What Women Don't Understand About Men | Jordan B Peterson

men used the image of female perfection to motivate themselves and that's exactly right that's precisely what they do you see that in the Tom Sawyer's story so Tom Sawyer is about 12 years old and he's still hanging around with his friends like Huck Finn and this wood girl moves across the street Becky and she comes out and he's struck by her for the first time in his life something's changed and the first thing he does is hop up on a picket fence and show off and balance in front of her and he's saying well look at me look at me I'm he's like the male bowerbird building something beautiful so the female will approve of it and it's it's motivation you know and that's something that I think modern women don't really understand about men they don't understand that at least to the degree that males are uncorrupted and not better because of being rejected they're doing everything they can to kneel before the eternal image of the feminine and try to make themselves worthy that's the chivalry story right that's what you should encourage in your partner so and so out of chaos emerges this first form it's the feminine form it's partly the form that represents novelty as such so and and on one hand its promise and the other hand its threat that you wouldn't believe and I don't know because I don't know I don't understand the situation with women as well as I understand the situation with men obviously being a man but I I don't know if women have any idea how paralyzing they are to especially young men a large number of my clinical clients but also young men I've talked to in general are absolutely terrified of women because they're terrified of being rejected and the terror exists in precise proportion to their attraction to the woman which is a horrible paradoxical situation to be in it's often why men make such fools of themselves in front of women that they're attracted to it's because first of all they don't see the woman that they're attracted to because what the hell did they know about her they don't see her as an individual they see her as the manifestation of a judgmental ideal and then it's only in establishing the relationship with the actual woman that they could start differentiating between the judgmental ideal and the actual individual woman and that also requires a sacrifice and the sacrifice is you never can have an ideal woman so to have a relationship with any woman you have to sacrifice the relationship with the ideal woman and you have to see the individual woman and separate her from the ideal and that's the same thing that happens to the hero in Sleeping Beauty right he sees the Evil Queen who actually turns into the dragon of chaos and it's not until he Knable he can defeat her that he can establish a relationship with the actual princess and that's exactly the case I had a one of my clients who ran this men's group which was quite interesting one of the things they had the initiates do which was very intelligent was to go out and ask 50 women in one day for their phone numbers why politely properly you know it wasn't it wasn't this it was a game but it wasn't a stupid game and the idea was get over your fear of rejection and how do you do that by encountering it continually and continually and continually so that you're no longer paralyzed by this

Channel: Jordan B Peterson Clips

Views: 1,264,297

Rating: 4.8865824 out of 5

Keywords: psychology, philosophy, Jordan B. Peterson, Jordan Peterson, JB Peterson, jordanbpeterson, jordanpeterson, personality, understandmyself, selfauthoring, neuropsychology, Dating, FearExposure, relationship

Id: 1aY49YU8uBQ

Length: 3min 25sec (205 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 21 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/thatgentlemanisaggro]

He seems to be saying a few different things (if I'm understanding him correctly):

1. Men behave differently when around women
2. Men idealize women and have to realize that women are human and not perfect in order to commit to a woman

I think these are both true.

I remember one particular experience when I was in university. I was at dinner for students that were in a program that I was in. The majority of the students in the program were male and none of the female students had arrived yet. A few of the students at my table were talking about their issues with dating and such. Not in a way that was objectifying of women, or in any way innapropriate. They were talking in a way that was making themselves vulnerable in a way that men generally don't do when women, at least women they aren't extremely close with are around. Naturally when the first of our female classmates arrived, the discussion abruptly ended. I've often encountered women that get very offended when a man suggests that sometimes men need social time with only other men because they assume that when men get together they will have innapropriate things and engage in what has sometimes been referred to as "locker room talk". While this may be the case in some circumstances, it completely ignores the fact that not all men are going to engage in that sort of thing, and that sometimes men need that social interaction where they can let their guard down and talk about things they aren't comfortable discussing when women are around. In any case, I don't think that's quite what doctor Peterson is getting at, he's more talking about how men change their behavior when women are around, but I think it's related.

The second point feels obviously true based on my experiences. When you first meet a woman, what do you know about her? Well, in most cases you know what she looks like, maybe what her voice sounds like, and generally all sorts of very outward things. People in general don't tend to walk around with their flaws listed on their sleeves, so it becomes very easy to idealize someone when you only know purely outward things about them. As you actually get to know a woman, you'll inevitably learn about her flaws, and you can either choose to accept her flaws and continue to learn more about her as an actual person, or you can reject her for her flaws, and perhaps keep doing that until you realize Mary is the only perfect woman and you can't date her, so if you want to find a wife, you will actually have to date someone who has flaws, and isn't some unrealistic ideal. I think the very common and frequent use of pornography amonst men today (not saying women can't have porn problems as well) makes this a lot worse, since porn users are constantly bombarding themselves with images of women that appear ideal to them and they never have to learn about any of their flaws.

[u/Japanese-Spaghetti]

I'm a woman, can men confirm if what Jordan is saying in this video is true?

[u/Significant-Dott]

Okay so I have no clue who this speaker is. I also have no context on what this talk is addressing or trying to communicate, but here goes..

It appears he's saying boys tend to act differently around girls they like, and guys tend to have an idealized view of women, which makes guys prone to anxiety when facing possible rejection.

I'm pretty sure most women are aware of this after a certain age, because it sounds like a normal mindset for many teenage boys.