(somber music) - That my mother didn't
want to live anymore. She was really overwhelmed
and couldn't like, manage, like, paying her
bills, like, just feeling, just, like, overwhelmed by her life. It made me feel like, I
can't describe it, really. It just felt like, I didn't know how to help
her back in that sense. Like, I didn't know how to, like, save her like she would
want to save me, you know? - Wow! Okay, you want brutal honesty? I am a 61-year-old gay man, and years ago, I had AIDS, and my father said to me, well, you deserve that for your lifestyle. - The most painful thing
I've been told was, "I expected that from you." It was like, they just expected
me to fail the entire time. And the thing that probably hurt the most was that it was my father. At first, it wasn't even
hard to hear, I expected it, but then I just started thinking about it, like it, it had me spiral, okay, I'm sorry, I can't continue. - My wife told me that she was told that she was too pretty to be
with me because I was black. That was the most painful
thing I was ever told. We were going to pick up
food from a restaurant, so, in my mind, like, I was, like, I was sitting in the car,
so they didn't even, like, see me treating her any type of way, or you know, like, you
literally know nothing about me. And that was the first thing they said, like, on first impulse, you know? Now, I have like, I have
like a subconscious thought that, like, people are either judging me, or they have like a preconceived notion about me when I deal with them. - I think I wasn't actually told this, but one time my family and
I got into a huge fight, and I was just walking past a hall, bawling my eyes out, and
my mom just looked at me, and then she kept walking, and she didn't say anything to me. And I didn't have to be told
anything to know what it meant. I wish something had been said. I think that, I think
everyone's had that time where, like, a conversation
has happened entirely silent. - So, recently, the most painful
thing that I've been told is that my dog has cancer
and it spread to her lungs. It's just me and my dog, so definitely probably
the most painful thing that I've been told. I lived in Austin, Texas. I moved there to do
film, and I wanted a dog, and so I got Emmy in 2011. She was a rescue dog, she was abused, and I've had her for about 10 years now, and she's my best friend. (soft piano music) - Probably when I was younger, like, people, like, kids would say to me, "Oh, your name sounds weird
because it's not American." Or like, they'd make fun of it. Yeah, I don't know, it was like, it'd be like small comments almost, but then it would like stay
with me for a long time, and it's still kind of
affects me, like, today. I can't, like, pinpoint a certain thing-- - Yeah.
- But it's kind of like a series of events that, like, have led up to something, so. - [Interviewer] Well, I
think your name beautiful. - Thank you. (both laugh) - The most painful thing for me, it's when, the day that I
knew that I won a Green Card. And for many people, it's happiness, and they want to be in the US, they want to live in the dream, but for me, it was painful because I should leave my
home, my family, my friends. And, it was painful for me. (soft piano music) - Freshman year of high school, I was sitting at a lunch table. (background chatter) I was sitting across from
this kid on the football team, and I had a hard time like
getting along with the kids, and he announced to, well,
he was speaking to me, but in an announcing way to everybody, asking me, "Why are you sitting here? "Nobody wants you here. "You should go sit with the little kids," where the little kids were playing. So that was a strong
wave of like alienation, that kind of followed me throughout my first few
years of high school. That was like a defining moment. I ended up having to go to a new school because of bullying issues, so I went to a new school junior
year, and then it was cool. - [Interviewer] I guess,
what advice would you have for little freshmen year you, if you could talk them right now? - Oh, it's not you that's the problem. - Yeah.
