What's Your Frick It, I've Been A Nice Person My Whole Life, I'm Going To Do Something Bad AskReddit

what is your best Duquette I've been a nice person my whole life now I'm going to do something bad story slightly drunk one night while taking the dogs out apartment complex decided for once I'm not gonna pick up their [ __ ] like half the rest of the complex stepped right in it the next morning other people can get away with ducking karma but not this guy normally I went above and beyond for the customer except for that fateful Friday shift me blissful smoothie guy customer the most picky self-proclaimed connoisseur of smoothies you can imagine after receiving three complaint cards whining about things like not smiling enough not including enough blueberries etc this fish had it coming Linda how are you doing today forced smile the usual Linda then slams $10 bill on the counter just one scoop of peanut butter how many times do I have to tell you half a scoop you betcha hey look at the new rock wall we put in she glances over as Linda's eyes gaze wearily toward the foam structure I pull out the stainless steel peanut butter scooper the shine of the metal burns like a thousand sins I then gluttonous league ouch at the jar of peanut butter I proceeded to scoop not one half not one but three full ducking scoops of got-damn Peter Pan peanut butter Lind egg that'll be 537 went in to Tim Hortons did not hold open door for person right behind me did not say sorry edit I'm Canadian in Vancouver Tim's at fur and Broadway bring it on a a girl talking on her phone was annoying the crap out of me on the elevator she was going to the top floor 25 of our apartment complex and I was getting off at 7th so right as the doors were opening on 7 I hit every button from 8 to 24 and wished her a nice day it was my most epic passive-aggressive win someone smashed the pumpkin I had on my front porch for Halloween I was so mad that night I took an old person [ __ ] in it I then put it on the same step my pumpkin was then hid in my room and watched out the window I don't know if it was the same kid that smashed my pumpkin that later tried to steal the purse but the happiness I took from that moment of a kid reaching his hand in the purse while he was walking away to steal the money more than made up for the anger of a smashed pumpkin the other day I was on the bus back from school sitting in front of a girl talking on the phone really loudly to the point where people were commenting on it across the bus I pretended to get a phone call and answered in an equally loud voice hey I'm on the bus can I call you back I know everyone hates the really loud guy on the phone in public people laughed I just went back to reading there was this guy who lived next to me in an apartment building and every morning at 8:30 he would leave his apartment to go to work I worked till late and would usually be asleep at this time every morning he would ring my doorbell like five times and then go to work I then proceeded to get up and check the door see there's no one there and then I can't go back to sleep he thought it was funny and that I didn't really care but in all honesty I needed the sleep so one day I got up at 8:25 and when he came before he knocked I opened the door I had a bullhorn waiting and shouted at the top of my lungs duck off I honestly thought he [ __ ] himself he never did that [ __ ] again it was our last night in Fiji so we thought we'd treat ourselves and go out for a nice dinner we go to a restaurant that would normally be out of our price range but duckies it'll probably be our last family holiday for the entire rentrer and main course these two little knocking bastard kids are running around screaming between tables around the waiters trying to get into the back of the house the waiter asked their parents to keep them seated to which she responded don't tell me what to do what happens next time they run past our table my foot just happened to be in the way kid hit the floor and skidded like two meters everyone knew it was me but no one said anything at the time partly because my family was trying not to laugh still don't feel bad public service is a responsibility you sir are responsible as duck when I was in high school my family had come over for Thanksgiving dinner and my younger brother by about two years also in high school started to bat mouth and talk back to everyone in a yelling manner while always being prone to migraines I was still the let's talk this out in a nice and calm matter kind of guy that night however I had a severe migraine and was getting highly annoyed by his yelling after asking him kindly to stop and getting blown off in front of my entire family I just swept him up and slammed him on the ground hard enough to knock the wind out of him I figured since I'd never done anything like that before I would just get a slap on the wrist everyone just looked at me as though they couldn't believe their eyes I then left and fell asleep and the next morning everyone pretended it didn't happen the end due to certain unfortunate circumstances I was quite different from my peers in high school as a result I was bullied physically and emotionally the biggest bully was this big bastard over a head taller than me smart is a bag of bricks a sports hero all the other kids were his underlings pretty much I had to endure all kinds of physical mistreatment nobody did anything about it I was told it was my fault etc when I had enough I made a plan I stalk the big bully finding out his usual route between school and home he had this moped he used one night I sabotaged it outside his home slashing tires and unplugging random parts this forced him to walk to school I skipped a couple of classes leaving early I made preparations and waited for him he lived in a new part of town still under construction his route took him through an overpass surrounded with woods when he walked out of the overpass I whacked him at the face with a hockey stick from a blind angle duct fair fights the guy was bigger and older I hit him so hard the initial strike broke the hockey stick I was seeing red and going for the balls when he was on the ground I proceeded to stomp on him especially on his hands with combat boots the wild joy of sadistic violence was very satisfying when he stopped trying to get up I told I'd murder him and his family if he or his cronies would ever touch me again I think I was bluffing I think I had a bad youth they never laid hands upon me again I've never hit anyone since and I'm nearing 30 tonight's forecast dark one day in high school art class a kid waited until the teacher went to the men's room across the hall and came over to the table where I was painting and sprayed me in the face with oven cleaner I