Why Everyone’s Opinion Of You Is Bullsh*t - Alex Hormozi

a friendly reminder that in three generations everyone who knew us will be dead including the people whose opinions stopped you from doing what you wanted all along imagine that someone you know achieves every dream and hits every goal they have years later they get old and die two years after that how much do you care about as much as everyone else will if you accomplish your goals and dreams do it for you so I think about death all the time because it's probably the central theme it's probably the thing that I think the most about and I think that influences how I see time and also how I think how it influences agency like what actions I'm willing to take despite the Judgment of others and so a lot of times it might be because I have more insecurity than everyone that I think like man I want to do this thing and then I hear all these other voices of reasons why I shouldn't do it or why somebody else will say like that's bad or you're bad or like that's wrong whatever and so I think I've had to come up with a lot of these devices to get around my own insecurities to take action despite those insecurities and the biggest one that I think about is that it doesn't matter whether I achieve all of my goals or I don't achieve a lot of the goals in three generations I'll be forgotten and the only people who were nacing against me will also be dead and so then it's like just do it for me and then when I wake up every day there's only one voice I have to listen to but that means that you need to be able to work out what to do from first principles you now no longer have societal Norms or assistance or Role Models or archetypes or expectations and that's also difficult in a different way I think that the more you Flex whatever that muscle is of like independent thinking the more it becomes the default way that you think and then everyone else's action is to start looking more and more insane to you what like what's an example of that you can think of I mean shoot just the most basic ones of like living the life that you don't want not wearing what you want to wear not dating who you want to date um not living where you want to live like you're living at home and you want to move and your parents say no and you don't make the move or you're digging a girl because she's socially accepted you know by your friend group she's safe but like there's always some distance in between you but you're like I don't want to risk it right or like you're in the the job and every day you go there and you're like I mean it's okay and the idea of just living in okay life just sounds so terrifying to me that the freedom to fail over and over again is still more fulfilling to me at least it feels like it's real than walking through kind of on autopilot and so I think that's a lot of the choices that other people make that seem insane to me now but didn't didn't seem insane to me a decade ago you know what I mean I think it's just like as you practice taking more agency taking more responsibility for the decisions then you just get better and better at it and then it just seems more and more ridiculous you're like they're like I just can't quit my job and you're like why like no physically why like why can't you quit your job like like you know I mean they start hyperventilating it's like you could could you move in with your parents could you move in with a friend could you split rent I mean I could but I mean other people who are gonna die in a hundred years would think what and one of my favorite ones is um and I say this all the time to Layla like whenever we're getting to some sort of like mini complaint it's like you know if you zoom out far enough you can't see the Earth so we're talking about like oh man they're gonna mess up this order on this vendors like you know if you zoom out far enough you can't see the Earth it's just like it just puts everything immediately into perspective of how ridiculous some of the things that we're concerned about are Sean puri's got this thing where he says don't follow what most people do because you don't want the results that most people get the average person is obese likely to be divorced and has less than 1K in the bank it feels safe to do what everyone else is doing but it's actually a terrible decision it's like the best way to guarantee to not have the life that you want is to do what everyone else is doing unless you want what everyone else has with no one which no one does yeah it's um being able to think for yourself and and treating it like a muscle I think is a smart way to consider it because in the beginning it's really really hard you've been resting on societal norms and the way you've dealt with past trauma and your parents expectations and what all of your friends do and what's accepted and all of this stuff for so long that when it first comes to you needing to step on that muscle it's like trying to move your ears like all humans have got muscles that can move their ears but because no one works it as a child they're just atrophy away uh and this is the ear muscle of personal growth I think I had a lot of practice with it because I had a so like a lot of people have many voices that they hear that they feel are judging them right they have their friends they have their uncle they have their siblings they have their cousins co-workers whatever I think I had just one voice that I heard really loudly and I was trying I was talking to one of our one of our employees the other day and I was trying to put it in perspective younger guy and I was like I imagine how much you care about your mother's opinion and your father's opinion and your ship and all of those other people I was like and now imagine that there's literally only one because I had no siblings I basically had no mother I had just a father and so like his approval was literally everything and he disapproved of the path that I wanted to take in my life and so I think a lot of these mental faculties are these little Frameworks or these isms just came from like how can I combat this incredibly booming voice in the background because like when I look