- I guess, 'cause I would feel
like I was the problem. What am I doing wrong? - I'd probably say when I was younger, coming home from elementary school and then find out like my little brother had like birth defects and
everything when he was born. So that was pretty deep, like I was in like elementary school, but I still like, think about it. And then like a year
later, he like passed away. Like, I remember like taking care of him, like I used to give him
baths, like dress him, feed him, and all that,
like just take care of him. But, yeah, that (beep) (beep) hurt. - [Interviewer] What's
the most painful thing you've been told? - Oh dude. Honestly, somebody told me that they lost their lust for me, and that was really hard to like process. Yeah, that's probably it. - That I'm not worthy enough to be loved by like somebody I love the most, like he told me like
that I wasn't good enough to be with anybody else but him and that we were both pieces of (beep). And so like, it like really hurt me because I was just like, 'cause he was like my everything. And he made me feel like I was a nobody. When I meet somebody else, I just feel like I'm not
worthy enough to be with them. Like, they're doing me a solid, like they're doing a charity for me. - He said that every
time he said he loved me, he didn't mean it. He'd get drunk, right, and
then he'd be like, "I love you, "I want you to be my wife. "I want you to be my
everything." Blah, blah, blah. And the next morning I'd be like, "Oh, this is what you said," and I would laugh and be like,
"You mentioned it, right?" And he'd be like, "I
don't remember saying it, "so I didn't mean it," or like, or he would remember saying it, and he'd be like, "Oh, I don't mean it. "Like, why would you listen
to me when I'm drunk? "Like it was all mistake." Like it made me feel really
corpse bride-type thing. Like the part where's she like, "Why did you ask me to marry me?" And then he was like, "I didn't mean it." You know, like that kind of, but. - When my wife told me
that she didn't love me and had never loved me before. Yeah, it was very painful and very difficult to grapple with, to understand what was happening. And that there's still a lot I don't understand in that, but. - Maybe probably that I was too fat to have the friends that I had. I was too fat, and I was not pretty enough to have the friends that I had. That was a little painful, and it came from someone
that I thought was my friend. So that was a bummer. You never like to be told that you're not good enough for anything, so that is my answer. Still the happiest person
I know, so (mumbles). - My dad told me that I get tattoos because I've got nothing else going on in my life basically? And that I'm a loser. And what else? Well, I used to be a burlesque dancer, and so he called me a prostitute. So if that's how your own
father sees you, you know, you start to wonder like what other people might think of you.
- Yeah. - You know, not that it matters so much, as much as how my dad feels about me, but you know, it makes you wonder, it makes you doubt. - [Interviewer] What's
the most painful thing you've been told? - Oh (beep), that's
(beep) right on the money. It was this past October. This woman who I had
lived with for a year, and we had gone our separate ways in the crux or the peak
of all this (beep), she told me that I use my depression as an excuse so I don't have to deal with anything difficult in my life. - [Interviewer] Why do you think
that was so painful to you? - 'Cause it's true, but it's
not a conscious decision. It's like, at my unhealthiest,
I just stew in it, and that's not fair to my partner. And I could see that I could see that, I could see that the pain
that she was expressing. - Ooh, that's hard. Probably my mom told me
my dad didn't want me, and it wasn't true. Yeah, my mom doesn't like my dad, so she didn't want him around. And she would tell us
that he didn't want us and that he wouldn't come around. In reality, he was coming
around all the time. She just wouldn't let him see us, so. - This happened when I
came out to my parents, and I remember exactly what my mom said. She was like, "I just don't
think I can support you "and look at you the same way now." And yeah, that's exactly how she said it. And in the moment it really, really hurt. Ever since then, it's just been, it just hasn't been the same. Your parents are supposed to be the people who like, they're like
the primary caregivers, who still love you, support
you, always, no matter what. And so to hear that and to then feel it like in their actions, just really sucks. - I guess, like being told, like, this is really like, it seems
superficial and like random, but in high school, it
was like freshman year, there was a guy like, and he was, I was talking to him, and I had my friend go up to him and like ask him like
what he thought of me, and he was like, "I'm
not really in Asians." And like, I feel like growing up like in like the Midwest where you're definitely
like a clear cut minority, and it's pretty obvious, and you try to spend your
whole life kind of pretending that you're like, "Oh, I'm
not defined by my race." And then you like slowly
come to realize like, "Oh, okay, this is like a part of me "that I am going to have to deal with," that people are more aware that I am. Like it's like something
that like it'd be easier to just ignore if you could. But at the end of the day, like it's kind of the way that, you know, the way you look at
something you can't control, but the way that you
kind of present yourself in society and the way you act accordingly is something you can control. So I feel like that's
kind of what I've learned is how to like, deal with that, and to kind of like tell people that, oh, like, I dunno, like you can't really
judge a book by its cover. That's so cliche, ew.
(woman laughs) I can't think of another way to say it. (woman laughs) - [Interviewer] I love your reaction right after you said it.
(woman laughs) You know, it's cool,
cliche is pretty cool. A lot of truth, like-- - True.
- Right? - They're said a lot for a reason. - [Interviewer] Yeah, they're
said a lot for a reason. What would you say to a little girl who like, if there was a little girl right next to you who just
experienced the same thing, what would you tell her? - Like, don't listen to him. If he doesn't like value for
more than just your race, then he's not worth your time, honestly, find someone better 'cause
they definitely like exist, and don't settle for that. - There you go. Good job. (crowd cheering and chattering) Quick announcement, if
you didn't know yet, I recently launched my podcast,
it's called "Hey, Stranger!" And if you like these videos, I think you might like my podcast as well. So it would mean a lot
if you gave it a chance, I'll have it linked in the description. So yeah, I'm really excited
to hear your thoughts on it. That's pretty much it. Thank you guys for everything. I love you all, and
I'll see you next week. (gentle music)
