Alright, we're checking out the only game where the only way to fix
a life is by destroying it. It's Life Fix. Home from my flight.
Looks like I live inside of a prison. What sort of glorious things await me? I think I have an idea. Let us go ahead and use this key
to go inside and probably immediately find my husband with another woman. Yep. Wow, we couldn't even get Google Translate, though, for the-
Really? There's two things here that I notice: One, I definitely don't live in Florida because there's an
actual picture of Florida. Two, I find it particularly gruesome
that my husband's head, like his hair, just melted like ink down the side of his face.
I'm gonna click the join button. May I join you? Absolutely.
Oh, well, there you go. We're all good friends now, I guess. Oh,
never mind. I still got kicked out. I'm also completely penniless,
but I have these two suitcases. All right. I should start a new life. Where do I stay? An old house or a hotel? Where is this old house? She makes it sound like
you can pick one up just on the corner. Something I have to mention real quick is that all this game is like,
you know, poor graphics and stuff, except for the sky, which is completely
ripped from, like, Google images. The hotel sounds too cleanly.
Let us go to an old house where I can get Oh my God!
I'm not going to lie, the outside of this house looks- Okay, the inside of this house looks pretty bad, too. Some poltergeist was- There was one single-
Something's on fire inside of the house. There is one single thing
that was okay inside of this house. It was that one picture and some
poltergeist just completely destroyed it. All right, the bed doesn't work.
Let's see over here. How are you going to fix the house? You're going to use some water or some gasoline.
*laughter* I'm waiting for the chandelier
to come down on my head, too. That's the other piece of glass in here
that's not broken yet. What happened to this bed that there's, like, gigantic cracks
inside of the wall next to it? I'm going to use oil.
Maybe that'll fix everything. Oh, oil, like, to stop the squeaky bed. I thought it meant, like, to set things on fire-
Oh, a rat. Is that rat laughing at me as well? I think that the rat and I could be friends.
Or I'll eat him. Bbecause I don't actually have any other food...
Cheese or perfume? What am I trying to do? Dress the rat up?
I don't get it. It's Barbie time rat. I have no idea why I would pick perfume,
but I'm going to go ahead and do it. How's the rat feel about this? I just gave the rat cancer. The rat is dying. The rat just slapped over
that picture. It's not my picture. I don't know why
I would feel bad about this. Alright, I'm giving you part of my cheese, rat. You should feel good about that
because I don't have much else to eat. Is the rat just going to keep-
Really??? The rat Just yeeted himself through the window. Joke's on that rat.
I'm on like the 30th floor. Tape or plank?
I mean, is it like flex tape? If it's flex tape,
this is totally going to work. All right, I guess
it's enough, like to say that My tape just lost the will to live halfway through that. My poor girl, she's like nothing works. All right, I guess I'll use the planks. I don't know where I'm getting this wood from
unless I'm just disassembling the bed. It's not like it would do me any good. Am I going to end up blocking the wind? I didn't block the wind at all. Why are you cheering? You put two boards up
and it didn't do anything. Can someone please tell me why
there's a sink next to the bed? Alright, I can search for a job in the newspaper or my phone. What kind of job
am I going to get in the newspaper? I'm going to get, like, a plumbing job-
Although they do pay pretty good. You know what? Let's use the newspaper. Alright, yeah, just- Oh, the tears. What is happening?!? Guess I'll use my phone since I don't have the ability
to just pick up a piece of paper. Dear Jess, thank you for-
I couldn't read that. Is my job speed reading? Because I'm not very good at it. If I lay on this bed, I'm going to die.
Do not lay on the bed. What happened to the window?
The window got randomly repaired. This picture got randomly repaired, too. There's an entire wardrobe in here. Is any of this mine? I don't think it is. Elegant, formal, sexy dress. Absolutely. There you go. And with the power of magic, I have transformed
into exactly who I was before. But this time, wearing a purple dress. I feel like I've been inside of this
office multiple times in these games. It's the same cut and paste plan-
Is this a party? Get out. I didn't think the dress was that bad. I can't believe I got thrown out
by Tom Selleck's mustache. All right, well, in this case,
what is that outside? What is this?
There's something levitating out there. I feel like the outside this window
just goes to another plane of existence. We're going to go ahead
and use the elegant dress. How about that? All right. Is this dress okay?
Because I had to sell a kidney for it. Dollar Store, Tom Selleck yet again. I'm strutting into the office. He is clapping. I don't know- Describe yourself. I'm sad.
