What Are Your WTF Family Traditions? (AskReddit)

what are your WTF family traditions for the last eight years my brothers and I have surgically removed assists from my mother's head every Thanksgiving or Christmas one year both it started Thanksgiving 2005 two of my brothers had just finished their first year as surgical technicians and we had a couple nurses and an anesthetist around my mother had always grown these horrible cysts on her head but refused to go get them taken care of because she hated doctors and logic so that Thanksgiving my oldest brother had had enough and after lots of ribbing convinced mom to let us cut one out we cut out the first one using discarded medical supplies from the hospital and some local anesthetics that my brother had liberated in anticipation of his plan the procedure was successful my youngest brother only passed out once and we've cut one out every year since mom no longer looks like she has aliens coming out of her head and we all get to work out our childhood frustrations by safely and carefully taking a scalpel to her head when I was a kid the aunts and uncles would get all the kids a gallon of their favorite ice cream on the fourth of July they would sit us down at a table and give us all our ice cream at the same time here's the fun part the first kid to tackle the entire gallon of ice cream got $5.00 this always lead to all of us kids eating ice cream very quickly and thus getting brain freeze ice cream headache within minutes there are a half dozen children roaming the backyard clutching at their sinuses in pain while adults laugh at them I'm so glad I finally caught on my mom couldn't remember if there was a mythical creature associated with birthdays like there is for Christmas Easter losing teeth et Cie so in a panic she made one up hoping it was the right one we grew up with the birthday platypus my mom's logic after inventing the birthday platypus was that she couldn't get rid of him without probably also destroying Santa Claus so she kept him around it didn't help my brother and I with not being the weird kids at school when asking other kids what the birthday platypus brought them 20 plus years later and we still celebrate with the birthday platypus the ants fight I mean like literally fight they will get wasted and just get louder and louder and then one will shout something along the lines of you want to back that up and then they will go outside and fight we'll watch and cheer for our favorite aren't to win and sometimes we will even videotape the fight so that we can watch it later and laugh about it it is pretty normal my brother-in-law thought the three Wolf Moon shirts were hilarious so he bought one my husband also thought it was funny so he bought one with more wolves on it to up the ante my sister and I then bought a wolf shirt for my dad so he could fit in with the guys they wear these shirts in public when they are all together and call themselves the wolf pack my parents even named their boat three Wolf Moon my sister and I are both due to have little boys this winter we are on the hunt for wolf once's it's not really WTF unless you aren't warned every year our Thanksgiving consists of all the neighborhoods phrase usually around 25 people the food is glorious and wine is plentiful when everyone is seated for dinner my dad does a toast and then turns on the song Alice's Restaurant our entire family and regular guests sing the song as it's being played the new comas are usually a little mortified and stunned better 20 people are singing the same song around the dinner table B we know all the word see the song is so damn long I've grown to love this tradition whenever we make a turkey or goose for Thanksgiving and Christmas we have to slap it I don't know why the slapping takes place when the turkey is in there or sting pan you just slap it with moderate force about the force you would use to slap a fire or mosquito on your leg whenever I asked my grandma she would sing it's tradition and never answer the question beyond that my sister accidentally started a tradition when she was a kid she wandered into my parents room one evening after watching TV and asked them who is John Belushi I think she was eight or nine at the time my parents who were big fans told her who he was and then our why she wanted to know her response was oh he died and she wandered out of their room she did the same thing about a week later with another celebrity in my parents having forgotten about how she asked about John Belushi Rippon did the same way explaining who the celebrity was and then asking why and got the same response from my sister oh he died now whenever there is a celebrity death everyone in my family and several family friends rush to call / text someone else in the family so they can be the first person to report it and the call / text always starts with who is and usually the other person responds with oh no how did they die the person who manages to tell someone else first usually is referred to as winning that round we are a little morbid Easter we reenact that scene from Indiana Jones where I and he has to pick the correct Grail for siblings three martini glasses full of vodka one of them is filled with water we all guess and the winner doesn't take three shots of vodka at once I think that started my junior year of HS Thanksgiving the morning of Thanksgiving we all wake up at 8:00 a.m. and go to a rifle range usually we are either still drunk from the night before or suffering from terrible hangovers it is just a rifle target contest and the winner gets a silver martini glass my sister-in-law's family has a