What I Learned About Narcissists And Christmas

[Music] hi and welcome to thriver TV the place to break free from narcissistic abuse with quantum tools and understandings so this is the last video for this year for 2016 and as always a Christmas what I like to do is help people get through this time which can be very challenging and painful for anyone let alone a community dealing with narcissistic abuse because maybe this is a time where we have to be around family members who are toxic and maybe this is a time where you're painfully reminded that you're single or that you've got broken relationships or that your life is not in the position that you hope that it would be by this stage of your life and by Christmas and in some cases it is very painful for people who've been alienated from their loved ones some of the most beautiful people I know in this community some of them who are really dear friends going through the agony this year of not having their children Christmas Day because it co-parenting with a narcissist or maybe they've been alienated all together and they just don't even get to see their children so for these people my heart goes out to you so much as a parent I can't even begin to imagine how painful that could be and I really urge you knowing that an extreme time of anxiety or depression is coming up for you on Christmas Day to get on to which to get on to that in a trauma for those of you who are not as who are members of the narcissistic abuse recovery program please use the modules do the NART program work which will give you the shift inside of you so that that extreme trauma which can be crippling can be released and it can be replaced with love and healing because something I have known for such a very long time on this corner of journey of healing is that wicked pain is inevitable but regardless of what it is and how big it is we don't need to suffer the triggers that we feel as human beings they're going to come they're going to be in our life and it's not about avoiding them in the old way of trying to deal with them the way we all thought was normal was to go into our heads and try to deal with our emotionally triggered traumas cognitively which meant to try to think our way out of the pain however this is completely ineffectual because when we're in triggered emotional trauma we only have access to the neuron that pathways in our brain which are organized within the trauma so therefore trying to introduce a new thinking which is not crisis based is near impossible and this is why we agonize we obsess we beat ourselves up we go into analysis paralysis and generally speaking the types of traumas that may be triggered at Christmastime can be significant they can be very very painful and there is a way to deal with these rather than get pulled into them logically and being gulf tanned taken out by them and the way to deal with them is to go directly to the emotional trauma in your body and shift it out from there instead which is exactly what quanta freedom healing and the nup program is all about so then what happens is this your mind will then follow the body once the trauma is replaced and up leveled you naturally will be able to think in karma more solid whole self partner in self loving ways so my total suggestion is to get on to these feelings before Christmas Day and start healing them now so that you can be in the most solid whole and empowered space to deal with Christmas Day as well as whatever pain the holiday season may bring up for you so this year in the last video for the year I also want to narcissus can act out a Christmas because many of them do one of the most painful things for a narcissist is not being the center of attention in group settings where there are others in the spotlight there could be family members who may have new things in their life events that others are interested in or maybe there are people with health issues or needs or children who demand attention whatever it is and understandably narcissus may also have fractured relationships with family members where they can't captivate them as they would other people for narcissistic supply so uh narcissus knowing that they're not going to be able to tolerate others getting attention which to them means losing pressures narcissistic supply which is a very lifeline that lets them know that they exist may decide to forfeit Christmas altogether he or she may flatly refuse to go or create a disco just before Christmas Day or a fight to have the excuse not to go naturally at this time the narcissist is going to swing it all around it's going to be or she is going to blame you or your family for not going narcissus knowing that Christmas is an important time for you may promise you that they'll be spending Christmas with you and at the very last moment pull the rug out from underneath you and disappear or discard you all the narcissus may go to Christmas Day with you not be able to secure enough narcissistic supply and be manically depressed and seething as a result of that and then he or she may make everybody feel totally on edge with the black mood that permeates everything or the narcissus may explode and create a scene or cause trouble between people or purposely ignore you to punish you by lavishing attention on someone else or trigger you to make you look like the bad one whatever it takes to create drama in order to gain significant and I know a lot of you will have already experienced these sorts of things on Christmas Day and as always with a narcissist good attention or bad attention it doesn't matter a narcissist when they know they can affect another person gets significance so therefore don't expect that you're going to have a great christmas day with a narcissist don't expect that a fractured person can act like a healthy person don't try to force a fractured person to act like a healthy person or you're going to become more fractured regularly people get abandoned and/or punished at Christmas Day and around the holiday season by narcissus commonly narcissus spoil Christmas and holiday seasons for others and it doesn't matter whether the narcissist or the narcissist family has children the narcissist went low on narcissistic supply and or significantly triggered by the pathological rage and envy of other people experiencing love and joy does not have the consciousness to care even about children it is all about him or her and the need to swing the attention back around by whatever means possible or to go off and get other supplies of narcissistic supply or trying to offload the terrible traumas that have surfaced from within for him or her and which means that that narcissist is going to be intensely narcissistic to others so Christmas is a devastating reminder for the narcissist about he or she is not the center of the universe not one of them not a part of a tribe not accepted or lovable and not able to feel and be like non narcissistic others so for those of you and all of us