells you that you don't have most of the power is lying to you so before you get into a physical relationship you have a ton of power there and so my suggestion is that you you make sure that he's investing in you especially from the beginning and make sure that he's investing more than you are in him up into the committed relationship so if you hear what I'm talking about say I get it in the chat if you don't understand what I'm talking about go ahead and ask your questions or whatever in the chat and we'll get to him here in a little bit so I recommend that you do not chase a men first I'm gonna tell you why you shouldn't chase men and then I'll tell you what to do instead so first your value in his eyes like I was talking about earlier is partly determined by how much he invests in you so I'm not talking about how you value yourself but how he values you so this is something called the sunk cost principle the more he invests pursues and gives of his time attention and energy to you the more that he will end up valuing you and the more you do it with him the more you'll value him that's why if you give everything to a man who's taking you for granted because a lot of women are like oh I have to prove myself to this man and he's taking me for granted so I have to be more and do more and all this stuff right and it doesn't end up ever making him appreciate you more it only hurts you more right and it makes him appreciate you less because he's getting all these things and he doesn't he's not doing anything for it he's not invested and that's why it's so important that he's pursuing and chasing you from the very beginning he'll value you and your relationship a lot more when he does that so second you if if you're chasing him you'll end up missing red flags that you'd normally see so men when they're being pursued what they tend to do is they'll just lean back and they let a woman end up pursuing them if they aren't really that interested in the woman's why would they do that because he doesn't need to do anything right if you're pursuing and and he's not and he's just chillin right you're doing everything for him you're pushing everything forward for him because you're invested and you're really interested and you want things to work out and so he's like okay I don't need to do anything right and he's not that interested possibly and then he's still getting his physical and emotional needs met through you even though he's not doing anything right and he doesn't have to commit he doesn't have to you know put in the effort in he doesn't have to invest in the relationship because you're doing all of that for him and he might even not not really be interested but he's still getting his physical needs and his emotional needs met and so you won't know that he's not really even interested if if you're the one that's chasing him until one day when you're trying to figure out why he avoids conversation about marriage or a commitment or any of that kind of stuff and you notice him checking out other women and talking to other women on social media and you're just you're sitting there baffled your life you know I've put so much into this I'm doing so much I'm such a good woman for him how could he like these other women instead of me and the reason is is because you're he was never interested that much in the first place right if he's not that into you you won't know if you're chasing him if he's not the kind of guy who puts effort into a relationship you won't know if you're chasing him many of the red flags that he has that you don't want to deal with you won't see them if you're chasing them he won't be afraid of losing you if you're the one that's chasing him instead you will you'll be more committed you will be more invested you will feel like you're more in love and and that he's taking you for granted and he's treating you like crap but you don't what's going on really is that you're just super invested in he's not that's it that's all that's going on and so this is my suggestion do not chase men don't do it instead use a technique that I call leaning back so leaning back first of all I want to want to mention this it doesn't mean that you should do nothing right a lot of women are like okay I'm leaning back how long should I wait until he contacts me in the leaning back phase that's not what leaning back is right it's not a technique that you do when you're waiting for him to call you right that's not what it is I have a whole video on it if you want to go check out more about leaning back I have a video it's called how to lean back and get him chasing you also leaning back does not mean no initiating contact a lot of women go they they're like okay I'm in no contact with the guy that I'm dating and I'm like did you break up and she's like no I'm just waiting for him and I'm like that's not no contact right you shouldn't be in no contact instead what you want to do is show him that you're interested in him you want to show him that you're interested and then you give him space to pursue to chase and then to invest in you right most masculine men in the presence of a feminine woman even men who have been in their feminine for a while or letting women chase him or all that kind of stuff if a man sees a woman and he's masculine in his core and he's in the presence of a feminine woman and he's attracted to her a man will end up behaving in a masculine way and so a woman who is leaning back most men will start to behave in a masculine way around them right if he's interested and you're leaning back and you've let him know