Why Being Nice Is Actually Bad for You

[Music] so it's finally the weekend and you're ready to take a well-deserved rest with me myself and i but at the last minute a friend asks you to help them with some super important presentation they have to give on monday you're exhausted but you just can't say no well it's time you learned because always being nice isn't that good at all don't get me wrong here being a sweet and caring person is great hey there's so few of us but there are signs when being too nice to people is actually bad for you one of those signs is that you feel responsible for other people's feelings let's say a friend shared some problem with you without even being asked you start thinking about all the possible ways to solve it because deep inside you feel that you just have to or maybe you constantly drop everything to be someone's shoulder to cry on and then do your best to cheer them up well that really does make you a great friend take a moment to ask yourself why do i act this way if you're honest then the answer will probably be like helping others and always being there for everyone makes me feel needed and important and without worrying about others all the time i feel empty and maybe even useless but each person is responsible for their own emotions and it's not your job to make everyone happy another sign of being a people pleaser is when you're always looking for the approval of others it's no secret that we like to be liked that's just part of human nature we strive to feel included and appreciated by those around us but sometimes this desire turns into valuing others opinions much more than we should some people can be seriously dependent on this and forget about their own thoughts beliefs and wishes they only do what others expect from them and are scared to disappoint their partner friends family and co-workers it's not as if such people have no opinion of their own but the fear of rejection always stops them from letting everybody know it so they keep quiet agree with others and just go along with what everybody else wants hoping to get validation this way let's move on to another point which suggests that you avoid conflicts at all costs well very few people enjoy arguments and fighting that sounds pretty normal right but confrontations are just a part of life because it's how we really get to know each other expand our views and learn to understand other people's point of view it's all about how you act when you know that an argument is about to start if you're afraid of it then it means you don't know how to stand up for yourself or how to defend your beliefs quite often hiding away from conflict means agreeing with ideas that you don't actually support or doing something you don't really want to do ever wondered why you keep attracting the wrong people in your life well that just might be another sign that you're way too nice people who like to please others tend to end up in unhealthy relationships they don't cut off communication with a friend who always asks them for a favor but never returns it they stay with a partner who takes them for granted they help out a co-worker who doesn't respect them and gets work done at their expense you see it seems like nice people gravitate toward those who exploit their kindness users are great manipulators and they know how to get what they want they usually play on your need for approval or play the victim making you feel sorry for them constantly apologizing is another red flag here it's perfectly fine to say sorry if you actually did something bad or inconvenient somewhat but there are people who apologize even when they're guilty of nothing they keep blaming themselves for basically everything that goes wrong even if it's absolutely not in their power to control or change it they also take responsibility for the mistakes others make if this describes you then you could have problems with understanding what being nice actually means another warning sign of being too nice is when you hide your feelings all the time you can't form deep relationships with people unless you're willing to speak up when need be and say that your feelings are hurt denying that you're angry sad embarrassed or disappointed keeps a relationship superficial of course admitting your feelings to others might be scary because you feel apprehensive about the reaction you'll get in return but you know people aren't mind readers so it's totally okay to let them know how you're feeling speaking of emotions if you feel burning resentment after agreeing to do something then it means you have problems saying no you don't really want to do this favor for someone you're simply doing it out of obligation as for what's forcing you it's a fear that if you say no then it'll upset the person who asks you for help and even though it's great to be attentive to others feelings and try to make them comfortable by lending a helping hand such people pleasers can end up feeling overwhelmed and burned out pretty quickly they work late into the evening way after their shift ended because the boss asked them to help with something that's probably not even their responsibility the next morning they're helping a friend move even though they didn't get nearly enough sleep and that evening they're babysitting the neighbor's kids this is just one example of how a person's life can revolve around the needs and expectations of others where did they get the time and energy for all that the answer is pretty obvious people pleasers always put aside their own needs and desires again i can't stress enough here that taking care of others is awesome this is what makes us human but you should take care of yourself too it doesn't mean that you have to be selfish it simply means knowing when to put your needs first to avoid feeling emotionally and even sometimes physically drained if taking care of others is leaving you no time to take care of yourself then you've got a major problem here if after learning about these signs you've realized that you fit into the category of people who are too nice don't stress there are lots of ways you can change your situation for the better the first thing you should do is to set boundaries never forget that people treat us the way we let them having healthy boundaries means that no one will take advantage of you anymore start valuing your time be brave enough to say no and don't let others brush off your emotions or priorities as if they don't count now to do all that you'll need to remember the next tip work on your self-esteem you are loved valuable and worthy simply because you are and not because of what you think say do or what others think of you people usually look for approval from others when their sense of self-worth is low when they think that they have to go out of their way to be worthy of attention and love also low self-esteem feeds our fears and insecurities but it's time to change that do more of those things that make you happy indulge and pamper yourself and celebrate your every achievement no matter how small it might seem always dreamed of taking dancing classes go for it and don't look back the last thing you need to remember is to strike a balance you can be generous without letting others use you you can be kind without coming across as a pushover you can be well liked without having to do something for someone else first helping others is a sign of a caring person so don't just give it up cold turkey but and this is really important you have to set limits instead of agreeing to everything without thinking start looking for a compromise in every situation that will benefit both sides you know win-win your friend wants to borrow your car fine but ask them to pick up your dry cleaning for you while they're out and about in your ride see win-win so do you know any other tips that could help a person stop being too nice let everybody know in the comments below don't forget to give this video a like share it with your friends and click subscribe to always stay on the bright side of life you

Channel: BRIGHT SIDE

Views: 1,973,742

Rating: 4.8536253 out of 5

Keywords: say no, set boundaries, psychology, unhealthy relationship, toxic relationship, people take advantage of you, respect yourself, selfishness, why people use you, people-pleaser, avoiding conflicts, confrontations, attracting the wrong people, communication, manipulators, manipulative people, resentment, do what you want, self-esteem, helping others, compromise

Id: 6dStIOv2moM

Length: 9min 9sec (549 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 25 2019