What's The Worst Random Boner You've Ever Gotten? (r/askReddit Reddit Stories)

[Music] what's the worst random boner you've ever gotten I was at a Christmas gathering with family when I was 11 to 13 we were sitting in a circle on chairs chatting with each other I noticed I started getting hard but I was already sitting so I was able to hide it pretty well then my cousin who is a year younger than me seeing there are no empty chairs tries to sit in my lap I didn't have any time to say much so I hollered loudly that I needed to go to the bathroom and launched myself out of the chair while trying to face my body away from the general group as quickly as possible this girl was playfully bullying me thoroughly cooking my oats and biting me a fetish was discovered that day was about 16 wearing jeans outside on our porch talking to my mom for a while not sure about what just some stupid I stand up to leave and she suddenly says what are you hiding what's this and reaches out and wait for it that's my boner she instantly realizes what she's done in kind of laughs it off I've never forgotten I got one while wearing a morph suit boy you cannot hide a boner in a morph suit every day on my commute if I sleep on the train and I always wake up with morning wood when we arrive at my stop I got a new longer coat to make getting off of the train less embarrassing fell asleep in religion class to wake me up I guess my teacher asked me to get up and collect the Bibles from all of my classmates all I remember is holding the Bibles like a king weirdo and avoiding eye contact with a couple of girls I had a crush on slow dancing with my prom date didn't even realize it was happening until she pointed it out to me she was cool about it but I was so embarrassed boner before a presentation in English I was so stiff that I had to tell the teacher I wasn't ready I was young probably 13 to 14 still learning the tuck in the waistband technique I went to the beach with my friend and his extended family he had a sexy 20 five year old cousin she was gorgeous I was sitting in the ocean trying to get rid of my facts at almost Boehner when we decided to get out I did the old fold into the waistband in swim trunks you had to be careful with this one but it wasn't a rager so I wasn't worried so it was fine nothing looks weird until she walked over and said oh wow your chest vein is so blue she then ran her finger down my vein on my chest I became rock-hard in the tip of my sword past the waistband of my swim trunks thought head just hanging out they stared and I turned red and just kinda readjusted and walked back into the ocean in shame at one point in my freshman year of college I was both homesick and depressed and as a result didn't feel very social one evening we were leaving the dining hall and my room had ran into one of his female friends I smiled at her and kept walking so they could talk that she said my name causing me turn around right as I'm turned back around she grabbed me in a big hug and told me I clearly needed it now I'm ready to let go at any time but she just keeps on hugging me and of course I start to get a boner thankfully I had enough sense to lean my hips back enough that she wasn't gonna feel it that had felt like an eternity because that was the last thing I needed on my conscience at that point it was a super sweet gesture on her part but hoo boy I wasn't ready for it I had a testicle exam due to a small lump that turned out to be nothing the female doctor wasn't a ten or anything but the second she touched my wind angle to move it out of the way I went into full attention the five minutes of her looking over my balls with a stiffy seemed to go on forever in a project meeting at work texted my boss sitting across from me and explained I have a problem standing up he got the message and began the presentation himself before I jumped him good boss shame he left during my first breakup it was amicable and we were both sitting down and had both been crying she kissed me on the forehead as she was about to leave and boom I got a boner no idea why there was absolutely nothing sexy about that moment it was one of the worst days of my life the human body is so strange when I was 14 my mom forced me to do a rowing class to make friends as I had none there was this 18 year old beautiful mexican girl who was instructor I was rowing in the front row and she was sitting on the front of the boat needless to say I got a boner no one else behind me could see but she definitely knew we just had to sit in the boat the only ones who knew sharing the moment together I quit rowing a few weeks later and I still have no friends teaching an elementary school swimming class my teacher got a boner for a random reason I will never forget what I saw I was like 7 years old I remember the girls were excited to show off their new two-piece bathing suits instead of the childish honors and started modeling them looking back that was probably it I hope my teacher back then never did anything inappropriate not me but of Pascal Walker we were in lifeguard training and were split out on teams he ended up on a team with four female cheerleaders he boasted about how lucky he was and how the drill was a possible neck injury bottom of pool rescue he was the victim one of the girls had to dive down and put him in essentially a reverse motorboat position and swim into the edge of the pool where he then had to be strapped down to the board midway through being strapped down he pitched a tent all girls noticed laughing occurred he went to fix it and the instructor told him that unconscious people do not move that was the last day of lifeguarding for him in high school we were pairing up for a class project we were going boy / girl to do a moorage simulation with a fake baby egg we had to carry around with us at all times the teacher was drawing names out of the bowl to pair us up we would then stand up and walk down the middle of the classroom together as our wedding then we would be a couple for a week well when he was starting to draw names I got a boner that would