at what I was doing at the time like I was a consultant you know I graduated in three years I took the consulting job I did all the things but the craziest thing was that the moment that my father was most proud of me and he approved of my life the most was when I was the saddest and so that's when I was like maybe his approval isn't the right way to feel good about life and so that that started basically the six month journey of from when I decided that I wanted to change my life until when I changed it and I think that like as you become more able or more potent or higher agency that timeline between when you decide you want to do something and when you actually do it just continues to compress right like now if I want to change something I'm like let's change it like done I like I we walk out of the things like we're never gonna do that podcast together I don't want to talk to this person again or whatever it is right whereas before it's like okay I have to sleep on it I have to really think about it and like how am I gonna it's like why do I care about how I'm gonna say it this is what it is done and it's just like that timeline is compressed but the hardest one for me like the first one was by far the hardest and everyone since then the nice thing is that no matter how difficult your circumstance is if you have like the bigger the wall that you have to get through is as soon as you get past that one big wall you then can use that wall as the evidence for why you can jump over the next well because that will be the biggest one and so like after I did quit my job and left my house and and left Baltimore and didn't tell my dad until I was across the country because I was so afraid like people think of me as like some big Alpha whatever dude I was like I was such I was so afraid of my father's disapproval that I didn't tell him until I physically left the state like like I'm not like think about that like I wasn't even just one state over I was like five states over and then I was like hey by the way I'm going to California and he was like well let's come over we'll talk about it and I was like I'm in Ohio already yeah yeah all right you know then obviously he had a different reaction but like but then after that it was like what do I have to do now it's like oh I gotta I gotta sell strangers and I was like I told my dad I didn't want to do what he wanted how hard could this be and so like it then becomes this one huge proof point so the bigger the the dragon is that you have to slay the more evidence you have that you can say the next dragon and I think that is if there's ever been a good point for why getting over the one first hard one is so hard is that it will then give you the reinforcement that you can do whatever you need to do next yeah the life you want is on the other side of a few hard conversations and you're living a life you hate because you're too afraid to have them I think about that a lot because like whenever I feel anxious or insecure or angry or sad I'm like what conversation do I need to have that I'm not having and so then and usually if I just think for not that long I'm like this is the conversation I've been putting off and then you know I'm not that the the the poster child of mental health and so um I'll just call myself a pansy for not having the conversation and then and then I just have it and so again I think it's like I need to have this conversation and the time between when I have it versus or when I when I know I need to have it when I actually have it just because it continues to compress and if you've ever had like a a breakup or employee firing one of the or acquitting if you're an employee like these things that you dread I don't know if you notice it but like the day you do it the moment after you do it I'm like how many other conversations can I have like I want to be like yeah totally because it's a serial killer for awkward conversations when I so like the next series of hard conversations that I had after I I've left home was actually like years later so I had I had multiple partners in my I said I had a I had a partner in one of my gyms I had a partner in four other gyms I had a partner in a Cairo and dental marketing agency and all of them relied on me to make money and so all of their livelihoods were still dependent on me but I was splitting everything and it was just it was it was horrible for me at the time and so I remember when I I ended up getting in a DUI and you know I talked to a a performance coach or whatever and he was like your stress in these conversations could literally kill you he's like they almost did so I got a head-on collision at 60 miles an hour and I walked away no injuries um but it was like my wake-up call but not to stop drinking it was my wake-up call that I needed to have these conversations and that's what I was avoiding when I was drinking it was in the alcohols what were the things that I'm avoiding that I'm using alcohol to get away from and so um the next day I had the first conversation with the first partner and it was horrible but the moment I was done I was like I gotta call the other guy and I called the other one I was like this is how it is and the thing is is I had this backstop of my death of like you almost just died because you wouldn't have this conversation and so then it just gave me this courage to just be like like and whatever the reaction was I was like I'd rather be alive I think that was it and so it's it's weird though because death has been this really recurring theme in my life that like the same thing happened when I was it like the only thing that gave me enough balls to stand up to my dad to be fair from a distance from the car when I was driving halfway across the country like let's not make one let's not make me any too big of a hero here um was the idea that like I started thinking like every day I was like I hope I don't wake up you know what I mean um and that was the that was that was the thing where I was like this is a big enough problem that like if you don't want to wake up then what have you got to lose exactly and that was it and I was like I have nothing to lose and that