What the Hell Happened This Week? RNC Edition | The Daily Social Distancing Show

[Music] [Applause] last night the party showcased their diversity by giving speakers slots to all four of america's black trump supporters and i don't know what they're gonna do for the rest of the week i mean tim scott has already spoken so they're gonna have to bring him back out on wednesday with a fake mustache like hello it's me senator brimshmart and i also support donald trump and while some of the black speakers last night attested to how not racist trump is one of the speakers went even further and declared that the real racists are the democrats you may be wondering why is a lifelong democrat speaking at the republican national convention and that's a fair question and here's your answer the democratic party does not want black people to leave their mental plantation we've been forced to be there for decades and generations but i have news for joe biden we are free we are free people with free minds so let me get this straight when other groups organize and vote by their interests they get a fancy name like voting blocks but when black people do it you get told you're acting like an extra on roots and why is it that the people who always say you should be a free thinker have a very specific set of instructions on how to think think for yourselves black people all right man i'm gonna do that i'm a vote for the democrats no i said think for yourselves vote republican okay maybe i'll vote independent yo you better start thinking for yourself i mean black women in this country vote democrat more than anybody else and i'll tell you now nobody is more of a free thinker than a black woman i dare you to try and brainwash a black woman you'll come out of there joining her cult i'm in the gult of i should have shed my mouth and also this argument is especially confusing coming from this dude because he's saying the democrats are trying to enslave you also i'm a lifelong democrat that's like every confused meme on the internet at once like does that mean he's keeping his own voters on the mental plantation i feel like i need to watch 12 years of mental slave to understand what the [ __ ] he's talking about now to be fair it's not that the rnc completely denied the existence of racism in america they just think that racism is a less systemic problem and more of a personal obstacle on the way to an inspirational triumph and two of their best speeches actually came from people who have made that exact journey america is not a racist country my father wore a turban my mother wore a sorry i was a brown girl in a black and white world we faced discrimination and hardship but my parents never gave in to grievance and hate my grandfather's 99th birthday would have been tomorrow he suffered the indignity of being forced out of school as a third grader yet he lived long enough to see his grandson become the first african-american to be elected to both the united states house and the united states senate in the history of this country our family went from cotton to congress in one lifetime look whatever you think about nikki haley and tim scott you cannot deny that they have inspiring stories but here's the thing about them using their stories to show how exceptional america is haley and scott are literally the exceptions the fact that tim scott is one of the only black senators and nikki haley was one of the only minority governors is if anything an argument for the existence of systemic racism in america not against it imagine being the sole survivor of a plane crash looking around at the wreckage and going wow i wish all these other passengers could have persevered and overcome this crash just like me shout out to boeing i mean if america didn't have a racism problem then their achievements wouldn't be a big deal getting elected as a minority would be as easy as say mailing a letter well i mean that's a bad example but you know what i mean what i want is a world where a black man becoming a senator isn't inspirational that's when black people will have really made it when there's a black senator who's just like yeah so my dad was a ceo and then his billionaire friend started a super pac so i guess i'm here now of course there's really only one speaker anyone at the republican convention wants to hear from and that's donald jerry falwell trump well i'm sorry to tell you that the president did not speak in prime time last night but we did get a speech from his oldest disappointment don jr who briefly turned the convention into an infomercial my father's entire world view revolves around the idea that we can always do even better imagine the life you want to have one with a great job a beautiful home a perfect family you can have it imagine the country you want to live in one with true equal opportunity you can have it heroes are celebrated and the good guys win you can have it that is the life that is the country that is the world that donald trump and the republican party are after and yes you can have it honestly put your hating aside you have to admit don jr would make a great motivational speaker and not in the traditional way where he inspires you with quotes more like in a way where people would look at him and say that guy can run a giant company and speak at a major political convention that guy just imagine what i can accomplish if i put my mind to it also if donald trump has already been president for almost