was mr. goody two-shoes I never did anything wrong at least not that anybody knew about it was the last semester of my senior year and for 12 years I had been a good boy but I'd had it I closed my eyes when he sprayed and quickly grabbed some nearby paper towels and wiped my face off I then walked around the table to the guy who was laughing so hard he didn't even see me coming and then I threw him across the room as the rest of the class got out of my way in terror furniture flying as they scrambled to get away from me I walked over to the kid laying crumpled on the or put my boot on his neck and made him beg for his life I then calmly returned to my table and resumed painting the teacher came in to find me painting quietly the kid laying on the floor trying to pick himself up and the rest of the class cowering in the corner in terror he asked what happened and they told him what I did he looked at me in surprise and I said now would I do a thing like that he thought about it for a minute and decided that no I wouldn't and told the rest of the class to stop horsing around and get back to their paintings word got around the school that day that I had lost it in class and to keep away from me on the bus home a kid decided he was going to test that planted himself in the seat behind me and started flicking my ear are the painfully with his finger so I turned around and hit him in the face as hard as I could with my calculus book being a bully he had no tolerance for pain or expectation of retaliation and started bawling to the bus driver about what I'd done the driver had seen everything but explained to the kid that he hadn't seen anything the kid hadn't bothered to notice that the driver was my best friend's father the kid then started shouting about how he was going to report this to the bus company and get the driver fired the kid also hadn't bothered to learn who the driver was or that he actually owned the bus company the kid got written up for misbehaving on the bus and got kicked off the buses for a week nobody ever hit me in school again and I have never hit anyone who didn't attack me first I used to be mr. reliable always helping people with computer problems moving and any general help they needed I stopped after someone asked me to help them with something for 30 minutes which turned into four hours now I dodge everything and have no problems saying no to people it is really sad how angry people get when you refuse to go out of your way to help them when someone leaves something behind I usually try to turn it into someone at the business school etc but one day I decided I would be bad I was walking to class and there it was on a public chair inside the building an unattended umbrella I walked by didn't steal or even touch it I went to the class an hour later after 60 minutes of scheming and lusting over the umbrella I walked back out and there it was I stared at it longingly and saw it wanted me to take it the brand of umbrella was even called tilts as if it totes wanted me to take it so I walked up casually and did the act it was glorious no one saw no cared but they should have because I Thoth still that umbrella I would always help my family friends neighbors and anyone they knew with anything without asking for anything in return child care computer problems house repairs etc I lived with an older woman out in San Francisco in an old Victorian for four months since I arrived I fixed and replaced quite a few things around the place plumbing faucets hose heaters couch toilet toilet seat washing machine about a week before I left she wanted me to build her a bookshelf I told her I'd do it if I received compensation she got angry saying that it's just a bookshelf and that I can build it no problem she fails to notice that she doesn't have the equipment to build it and I'd probably have to rent the tools and told her if she wants one to just buy it that I'd help her put it together she got even angrier and said I give you a place to stay and you won't even help me build a shelf I couldn't hold it in any longer I screamed I pay to live here I pay for my stay my food and whatever else I use up well here you could have spent money hiring someone to fix everything that I did in this place I bet the cost in repairs would be more than what I pay per month living here so a week later her still angry at me I left without paying last month friend I used to live with a 62 year old woman who was also selecting a room from the landlord of a four bed home she was a nightmare she made me feel like my job was to coddle her she had no notion of responsibility forgot to do very simple courteous things around the house and flipped out and got mad whenever some minor little thing didn't go her way she was highly passive-aggressive always talked trash behind the other tenants backs and was just generally a nightmare she totally ate a bunch of my broccoli and refused to admit it she then bought me a whole bagful and proceeded to remember and recount the experience for the entirety of her stay there after listening to her play nice while jabbing needles in my ax haunts me to this day and she did indeed ask and expect help for a large variety of things that I had no business doing it started small and I'd help her just to be friendly but she quickly took advantage of my being the man around the house she wanted me to recommend a laptop to her and then go get it because she didn't have experience with this sort of thing if something was broken she'd call me even if it just needed a screw tightened this ducking huge cabinet in the bathroom fell right on top of me once and I managed to wrestle it back up to a point where you could just press against it and it would stay put I needed her to do this while I went to get tools to fix it and the moment I let go she panicked and let it whack me then proceeded to explain that she couldn't possibly help me out with this issue just push it with your hands how did you live this long the day she left was the greatest day of my life there was a set of golf clubs outside a charity shop in my village when I was walking home best my intoxicated brain thought we should steal them so I took a few and carried it halfway home then I realized I don't want to go to jail for stealing from a charity shop although now I am sober I don't see why I thought I would be arrested so I took them back then stumbled home I'm not cut out to be bad

Channel: Best Posts & Comments

Views: 899,929

Rating: 4.9023638 out of 5

Keywords: r/ask reddit, r/ askreddit, best posts and comments, r/askreddit stories, people share, askreddit revenge, revenge stories reddit, prorevenge, petty revenge

Id: UcA10Nw7pmQ

Length: 14min 39sec (879 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 04 2019