who have been with narcissist or are still with narcissists now you may commonly suffer greatly at Christmastime I used to terribly as well you know experiencing the narcissistic abuse as a result of the narcissus lashing out or feeling the effects of the emotional abandonment or desertion of the narcissist so in regard to the target any target pro narcissus the narcissist knows your weak spots he or she knows the spot to hit from maximum impact and you can be sure that he or she is going to go for that spot all those spots those parts within you that are still unhealed so within the community this is a big big time if necessary healing this is a time where you may be tested to even greater traumatic levels maybe you've broken up with a past narcissist or gone no contact with one whether this person was a lover a friend a member a family member or somebody else and this is the time the narcissist chooses to Hoover you with recontact and it may be a simple and apparently innocent merry christmas which can send your emotions and your brain spinning or maybe it's a Hoover with promises or remorse or undying love or even blaming you still which in senses you and makes you want to come back and prove yourself right it could be anything to try to hook you into break no contact again so that the narcissist can gain narcissistic supply from you all over again which of course is the attention that helps feed the narcissist the significance that he or she exists and for all of these reasons it is so important for us to heal and be in power to raise through a higher level of internal identity and consciousness where the narcissist can no longer affect us so how do we do that how do we do it the answer to this is the same every time we find an uplevel the old wounds that we have within us that the narcissist can hook and punish us with an effect just through and that's exactly what the thriver way is all about during this Christmas period we have a wonderful opportunity to do that and if we want a better life we need to and this opportunity in this period is wonderful because life is happening for us and not to us it is likely that we're going to be heavily triggered and all breakdowns are heralding breaks through z' if we don't go into our heads and get trapped in analysis paralysis and instead if we go inside to self partner meet release and heal what is being triggered because every time we do that we evolve ourselves to a level that is more like our true self whole come solid self actualized and further away from the painful stuff that the narcissist delivers we get off the hook we get off the emotional trigger with no need to react offend or prove anything and we become more and more detached and disinterested and that is when the narcissist starts to lose power we stop walking around in fear on broken glass organizing our life around someone else's wounded malfunctioning self and we start to break free and live our own radiant life instead we don't feed the rubbish or granted energy or try to fix the unfixable we stop lecturing and prescribing and trying to play sait we just don't get sucked in anymore if you are still with the narcissist at Christmas don't take on their energy and if you want to go if you if you if you want to get past the discard that's happened prior to Christmas or them becoming sullen on the day or leaving early or making others uncomfortable ignore it pull away and back into yourself for your healing and if you're fearful of being punished afterwards detaching connect to other loving people instead don't feed the narcissist energy and know that you have options you can always go no contact with narcissistic people at Christmas you have the sovereign right to look after your spirit and your inner being regardless of what others think about you what is important is what you think about you and then other healthy resources of life will also love and approve of you the greatest joy I and so many others know as thrivers is that when we self partner like and healthy others meet us in true love and joy as well it all starts with self so as an example a dear friend of mine won't be spending Christmas with her family but she's already making plans for baking wonderful Christmas treats she said to me joyfully I am so excited about taking Christmas to work so what she's doing is she's taking these treats for her colleagues and also customers there is always love to be had everywhere we just need to be a generative force of it another beautiful friend of mine is not spending Christmas with her children yet she's going to a yoga day to help raise money for those in need another lady I know has stated this Christmas she's going to take herself off to a cabin in the woods get yummy food for herself and dedicate fully to loving and marrying herself she's going to have a ceremony with a ring she bought herself and then starting the day after Christmas she has a full week to work devotedly with an art program getting to the bottom of and up leveling once and for all her inner traumatic programs that she no longer wants to play out in her life and that's her Christmas present to herself a life eventing the old and beginning the new for the rest of her life from the inside out so Christmas may not be what our idea of it was as a result of narcissistic involvement prison or or prior but we can still be a channel for Christmas cheer and love and when we go quantum we start to know that we are unlimited infinite beings who have unlimited permutations to express source which is well being lifeforce through us as us and be a force for love goodness and wholeness in every expression and breath of our life and for those of you struggling with Christmas Day I so know what that was about and my love goes out to you from every cell of my being because I know that stuff so intimately I too used to suffer intensely a Christmas I had five terrible years of Christmas with narcissus number one and two years of awful Christmases with narcissus number two ranging from narcissistic nastiness to complete discard and abandonment and I remember I was completely traumatized one Christmas and we were driving to the family event on Christmas Day and we passed the narcissus car on the road in the morning what were the chances of that and I was sure triggered my head was going in a thousand different directions wondering who we were spending Christmas with and knowing that I was alone and unloved and totally discarded I felt completely empty and worthless and all I could do that Christmas in total depression was excuse myself and put myself to bed at my brother's house I couldn't even participate for my son's sake I was so devastated I'm broken I couldn't eat and I couldn't join in and I find that I had a migraine what I now know is Christmas for myself is because I now live a life of total self dedication and devotion where so partner and I meet every trauma in my body that triggers me and I release every part of me that