four years then why do we still have to imagine how great life could be if he was president trump's presidency is like your 48 year old cousin's dj career if it hasn't been successful by now it's not gonna be but if don jr couldn't get you on board with his vision of america maybe the problem was that your tv volume wasn't loud enough in which case don's girlfriend and former fox news host kimberly guilfoyle turned it up for you do you believe in american greatness believe in yourself in president trump his promise was to put america first and he has president trump believes in you he emancipates and lifts you up to live your american dream you are capable you are qualified you are powerful and you have the ability to choose your life and determine your destiny ladies and gentlemen leaders and fighters for freedom and liberty and the american dream the best is yet to come [Music] did that seem kind of loud to anyone first of all i want to wish a speedy recovery to anyone who was listening on headphones i'm praying for you and i guess we also found the one person who actually signed up for rudy giuliani's masterclass america you know when you're at a party and the music turns off and then all of a sudden you're talking way too loud that's basically what guilfoyle did for an entire speech and then i shat my pants and aside from the speech being so loud that canada called the cops the actual content was also ridiculous donald trump believes in me the dude also believes in kim jong-un and hydroxychloroquine i don't want to be in that group [Music] [Applause] yesterday was night two of the republican national convention the biggest week for trump campaign staffers who aren't currently in prison and the knights got off to a rocky start when one speaker was pulled at the last minute for tweeting out an anti-semitic q a non-conspiracy theory and i for one am really glad because i don't know about you but when i sit down to watch the republican national convention i don't want to hear anything crazy but i'm worried that this does set a dangerous precedent because now there's a 95 chance that trump also gets the boot come thursday that wasn't a tweet i just retweeted it guys what's wrong with you but after that rocky starts who better to smooth things over than vice presidents of the united states and elevator music in human form mr mike pence pence appeared in a video that was too boring for me to remember what happened except that he was standing outside abraham lincoln's boyhood cabin and he also took the bold step of appearing alone with a woman who was not mother or as he calls it doggy style then later on there was a segment making the case that trump is also a feminist hero because he's hired a bunch of women and although some people might argue you have to admit trump is an ally to women just look at the facts he appointed a young up-and-coming woman to a high-level position despite having zero experience he gave women like kellyanne conway and sarah sanders the opportunity to lie to the american people a job traditionally reserved for men and he alone stood by gillane maxwell where no one else would if that doesn't make him a feminist then maybe i don't know what the word means but the main events of the evening was the speech from first lady and woman who just betrayed james bond melania trump she showed once again why she is the most popular trump i want to acknowledge the fact that since march our lives have changed drastically the invisible enemy covet 19 swept across our beautiful country and impacted all of us my deepest sympathy goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one and my prayers are with those who are ill or suffering i don't want to use this precious time attacking the other side because as we saw last week that kind of talk only serves to divide the country further this modern world is moving so fast and our children face challenges that seem to change every few months just like me i know many of you watch how me and manipulative social media can be we all know donald trump makes no secrets about how he feels about things total honesty is what we as citizens deserve from our president okay is it just me or does every melania speech seem like she's taking shots at her husband she called it covet 19 instead of china virus she said people on social media are too mean and she said that america deserves an honest president i was watching this like damn she may have gotten rid of the trees in the rose garden but she made sure to bring her own shade i mean no wonder trump was sitting there the whole time looking like he was watching his own colonoscopy but aside from trump it turns out that a lot of people really loved melania's speech melania trump delivered a very impressive speech from the rose garden the white house addressing pointedly and movingly the number one crisis issue facing the united states right now the coronavirus pandemic she did touch on and did speak to the reality that is going on in a way that we haven't heard many other if any other speakers really do she acknowledged what people are feeling ah yes it's true melania spoke with optimism and empathy when everyone else was dark and fearful it's almost like when they went low she went high have i heard that somewhere before and i know right now you might be saying come on trevor why does melania deserve praise for just sympathizing with coronavirus victims well i'll tell you why have you