What Lie Do You Must Keep Up That Covers Up A Much Bigger F*ck Up?(AskReddit)

what is one lie you must keep up that you hate but it covers up a much bigger screw-up my wife and I were at my parents house helping them organize things in the Attic my wife slipped at one point and stepped right through the bedroom ceiling I picked her back up and I could hear my parents yelling what was that what happened she started crying because she's always trying to impress my parents so I yelled down I stepped through the ceiling sorry and took the blame years later my family still makes fun of me for the incident I just look over at my wife and wink I have three each one was the worst in its own way the day my father was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease I cried I'm not a crier or a very emotional person I'm more Vulcan like I guess not saying I'm a hard-ass just that I'm good at keeping up appearances that caused me to lose it that's the impact it had on me the worst lie I maintained was that there was any improvement or ever going to be any improvement no matter what medicine he took my parents were both hopeful my family was hopeful people prayed left and right and every good day was met with praise Jesus and maybe it isn't loud Jared's after all they basically forced me to say maybe they were right plenty of times I didn't want to tell them the truth he isn't going to get better he's going to become more paralyzed until he can't get enough oxygen then he's going to die even the day he went out for a hospice weekend my mom and I were his only carriage Ivers 24 / 7 for years I wanted to pull my mom to the site and say this is co2 poisoning he can't breathe out enough and it's building up in his system say your goodbyes his time is short I recognized his change in behavior I recognized his symptoms even a nurse at the hospice place wouldn't have any of it I could barely open my mouth well he died that day just like I knew they would and I couldn't very well go and tell him goodbye I did the best I could without alerting him to the possibility of it there's two lies I guess the third lights that I hated to see him go no I love to see him go I didn't cry when he died his suffering was finally over almost every minute of his last six months was hell for him he could barely move anything at all I mourned when he was still alive but not enough people in my life would understand that for me to ever tell anyone I knew in real life thanks for listening with it I've never told anyone this and don't suspect I ever will again I once worked at a large store and walked up to a co-worker to ask a question I must have startled her be /c as I was asking I noticed a weird look on her face and suddenly realized that she was peeing herself I pretended not to notice and made some excuse to leave and came back a little later to see her mopping it up I said did a customer spill another drink again and wandered off I told all my cow hawkers that a customer had spilled soda all over the floor in her department I came up with a lie so I wouldn't have to go to my sister's friend surprise party I told her I had some homework to finish up that was due that night there was no assignment I just didn't feel like going my sister came over and said I should at least sign the card my sister then very strongly suggested that her friend really likes me so now I do want to go but I already told the lie so now I backtrack saying that the assignment was almost done and I could turn it in now for a ninety I go to the party we hook up three days later and I'm still dating her the annoying part is whenever anyone tells the story of how we got together they say that I got a lower grade on an assignment so I could see her I really want to correct it but there is no graceful way I can think of to do so that I can't know anything I told my best friend that in third grade to sound cool the problem is that he has a photographic memory I'm trained to never make a comment about smells my parents even think I can smell they paid for a doctor to look at it the doctor said as sometimes this happens it's probably nothing to worry about worst doctor ever I can't get out of it ever in stock I used to serve as a major chain restaurant when I messed up or forgot to bring something to a table it was never my fault I'd blame the kitchen the bartender the busboy and a thing that admit I made a mistake so this particular night I get sat a three top comprised of two adults and a boy maybe four or five years old the parents order their drinks and asked for a kid sized milk for their son I bring them an adult sized milk by mistake and the dad says oh excuse me but we wanted a kid sized milk I lie yeah we are actually all out of kid cups so that's all we have I'm sorry my manager forgot to place the order for them this week he believes my story and everything is fine but then I get sat 1/8 topped with for kids and for adults I'm forced to carry on this sure on to the next table being out of kid cups because they are in plain sight of the three top and the next table and the next not me but my room at freshmen and sophomore years at college was put on academic probation for failing and lost her full ride scholarship she was too afraid to tell her parents so she started stripping to pay tuition last time I talked to her she never finished college is still at the strip club and her parents still think she's a graduate that just can't find a job when I was a