The BRUTALLY Honest Reason Guys Stop Chasing In A Relationship (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

welcome back everybody to love life we have a caller on the line today I know you love when we have callers I do too it gets real we get to give honest advice so caller are you there I am here hello what's your name my name is Tori Tori how are you good how are you Matt I'm feeling really good yeah I feel confident that we're going to help you today and we're going to make a difference in your life thank you so what did you want to ask I wanted to ask you I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now and I often struggle with how do I keep you know remain a chase or keep the attraction alive so okay when you say how do I keep it being a chase you don't really mean that you want to kind of have a kind of game playing mindset in the relationship do you where he's constantly chasing you because you wouldn't want to be doing that the other way around I think what you're really asking is how do I like you said in the second part of your question how do I maintain that attraction right that's the key thing because obviously it's nice in the beginning of a relationship when we have that little phase of feeling like we don't have someone and then yeah the chasing part is that very exciting isn't it yeah so so the key question is this and it's a very very good one Tori I'm glad you're asking it because many people get into a relationship and assume that the work is all done and yeah yeah the real key thing is this if the chase the part where we were trying to get each other was really exciting and now we have each other how do we continue that excitement now that we have each other because I can't just keep inventing scenarios where this person doesn't have me then gets me right now you have each other you've decided you're in a monogamous relationship correct yeah so now that you have each other how do you maintain that attraction there are a couple of ways of looking at this now the first one is just in your mind to always remember this even though we get into a relationship and we say I'm Yours you're mine and so on the reality of any relationship is that we should always be looking to invest in our partners and to show them how great we are because nothing is ever certain right we know you know we know this we know people leave relationships all the time because someone else doesn't meet their standards and so we if you start from that mindset you realize you know what actually the idea that we're fixed in this relationship and nothing can change is an illusion it's something that lazy people buy into as an idea instead of saying you know what the truth is that either one of us could leave any day and in order to not prevent that from happening but in order to create a relationship that someone would want to stay in everyday I need to keep investing and I need to make this relationship great and if you have that in your mind you'll also know that he has to do the same and it's very it's a great thing to subtly communicate that to him that you do expect him to always want to improve the relationship and that you're willing to lead the charge there you're willing to do that first but you're also going to expect it of him so in practical terms what do you actually do to maintain attraction in a relationship well one thing you can do is show that you're continuously growing so how does someone grow what do you think a keyway is that someone might grow you can they're a bunch there's no wrong answer to this um I'd say I'm bettering yourself in all different areas like um I love to learn I'm athletic so I say just keeping up on those things and being excited about life and what I love to do and being passionate you want 100 percent right just getting good at things just learning new skill sets just really trying to squeeze every drop out of life is absolutely one way to grow and when you're doing that someone else will look at you and they'll be inspired they'll see that you're someone who will bring their game up in life because when you're with someone who is passionate about life and gives their all to life and wants to learn new things it becomes slightly infectious and you you want that for yourself as well so now you start saying god I can learn from this person I you know this person can teach me something so the fact that we're having to almost keep up with someone in that way in itself becomes a challenge what a lot of relationships go stale because one of the partners decides I'm done like I've got everything I need now I'm done I don't need to do anything anymore so they stop doing all of the things that made them attractive in the first place we think about it when people are single what do they do many times they think I want a partner so I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to work out and I'm gonna get some definition in my abs and I'm gonna look good and I'm gonna make sure that I eat well so my skin's good cuz when I go out tonight to meet someone I don't want to look like I'm breaking out all over the place I want to go and buy a nice outfit because I want to make sure that someone is attracted to me and they'll be more attracted to me if I'm in nice clothes so let me go and buy a nice outfit you know what I'm gonna get some cool friends because cool friends are people I can go out with and have a good time with and they're going to bring my game up and that's going to make me look cool when I get a guy they do all of these things to make themselves attractive and then when they get the relationship they go well I don't need to do any of this anymore yes get lazy they get lazy they basically take themselves off the market in every way I don't need to work out anymore I have someone right and and he says that I'm great no matter what I look like he says that he'll love me no matter what I go to the gym I was going to go to the gym today but he said to me that I didn't need to because he wanted to spend time with me and go to a movie and could I just no don't go to the gym today babe stay with me let's just stay