seen the rest of the convention right everyone else is acting like the pandemic never happened or that it magically ended a long time ago like i know the bar is low but at least she stepped over it it's easy to be best when everyone else is being worse and maybe you don't think melania's sympathy is worth anything but sympathy is all she can offer because she doesn't have any power and don't tell me no she should force trump to do more about corona guys melania can't make trump do [ __ ] if she had any power do you think she would let him dress the way he does i mean look at them melania looks like she's got fashion designers on speed dial whereas trump looks like he stole his suit off of a parade balloon version of himself now melania wasn't the only trump family member who spoke last night we also heard from the president's youngest daughter tiffany who said she was having difficulty finding a job right now i mean dude can't her dad at least hook her up with a job in the mail room or i guess in this case a job sabotaging the mail room and of course there was an appearance by the ultimate forgotten man eric trump who took full advantage of the fact that perhaps for the first time in years his dad was probably listening to him in closing i'd like to speak directly to my father i miss working alongside you every single day but i'm damn proud to be on the front lines of this fight i'm proud of what you're doing for this country i'm proud to show my children what their grandfather is fighting for you are making america strong again you are making america safe again you are making america proud again i love you very much god bless you and god bless the united states of america man i feel bad for eric imagine having to talk to your dad through the tv it's sad because you can talk to someone through a tv but there's no way to know if they're listening isn't that right j-lo that's nice of you to say i miss you too and knowing the donald eric's speech is probably the exact moment he decided to go to the concession stand to get more nachos [Music] [Applause] part of what made pence's speech interesting was how he's able to hide so much [ __ ] underneath the veneer of a respectable small town pastor in fact he actually made me appreciate trump because trump says [ __ ] in a [ __ ] way that's always easy to spot like this you mentioned the bible you've been talking about how it's your favorite book and you said i think last night in iowa some people are surprised that you say that i'm wondering what one or two of your most favorite bible uh verses are i wouldn't want to get into it because to me that's very personal you know when i talk about the bible it's very personal so i don't want to get into verses i don't want to get into it there's no person that means a lot to you that you think about or sight the bible means a lot to me but i don't want to get into specifics even to cite a verse i don't want to do that i'm an old testament guy or a new testament probably equal see obvious [ __ ] we all know that man has never read the bible now granted he's never read any book but he specifically never read the book which is your favorite but with mike pence if you're not paying attention he comes across as a reasonable guy you know it's the same way i didn't trust anything that the tiger king said but when doc antle spoke he almost made me believe that he wasn't running a wild animal sex cult just seemed like everyone was doing their thing and last night was mike pence at his finest cool calm and full of bs starting with the way he talked about the civil unrest happening in america's cities last week joe biden didn't say one word about the violence and chaos engulfing cities across this country president trump and i know that the men and women that put on the uniform of law enforcement are the best of us every day when they walk out that door they consider our lives more important than their own people like dave patrick underwood an officer in the department of homeland security's federal protective service who was shot and killed during the riots in oakland california dave's heroism is emblematic of the heroes that serve in blue every day first off pence says that an officer was killed during the riots in oakland which gives you the impression that the officer was killed by rioters all right the truth is the person charged with killing officer underwood is a right-wing terrorist you know it's sort of like saying that bruce lee died during the vietnam war yeah technically that's correct because he died in 1973 but it's not while he was fighting the viet cong you gotta tell the truth people bruce lee was killed by the illuminati when pence says that joe biden didn't say one word about the violence during the convention he's giving you the impression that biden supports the riots when in fact biden condemned them a few months ago when they started and he continued condemning them again yesterday when they kicked off in kenosha and that's what makes mike pence so slick he doesn't lie he doesn't lie he just implies but that's fine i guess you know there's no commandment that says thou shalt not suggest false witness against thy neighbor so according to mike pence america under president trump is falling into anarchy but you'll never guess whose fault it actually is joe biden says that america is systemically racist and that law enforcement in america has and i quote an implicit bias against minorities joe