- Who would volunteer to
read what they've written? Yes? - I wrote I am hurt with Courtney because she doesn't tell me about her life. - Okay, so would you like to do the work? Okay, let's do the work. Hey. - My adult daughter Courtney
doesn't live with me anymore and she called me a few
days before Christmas and told me she was moving and I was quite shocked. - Yeah. So she doesn't tell you
about her life, is that true? - That's true. That's what I wrote down. (audience laughing) - So she called you to
tell you she was moving and she doesn't tell you about her life. Is it true? - No. - Good. So just feel that for a moment. It's like, we think
the fire is all over us but in reality, it's over there. She's calling to tell us about her life and actually, we're believing she doesn't tell us about her life. - Right. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - So close your eyes and
you're on the phone with her. Is that it? - Yes. - You're on the phone with her. You see where you're sitting or standing? - Yes, sitting on my bed. - Okay, you're sitting on your bed and she's saying she's saying she's moving and you're thinking she
doesn't tell me about her life. Now describe to us how you reacted, what you
said on the phone to her your attitude, how you react
when you believe the thought she doesn't tell you about her life when she's telling you about her life. - I was shocked, I was hurt I was just devastated at the news. - Yeah. - All of a sudden, out of the blue. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So you fell apart? Or did you come at her with an attitude? - I did. - Okay, so. (audience laughing) So close your eyes. This work is meditation. We're meditating on a moment in time. So close your eyes. You don't have to guess,
you're sitting on the bed you see you there. You see you talking to her. You can hear her. Now describe your attitude, describe describe how you reacted when you had the thought she doesn't tell me about her life? - I was angry, I was really angry. I said what do you mean? I was angry and hurt and just, you know who do you think you are to
just call me up on the phone and tell me you're moving? - Yeah. Yeah. So basically you you attacked her. - I attacked her, yeah. - Yeah. Okay, so just just experience that. Okay, so you see that
in your minds eye, okay. Now, listen to her. You know before I move
there, with your eyes closed notice she said she's moving notice the thoughts of notice the images of past and future that went on in your head when you had the thought
she doesn't tell me about her life on the phone. What images of the future did you see? - That I just won't ever see her again. - Yes. And you also saw you alone without her. - Yes. - Okay. You saw that as you
were sitting on the bed when you believed she doesn't
tell me about her life. So you saw that image and notice the image the images of the past as
you were sitting on the bed. What did you see? - Just saw her getting on a plane with her father when she was two and saw when she moved out and saw when I haven't seen her all these years. - Yes. So now with your eyes
closed, see you on the bed without the thought she
doesn't tell me about her life just witness you on the bed without the images of past and future and just listen to her. She's saying I'm moving without the images of past, future. Just listen. This is like saying, see
where the fire actually is. It's like you're sitting on the bed and then you see these
images of past, future. And you experience this horrendous dream and you believe, you're
believing the dream. Those images of past,
future, that's the dream. The dream world. So drop the dream world and who and what are
you without the thought she doesn't tell me about her life who are you without these
images of past, future listening to your daughter
telling you she's moving. - I'm excited, I'm excited for her. Yeah. - Just stay there and hear now experience now what you
couldn't experience then you were dreaming over reality. Understand that's what's
meant by caught in the dream. There's a daughter
telling you she's moving a daughter telling her mother she's moving and then, there is mother the dreamer and without the dream the question is who or what are you? - Yeah, I'm excited and curious and just in awe of how brave
she is at what she's doing. - That's your girl. - Yeah, yeah. - There she is. Not like her mother. (chuckling) She doesn't tell me about
her life, turn that around. She does? - She does tell me about her life. (chuckling) She does, yes. She does. - She tries. - She tries, right. (chuckling) Yes. - Yeah. - Yeah she could have texted me. (audience laughing) - She doesn't tell me about her life. So can you see another turn around, I? - I don't tell me about my life, I don't? - Yeah, in that situation where is it that you weren't
telling you about your life? You had a secret inner life. Those dreams of past, future. - So I don't tell me about
the present, about my life? Yeah. - Yeah you were busy dreaming. - Right. Yes. - She doesn't tell me about her life another turnaround, I don't tell her. - I don't tell her about my life. - How would that sound? Listening to you, what I hear is I love you, I don't want you to go further away from my life and I love that you would I'm excited for you at the same time and I love that that you called me even though you know how I may take this news. (chuckling) You know I don't tell her about my life. - Yeah, I don't tell her about my life. I don't tell her about the here and now. Wow, you're doing what? - Yeah. Okay, so let's look at statement two. - Two. I want Courtney to text or call me often and before I call or text her. (laughing) Oh my. Good. - Let's turn it around while you're here. I want her to text or call me often before I call or text her, how
would you turn that around? - I want myself to text or call her often before. I want myself to text or call her often before she texts or calls me. - So let's look at three. - Three. In this situation, what
advice would I offer them? Courtney should trust me and talk to me. - Really? (audience laughing) - No. - You see, we're only on the third one and the way you saw the original situation is already flipped because you are more aware,
more awake to yourself than when you wrote it and it's already becoming humorous. It was there by the second one. Okay.