was trapped in fear and pain and I replace it with love and healing which is a quantum freedom healing process that the parts of myself that used to be trapped down and constricted and toxic darkness and pain have now been freed and they've ascended into space love freedom and radiance and this is a life part that I'm committed to for the rest of my life I don't battle my triggers mentally ever I make them within and I level them to my true self state instead and as a result I've been free to experience Christmas joy unconditionally for years because I just am loved and joy but this takes work it takes dedication it's the hardest job we will ever do overcome our own inner traumatized parts by loving and healing them back to wholeness that is the work of the spiritual warrior or the spiritual warrior s and when we know the quantum truth that all of our life experience emanates from within we know that there's never any other work to do if we want an amazing unlimited life so this Christmas period is such a hot spot to get this work done because we are just finishing off what is known in numerology is a nine-year and when we add two plus zero plus one plus six we come to a nine and the energy of nine for a universal gear goes like this everything that needs to leave or to be let go of is stripped away or become so painful that life is going to evict us out of those states so that the new growth has room to spring forth and blossom and nine years which is we're stuck in the debris and the decay and the letting go in the extreme pain if we cling on they can go on for another nine years in the new cycle if we're still carrying toxic dense energy in our inner beings which is where it all starts whereas if we let go and we make the quantum leaps now we can reap the most positive forces of the new one year the 2017 is so because two plus zero plus one plus seven equals ten and then one plus zero equals one it's a one year so this is the time to get our work done this is the time to cleanse our inner being of all that old stuff we do not want to take forward for the next nine years so we can never change outside of ourselves when we change inside of ourselves then everything changes so how do we change inside of ourselves we rid ourselves we cleanse ourselves at the pain the fear the judgment and the victimhood that has been blocking the joy the love the truth of who we really are in our true life and quite a freedom healing and the narcissistic abuse recovery program fast-tracks that process more than any other quantum in a subconscious tool I know of hence why so many people in this community have been able to create unprecedented thriver healing that nothing else could facilitate for them so if you are ready for your new life I cannot recommend the NAP program enough for you to work with and it might be the perfect time while you have time to do that in this Christmas season and while you're being significantly triggered so now I'd like to finish off with this and this is a little Christmas power mantra that I really want us to say together because when we all do it together it's big so let's do it so repeat after me I now declare and commit within this powerful quantum healing container today that I am worth it I am worth knowing that I am an unlimited being being honored and adored by all of creation because I exist I now know that the power of my Higher Self and creation is who I am and is never reliant on unavailable or damaged others it is between me and life to know how I am the source to love and accept myself warts and all and come home to knowing my higher self creation and my inner being have the power to release the past traumas patterns individuals and events that no longer serve me to make space for who I really am I let go of toxic attachments I come home to healing and loving me I come home to being loved and generating it with healthy others I open myself to receive and be loved and truth now and so it is and so it is amen and just let that soak in it's so true okay so before I sign up I'd just like to thank all of you for 2016 and for being such an incredible part of this thriver community that is my greatest joy of existence to be able to be a part of this co generating with you thriving and breaking the patterns for ourselves and for future generations and for our world that is my greatest honor to be connected with you many of you are dear friends in my life many of you are just the most joyful incredible people I've ever experienced and I just I can't thank you enough all of the moderators in the forum's the support team Clary and Harry my incredible son Zack who is such an integral part of the production of MTE there's thousands of subscribers and supporters and for the psychologists and the counselors and the global relationship experts that are connected with the MTA mission you know and so many of you will be watching this as well and for you know all the new subscribers that are now coming into our our incredible community our amazing family which is saying no to abuse and also no to the ways that we were trying to recover knowing that there is is a thriver way to recover that revolutionizes how we recover and that's exactly what the MTA system is all about so also because it is the end of the year a very important part of thriving for me and also to be a model of thriving for all of us is that I do have a Christmas break where I have several weeks off articles radio shows and thriver TV episode so please know I am looking forward to that break and lying on a beach and just doing a lot of a bunch of normal stuff which I do anyway but you know a lot less work these with with this month will be wonderful and we will be releasing the first video back in the last week of January and please know if you are a new subscriber you will still be receiving daily emails to guide you in your thriving recovery so look out for those and also the existing nap forum doesn't stop that'll be there for new and existing narcissistic abuse recovery program members and I'm going to be popping in there from time to time in this Christmas break because you know I'll need to do that I'll miss you all too much and also there is a bunch of resources for you on my blog which is blog.bufferapp.com webinar will be going live on February the 9th Australia time so please subscribe to that because they're always incredible fast-track healing events so this is my final loving send-off to you for 2016 and I wish you a happy and safe Christmas and I can't wait to be back in the New Year to support you further toward your over recovery and helping you build your amazing narcissistic and abuse free life so I'll see you in 2017 lots of love bye bye

Channel: Melanie Tonia Evans

Views: 48,547

Rating: 4.8921347 out of 5

Keywords: narcissists at christmas, hoovering, narcissist apologised, holidays, blamed, guilt

Id: KGWwvBHJh0c

Length: 28min 40sec (1720 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 21 2016