Active. Hard worker. Why can't I give a terrible answer? Why can't you be a third
answer? Here, describe yourself. All right. How about active? How about that? I like going to the gym
during office hours. That is a terrible answer. Did I just get fired again? I'm the only person I know that can get
fired six times before I'm even hired. I'm a hard working person. How's that? Okay. Celebration. Clown-
Clown face??? What are you talking about? What, did I have this in my back pocket or something?
Oh. Oh, God. Oh, am I going to lose my job
immediately after that? Are you kidding me? I had already gotten it. We shook hands!
Guess I'll celebrate... What kind of face do-
I jump in the air with my fist up. I looked like I was executing a shuriken. Obviously, that's good enough to get you
the job, though. My bathroom looks very dirty.
Your bathroom looks incredible. How big is this bathroom? Oh, the bathroom is not dirty.
It is- You have a portal to the plane of water in your bathroom. Blow torche?!?
Oh, wait, a blowtorch would actually fix it. All right, let's try the failure. Let's try tape. This tape hasn't fixed anything yet. That's the most-
Whoa! What is it? Is toilet the most unrealistic Duct tape fixes everything.
You can't lie to me. I can't imagine what the water bill
is inside of this place. It's just been leaking nonstop, like 4000 gallons of water lost. Again, though, what is in the toilet? That is not that is not human waste. It's a witch's brew. Go ahead and vacuum the water.
See where that gets you. Probably electrocuted. We are vacuuming the water
with the Dyson ball. Yep. There we go. I should have used the wiper. Very well. I'll use the wiper. Like I'm trying to clean
my car or something. I don't think the wiper works like this. Where's the water going? The wiper doesn't make the water simply cease to exist. That's not how wipers work.
Dirt remover or rag? I need both of these things. Both of these things
are needed to remove dirt. What am I going to do, just drink the dirt remover?
Like, what happens if I just use a rag? What am I even-
I can't see over here. Why is there so much fog?
What have I done? I don't know. Guess I'll use the dirt remover.
Again, though, what- I'm just vomiting it on to the wall. I'm not using it. I'm just kind of spraying
it. Is it working? Oh, this house exists outside of reality. Physics has no sway here. That is why this is going to work.
Whoa! I did do the entire shuriken. She did the spin and everything. I'm so lonely. I have to call someone. Call your ex, call a friend. My ex is the entire reason I'm in this
situation, so I'm totally calling him. Can you meet me? Oh, he's- He's going to meet me. We're meeting. You are so stupid. Did I just not come? He's so mean. Oh, he's at the cafe himself. He's just happens to be right now telling me that I'm stupid.
Thank you. I didn't know I had other friends. I have a boss. I'm so sad in this house. That is not a great way to start
a conversation with this random dude. Don't be sad. Meet me. We can plan something. Why are you in the same
background that my ex was? Yes, of course. Yayyyyyy!!!
House or cafe? Oh, I'm totally bringing him to the house. Just wait until you see where I live. I love you. He's going to be like, I'm
going to get cancer in here. I'm leaving. I love that the mouse made an appearance as well. He yeeted himself out of the 30th story, but he resurrected I guess we're going to the cafe, but you're buying.
I don't have any money. This is weird. There's no one else here. This cafe looks a lot like-
We can go to your house. Party horn.
What?!? Party horn? Is this an affirmation? What is this? I don't know if this is how you're
supposed to honor a request with a party horn. I'll invite you
when I throw a house party. I'm vomiting confetti.
Was that the right answer? Ah, yes. This is-
Where am I? Is it a cat on my door? What? Is this still my house? Oh, it's a little kitten. Hi. It's so adorable. Do I get to keep you or starve you? Because that's usually
what the choices are in this game. It's always like, keep the cat, let the cat starve.
Adopt, ignore. I have to adopt the cat. I'm not leaving the cat behind. Come on inside. Do you like Cheetos? Because that's really all
we have inside the pantry. Here we are. This is the kitchen, Mr. Cat. I think the cat is hungry. Mushroom. What? What What kind of mushroom? This just looks like a white mushroom. I would put this in some cavatelli and broccoli or something. You like Italian food, Cat? Here's-
Oh, those do not look like Italian food mushrooms. Those look like the
mushrooms that you get. And then you start seeing the sounds. The cat right now says I can smell- Oh! The cat lost his soul!