biden would double down on the very policies that are leading to violence in america cities the hard truth is you won't be safe in joe biden's america that's right you see all the bad stuff that's happening in trump's america well that's actually joe biden's america so wait when is it trump's america when things are going well and as for the idea that you won't be safe when joe biden is president people are not safe now forget the riots coronavirus is waiting to punch me in the lungs as soon as i leave the house you won't be safe in the future [ __ ] i can't even go to a denny's right now so mike pence talking about riots and protests wasn't exactly on the up and up but it was nothing compared to his [ __ ] about trump's handling of the coronavirus pandemic which to hear him tell it was more perfect than trump's call with ukraine before the first case of the coronavirus spread within the united states the president took unprecedented action and suspended all travel from china the second largest economy in the world now that action saved untold american lives and i can tell you firsthand it bought us invaluable time to launch the greatest national mobilization since world war ii president trump marshaled the full resources of our federal government from the outset he directed us to forge a seamless partnership with governors across america in both political parties today we're conducting more than 800 000 tests a day and we have coordinated the delivery of billions of pieces of personal protective equipment for our amazing doctors nurses and health care workers okay i'm not gonna lie i'm actually kind of impressed by how much cow excrement pence managed to pack in here because yes america is doing 800 000 tests a day now what pence doesn't mention is the many months where america did basically no testing and that trump himself wants there to be less testing pence brags about coordinating the delivery of ppe what he doesn't mention is that america was so disorganized on ppe that nurses were wrapping themselves up in garbage bags running around looking like some kind of broke-ass missy elliots i mean it's great that you bought invaluable time to launch a national mobilization but what would have been even better was if you actually used that invaluable time to actually do the national mobilization oh and as for the seamless partnership with america's governors i assume pence is referring to when trump told democratic governors that they would only get help if they were nice to him i mean i guess that's a seamless partnership the same way when a guy walks into the bank and tells someone to put the money in the bag they put the money in the bag teamwork now to be fair mike pence did admit that america hasn't completely solved coronavirus but then he got mad that joe biden said finishing the job would take actual work now last week joe biden said that no miracle is coming what joe doesn't seem to understand is that america is a nation of miracles and i'm proud to report that we're on track to have the world's first safe effective coronavirus vaccine by the end of this year wow what a miracle we might be getting the vaccine at some point and only 200 000 people had to die first take that joe biden [Music] [Applause] the final night of the republican national convention also known as the place where facebook comments come to life and this was the night that everyone was waiting for the acceptance speech of donald just the tip trump but before the speech even started we got this incredible moment between trump's first lady and melania oh my god did you guys see that play it again [Music] god damn as soon as ivanka walked by melania's smile disappeared faster than all the blackface episodes of all your favorite sitcoms and it's moments like these that just add more fuel to the rumors that melania does not like ivanka and look i don't blame her i mean after all ivanka's the one who's in charge of tackling melania when she makes a run for it no wonder they got bad blood but once the traditional exchange of fake smiles was complete president trump descended the majestic stairs of the white house walked up to the podium and then delivered the longest most boring low energy jeb bush ass speech of his entire life damn that [ __ ] was boring and i would be so pissed off if i was one of the people in the audience because if i'm sitting in a crowd risking catching coronavirus to watch a trump speech god damn it i want a trump speech i want to hear his plans for locking hillary up while chugging hydroxychloroquine i want him to accuse nancy pelosi of creeping into your houses at night turning up your air conditioning and stealing your blankets i want to see him hold up a big case of ten-year-old trump steaks say that they're the real cure for corona and then start throwing them into the crowd paper towel style but this speech man this speech was like going to a nascar race and watching the car's parallel park for three hours where's the crash honestly it was really weird because say what you want about trump the one thing we all know about the man is that he can give exciting speeches that hold people's attention so why now with one of the most important speeches he will ever have to give to trump resort to reading the wikipedia entry for history of the 19th century our american ancestors sailed across the perilous ocean to build these pioneers didn't have money climbed into their covered wagons and set out