certifiably insane Christmas tradition you start the day singing happy birthday to Jesus cake and all I'm Catholic but even I think that's far beyond wrong after that first time I looked at my dad and said if we come out to calf for Christmas again we are skipping this part that's just too [ __ ] weird he agreed I didn't realize how dysfunctional my family get-togethers were until I met my wife the first time I invited her over was Thanksgiving I always thought my family was a little crazy but see it through her eyes gave me a whole new perspective we walked in and the first thing we hear is my grandmother screaming I burned the damn rolls my cousins are arguing over how much to chip in for the dinner you see all of our family dinners are paid by each person you don't have any how much your party's the minimum per person is $10 that's right my grandmother charges for her cooking the kids are screaming or crying there is no silence in any part of this 1,100 sq ft house my aunts and uncles braved the cold weather to smoke one quarter of a cigarette every 10 minutes outside because they are so stressed they are not allowed to smoke inside because my grandmother is a reformed smoker there is always a guarantee that a plate or dish will be broken over anger or frustration this is not even a glimpse of the other things that happen during get-togethers I visited my wife's family for Christmas everyone is reserved her grandmother cooks awesome there is an order to everything it just seems like a perfect family truth is they just keep it to themselves not sure if this is better I'm bored to death when I'm there you can open one present on Christmas Eve but it's chosen by your siblings leading to lots of under-the-table negotiations and the eventual selection of the smallest or least interesting looking present if you were really pissed off you chose the card to be opened lots of fights were had not my family but my ex-girlfriend who is a crane Ian this fact is important to the story has really weird family traditions when she was in elementary school her dad used to wake her and her brother up two hours before school every day then he would put on a cassette tape of a crane Ian's folk songs and they would take turns singing when one of them finished a song he would hold up a card with a number between 1 and 10 written on it to rate their performance still cracks meet up when I think about it her family did a lot of weird things my great grandma used to do body shots off of babies whenever a family member would come over with their baby my great-grandma would check to see if the soft spot on their head had closed up if it hadn't she'd put tequila on the soft spot and suck it off of our heads she did it apparently to close the hole faster because evil spirits come in from that hole and she believed that had took them out some of my aunts still do this my family has been having a fake plastic and battle since the 80s it all started one day when we were at a family reunion camping and Yassa might my aunt had come across a bag of those plastic and cinnamon pop shop nearby and decided to prank my grandfather by putting one in his coffee cup when he wasn't looking he remarked about how big the ants are in the mountains and emptied his Cup on the ground at that point the family decided it would be fun to continue pranking him all week and he never caught on finally somebody tipped him off on the last day of the reunion he looked at us not it we all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways the next year he came prepared armed with bags and bags and bags of plastic black ants he terrorized the living [ __ ] out of every one of us no sleeping bag was safe no bowl of cereal on infested and when I went home I squeezed my toothpaste and an ant came out onto my brush he got us and he got us good to this day the tradition continues one year my aunt tied giant plastic ants to the roof racks of all of our cars my mom has a welcome sign that has a metal and on it I once made a batch of cookies with chocolate Jimmy and Sundaram the ant war is probably my favorite thing that we do as a family that I get the strangest looks when I try to explain why I'm cracking up at a picture of an and my cousin posted on my FB wall when we were on a family vacation to Florida we passed a pool supply center called pinch a penny my sister saw this and shouted pinch a penny poke a penis we've all grown up now but when my parents go down the same route to Florida every year they'll prank call all of us screaming pinch a penny poke a penis into the phone and hanging up my family is pagan they dance around bonfires half-naked and smoke weed when a family member dies I have to fly back to Europe to kiss the family tree as an agnostic I find this very amusing as someone who can barely afford anything I find my family to be too expensive for my liking but goddamn it I love them getting my weekly calls from grandma reminding me to burn sage and other things make me happier than I usually let on I love how they just make up these rules as they go too we go to Hooters on Thanksgiving we aren't oblivious to it being a weird tradition my immediate family travels about five hours for Thanksgiving we tend to do Thanksgiving dinner at like 2:00 to 3:00 p.m. to allow those who need to visit other households since my siblings I'm one of five plus there s / oh and children my dad step them and myself travel there we don't really have anything to do after family time winds down the elderly family members stay stay with my great aunt and uncle and we all stay in a hotel nearby at about 7:00 to 8:00 p.m. the elders tend to be