that you're interested most likely he will start to chase pursue and move towards you with his energy second what you want to do is shift your mindset right get get away from this mindset of trying to get this specific guy right that's what a lot of women are doing is they come to me and they're like there's this one dude and he's like sleeping with other women and he's like looking at porn all the time and he's you know running around doing whatever and he's not interested in commitments he's not interested in marriage he's not interested in kids and these are all the things that I want how do I get him to start doing what I want him to do get out of that mindset because when you're in that mindset what you're doing is you're putting him on a pedestal you're saying this man is more valuable than I am he's more valuable than my needs my wants my desires the things that I care about in my life and what you want to do instead is shift your mindset to having to getting the relationship that you want to have so go and start dating more than one guy get in orbit of men around you and let the ones who want to prove that they want the relationship that you want to step up and pursue you towards that then you get to choose who you date and who you don't date it's not you know I'm stuck on this one guy and I'm trying to force him to be the man that I want him to be and I'm trying to force him to step up and do all these things instead you've got a you're coming from abundance that's a scare you know the other one's a scarcity mindset the one guy you're in scarcity you've got a bunch of options of men you're in abundance right and what you're waiting for is a guy to pursue you and step up and create the relationship that you want to get if you're stuck on one guy trying to force him to be the right man for you you're starting off in a losing battle and you're just going to get hurt and lastly make sure that you get my program the forever woman go to the forever woman formula.com because it is a phenomenal program and it's free right you can go get it for free because I teach you everything that you need to know about how to go from where you are to being in a relationship with a quality man who loves you sees you and cherishes you you can have a happy ending in this crazy world we live in today if you do things the right way and so make sure you go to the forever woman formula.com I change the page it's no longer a video anymore and so you can just go there and look at what I'm offering and if you decide you want it that is awesome because it's a great program and it's helped so many women get into the relationships that they want to have so if you have any questions make sure that you put them in the chat right now again do not do not chase men do not do it don't do it hello everybody from all over the world Audrey says it's it's so true they want to be chaste and a lot of women are the aggressors now it's very very true Sylvia said you should never chase a man ever Heather says this is live the answer is yes Heather this is live so celestina sillas Tina says I noticed too it's not supposed to be maybe it is the way ladies women position themselves yeah like I said it's a lot of different things it's a lot of different things a lot of different things Kelly says or they want pictures of you message to them right off the bat of talking to them yeah and there's there's a reason for that right if you're talking about like online dating one of the reasons why guys want you to send them a picture of yourself immediately there's actually a very good reason for men wanting to do this and the reason is is that women and men right just to be fair women and men lie in their online dating profiles and so a lot of women will take photos of themselves from 10 years ago and they will put it on their online dating profile and the guy like oh she's really hot and then he ends up meeting you in person and you're 15 more pounds heavier and you're 10 years older and you totally don't look like the same person that you look like in the photo and so he feels like he was robbed right he was tricked he was lied to and so a lot of guys will immediately be like send me a photo because they know that women do this right men do it too right everybody's doing this right and so guy a lot of guys know that lots and lots of women will lie in their photos and so a lot of guys want that photo from the beginning aleni says love your course material with so many questions well go ahead and ask your questions aleni this is that's literally what this is for Daphne says that's what I'm doing right now chasing someone and I hate myself for it well stop it Daphne stop it just just stop it right now just just stop it just just stop it I want Daphne I want you I want you to stop it Kelly says I'm single because I won't chase a guy no you are not single because you won't chase a guy you're not with a guy that you want to chase or he wants you to chase him because of that right you could be in a different relationship with a man who loves you and cherishes you and chases you and pursues you and invest in you and treats you really well you could be right but you're not and there's a guy that wants you to chase him and you're not doing that either which is good so don't chase him Sylvia says anything you chase will run away yeah but you might catch it right and then it can't go anywhere and you're like I got you oh is that crazy stalker talk from Matt's house Ashley says also have to say we can be equal without being masculine women are not men we need the the polarity