Why Decluttering and Downsizing is So Damn Hard

so before overwhelm there's a few feelings that happen before you hit overwhelmed by the way if you're forcing yourself to do it right how you enter the experience is more important than trying to do this perfectly so don't try and do your decluttering at this point perfectly you just want to practice okay but if you enter and you're already in a state of agitation like this I don't want to can't make me try and make me okay there's an old pattern here you know force her you don't jump in there with her to get it done you actually have to reframe this experience okay but I don't want you to start until you feel like you're ready okay so here if you're already here sometimes it's too hot it's already just thinking about it is overwhelming maybe you address that just thinking about it it's like oh my god it's too much it's too much you need to honor and respect your feelings you never want to override your feelings this is where we get into trouble this is why no tip no perfect container is going to solve this issue you you have a whole internal system that needs to be respected so you go in there and I go oh god I can't do that whole thing and you shrink it and I'll teach you different ways to make it palatable so you come in here but let's say your start most people who have called me are on the third or fourth time they've tried it's not lack of effort they're just so frustrated out of their mind or in pain that they have to and that moving trucks coming in two weeks that they finally ask for help but here before let's say you're okay I'm gonna do two hours of decluttering this week you can break it up into four half hours if you want okay so you're getting ready and you've picked what somebody what's a job that you want to do in your house no and see that's big that's big that's way too big lost the box or a file drawer okay you choose clear the kitchen counter kitchen counter so pick something that's not that doesn't mind my kitchen table your kitchen table see how manageable so visually I could come home and go that's right I mean I actually started working today yeah because you knew you were coming tonight right now because that's right there's nothing wrong it's just stuff that's on the counter that needs your attention and by the way kitchen tables are kind of like laundry you've got you've got to keep come back every week and take care of it so let's say you have a kitchen table you feel cut I can do this okay and you start and you humming right along a little bit and then you start going like ah I don't feel so good this thing I'm confused or I'm tired or I'm suddenly annoyed stop okay you don't force yourself you don't force yourself over that to get it done and over with okay this is very important I'll come back to it you stop you take a break you go get some water tip walk along around the you know around the block lie down and read People magazine I don't know how just get off the pressure take the pressure off you want a little bit of pressure to move forward but not too much slow you down so the ticket is then let's try again okay if you re-enter without that aggression it gets a little easier it takes practice at first it's kind of hard but then it you come back and you once you start respecting how you feel along the way you'll your your mind will say thank you very much you're not whipping me into behavior thanks do you see how important that is but before overwhelm what are what are three other emotions that you have before you hit overwhelm generally if you there's the instant overwhelm and that's a different situation but if you're circling that panic confused there's another one anxiety okay so just confusion happened before anxiety no anxiety fatigue which one comes first foremost what do you think it's not the same for everyone but let's just do it this way confusion anxiety fatigue okay keep on going anger I would start with irritation anger where would resentment go in here somewhere or up here despair that's what was happening with the woman in the garage she couldn't enjoy that we were making tremendous progress because her husband wasn't there it was his job and his mess it was a lot of his mess by the way because we just divided it and made the mess proportionate to his role in life in the household resentment so so clothing would be too strong but just yeah yourself I can't believe okay so that then you put you pile that on top of this it's frustration it's really hard to declutter also sorrow it could be losses okay so underneath all the stuff is that sadness loss grief wishing you had taken a different turn in life guilt guilt and it goes on and on okay so on top of all of this is criticism self criticism criticism I mean all my word at this so I'm working with somebody in Canada I don't even know where she is in Canada she saw one of my videos on YouTube and she called me up and we started working together I just love her and she I've never seen her entry into the experience is you know into daily life is competition somebody's better than me or I'm better than them okay and so when she enters this there's at every given opportunity there's an opportunity for her to fail and it's that clutter is evidence that she's screwed up okay this is somebody who's incredibly educated etc I said she said this is just who I am and I said that's not who you are that somebody something that you've been taught you've been taught that criticism is going to get you further in life okay so it's very hard for her to get to the clutter because you can only take so much self-criticism okay this is what's really going on when you approach your clutter honor and respect your feelings okay this is not a simple task [Music]

Channel: ClutterClarity

Views: 34,502

Keywords: peaceofmind, clutterclearing, decluttering, clutter, downsizing, moving, organizing, donating, reuse, recycle, emotionalmess, resistance, organizingclosets, organizingtips, spaciousness, re-use

Id: SrNb6dDz_zE

Length: 8min 9sec (489 seconds)

Published: Thu May 24 2018