Clarity on Decluttering & Downsizing Decisions: 4 Examples

so what's clutter let's get that cleared up okay you have a knot okay what's clutter not necessarily that's more of an issue of disorganization so a factor for sure what's the state of mind you can't have a very cluttered mind so that's very good okay let's start with that thinking most of my work starts here okay I'm thinking feeling doing okay it's very can you read that when you're thinking more clearly you feel better when you feel better it's so much easier to do what you need to do okay if you want to declutter and you feel overwhelmed or even confused or resentful I worked with one woman in a garage and she was we were doing really well together but she seemed so annoyed and I was good I stopped because you never want to ignore your feelings when you're decluttering that's when we get into trouble and I said what's bothering you you seem sort of annoyed and she said I was just so angry my husband's not here helping me and I said Oh sweetie pie let's talk and I said you're the High Priestess of the household it's really good that he's not here because you get to do it your way and so what you do is divide his stuff it's all his and you organize everything in the in the garage and he came back and did his own it was amazing so you think how you're thinking about this causes you to feel a certain way and when you feel a certain way it's very hard to do what you need to do no tip even a good one is going to work if you're in a bad mood okay so you need to actually get into a motivation wasn't your time motivations you want to get motivated to do what you need to do so to get motivated you have to rethink what you're doing okay so this is where we get into trouble and perfectly saying people go why can't I just do this and you open up the whole closet and then you close it and you go to the movies or you go volunteer or you're suddenly busy doing something else go to the refrigerator okay so this is the integrated approach that's really addressed in some of the books but what I use these graphic lessons to teach you how to do this ok so we all have need to do what we don't want to do there's certainly things in my life I don't need to do and I need to acceptances one and then I have to reframe how I'm thinking about it so I can do it without the frustration annoyance and everything that comes along with forcing ok so the first step is not doing what we need to do or forcing yourself you want to practice non-force okay this is where we get into trouble if you force yourself to do something that you're not ready to do you you're building in a resistance that your mind remembers the next time you try and do it okay if you force yourself to do something that does need to be done and you really don't want to do that I want you to honor and respect our espec t the feeling and back off get ready the first step of doing something is to get ready to do it can you get the hand up is the getting ready part please you want to practice non-force the more you force yourself to do something the more you resist doing it so what is clutter so that was clutter in your thinking is if okay I'm gonna roll up my sleeves and I'm gonna force myself to do it that's cluttered thinking what's physical clutter can you hand me the one that's a list of things what's clutter yep that's actually if it does annoy you if it's physically or emotionally in your way it's clutter okay it's where a person takes off their clothes is that's messy that's not clutter but it adds up because in the kitchen yeah all the cups end up all the dishes everything is just sitting where it was last touched and I'm the one that's responsible okay so this is not an issue of clutter this is a lack of cooperation in the household you're not getting enough shared responsibility or delegation of responsibility and there's a wee bit of resentment in you oh okay so if you actually are trying to clean that up with that much resentment yeah you're not gonna get very far okay okay so but that's you're describing a messy situation you can have a completely messy house with very little clutter okay and you can have a very organized house and it's 80% clutter I'm making the number of eight if somebody has died and it's a beautifully organized home but the person no longer lives there and 80% of it can be clutter it needs to be moved out eventually hypothetically but you can have a very messy home with very little clutter it's just messy yeah that's what you're describing I think yes so it's a combination yes the volume like how many sippy cups does a family need especially when the kids are now five or six but the sippy cups are still in the cabinet because the mother is busy you know doing other things but the sippy cups are in the cabinet you see what I mean it was season or no longer useful okay yes there's four criteria a love use space and the next one the fourth one is the one that's often forgotten and it's lifestyle and lifestyle it includes your aesthetic your preferences your home your anything that's true for you now like I used to ski but I don't ski now so if my skis were around now then that this would be clutter okay but they are I still love skiing but I no longer use it I have a skis I'm making this up I don't have them anymore I wasn't using them anymore so they were taking up space it wasn't until really that I needed that space that I was motivated to declutter them so you don't have to answer yes to all of these but it skiing was no longer part of my everyday life my year do you see how that worked did anyone brings something with them to declutter okay we can practice so what there's four criteria love now use now space now and lifestyle now this means pretty much this is not for memorabilia okay this is not memorabilia this is the stuff in your house you have four criteria