it is important yeah absolutely absolutely abs of friggin lutely Ashley I totally agree with you CJ says what to do when you chase a man yet he's chasing multiple women at the same time stop chasing men stop it just to CJ stop chasing men that's it stop doing it don't do it ever again that is my suggestion do not ever chase a man again don't ever do it right if he men are natural pursuers right the masculine is the natural pursue it and he will chase you he will pursue you if he likes you and he wants you if he doesn't like you and he doesn't want you he won't chase you and pursue you and so you won't be running around chasing somebody that doesn't want you right you want to be with somebody who also wants you that's what you want you don't want to be in any other kind of situation you definitely don't want to be in a situation where a guy only kind of likes you right you just said that he's chasing other women why would you if he's chasing other women why isn't he chasing you simple because he's not that into you and so let men who are into you chase you and let him chase women that he's into that's what you want to do you don't ever want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with you that's it that is it is there a way to improve my low self-esteem and insecurities absolutely start getting involved in personal development start learning how to love yourself and cherish yourself and value yourself pick up my program the forever woman at the forever woman formula.com I have a system in there that teaches you to love yourself and value yourself and treat yourself really really well right and it's it's the beginning process that's what you want to do you can just it's a free program right you can get free access to this program and then you can just listen to it you don't even have to necessarily do anything and just listening to it and listening to what I say in the program will start making you value and end and love yourself more and more and more and so my suggestion is you get the program you listen to it at least ten times and you start building yourself up Kathy says if a guy expects me to plan a date does that mean he is asking me to chase how can I communicate that I'd like to provide my availability and leave it for him to plan the details so it kind of depends on what you mean right if I'm gonna guess that this is a new guy and you're not in like a committed relationship or anything like that right if you're in a if you're in a committed relationship things kind of change a little bit right and you can kind of be on more of an equal footing there and so if a guy expects you to plan a date it you know the question that I have is why does he expect you to plan a date what kind of a conversation was made where he expects you to plan a date if if he if you were just talking and he was just like hey if you ever want to go out let me know and set something up and we'll meet up there what you can do is just set a boundary right what you want to do is set up a boundary and say hey you know I would really love to go on a date with you I think would be a lot of fun right let's assume that you've never met up maybe you guys were talking online and you met in person and he's like hey why don't you you know set up a date for us to go and meet somewhere or something what you'd want to say is set up a boundary the way that I talked about setting up a boundary so what you'd say is something like like hey I would love to meet up and hang out and go on a date with you however right and then you set the boundary however I am I'm more interested in a traditional relationship and you know where you know the where the man pursues me and we work together at creating the relationship you know and if you decide that you want to do that let me know right so it'd be something like that that was kind of off the cuff but but the point is is that you want to tell him what you want right tell him that you're interested in meeting up for a date tell him what the what the boundary is you know how ever you know I don't really know you that well and you know I prefer having traditional like a traditional dating relationship situation where a you know where the man sets up the date and and you know takes me out somewhere you know doesn't have to be to anything special or whatever we I just want to hang out and talk right and you know and then ask him if he's going to agree to that you know is you know if you want to do that you know let me know or whatever you know and just leave it at that right and I wouldn't I wouldn't get overboard about whether he actually does it or not right if he's throwing those hooks out which if he's like on an online dating site or something like that he's probably throwing those hooks out a lot right because he's trying to catch women that are going to chase and pursue him and invest in him just because of the things that we just talked about right and so what you want to do is just throw it back on him and just be like nope don't do that you can do that if you want to you know I'd love it if you did you know let me know right and so you'll end up finding out whether he's gonna do it or not but absolutely do not do it just set up a boundary let him know that you're interested that you like him that you'd love for him to take you out sometime but that you don't feel comfortable doing that or you know whatever you want to say you like traditional relationships whatever right and just let him decide whether he's going to do that or not and if he doesn't that's fine right just like what I talked about