settling in for the night and we head back to the hotel and often begin to get hungry again you too really having a late lunch and never really eating dinner in years past we would just try to find a pizza place or something but about nine years ago we started going out for dinner it has Thanksgiving so there are only a few options I hop Waffle House and Hooters on the inaugural Hooters Thanksgiving my sister was pregnant and swore she would throw up if we had IHOP or Waffle House hooter stuck as our annual post Thanksgiving dinner dinner instead of putting a star or angel on top of our Christmas tree we have this three-foot long orange and purple plush snake I won at an amusement park years ago I put it up one year as a joke and it stayed there the next year we decided to do it again we named him Jake the Christmas snake he even has a short song Jake Jake the Christmas snake Merry Merry Christmas like a snake my dad is one of 12 so we usually have a giant family reunion every year 40-plus people it starts out all nice but then the liquor starts flowing every year for the past decade we've gotten pissed drunk and then someone fights someone the fighting is not on purpose it just seems to happen and is usually different people every year it's been a running gag that it's not a family Christmas until a fight breaks out it didn't matter the holiday or the reason we were gathered but the men sat in the living room in near total silence with some random sporting event on the teller the women sat at the table and quietly chattered the grandkids all 13 of us were consigned to the 8x8 laundry room to eat until my older cousins mom burst in shouting and hitting him for no reason whatsoever my granddad would find a random granddaughter to corner in the shop to molest my grandmother died just a few years ago and along with her these tense gatherings they filled my social anxiety so now I don't go to large family to deuce before my grandpa passed my mom and him would give each other the set of ceramic teeth that were salt and pepper shakers they would elaborately hide them in things when giving them back to the other person I remember them showing up in at least two different pies my birthday cake a sealed box of cracklin oat bran mashed potatoes a meat loaf at a restaurant swinging a stuffed animal my sister got for Christmas and the list goes on and on I have an unnecessary fear of teeth now each December my family goes out into the woods looks for a tree that we like and think is pleasing to the eye and we and we actually chop it down this tree we like so much and bring it home from there we have this metal stand thing that puts the tree upright in our house if that's not enough we take shirt that my parents have collected from over the hairs and hang it all over the tree lights pop calm shiny shirt it doesn't matter if it exists it goes on the tree it stays up there for about three weeks until I guess someone Sobers up and realizes how ridiculous it looks the reason we keep doing it is because one year when I was really young someone broke into our house and left a bunch of presents under it while we were sleeping and he has been back the same night every year it's a little unnerving that we are basically inviting this stranger in but nothing bad has come of it except to eat some of our food each time usually sweet stuff if it wasn't for that guy and the goofy socks that would fit no one being filled every time we hang them by the fire on that exact same night I doubt we would do it we are a pretty weird family my extended family gives an award every Christmas to the family member who is the to have done the dumbest thing that year the trophy is a gold crown that must be displayed prominently in the winners house for the rest of the year past winning events have included sneezing and crashing a bike sinking a rowboat boarding the wrong bus in London mistaking enough football for a cardinal eating a small dog while on bike and getting hit by a bus you have to have thick skin to be a member of my family we did this when we were kids and no one ever seemed to wonder why after Christmas when we are going to clean everything up anyway and it is going to get messy or anyway as we move stuff around we have a funnel book fight the living room is cleared and we hurl the fana books yellow and white pages slash business and residential across the room and they rip into pieces you hold like two to three pages and as you're throwing it and usually they tear out it's only over when there's no chunks of fun a book left just hundreds of single pages everywhere I live in a big city so these books are not small I'm not sure when this started or why but I know it's something my dad used to do in his house when he was growing up and it was just a normal feature of my childhood it sounds so weird when I write it out I thought of another one we used to rent a cabin slash lake house for a week at the end of summer every year there are five kids and mom and dad last day we would go by like 20 cream pies from the grocery store the cheapest ones like two dollars each and have a cream pie fight on the beach my younger brother would always cry because he thought we were just going to eat pie my family really liked to throw stuff at each other

Channel: ToadFilms

Views: 70,630

Rating: 4.8898005 out of 5

Keywords: What Are Your WTF Family Traditions, wtf family traditions, wtf family, family traditions, family, traditions, reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, emkay, ToadFilms, GioFilms

Id: tvgtcTqAiS8

Length: 17min 8sec (1028 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 16 2019