and now means around now like a year packrats keep everything just in case in the future okay just in case I need it in the future and then their present home gets all stuffed with a hallucinating future you're hallucinating most of the time and it's usually it has to do is something happen way back when when they learned or they had parents who lived during the Depression and they held on to everything and so they learned a habit that does not fit into their present life if they really need something they can go get another hammer usually you can't afford in but if you've run out of space and your using half of what's in your tool shed or something love I don't know how much you can love a hammer but use space lifestyle anyone want to volunteer with their stuff did you bring something is clutter okay yes Ava a New Yorker magazine in July 25th 2016 and the thing is you can see it's just a big problem because it's always that's very good but most of them have pretty good articles in them it's right all of them you think I must keep this so I can go back and read it then of course you get one the next week really stack up in me that's like that's a volume issue the vault you can't keep up with the volume her expectation to read all of that is not matching the Recon text of her current life you you're if you if you broke a leg and you were in bed for three months recuperating you might be able to read all your New Yorkers you can make it your your mission if you want I wanted you right so they're laying around okay taking up space is there is it bothering you yeah it doesn't mean I'm actually trying to train myself to take them their library alright yeah or just toss them if I'm not going to you are take them to a hospital where you want with you could some people do rip out the article that they want to read and keep that and they put it in a notebook it does Rifai 'el but then you might not get back to read it anyway exactly so now we're back to the time issue the reality of like you're overeating a little bit like I just can't take in anymore though okay so there's also that online reading thing now and so that I'll come to decluttering so now if it wasn't bothering you in the space okay if it wasn't bothering you that it was taking up space and also the nagging feeling like I should be reading these or I'm sure wasting my time or I should be keeping up that doesn't feel good that kind of self talk is actually making it a emotional issue as well as a physical practical so what are you gonna do with your New Yorker I'll put it back in the pile she's not ready okay I never argue with my clients next week I want you to bring up the newsletter Newsweek the magazine again and we're gonna come back and use that as an example of how she has the intention notice how she has the intention to take it to the library okay so this isn't an issue of not being able to decide to let it go it's you need to build a routine to actually get it to the library okay well who else has another piece yeah what do you have over there well this is symbolic in the jewelry box fathers remember when scrimshaw used to be so cool you did yes it's beautiful okay so do you love it no you love your father you don't make this your father you have to separate the item from the person you don't use it it doesn't take that much space so that's not really one of it's a collection of square shop other stuff okay and and it's not fitting into your lifestyle that so this is your clutter and so now the next question is not whether it's clutter or not there's another you can have it back [Laughter] very funny I didn't think you don't want to get it back to you okay so if that was a collection of male jewelry I would go to a jeweler and find it up you have to take pictures of it itemize it this is where the work comes in you take pictures of it whether it's a piece of furniture a piece of jewelry or you go to the jewel yourself and you say I have this collection of jewelry and you get an expert's opinion about it and so the work is bring it back next week okay and the work is now she's decided this clutter and now the next question is how to let it go in a way that feels good okay it's not about getting rid of anything it's about choosing instead of forcing yourself to let it go it's about putting yourself in a position of power to choose how to let it go in a way that actually feels good my work is often called sensory-based decluttering because I want you to always be paying attention to your feelings you don't want to just get rid of it right you want to learn you don't want to investigate on how to let it go in a way that feels good and that takes your attention and your time and then you go I'm busy doing something else so you have to make it important enough to keep it a priority to take care of it so when was your father's birthday it was in April April 13 okay so why don't you make it between now and April 13th you've decided what to do with his jewelry okay you said it was extremely helpful to say how might you give it away in a way that make me feel good monetizing it just make me feel good it's more that's why because you're a nice person all right all right let's let's take this one step further does anyone know somebody who would really love this scrimshaw necklace seriously yes okay this isn't this called regifter it's a legitimate alternative so does anyone know anyone who does screw Schaaf sorry but you know what if you went to New Bedford or Gloucester you'd find some takers you're welcome now the the trick is to actually enjoy it it's really a very good point because I don't want to just get rid of things I mean I have more than I need that's where we get into trouble when we're thinking we're getting rid of stuff that's what filled up the planet with trash and garbage get rid of it it's you know somebody else's