earlier you want to have an orbit of men and you want men to be pursuing you and you want to make sure that you're letting them know in a healthy empowering way attractive way that that you're interested in him and that you want him to step up and you want him to do those things and that you're not going to be the one that's doing does it make sense to pursue an immature man why would you want to pursue an immature man it depends on what you mean by immature right immature usually means that he's not responsible that he doesn't take care of himself that he's not stable that you know he doesn't have it together right why would you want to be in a situation where you're in a relationship with a man who doesn't have it together it doesn't take responsibility for himself isn't pursuing what he wants in life doesn't have a goal and mission in his life like why would you want to be with a guy like that she just says I don't want to chase a man I'd rather he chased me exactly that's what you should be doing that's what you should be doing Facebook user says how to avoid hookups by not hooking up right that's how you avoid hookups don't hook up it takes two people to hook up right you meet up and somebody takes you to a spot and they have to take you to a place where you can get physically intimate just don't do it that's how you do it you don't you don't put yourself in this situation if you know yourself and you know that you're really bad with with self-discipline don't even allow yourself to be in a situation where could possibly happen that's my suggestion Sylvia says why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free hold out until you're sure that the person is right for you yeah that's what you need to do hold out until you make sure that he's good for you Candace says it is so hard as a 51 year old woman I am a strong woman with my own business but I'm having a hard time finding a man not intimidated by my success even ask Mia that's yeah you know it's really interesting because typically men aren't intimidated by success I mean there are some men right where they see it and they're like I can't compete for that with that or I want to be the man in the relationship but you're so much more successful than me usually men are more intimidated or turned off by women that are in their masculine which usually a lot of business women and women that are at work and really let go get our women which if you have a successful business means that you're definitely a go-getter woman are usually in their masculine right and that's usually what men usually say is intimidating but they say nicer things because they don't want to offend you and so my suggestion is that you just is that you work on it I use my system right because femininity isn't the only thing that that makes you valuable and if you do intimidate men you want to make sure that you're you're coming across as attainable right I have something called the attainability principle and the attainability principle is for women like you who are in situations where they're coming off as a little bit too hard to get right because you've got all these great things going on and a guy sees you and he might think wow this woman's gonna be really difficult for me to get with right because you know what do I have to compete with what she's going on with what she has going on and so what you want to do when you're in that position more than anything else when you could work on kind of shifting into your femininity when you're around men that you're interested in dating but another thing that you want to do is make sure that those guys know that you're interested and make sure that they know that they can attain you and they can pursue you and they can and they can at least attempt to get with you if they play their cards right because then what you're doing is you're you're dangling the carrot and you're letting them know that you're you're interested in them right and try to avoid doing any type of like manly buddy-buddy kind of things when you're with men things like you know being sarcastic and busting their balls and all that kind of stuff try to avoid doing that kind of stuff because that's guy talk and you like a lot of women that I know and I know a lot I know a lot of business women a lot of them are very much into guy talk right they're into like busting balls and watching sports on the TV and drinking beers and stuff like that and that's great for a buddy if you're a guy but it's not great for a romantic situation so you want to kind of avoid doing stuff like that and instead make sure that they know that you're interested in them and that they can pursue you coolspot says they call you when you are leaving the relationship then when you call back you are blocked what I do is just delete his number and move on simple rubbish I don't have time for this funny things yeah that sounds pretty ridiculous so Melanie says I totally get it by a messed up before I knew you existed and now I don't know how to get back in our situation is so effed up and now family is involved it's just yeah and it's one of those things where I mean I don't know what your situation is and you probably thought you're obviously talking about like an ex or something like that and there are ways to kind of fix that kind of a situation you know depending on how bad the situation is right if if things are really crazy and you know it's just there's no fixing it and you're like you must you know tell me on right and he's like you must tell me I'm right and you guys hate each other and you're