in bed all day and you go okay I love this he loves me just the way I am and then you get out of shape and you don't like yourself anymore because you feel out of shape and you feel now worried and like oh I feel gross and he starts to pick up on that when you do get out of shape or when you don't feel at your best there are times when he's like she respecting herself enough to stay in shape even though he was the one who said don't go to the gym so he's like I I feel slightly different and she's like why does he treat me different now what happened what happened is we stopped doing all of the things that made us attractive to someone in the first place when we start dating someone they're attracted to the fact that we have friends they're attracted to the fact that we have been working out they're attracted to the fact that we have things we're passionate about and when we start shedding those things because we're in a relationship when we get comfortable and we say oh I don't need to do this anymore I'm just happy with this part of my life nothing else needs to happen we forget that life is about balance and life is about growing in all areas and and this isn't about growing in all areas so that you don't care about your relationship as much you actually have more to give to your relationship if you maintain your strength and your confidence in the other areas of it isn't it true that when you come back from doing something you're passionate about or when you come back from working out or any of those things you feel more confident and in control and sexier when you come back to your man isn't that true 100% yeah so when you feel more like that you come back and you're you're feeling great you're feeling you either are excited about life you can't wait to tell them about something you can't wait to have sex with him because you feel sexy whatever it is you feel good about those things and he goes wow I'm really with a great woman here I'm with someone really cool but when we let all those things slip it starts to kill attraction and we must resist the temptation because it's very very such as me I've been there many many times where I get into a relationship and six months in I realize wow I've been doing none of the things that make me feel attractive and now I'm relying solely on this person to make me feel attractive and the moment that's true that person will realize that you don't feel attractive independently and then you become less attractive because they think wow what you know what was really cool about this person they were self-sufficient and when I came along it was like they were choosing me even though their life was so great now I'm six months or a year into a relationship I don't feel like they're choosing me I feel like they need me because there's nothing else in their life anymore and that's when someone loses attraction so just keep doing all of the great things you do I can hear it in your voice that you're someone who loves life that you're someone is ready to do all of this right so don't give up on all of those things keep doing all of the things that make you sexy keep doing all of the things that make you feel like you're you're passionate about life and you're learning new things and I'm not saying be uncompromising right I'm not saying that he says to you you know babe let's just stay in a movie tonight you're like no I'm going out with my friends I'm not doing what you want to do I'm not saying that right you have a balanced wonderful relationship if you really like someone you'll make sacrifices of course you will but all I'm saying is on the average don't lose all of those things that make you great and always take it with a grain of salt when someone says you don't need to do any of those things you don't need to go stop going to the gym I don't care but always take it with a grain of salt because very often we say those things to someone because we genuinely in that moment we love them and we care about them and you know we don't want them to feel like they have to do that to please us but that doesn't mean that it's not attractive to us when they do things that make them happy that makes sense makes a lot of sense all right what Tori what a pleasure thank you so much for calling in are you taking my call you're very welcome and it's a great great question I know you will have benefited so many other women and men by by bringing it up so take care and keep growing and remember by the way in a relationship one of the great keys is to never ever stop flirting with your partner I don't care if you've been in a relationship six months or 20 years don't ever stop flirting with your partner you know you see those old couples and they still flirt with each other and you can tell this they still have that little spark because he's still pinching her bum and she's still looking over at him with these little suggestive eyes and you think it's like they're 85 they're still flirting with each other that's why they're still together you know that feeling yep so just always keep that alright sorry look after yourself and thank you everyone for listening if you have a question for love life calling eight four four two zero four six two double eight eight four four two zero for Matt and if you're not on my Facebook page right now go there right now and like it so that you get all of the latest updates from us is facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Hussey I speak juicing you

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 3,121,102

Keywords: build desire, keeping it hot in the bedroom, how to build desire, make your boyfriend want you, desire and relationships, physical attraction, sex, desire, make him want you, matthew hussey, matt hussey, get the guy, how to get the guy, IHeartRadio (Broadcast), iheart radio, iheart, lovelife, podcast, dating advice, dating issues, relationships, boyfriend, love, dating coach, matthew hussey cheating, matthew hussey keep the guy, matthew hussey relationships, men and relationships

Id: hjYRHYO-urE

Length: 11min 36sec (696 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 11 2015