Nooooooo!!! Oh, no! Alright, I guess I'll go ahead and feed it
cat food, considering if I don't, his spirit leaves his body. There you go, Mr. Cat, please don't die on me randomly. I see you already have a penchant
for just losing the will to live randomly
if I don't let you get your way. Do I have a cat on a leash?
This cat on a leash? This is not realistic. Cats don't just walk around on leashes.
Oh, it's my ex. What is he doing here? I'm surprised he's not like. Are you walking that cat on a leash? How are you doing
that? I'm not going to lie. Even I don't know how. I will,
however, pull a prank. Now, what kind of. What kind of prank
am I pulling here? Go get him. Oh, my cat is murdering him! My cat loves to feast upon human-
Wow, he can't pull the cat off. My cat loves to feast upon human flesh. It is a flesh eating cat. This is the best cat I could have gotten. So if the cat murdered my ex, it's not really a crime
that I committed. Right? So we have hammer, table, and fix room. What does this have to do with anything? It doesn't fix anything.
It's just a table. Am I going to dance on the table.
I have no idea. I don't get it. I'm clicking it because I need to know.
What does this mean? Okay, I just. I kind of moved that. All right, I'm going to put
this TV on here. Did I steal this from someone?
This looks great. This does not look great. Your idea of looking great is-
Paint bucket. Hammer. She really wants to use this hammer. Her idea of what looks great
is probably what got me in this position in the first place. You really want to use this hammer?
Go and use the hammer. Oh, I'm using the hammer with my mind. I think this should fix the wall. Okay. Jean Gray. Whoa. I didn't fix the wall. Apparently, I destroyed
the entire building. The cool part is I get to fix the room now
with the fix room button. All right. How are you going
to fix the room? Tell me. Oh, I'm just going to slowly pan the camera, and thus the room is fixed. My mutant powers are growing. Because now-
Before I lifted that TV, now the TV just lifted itself. I should call someone. Call ex. Call crush. Why do you keep wanting to call your ex? Because you keep wanting to do this.
I have to keep clicking it. Go ahead, call your ex.
Let's see what happens this time. I'm hosting a party at my
place. Would you like to come And let's see what the ex says? Absolutely. Can I bring my date? It's not- No. No, you can't.
Sure, why not? All right. I guess I'm very accepting. That's incredible. Well,
I just threw my phone violently. Never mind. This is not accepting at all. All right, I guess I'll call my crush. Is that the guy I met at the coffee shop? Does he even want to come here after he's
seen what a psychopath I am? That is a totally different guy. This is a completely different guy.
What happened to the other guy? I'm really excited to see you. Who are you? Jewelry again. Who are you? Jewelry again. All right, I've got to- I've got to-
Is that an apple or just- Oh, my God, it's like a mutant porcupine. What are you?
You're like something out of Dante's Inferno. I'm not sure if this is a porcupine or
like a rat demon from the plane of Hades. I don't think a broom
is going to be able to beat this lady. I guess we could try. Oh, she is just trying to violently
brutalize the porcupine. And now the porcupine is eating her skin. This game is wild. All right, Mr. Porcupine, listen. I already have a flesh eating cat. If I can get a flesh eating
porcupine as well, this will be amazing. I will slowly amass
an entire arsenal of human eating animals. Here, have this apple. I don't know where this came from.
It just kind of grew out of the- You're not going to jump out the window are you? He's joining the rat. Oh God! Who made this??? What- What- What was this made by Firestone tires?
Juice or a towel? Neither of these are going to work.
Use the juice. Maybe if I just put this- This-
Whoa! I don't know how
this is going to fix anything if I think I'm just adding
more fuel to the fire. That's not how towels work.
Alright, I've got to clean this up. Cloth or dirt remover? The last time I used a cloth,
nothing happened. So you know what? I guess we're using the toilet scrubber.
It works for everything. Here, watch. *gibberish* Go, toilet scrubber! Feel the power of my magery!
Yes, I'm a wizard!!! I'm a wizard!!! This is the strangest game I've ever played. What is that? There is a bee the size of a football chilling out inside of my kitchen. Let me get you something to drink.
Glass or bottle? Neither of these are drinks.
These are things that hold drinks. I'm going to get this guy wasted because it's the only way he's
going to want to stay here. Yep, right there. See? Now he's soaked. He's just covered in wine. Alright, I guess I'm using just a normal glass.