- Okay. Yes, thank you. - So she should trust you and talk to you? Let's turn that one around. I should. - I should trust her,
I should trust me and I should trust her and talk to her. I should trust her and talk to her. - And then when you meditate on that you contemplate that with everything that's been shown to you it begins to enlighten you, enlighten you, enlighten you even more. So can you see another turn around? She should trust me and talk to me. - I should trust her and talk to her. - What's the opposite of talk? - Text? - Listen. (laughing) Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - The opposite of talk could be listen. - So I should-- - Trust her. - Trust her and listen to her, ah. I should trust her and listen to her. Yeah. Yeah. - So you see how we've taken
talk and turned it to listen? Those are turnarounds. So let's look at four. - Okay, four. I need Courtney to want to
tell me things about her life. - So considering the woman on the phone is that true? - No. No. - No it's not even something you want. - No. - No. So how do you react when
you think this thought and you're on the phone with Courtney? I need her to want to tell
me things about her life. - I feel awful, I feel
hurt, I get tense like. - Yeah. Your images of past, future,
what you're believing doesn't allow you to
even hear that she is. - Yeah. - That she is telling you
things about her life. So listen to her, who would
you be without the thought I need her to want to tell
me things about her life? So just listen to her on the phone. The way that, just see if you can hear the words that she was saying actually saying on the phone call some meditating there and listen. I need me to want to listen to things about her life. - Wow. Pretty calm and excited and wow, yeah. It's a beautiful, it's very different. - It's different, it was going on. It was actually going on other than what you were thinking and believing and reacting to. There was no place where your daughter was you were just like imagining who she was,
imagining before and after it's like she wasn't
even on the card for you. - Yeah, true, that's true. - Can you see another turn around? - I need Courtney to want to tell me. - So let's look at five. - Okay. - You see when we write it down it's like, you know if
I hadn't written it down and this were my work, which it always is it would be, oh I don't
need to know the rest I don't need to do any more, I've got it. eventually everything you
think ends in a question mark when you take this on it's like oh I don't need to do it well I've already got this you see just question mark, question mark and it doesn't sound like
a lilt, it's just there that question mark is there. It's like that little
boy, I didn't like him I didn't like him yes that is true, it's so silent but it becomes a part of your a mechanism in your mind that is it's like a bridge from believing to non-believing and in the non-believing, you're shown you know, this is unnecessary. It's obvious without judgment. It's so organized, you know The Beatles had it, they said let it be. (audience laughing) just let it be, notice. For example, on this phone call you know, without the dreamer just let it be and there she is. There's your baby. - Telling me about her life. (chuckling) - Yeah. Even with all the
interruptions coming from you there she was. So five? - Courtney is scared, hurt,
angry, selfish and incapable. So I am scared, hurt, angry,
selfish and incapable. Just turn it around. (audience laughing) and six. - So let's look at.
