What's okay in a marriage bed? What is not okay?
Different positions in sex, people say sex toys, oral sex, all of these things. What is biblical?
What is lawful? What is okay? This is what we wanted to address. We're going to highlight
four things that are not okay in a marriage bed. First Scripture that we would like to read
is Hebrews 13:4. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and
adulterers God will judge." The Greek word translated "undefiled" is usually used in this
exact form four times in the New Testament, and it means uncontaminated or set apart.
There are many sins, but we're gonna share four things that are not okay. Sexual immorality
is having sex with someone other than your spouse, and here are those four things. Number one is
adultery. So it's when you are having sex with somebody else while you are married. Yes,
including spouse swapping. It's adultery, and it's very common in our culture. It is
becoming common in our culture, where people switch spouses or swap spouses temporarily to
have better experiences. It's not biblical, and it's an adultery. The second thing that's not
okay in a marriage bed is threesomes. Threesomes is when you bring one more person into bed. I
actually have seen Christians justify that and say, "Well, Jacob had Rachel and Leah. So he was
married to two women, and therefore it's okay to bring one more person into bed to practice
threesomes." Well, you have to understand is that Jacob did practice polygamy. It's not God's
original intent, but Jacob did not have sex with Rachel and with Leah at the same time. Threesomes
is sexual immorality. It is wrong. Even if your spouse agrees with it. If your spouse agrees with
it, they are crazy, and if you think of that idea, you are also crazy. And if a third person is on
board with that, you have three of you that are crazy. Yeah. The marriage is supposed to be
between two people, not a whole neighborhood. Now the third thing that's not okay in
marriage is watching porn, pornography. Watching porn with your spouse is a virtual
threesome and virtual adultery. Now, I have mentored or prayed for some couples who one spouse
came and said, "We want to introduce into our marriage pornography." So usually it's a husband
who forces a wife to watch pornography, and then to reenact that in their marriage bed. It's wrong,
it's a sin and it's an open door to demons. And so watching porn to spice up your marriage bed is
you're inviting demons into your marriage bed, you're inviting fantasies. It's not real, and I
have an interview with an ex-porn star. You can watch it and this is not, this is not how real
sex is. These are called performers. These are not spouses, okay, and so it takes you know days
to make a 40 minute video, and there's a lot of editing that's involved. It's not real. It's not
how marriage is. It's made for entertainment, godless entertainment but it's not made to be an
example. And so and if you take that as an example for your marriage, just pretty much a sure way to
destroy your marriage. It's literally trying to fix a porn problem by reenacting pornography in
marriage, but it's wrong. The fourth wrong thing in a marriage bed is rape. All non-consensual
sex is rape, whether in marriage or not. And I've mentioned 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 deals with
giving satisfaction in sex, not demanding it, or forcing a spouse to have sex with you. The
Bible does not give that permission to demand sex. Yeah. Now, when it comes to things like different
positions in sex, people say sex toys, oral sex. All of these things. What is biblical? What is
lawful? What is okay? This is what we wanted to address. We want to pretty much give you three
questions to ask before; if it's not adultery. If it's not adultery, if it's not bringing
another person or bringing a pornography, or it's not a rape or you're forcing somebody,
what about some other sexual expressions in bed? And so we want to ask you to ask three questions
if you're thinking, well should we? Can we? Three questions to ask. Question number
one. Is it prohibited in the Scripture? If it's not, assume it's permitted. If it's not
prohibited in the Scripture, and it's between you and your spouse, you can assume in a marriage
bed, it is permitted. So if it's not adultery, if you're not bringing some sexual fantasies into
a marriage bed, if you're not forcing your spouse, and if you're not bringing somebody else, you can
assume it's pretty much permitted. 1 Corinthians 6:12. It says, "All things are lawful for me, but
all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power
of any." So Paul is pretty much saying that okay, things are lawful for me. Is it lawful? So
that's what the first question we ask. Is the Bible against it? Is the Bible very
clearly against it? If the Bible is not, in the area of marital sexual intimacy, we have
freedom. Now the second question we want to ask, and that is this. Is this beneficial? Does it harm
or hinder sexual closeness between two spouses. So does this act, does this particular behavior,
will it bring us closer or will it actually pull us further away? That's a good one. And
that's what Paul says, 1 Corinthians 6:12. He says all things are lawful. But he says, not all things
are helpful. Yes so okay, what does the Bible say? Is the Bible clearly against it? If not,
we are within our Christian freedom, but then we have to ask another question.
Not just are we free to do it but should we do it based on this, based on this. Is this
gonna help our intimacy or harm our intimacy? And usually one spouse suggests maybe something,
and the other one will say, you know what, I don't feel comfortable, I feel, and stuff.
So and then what that begins to happen is that then this helps you to know if this is helping
or hindering. Yeah, and if one spouse may say, "Oh, it's gonna help me in our intimacy,"
and another spouse will say, "Oh, it's not going to help me for sure." That means it's not
going to be helpful for the marriage itself, and this is where we are shooting at. For both
people to come closer. Not just for one person to feel like, "Oh yeah, it's gonna help me." And
then the third one, and that's the biggest one, and is there a mutual consent? So,
what does the Bible say? Is it lawful? Is it beneficial? And thirdly, is there a mutual
consent? Is the spouse being forced, coerced into what he or she is not comfortable with? Or
manipulated into? Yeah. 1 Corinthians 7:5. "Do not deprive one another except with consent
for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that satan
does not tempt you because you lack self-control." Yeah, so we see pretty much here that the Bible
says that there needs to be consent. Yeah. Even to withdraw sexually, there must be consent, and
so that means that God wants us to have a mutual consent. God wants us to have is it scriptural,
is it beneficial and is there mutual consent?