like fighting and stuff all the time it's possible that that it's it's never gonna happen but it's exes like when you have an ex situation there's actually a really high probability that you can get back together with them because you tend to have a foundation of a relationship there and a lot of emotional experiences together and it just kind of went the wrong direction and things got hurt and you broke up but a lot of times you can patch things together if it's not too bad so Irene says so if he's not putting in as much effort as I have is better to match his effort yes something called mirroring and mirroring says that you match his his interest level so whatever his interest level is you match it right because that keeps you out of trouble so you never want to be doing all of the effort you want him to be putting in more effort than you are and if he stops putting in effort you back away as well right that's how you stop yourself from getting into trouble and then what you want to do is when he starts coming back which you will then that's when you come back and start doing more and connecting more right and so you want to be you always want to be putting less effort in then he is in the initial dating phases coolspot says better to not put any effort that is wrong you are wrong about that coolspot sorry but you're wrong no you what you want to do is you want to make sure that he's in your showing interest and you can put in energy and effort in fact I I suggest that you do right because unless a guy is super aggressive and he's really confident himself things like hey I'm gonna make this happen I'm gonna do this he's gonna think that you're not interested in him and then he's gonna go away right and disappear on you because he's like she wasn't that interested in me and and he doesn't want to be in a situation where he's chasing somebody who's not really interested in him because he doesn't want to get his heart broken and so you want to make sure that you are putting in some effort right and you both want to be invested to some degree and you so that you're both building this relationship together everything is a two-way street never put yourself in a position where you're on either extreme you don't want to be in the extreme of doing nothing and you don't want to be on the extreme of doing everything there's a middle ground the magic is in the middle and you always want to stay in that middle ground because that is where you build and grow a great relationship but if you are the one that's putting in on a whole bunch of the effort and he's not which is usually what a lot of women come to me in that situation of then you want to back off a little bit and give him some space right and allow him to start moving towards you otherwise like I said you will end up missing all the red flags Audrey says sit back in your feminine energy as a woman and let him pursue you while you asked while you can also show interest you're not chase and if he does not pursue you then he doesn't like you as much as you thought as a lady I learned to let him court masculine energy enjoy pursuing exactly Audrey Audrey summed up everything that I said in like three sentences that was fantastic Audrey good job Jesus says I don't want to chase no man well that's what I'm talking about Joanne says Matt is there a way to correct this besides stepping back right so I'm like hmm here's how you correct so it's it's funny when when this whenever this happens and this happens all the time right I give you advice in your life how do I fix this other than doing what you tell me to write how much you try doing what I tell you to and if you have done what I told you to tell me what the situation is so that I can actually help you Oh chase a man ever again always know your value in AD sacks good on you dory good on you Dory berry Kathy says been talking to X for two months he tried to sleep with me once I said I won't consider it unless a serious relationship he said I'm a hundred percent open to a relationship talk how can I make him chase an issue you it sounds to me like you already gave him the clue you said hey I'm interested right so he says I'm opening a hundred percent open to the relationship talk and what do you say you say great let's have the relationship top right and then you let him have the relationship talk with you right you don't need to do anything more you already told you literally already told him he's trying to sleep with you and you're like hey you know I'm not considering this because I want to you know serious relationship and he's like hey I'm a hundred percent open to it like you know you're on your path right you're waiting for him it's his turn the ball is in his court let him let him take it don't don't take it for him Kathy says forever woman formula videos are great well thank you Cathy I appreciate that I appreciate that blessing says a man who wants me to chase him will wait forever of course he is disqualifying yourself right the way that you want to look at this is you want to think about it in terms of this right I am a I am a wonderful amazing special precious say here's the word sacred you want to believe that you are a sacred being right and that you are incredibly valuable and that your time is valuable and that everything that you do is valuable all the time that you invest in things is is very important because you value your time just like you value your body you value your attention you value your money you value everything that you do right you have value your effort and so if he wants to be with you