- Oh. - Courtney is selfish. Is it true? - No, she's not. - In that conversation? Now you're saying no so contemplate it. You could be right, Courtney
is selfish, is it true? So now I'm going to, I am going to test yes and I'm going to test no. Like I believe she's selfish, is it true? I want to be shown. I need to get really still I judged it then, it was
hasty and I was crazy so now it's sitting alone. In that situation, she
was selfish, is it true? Now I can contemplate,
she's not on the phone it's just me with me I'm listening to that
conversation and I'm not even it's like it's there for me
to listen to, that's a gift. She's selfish, is it true? Remember, it's not
forever and ever and ever it's just in that
situation, is she selfish? Is it true? - I think it's true, in a good way. - Oh wow. That's like a double flip. - Yeah. (audience chuckling) Her self-preservation. (laughing) - God, our children had the same mother. (laughing) - Yeah. Yeah. - So listen to that conversation without the thought she's selfish. Who are you without the
thought, she's selfish? Sitting on the bed, without
the images of past, future. Those images of past, future were the proof that she's selfish. So without the post-its who and what, who am I? - I'm gracious. You know? - Really taking in what she
is giving you of her life above all odds. So she's selfish turned around. - I'm selfish? - So where were you selfish in the moment you believe she was selfish? - Oh I didn't listen to her, at all. I didn't listen to her,
what she wanted to tell me and share with me. - Yeah. But the beautiful thing
is you can call her and this is a life pattern of mine. It's to admit it and to make it right any way I can and in this situation,
it would be to listen to admit it, apologize
and then to just listen and say I wasn't even able to hear you. I was crazy. Would you tell me again about your move? I really am going to try to listen
through this head of mine that sometimes has a problem. (laughing) - Okay. - Hard to hear? People scream at us, hard to hear because we're believing over it we're believing on to it we're believing left and right of it. So let's turn everything around. My daughter is, what is the
opposite, opposite of scared? - Brave. - Yeah. - Brave. - Opposite of hurt? Mature? - Mature? Okay. Yeah, yeah, very much so. - Hurt is a tantrum. - Okay. - It's a sleepness. It's nothing to be ashamed of it's just the life of a believer. I can only be hurt when I imagine onto what you're saying or what I'm thinking. - Okay. Angry? Opposite of angry is at peace, peaceful. - Opposite of selfish, my daughter is? - Generous. - Calling you, not hanging up on you. - Yes. (laughing) - Opposite of incapable? - She's capable. Yeah. - Yeah. Now, when you're meditating, you know you're doing your 20 minutes or your hour or whatever it is. Just sitting in the stillness for example and that conversation, she's incapable turn around she's capable. Yeah I've seen it in this 20 minutes but I'm still going to honor that thought. A thought that would
create my entire world deserves a little consideration so she's capable, so I'm
going to look for that I've looked for where she's generous the opposite of selfish and capable, where was she capable? My mind, my ego is going to say oh I already have seen that oh, you know, I'll just move on. But you have the rest of
your lives to get still and she's capable. In that situation, show me and I'm not gonna make nice with it show me, I'm back in that conversation on the phone I'm witnessing. Enlightenment comes, you ask you open your mind, you ask, you wait and you'll be shown. In that conversation, where
is it that she's capable? So that next time I talk to her I know who she is, I
know who I'm talking to and I have a much better
view of who she is. So I can talk to her
on a more mature level and because age has nothing
to do with maturity. If you're angry notice how you react it's three, five, six,
seven-year-old behavior. I don't know how to outgrow it. We can pretend, but it's still there we call that maturity. Or we can literally get still, ask and be shown and it shifts because you're awake to it
and that's the difference it's nothing you have to do it's something you're
awake to, you're awake to. Okay, precious, let's look at six. - Okay. Okay, I don't ever want to
be told news by Courtney shocking news by Courtney again. - I'm willing to? - I'm willing to be told
shocking news by Courtney again. - I look forward to? - I look forward to be told
shocking news by Courtney again. - Yes and why? Because it shows you you've
made some progress, maybe. (chuckling) Or it shows you, it shows you what's left. It shows you the work that's left because anything my children
would tell me that would shock me to a point that I would attack the least little bit,
then my work's not done. Thank you. - Thank you, yeah. (audience applause)