not die and I started to panic and sweat knowing if I got called up it would be highly visible to the class and my new wife I was lucky enough to go second to last and by then it had subsided a tad but when I held hands with the girl I was sweaty as' and I kind of turned off my new wife ended up doing pretty good on the project cause I did the whole damn thing myself Nye teacher who gave us the norwich project got busted for hooking up with students while his wife was in chimo the year was 2001 third period English my teacher was a 23 year old first year teacher and she was a knockout that was wearing a particularly tight dress that day I was a horny 16 year old that had to give a presentation on the Odyssey and I popped a boner about a minute before I had to get up and talk so being the resourceful team that I was Ida screech Lisa cured it in the elastic waistband of my underwear about halfway through the presentation I made an unfortunate combo of arm movements that caused the waistband to rise ever so slightly and release the Beast it is important to remember that in the early millennium in the Midwest loose-fitting pants were all the rage and when you were pitching a tent in those spacious slacks it was easy to tell how roomy or not so roomy said tent really was but I powered through and got my a I'm pretty sure it was a pity a but I like to think she saw something impressive that day my finger and I were laying in bed and I was holding her as she cried it was the anniversary of her dad's death and I randomly popped would bad thing as I didn't notice too busy comforting her until she looked up at me with tears streaming down her face and goes are you hard right now embarrassing but it did make her laugh which helped her get her mind off her sadness I was getting an ultrasound on my balls and the tech was this super cute girl and I felt bad but she kept gently nudging my boner out of the way with the ultrasound tool I didn't really know what to do but it just kept coming back with a vengeance each time she banished it with that weird little tool I was honoring afternoon flight back when I used to travel all the time for work I was in the middle seat woke up to the dude on my left staring at me like I opened my eyes and boom I contact I look down and had a cut a diamond full mast hard-on look back at him and his gaze had intensified disapprovingly in that half second to my right the well-put-together older lady started laughing and said damn what were you dreaming about at that time I was still kind of uptight so it was really embarrassing but funny not sure if anyone else gets this but occasionally I get what I describe as a sleepy boner by that I mean when I get sleepy I occasionally get words right when I'm about to fall asleep and then I'll drift off to the land of dreams it's kind of nice so a few weeks before our wedding my wife and I went out to eat and afterwards she asked if I'd mind stopping into Michael's craft store with her so she could look for a few extra things for the wedding reception I worked a steady overnight shift at this time but it was my night off so I said I'd go we head into Michael's and she's really getting into looking at ribbon and yarn for some decoration she wants to make and I'm kind of bored so I decide to leave her and see what else is in the store turns out there's not a lot that's relevant to my interests and because I work a weird work shift and I just had a nice meal I'm starting to get sleepy inside this Michaels at like 8:30 at night as I'm strolling through the button aisle I realize I'm starting to get a strong sleepy boner and it's poking straight ahead like a dowsing read through my genes so I decide it's time to find my wife while avoiding any customers then it strikes me how bizarre it would look to any other customers who might happen upon me a grown man with an obvious boner walking around this Michaels by himself on Friday night this makes me start to laugh to myself then I imagine how creepy it would look for someone to see a grown man with a boner in Michaels giggling to himself and it becomes funnier I make my way back to where she was and of course she's no longer there so I'm walking all through the store with a boner trying to avoid people while stifling laughter God looks from a couple of other shoppers but quickly made my way past them and finally found my wife by the registers I told her I'd me her in the car and told her about it when she came out we still laugh about it to this day math class in middle school my teacher had the room set up where there are groups of three desks spread out across the room I was on the right desk two girls took up the middle and left desks in our group I was getting bored and started to daydream randomly catch some serious wood girls start freaking out and laughing to themselves hysterically I pay no mind to them for what felt like five minutes before I realized my pants were throbbing like a child kicking around in a mother's womb safe to say I asked to sit somewhere else after class my teacher said no not me but one time I was sitting beside this guy training him on one of his first days and he got a very noticeable boner then it twitched I got a boner while consoling a friend after her brother's cancer diagnosis she had her arms around me like a Python sobbing uncontrollably her face against my shoulder tears soaking through my shirt I'm trying to be strong supportive and comforting and it's like wow swans not now inner probes [Music]

Channel: Reddit Warrior

Views: 1,536,962

Rating: 4.938323 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, askreddit, top posts, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, reddit stories, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, Updoot Reddit, TZ Reddit, askreddit new, askreddit stories, reddit story, stories, toadfilms, askreddit funny, reddit best, r/ askreddit, funny askreddit, storytime, people, best posts, askreddit tells, sir reddit, storytime with reddit

Id: Xrc0gdJ75DU

Length: 12min 32sec (752 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2019