was when that was when I think in the last podcast we talked about this where it's like if everybody who's like at the bottom and feels like they have nothing going for them reframe that as I have nothing going for me which also means that I have nothing to lose by taking action it makes you a much more dangerous person and I think that was the flip that I've had repeatedly shown to me in my life that allowed me to take the step that I was afraid to take if I told you about the region beta Paradox have you seen that one okay so this is interesting so imagine that you had to go a Milo less and if you did a mile a mile okay if you had to travel a mile or less you would walk it and if you had to go more than a mile you would drive it okay so paradoxically you would go two miles quicker than you would go one mile uh-huh if you follow that rule the important Insight here is that if you only take action when things cross a certain threshold of Badness sometimes better things can feel worse than worse things oh yeah so if you look around and you see that people are stuck in region beta this zone of comfortable complacency right it's the guy that sticks and it's just okay job because his boss isn't too much of a dick but the pay isn't that good and he's not really that passionate but it's all right whatever whatever the person that stays in the acceptable relationship they're not that fired up but they're not really in love and their partner's not really got much alignment with their interests or the person that stays in a crappy apartment and there's a bit of mold in the ceiling but it's cheap and it's in a good area of town or whatever all of these people would be better off if their situations were worse yeah because it would give them the activation energy to kick them out of the bottom and their only regret would be not doing it sooner did I love that when I it was funny because if I look back on the instances that were the most painful in my life every single one of them without fail has created a disproportionate gain right like the most painful thing early on was for me was quitting my job and leaving you know leaving my dad basically and then that created the you know my first my first business in the gyms and all of that stuff um you know getting into the DUI the head-on collision um and like that whole situation got me out of all of these failed Partnerships that I wasn't willing to do but in the in the moment I was like I'm such a failure like I suck at everything but that gave me the springboard when I lost everything the first time after that um that then gave me like the idea that I needed to change the business model around right and that's what switched me into the licensing model right so like each of these time and then that became you know the the first this is kind of like Alchemy yeah like turning something which is worse than useless yeah into something that's as precious and useful as possible you know I'm sure you know the parable of the you know the man in the Sun and he like buys the Sun a horse and then it falls and he breaks the leg and then they're like oh it's so sad and then the Army comes and the sun doesn't die and then it's like oh so great right and so it's one of those really interesting ones where like whatever negative situation and this is probably good for the audience but like if you think back to all the negative situations yeah like the really really bad ones when you expand the time Horizon most times they become net wins and so then it just means that like if you're in a really tough time right now you just gotta wait and then you get and then you'll get your reference point back on all the things that change those result because most times when [ __ ] is bad it can't get worse so then you feel like Well it can't get worse than this and then your action threshold decreases and you take and you do all the things you know you should have done anyways and so it's like we have this big stack of should do's and we just wait until it's two miles yep and then you just you're like you just get in the car like the firing conversation and you're like well I just fired one person or like I just ended one partnership I just broke up with one girl or whatever it is and you're like who else do I need to talk to today really like and then in like a period like you have these rapid periods of growth that happen and then you have the next web of comfort because it's way better than you were before and I think it's I wonder this um this is more just like an open thought but like I wonder how long like more successful people stay in that next Plateau like I wonder if their threshold for action but it stays low yeah they're immediate like oh like I'm getting Comfort like how quickly they get comfortable into like I need to change I need to get better we'll get back to talking to Alex in one minute but first I need to tell you about element element is a tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't it's a healthy alternative to sugary electrolyte drinks and it's how I've started my morning every single day for over three years you do not need to have coffee first thing in the morning because you're adenosine system that caffeine acts on isn't even active but your adrenal system is and salt acts on your adrenal system element contains a science-backed electrolyte ratio of sodium potassium and magnesium that helps to regulate appetite curb cravings and improve your brain function but best of all tastes phenomenal this orange salt is unbelievable in a cold glass of 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Channel: Chris Williamson

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Keywords: modern wisdom, podcast, chris williamson, Chris Williamson modern wisdom, modern wisdom podcast, chriswillx, Chris Williamson Modern Wisdom Podcast, alex hormozi, alex hormozi chris williamson, chris williamson alex hormozi, hormozi chris williamson, Why Everyone’s Opinion Of You Is Bullsh*t, stop letting others hole you back, hormozi and chris, chris and hormozi

Id: g3TlY7Pixtw

Length: 16min 36sec (996 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 13 2023