right he needs to pursue you because you are a valuable person and you have a whatever relationship you get into you want it to be a sacred relationship just like you are sacred and so you don't want to you if he's not gonna chase you that's fine if he's not gonna pursue you that's fine he's disqualifying himself from getting you right from being in a relationship with you which is why you need the orbit that's why you need to create an abundance of options for yourself of an abundance of potential to be with different men and then they will disqualify themselves and they will qualify themselves and the ones who want to believe that you're sacred and show you that you're sacred and give you a sacred relationship are the ones who will step up and the ones who don't will not step up that is the situation Natalie says this is what exactly what has happened to me I chased him and now I've lost him stop chasing men Kim says I like your points of view well thank you Jim I appreciate that Sher says have a guy trying to get me to hook up but won't say anything about me he is recovering addict almost a year and have health issues and I say good things about him recovering and he loves it I'm not sure if it's infatuation the addiction or it's just him that has changed from years ago when I knew him we have lived in different states but I am with him he showed interest in me unconfused yeah you're confused because he values things other than you a lot more than he values you and that's one of the biggest challenges with men who have addictions is that if a man has an addiction he values that addiction generally speaking over everything else and so it's a really really hard for those kinds of men to end up being in functional relationships after addictions they absolutely can be I've seen great guys who have who have recovered from alcoholism and drug abuse and all kinds of things get into great relationships afterwards but one year less than one year of recovering from being an addict yeah you know that's that's still I mean you know like if he was a real big addict right like usually when you talk about addicts and addicts that are recovering they are just like you know I was drinking some coffee and I tried to get off a coffee because there was too much there like people that were doing so much drugs that they lost their job they you know lost all their money they lost their relationships to their friends they're family you know some of their friends killed themselves they thought about killing themselves right and so you have to make sure that you're not putting you're not getting involved with somebody who's you know so close to still being there that he hasn't really recovered yet right if he's been sober for less than a year then he probably still has a lot of things that he needs to work through before he ends up pursuing you which is why the abundance thing is so so important especially in your situation Cara says I can't chase him in well don't don't do it don't do it Maria says okay Matthew I got it thank you for your advice you are welcome Audrey says Matt is one of the most valuable male dating coaches in today's society he's so correct with everything it's why I've followed him for years well thank you Audrey I really appreciate you saying that I really appreciate you saying that thank you so much for saying that see I lost my place in the comments let me get it back real quick Heal doop de doop to give me in there a lot of comments today okay Shirley that what you said right now is brilliant find the man who wants what you want instead of trying to mound him into mole I'm guessing cement mold him into a guy that you want yes absolutely that's why it's so important that you switch your mindset from being about the guy to being about the relationship right because it's it's not if you're trying to make this guy get into this relationship you're gonna have a really really hard time but if you're like hey this is the relationship that I want and I want a guy that's on board with the same kind of thing that I want it's like it's easy right so much easier then you don't have to fight then you don't have to manipulate then you don't have to persuade right because guys will show up who want the same thing as you and you'll be like alright let's see if we're a good match and if you are then it turns into something amazing right whereas if you've got a guy and you're trying to like force him into being in the relationship he's like I don't want to do this and you're like no but you got to and then you start trying all these different techniques on them and he's like what are you doing right and then next thing you know he's breaking up with you and you're heartbroken you're coming to me asking me for advice and I'm like get the forever woman program then you get the forever woman program everything changes in your life and next thing you know you're in the in a relationship with the man of your dreams that's typically how it works around here so Jackie says but if I date more than one guy I feel like I'm cheating well here's my advice to that right first off you're not right you're not cheating right you shouldn't be one lying to guys too you shouldn't tell guys that you're seeing other guys just don't do that and three it's why would you feel like you're cheating right like it's it's changing it's one of those things like I've talked to women before where they've been like talking to a guy online and they're like okay I'm talking to this one guy and he hasn't been responding right and it's been like 1 or 2 tech like messages