There. All right, well,
the bee just scared the crap out of me. He's laughing about it. Why do I surround myself
with people that hate me? There we go. Now we got-
Oh, that is- That is really scary. Every time I laugh, it really
it really concerns me. He's staring at me. What do I do? Obviously. Go say hi to him. All right. I invited you,
so I feel like I supposed to talk to you. Your head is also really small. Also, is this girl going to levitate
through the wall? Yep. Right through the wall. Totally. Just went through the wall. There's a gardening competition
coming up. What? Why are you telling me
about this? Do you need- Do you need help fixing your garden? I didn't know I had a garden. That girl phased through this wall
and she came back as my ex-boyfriend. All right, we're going to do
the gardening. Okay. Is this even the girl that he was
with before? I can't remember. Why won't you leave the corner? He has stacked into the corner
as far as a human being can get. Call me any time. I'll call you. This is like two NPCs
trying to talk to one another in Skyrim. Act cool, throw cake. Get ready. Cause you're about to get.
How did you come here? Didn't I invite him? He's like, "Calm down-"
Bam! I've been keeping that cake in my pocket
for the last three months just to do that. I love how his girl isn't
even sticking up for him. She's. She's going. That. That's kind of amazing. Where did that cake even come from? All right. Here we are
at the gardening competition. Yes. All right. So this-
The party went well. Now I have to impress my neighbor. How do I get rid of these bugs- With a baseball bat?!?
Yesssss!!! Ungh! Ungh! Get wrecked bees. Flesh eating bees, I'm not afraid of you. Oh, that worked really well. I can't believe that that's- Are you serious? Are you kidding me?
That was the right answer once. That's not how this works.
What should I do for the- for the grass? Killer spray. That can't be the right answer. Right? Toxic spray, it's called.
Die nature! Everything must die. In fact, I think I'm
probably going to die, too. I will ask the neighbor. Hey, neighbor. What should I do about this grass? Hi. Can I help you with the grass? Yes. That is the entire reason
I called you here. What did he do? We don't know. I have no idea what he did.
Did he eat it? How can we stop the flowers from dying? Fertilizer. Prune flowers. Both of these are legitimate
things you could do. Let's throw a bunch of fertilizer on it. The answer is always
Google images fertilizer. If these plants turn into giant carnivorous plants-
Oh! That was magic fertilizer. Okay, finally. It's
the day of the garden competition. Here we are. It's good to see you here. Why does my ex go
to everything that I go to? Why is she here? The ex's mistress. I'll ruin her flowers
with weed killer. Joke's on you. Weed killer just kills weeds. She's going to cheat. How do I stop her? Just kill her. I don't know if her cheating in a flower
competition is something that you should call
the police on her for. But we're doing it 100%. Call 911. Obviously, the police will not think
that this is a waste of time. Sir, the other team is cheating. Wow. The police got here in half a second. Where is your evidence? Uhhhhhh.....
I don't have any. You think we have nothing better to do? Bro.
You teleported here. You're a teleporting
police officer. Oh, even my. Even my boyfriend just decided
to smother himself with the shrubs. All right, we're going to go ahead
and replace the labels. See, this has water now,
and this has weed killer. All right, so they're putting
the weed killer on their own plants. See, they put the water on our plants. I assume. I think that's how that works. Wow. Her flowers turned into licorice. You ruined our flowers. Are you stupid? This is a great guy. I can see what I saw in him. Who are you two?
The other team is the winner of this competition. We were-
There's only two people in the entire competition? Why do you not seem impressed by this-
Wait! They won?!? They don't have flowers to win. I'm going to investigate this.
Something's not right. All right. Here's how this works.
If I find something wrong- Oh, the other judge is also
with my ex-boyfriend. How many women does this dude have?
The competition is rigged. Where's my flesh eating cat and porcupine? I don't know. I guess I'll take a picture, because the last time they were like,
"Oh, you don't have enough evidence." Get riggity wrecked. Hey, Tom Selleck.
What do you think about this? He's like, I can't believe this. You guys are disqualified.
Is that me or them? Because I thought it was-
To this team. Which team?
Can you call us by our team name? Our name is team apocalypse. What??? With two T's. Where did you come from? I won a whole trophy!
Yayyyy!!! None of this made any sense. Well, my cat ate my ex-boyfriend's face. I became a telepath
and won a gardening competition. That's pretty much just game Anyway, folks, hope you enjoyed this episode of Fix Life.
Until next time: Stay foxy and much love!