problem we don't get rid of it we choose how to let it go in a way that feels good there is some trash but you want to do this requires your attention your thoughtfulness your consideration your respect you need to respect your stuff it's the stuff of your life it's your life it represents s rhe gifting is a wonderful thing and also when there's so many people that don't have what we can afford to give away do you know what this is it yeah a little gerbil hand so it's like pre-1940s it has a little gate right here it's a little gay it's a little mouse you know girl gerbil I love this okay yeah I saw that and when people call me they feel like they're here you're just going around and around and around around and or they can't get out and they feel trapped okay this is the number one particularly for women the highest charge of emotion is the sense of entrapment like there's no way out even if you try which renders you helpless which makes you crazy when you're really competent outside of the house and you can't figure out what to do with you know a bunch of socks it's crazy making so be kind to yourself there's a lot of stuff under your clutter your history the meaning what your parents taught you and then they're on top of the clutter there's all that self-criticism like what's the matter with me don't take it personally this is not personal every person I know in this part of the world is dealing with their stuff of course they talk to me about that all the time but everyone is dealing with it even 10 year-olds are going are talking to me sometimes going I can't believe mommy kept that is this clutter in your house do you love it use it space lifestyle now would anyone want to take that home with them totally that is very much it alright there's always that for it's a beautiful it's a beautiful metaphor and so I use these in workshops because this is how people start with me and then there's the freedom okay but the freedom is not to conquer your stuff the freedom is I trust my decision-making I'm feeling confident about my decisions I don't feel like my mother's gonna come over and punish me because I got rid of her old robe you're free of all of that but I also collect old metal household items that are now plastic often so this is part of a collection but it's clutter in somebody else's house you see it's very subjective it's a beautiful experience when you get clarity about what adds value to your present life in your home so the important thing here are the four questions and the three answers notice it's not yes this is clutter you let it go or no this is my stuff is neutral clutter is painful okay of varying degrees but the real ticket to your freedom here is not to get bogged down you want a category toises don't know yet okay yes no don't know yet so I'm working fifty percent of my clients are on the phone I never meet them and I declared this absolutely charming thirty-five year old woman who is getting married in New York City and I said why do you want to declutter your closet and she goes well I have to make room for my fiance and then I said you were right it you're absolutely right and we went through all her shoes and all her pants and all her dresses just over the phone did you know Skype I'm really surprised at how few people want to use Skype I think they like the privacy but I can teach you how to a process and they gain confidence and then they work on their own so be kind to yourself I mean this is knowledge we're at the knowledge level but then there's a practice and an integration and then it becomes new habits what's something in your house that you don't love but you're not you have space for it you keep it cuz it's useful right you don't have to love it you don't have to answer yes to all of these it's just these are the four questions it's kind of like if you're gonna get married you ask of yourself to the partner well he's this and he's that he's this is good that's good yeah it's not so good but he's still worth keeping you see what I mean and you keep him but you don't have to say yes to all of these or no to all of these think about something you can I have a daughter whose son 11 and her room is packed with gifts from all sorts of people and loved ones and friends and then just recently neighbors who adore her brought this back from California for her but she has like seven Mobile's hanging already oh we love this mobile but there's almost no ceiling space to put another one we're getting that we can't even enjoy them so I don't know what to do so it's just sitting on the washing machine okay so have you decided whether it's your clutter first thing is not what to do with it the first question is is this your clutter has it become clutter it has become fun okay so that's the first question then the next question is well now what do you do with it okay and that's how you have to put your mind on it like what what is a way in which you can let go of this in a way that would feel good okay so you decide whether it's clitter or not and then you decide how to let it go in a way that actually feels good you're beginning to think it's not clutter yeah well there you go that's certainly your prerogative okay so one of the Mobile's is going though okay so okay alright so now she has to make time to actually implement this intention of switching the switching the Mobile's so we're back to how do you make the time to do all these little tiny decisions okay so she's decided to keep that okay but swap it out I can't write that down now you put that in your list of intentions [Music]

Channel: ClutterClarity

Views: 82,036

Keywords: organizing, downsizing, moving, time management, stress management, productivity, enjoy decluttering, clutter clarity, clutterclarity

Id: waKanCBj7d0

Length: 22min 29sec (1349 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 22 2018