west for the next advantage davey crockett and buffalo cowboys and sheriff they pressed on past the mississippi took the great ships raised up the skies from normandy to iwo jima we did it all with style and confidence we built a 6 million pound rocket and launched it thousands of miles into space together we are unstoppable together we are unbeatable huh what no i'm i'm listening i'm listening people what the hell was that like i don't know what was worse the perilous journey that those pioneers faced trekking across the country or having to sit through trump telling us about it i mean the last people that told stories that boring were the actual pioneers and that's because the only other things they could do were chop wood or die it's like trump turned oregon trail into an audio book and by the time the speech was over i bet half the people in the audience died of dysentery so now we know president trump is a terrible president but we also know that he'd be an even worse substitute history teacher sometimes you got to know when to just play the space jam dvd man give up but still if anyone managed to stay awake during trump's 17-minute bend carson impersonation they might have picked up on one major theme you see for months trump has been saying that sleepy joe biden is too weak to run america but he's also been saying that joe biden is a radical socialist who's going to destroy america but how can both of those be true well now he's figured it out sleepy joe biden is so weak that other radical socialists will destroy america for him joe biden is weak he takes his marching orders from liberal hypocrites who drive their cities into the ground while fleeing far from the scene of the wreckage make no mistake if you give power to joe biden the radical left will defund police departments all across america if joe biden doesn't have the strength to stand up to wild-eyed marxists like bernie sanders and his fellow radicals and there are many there are many many we see him all the time it's incredible actually then how is he ever going to stand up for you he's not biden is a trojan horse for socialism oh the trojan horse of socialism sounds terrifying in fact they should turn it into a movie wow look at the amazing totally harmless and almost certainly empty giant horse now we can attack the city and give them all universal healthcare find their women and give them paid maternity leave prepare to have your minimum wage raised huh not as scary as i thought seriously though it's starting to feel like be scared of the socialists is becoming the republicans only move which honestly is just getting old you know it's like the gop is that one friend of yours in street fighter who just did the chopping thing the entire time you're not playing the game justin but in a way the biggest message that trump sent last night wasn't in anything that he said at all no it was in the setting of the speech and that message was coronavirus ain't [ __ ] the south lawn of the white house converted into a packed convention floor nearly 2 000 supporters no social distancing and very few masks you're seeing people shake hands hug greet each other like it would be in normal times it's almost as if he is trolling people who are concerned about testing and masks and the coronavirus what happened last night was dangerous it was in violation of the president's administration's own health guidelines most people were not tested this was something that indeed could become a super spreader event yes even in a pandemic trump needed to have a packed crowd i mean look at that the only empty seat is herman cain's and it wasn't just a packed crowd practically nobody wore a mask and practically nobody was tested trump basically decided his speech was going to kill one way or another in fact the only guest required to wear a face mask was stephen miller and that wasn't coronavirus related i guess the one silver lining is that trump's speech was so boring that there was no risk that anybody would spread droplets by cheering but in many ways this is trump's coronavirus response in a nutshell his top priority isn't health or safety his top priority is making donald trump look good nearly 4 000 americans died during the four nights of the rnc but trump won't let that get in the way of a good tv backdrop in fact when asked about the lack of precautions at the speech a white house official said quote everybody is going to catch this thing eventually and if that's the attitude of the white house then i'm disappointed because the trump i know doesn't quit when he had an affair with stormy daniels he didn't just go well everybody's gonna know about this eventually no he paid her off he signed nda's he did everything he could to make her go away in fact maybe we should get trump to ban covert 19 then we know he'll shut it down

Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

Views: 4,173,215

Keywords: the daily show, trevor noah, daily show with trevor noah, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, noah trevor, trevor noah latest episode, daily show, trevor, news, politics, daily show trump, trevor noah trump, trump, coronavirus, corona, virus, COVID, COVID-19, RNC, Republican National Convention, donald trump, trump rnc speech, melania, biden, joe biden, president trump, trojan horse, oregon trail, socialist, fox news

Id: -3zvFYbVciE

Length: 30min 9sec (1809 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 29 2020