like set between each other and she I'm like well are you seeing other people and oh well no I feel like I was cheating if I was doing that you're like you're not even in a relationship the guy's not even responding he doesn't even like you like you're not cheating on the guy right and if you're going on dates that's it right you're not sleeping with other guys you're not hooking up you're not doing any of that kind of stuff right and if he asks you if you're seeing other people what you want to do is flip it around and say why are you do you want to be in a relationship with me do you want me all to yourself are you trying to have an exclusivity talk with me like what are you what are you trying to do here right and if you're not ready to have a relationship and you say that to him and he says yeah I am I you know I was just expecting that we're being together and you're not ready for it you just say you know until I'm in a committed relationship until I know that a guy is really right for me and I'm you know I'd love to be in a great committed relationship and and I'm not sure if it would be with you but I definitely want to be in a committed relationship and if you're the right guy that's awesome but I'd like to get to know you a little bit better before we're in that situation right and if he starts getting all possessive and like oh if you're not gonna be just with me then you know like I don't want to date you or whatever he's showing you his cards right he's shy he's waving the red flag around and he's going hey I am crazy you don't want to be with me I'm possessive and we hardly even know each other I've gone on one date with you and he's trying to lock you down you know it's like so it's absolutely not a problem for you to date other people at all cool spots what should you do after a breakup I just did a live stream on that go check it out I also have a problem a program problem I have a problem of a program now it's a great program it's called the break-up remedy you can go check it out commitment connection calm for it / breakup I believe it's great program Eleni says ok I tried the orbit of men thing to essentially try and move off I suppose from the man I'm in love with and yes great guys have come along and they love and cherish me all that good stuff but I'm still in love with my ex I have no feelings for any of these current men in my orbit they want to date me I feel nothing for them so what do I do here's what I suggest that you do start valuing them more start valuing other people more and there's two things that I think you should do the first thing that you should do is start creating a and solidifying your identity right so if you know push your ex out of your mind right if you're not dating your ex and you're not going to see him anymore or you're in no contact phase or whatever what you want to do is is get him out of your mind as much as possible get it rid of anything that you remind you of him and what you want to start doing is solidifying your identity and do do that by doing things and learning about things that make you you right so your passions your work you're doing things that you love things that are hobbies that you really enjoy things that make you more of who you are and remind you more of who you are and then the next thing that you want to do is start valuing and appreciating these many more right and not necessarily even to them but just to yourself right you can do this to yourself after you've gone on a date with a guy and just think about ways that you can appreciate him more and when you are on dates with these guys start getting curious start getting more curious who they are and what's going on with them and what's going on with their lives and what I think you'll find is you'll start developing feelings and you'll start pulling that kind of love thing away from your acts you'll start building it on to yourself and you'll start connecting with these other men you know in a different in a better way I also have a lot of ways to connect with men as well and some of my programs as well as on my website and and on some of these videos on YouTube Coco says yes women are carrying on like men which is not the healthy that is correct Lucinda says so having a rotation of men is the best way having abundance so how to do you peel your energy off the one you want to pursue without chasing them with you mean out without chasing the new men well what you want to do is start is like what I was talking about earlier with the last question is start start investing from and from like a time and attention standpoint you want start giving your time and your attention to something else right so these men right and and like I said when you're leaning back that doesn't mean you're only that you're never doing anything right you're still connecting with men you're still asking them questions you're still getting curious about them you can still go home and write down a list and be like what do I appreciate about these men that I was just spending my time with right and change shift your focus over to these men and start connecting with these men and connecting with these new guys and what will end up happening is it'll move over right what you have to do is you have to cut off right when you're when you're in love with a guy it's like an addiction right it's like it's like being on drugs you have to wean yourself off of your ex or this other guy this guy that what you want that wants you to chase him or whatever situation you're in you have to wean yourself off of him and start connecting