kid I chased my little brother outside with a spoon once we got outside he got on top of our car and started yelling no clue why I was chasing him with a spoon or while I cared about him yelling after he wouldn't get down I threw the spoon at him aiming for his stomach trying to avoid it he ducked and it hit him in the face right next to his left eye after he calmed down I took him back into the house and told my mom he fell he was hurt pretty bad the spoon didn't just barely hit him it caused permanent damage to that eye that he had to deal with for years he wasn't blinded or anything but his vision was impaired he was too young to remember I'm three years older than him that it was my fault so he doesn't know it was me not the biggest lie of course we were both kids and I didn't do it on purpose but it's still pretty shitty to know that I did that to someone when I was 15 and only had a driver's permit I feel asleep behind the wheel and rolled that truck I was driving my mom was asleep in the passenger's side and luckily we were not injured she ended up telling the cops it was her driving since I would have been impossible to insure when and if I did get my license at 16 years old it's not really a story that comes up often that I have always felt terrible that it went on her driving record ever since that accident I've made it a point to be a safe driver and eight years later have not been in another car wreck knock on wood why don't you travel or even just go down to the user for a day trip gas is cheaper down there blahblah I live in Canada just on the other side of the border I have to make all kinds of excuses like trying to save money by not going on vacations not having a passport yet having prior obligations / plans stuff like that the real reason I've got a criminal record I work as a bar manager and both my boss and I are military vets actually that's mostly how I got the job we struck up a conversation and I discussed my time in the service except that my six year enlistment ended at around three years two months I didn't go AWOL / youäôre drink myself stupid mostly I would oversleep and I was a [ __ ] in my early twenties not my finest hour I left with a general discharge so I still had college paid for in Texas but very few know about this I couldn't reveal this and honestly the lie has manifested into the status quo everything I have has been predicated upon a lie my jobs my girlfriend who's a veteran and even a good amount of friends have no clue my girlfriend and I were sitting around visiting with a bunch of friends she was sitting on my lap and someone else was talking so no one was looking at us all of a sudden I felt my girlfriend seize up as she stifle a sneeze unfortunately holding back the sneeze caused her to rip a massive fart the fart was so huge that every head in the room turn towards us with a look of shock and/or on their faces I just smiled sheepishly and said excuse me all the guys cracked up and the girls faint discussed until the aroma hit their nostrils it was a rancid vulgar Roda that cleared everyone out of the room the group had a few good laughs and made fun of me for years for that fart that's okay that night and many nights thereafter I was amply rewarded for chivalry I had a longboarding accident a year ago and I ended up injuring myself pretty badly I got tendinitis in my ankle from a previous complication bursitis in my hip had I needed eight stitches in my face my boss would always tell me ya know one day you're gonna fall off that thing and seriously injure yourself so I lied and said I fell while chasing a dog down a hill now he kind of pities me and lets me take it easy if my hip starts to act up my husband and I was spending a few days with my dad instead none at their house and we were hanging out downstairs when I go upstairs to change clothes my husband runs up a few minutes later to use the bathroom since he is in the guest bathroom I use the one in the master bedroom when I come out my husband is standing in the doorway of the guest room silently and frantically motioning for me to come over when I get in the room he says dude I clogged the toilet and it won't flush you have got to find a plunger so I'm looking around upstairs but can't locate one I tell him I'll have to go down and ask my dad where they keep it and he begs me to take the blame to save him the embarrassment of clogging my parents toilet with his massive poops when I ask my dad where the plunger is he gives me a weird look and I tell him that I accidentally clogged the toilet him and my stepmom go on a scavenger hunt for one but come up empty-handed my stepmom is like I don't think we have a plunger WTF who doesn't keep a plunger for those unexpected moments great now what my husband is still hiding in the guest bedroom since no plunger can be located my stepmom gets a yardstick from her car Rome and proceeds to the bathroom to unclog the toilet she [ __ ] chops my husband's poop into enough tiny pieces to flush the toilet with a [ __ ] yardstick giving me looks dad - my husband emerges from the master bathroom toilet flushing in the background what's going on I told him I clogged the toilet and he starts laughing and my parents start teasing me making poop jokes and talking about how they are going to have to get my stepmom a new yardstick because I've destroyed the one she had yeah my husband still owes me for that one we laugh about it to this day and my parents still bring it up in