and building that connection in other places and once you shift your focus and shift that connection over to other people and other things what will end up happening is you'll start to lose more and more and more desire to be with that person until all of a sudden next thing you know your your focus is on yourself because you're building and strengthening your identity and your attention is on these other men where you're learning about them and you're appreciating them and you're valuing them and you're connecting with them and over time what will happen is that will go away and there may be there might still be something lingering in the background but at least you will have other things that are going on and you won't be so focused on that and you won't be so addicted to it anymore and eventually I'll end up going away if you keep kind of just going you know I don't want to deal with that right and if you have a lot of energy around it my suggestion is that you release that energy right if you've got a lot of energy on an X what you can do is just release all that onto a paper or whatever and just burn it or read it out loud or yell it into the universe or you know do some kind of fairy dance around it and you know whatever whatever we're into this day and age so you know there's a lot of issues that a lot of people are having these days especially with the world of the hook-up culture like I was talking about before where men and women both men and women are just hooking up with each other they're just you know getting together just for casual friend with benefits superficial type situation ships that they're having together with each other and so it's become a really difficult world for a lot of people to be in because they're like what do I do here and so I have a three-part plan that helps you get into the kind of relationship that you want to have with while avoiding heartbreak and avoiding toxic men and avoiding you know all these different situations that you don't want to be in and here's what it is the first one is believing in your own value right believing that you are a valuable woman who deserves to have an amazing relationship where your love and your scene and you're absolutely cherished because if you believe that then you won't get into a situation that's bad for you right I was just on the phone with a woman a couple days ago who was telling me about how she goes she's been going from one you know hookup friend with benefits situation ship to another right and then she spent the last nine months not seeing anybody and she was like what do you think the problem is and I'm like you don't value yourself right because she wants a committed relationship she wants to get married but she keeps hanging out with these guys who avoid talking about commitments who avoid talking about marriage who tell her that they just want to hook up and have nothing serious and she keeps getting into these situations with him why because she doesn't value her needs her desires and who she is enough to avoid getting into one of those situations so you number one is believe in your own value number two is position yourself in value and that's what we're talking about with the abundance thing and there's some other things that you need to do around that where you're putting yourself into a position the most remember this remember this if nothing else remember this the most powerful position that you can ever be in is the position where you're willing to walk away right that is where you have the most power not pretending like you're gonna walk away not using walking away as an ultimatum so you can try to get what you want a place where you're like hey I am worth more than this I'm not gonna be there I'm not going to do this I'm not gonna get into a situation like that if you do that then you can create abundance in your life and men will pursue you and they will recognize your value immediately and the third thing that you want to do is communicate your value speak in a way that is attractive and that shows men that you are a woman of value who deserves to have a great relationship where you're valued in cherish every single day of your life that is what you want to communicate to these men and that that's one of the things when I was talking about the boundaries earlier that's one of the ways that you can do that if you want more information on how to do that you should get my program the forever woman you can go to the forever woman formula.com and check out the program you just there's a page there it's got a bunch of text on it you can learn about what the program is and you can get it for free my suggestion is that you go there and get free access to that program right now thank you so much for being here with me today I am I feel so blessed to have so many amazing wonderful women who will trust me on their journey to having the relationship that they've always wanted to have so thank you so much I really appreciate you being here we have some of the most beautiful amazing awesome women in the entire world as a part of our community so thank you very much I've got to go I've got to go get going there's this Hedgehog park down the road and I want to go walk around and pet hedgehogs so I gotta get going but thank you so much for being here and always remember you are worth it

Channel: Matthew Coast

Views: 13,562

Rating: 4.8867927 out of 5

Keywords: Why Modern Men Want to Be Chased, men want to be chased, signs he wants to be chased

Id: cNLekDqVKac

Length: 62min 18sec (3738 seconds)

Published: Sat May 30 2020