public I was in a rush to get to school one morning and did not realize a second car was directly behind the car I was driving I rammed into the back end of that car and broke the license plate so I then had to take that car to prevent my mom from seeing it I told my friend that my brother got in a fender bender and I told my mom that my friend the same friend broke it by failing at a Dukes and hazards type slide on top of my car so now they think all of my friends are irresponsible and overweight years ago I was partying with a college friend at a bar in New Orleans where he lived right out of school in a big group and his car was stolen years later he confessed to me that he decided to leave the bar early accidentally drove into a swamp and walked away from his vehicle as it descended into the muck he then walked back to the bar and hung out the rest of the night only to act surprised when his car wasn't there vehicle recovered two weeks later and insurance paid it off in fall the guy's now an attorney investigating corporate fraud my dad told me on my 19th birthday that he had fathered a girl with another woman he never mentioned that he was currently playing a role in the kid's life and I never asked he had never told my older brother and sister but my mother knew they were going to tell us all at one point but he died before that ever happened it was seven years later I act like I don't know about it my sister somehow found out about it and was hinting about it at a family function the never actually said anything it gives me some small measure of satisfaction that I knew something this big before my big naughty [ __ ] have assisted it if she brought it up I was fully prepared to not give a [ __ ] and just carry on it hasn't changed my life in any way really I've never had any intention of meeting my half-sister and probably give as much of a [ __ ] about them as they do about me maybe less dropping that I know about it to my mother would probably cause her a considerable amount of grief at having to deal with it again not worth it recently I stayed in Costa Rica with a few of my friends and our tour group I managed to convince someone that an animal broke a patch of the hotel patio shingles and they did the rest for me in reality I had been walking across the roof to a friend's balcony and that wild animal may or may not have been my leg and maybe also my torso because I fell through through the roof I had my friends pull me up and I just ran down to the room below and dragged them out because I heard something out back I worked at my dad's company when I graduated from college I spent two years there I tell people that I quit because it was essentially a dead end for me and that I needed to move on and while that was true that wasn't why I quit I texted a bunch of people in an appropriate message as a joke one of whom was a cow walker of mine she told our supervisor and said she now wasn't sure she felt comfortable working around me the supervisor could tell that it was a joke and a misunderstanding on the cow Walker's part but we both agreed that I was out of line my dad found out later that day the next day I went in and gave my two weeks notice I said that any action not resulting in my leaving could potentially be construed as favoritism and I didn't want to risk my father's position and thus my brother's tuition and mother's alimony on a silly mistake at a job I had outgrown the only people that know what really happened on my cow occur my supervisor her supervisor and my dad everyone else thinks I just got sick of the job and left my roommate and I knew a younger guy about 18 had some major drug and alcohol problems he was staying with us for a week to try and get clear since he lived about three hours away one morning I come into the living room and we are watching TV when he says I think my roommate came in here last night and grabbed my dick I think he molested me I stare blankly and remind him that rumors had been in a different state on business for the past two days he says nothing but mutters under his breath I know he was planning on trying to blackmail and besmirched my roommates good name but forgot that detail because of his drug addled brain he never got the chance he went back to his home two days later and was in a serious car accident he and his GF were both drunk and either of them remembered who was driving her because she was drunk and him because he sustained massive head trauma and can't function properly can't talk can't walk can't use the bathroom etc if it weren't for his blinking and guttural moans he'd be a complete vegetable here's the worst part the part that pertains to this post I never told anyone what he had said or what I know he was planning he was a piece of [ __ ] that was going to take advantage of my roommate who is the best guy I know after the wreck my roommate was crushed he thought he cold done more to keep the guy safe and he did everything he could for the guy and his family afterwards he doesn't know what the lowlife scum was going to do and god help me he never will [Music]

Channel: ToadFilms

Views: 426,995

Rating: 4.9230528 out of 5

Keywords: lie, lie do you must keep up, covers up a much bigger screw up, covers up, much bigger, bigger screw up, covers, keep up, reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, ToadFilms, pewdiepie

Id: CHJgJTyfFH4

Length: 17min 1sec (1021 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 23 2019