Q&A How To Handle An Elderly Narcissist

hi and welcome to thriver TV the place to break free from narcissistic abuse with quantum tools and understandings so today's thriver TV episode is a Q&A show and this is a question that I got asked a few weeks ago and I've just got around to producing this episode on it and it's a really important topic because a lot of people in the community are dealing with this and some people think that I only work with people recovering from intimate partner narcissists and that's certainly not the truth at all there are many people in the new life community that are working through narcissistic family of origin there are people that are in the webinar groups that are dealing with family narcissists and elderly narcissist and there's also people that are on the narcissistic abuse recovery program up leveling and healing from this so let's just start off by the understanding of realizing that narcissism is actually a progressive disease narcissistic personality disorder and the reason it is is because it's a false self take over and it's a maladaptive and anything that's unwholesome in a melodic tation is going to break the person's psyche down in their emotional state down so narcissistic people as they get older if they are narcissistic personality disorder they get worse they absolutely get worse they get more entitled they get more deranged they get more unreasonable they find it harder to get narcissistic supply at times because they've lost their charm and their youth and their energy to be able to mine it so they're going to tend to line up their targets quite significantly and it can be a very difficult thing for people to do with because you can be hooked in significantly to an orderly narcissist especially if they're apparent because that's the authority figure and therefore what you might find is that in the presence of this person you are regressing back to a childhood state of powerlessness and handing your power over and there's lots of reasons for that and a significant one is is because of when we're wounded with when we haven't grown up the parts of ourselves to be a source of love approval and security to ourself we are trying to source that from outside of ourselves from significant others and we have this fear of criticism abandonment rejection punishment and we are Mel adapting ourselves to try and avoid that rather than being a generative wholesome force to self so you will be likely if this episode is relating to you that you're walking around on broken glass and aspects of your life are really suffering because if you haven't up leveled and healed your own wounds you may be finding it very hard to be the generative source of love approval and security that you need to be yourself to generate more of that with the field in as far as healthy relationships and success in being able to be inspired and be on mission and and live out your purpose in life and to add insult to injury you may be organizing all around this elderly narcissus wounds because they've really got you hooked in to granting them your energy your time your resources rather than take responsibility for themselves and also too they're lining you up is the dump master for where they can project their torch it in a being on to and blame you for everything and this is really the portrait of people that have been trying to deal with an elderly narcissist who are still manipulating them and the truth is this person if they're not taking responsibility for their own inner wounding which people with narcissistic personality disorder don't do this person is not going to get better they're going to keep doing what they're doing so there's no change for them but as always if you want to change your experience you need to change yourself and where we've had really screwy programming human programming is there's all of those beliefs such as families everything in Bloods thicker than water and it's our responsibility to take care of an elderly narcissist even if they're highly abusive and we've really prized things on such as you know survival and security are more important than evolution and that hasn't turned out well at all look at our world look at the generational patterns of abuse and abused and malfunctioning families and narcissistic behavior inand victims of narcissus and we can see that this pattern hasn't been working at all and we have an understood that evolution is the number one criteria of a wholesome healthy life Neale Donald Walsch I remember years ago when I was reading the conversations with God series and one of his expressions stood out so much to me and it was all about personal responsibility and stop being victims and what it was was to allow an abuser to abuse you is an act of abuse and this is so true because when we're in life in the field and we're being abused and something's unwholesome in our body and we know that we're resentful we're not happy we're feeling and we might be playing victim we're not speaking up we're not laying boundaries we're going to other people we're complaining about it constantly and we're acting the victim this is not wholesome just for us it's it's it's unwholesome for us we feel it in our body and we're not stepping up and we're not changing the thing we're fearing doing we're stuck in it but also - we're not serving anybody else or anything in life by handing our power over that way we are not bringing abusers to evolution by complying and organizing around their wounds and getting ourselves wounded we're also not setting examples for our younger generations and for our offspring to know that they need to honor their own soul in their heart in their own evolution to be wholesome in the field and to create evolutionary change but not just themselves for everybody else so we if you are doing that if you are organizing around somebody's wounds and you are being wounded in the process you are not honoring yourself or your soul and you're not honoring life and you're not honoring others and this is where we really need to grow up our young wounded parts to a different reality where we can stand up and we can lose the guilt lose the fear and this is such a problem when we're not evolving is we're trying to play it safe we're not making the difficult choices that our soul and our emotions are screaming at us to do and we're handing power over to try and minimize damage yet we just continually get damaged so one of the hugest fears about an older nurse sisters what will the family think and I'm going to get smeared I'm going to get scapegoated if I step out and if I say no more and the whole family could turn against me and there could be all this triangulation and smearing and you know all the things narcissus too and again that is a young fearful wound of persecution that doesn't have to play out that way so one of the biggest ironies of life if we try try to play it safe in order to not get wounded we're going to get more wounded because we're not evolving and I want to share this story with you because it's just such a good example a friend of mine she had a narcissistic father she has a narcissistic father and what had been happening with him for years was he was an abuser he would use up everybody's energy and resources and time and you know he would take money and time and all sorts of things and he would just use up his family members and then what he'd do is just disappear the next woman that would come along he'd chop everybody as if they didn't exist devalue discard go off do his own thing with this woman when that would fall apart he'd come back and he'd want money and he'd want this any want that and this friend of mine what happened with her is when she realized that he was a narcissist she completely unraveled and she went into a four-year healing crisis because the wounds had been so big with him that was before she found the quantum tools that was before she did the NARC program and when she got on the NARC program and was able to heal and uplevel her stuff he was still away with one of his women and he turned up back and did the whole thing with the family was cried victim they all had to bail him out all this stuff that he did and what had happened is she done enough work on herself to heal the wound from him that she leveled all of that old neediness of trying to win his love and approval she'd become a solid source of that to herself and she also up leveled all of the fear of what would the family do if she refused to organize around his wounds and play his game anymore and she was really really clear on it so when he came back she had a conversation with him she gave him an opportunity to uplevel in her experience and she said this is the way it needs to be if you're in my life this is what I will tolerate and this is what I won't and there'll be no money there'll be no running year-round they'll be you know I'll come and visit you but only if it's healthy so he danced around that and wouldn't acknowledge it but what we really desperately need to understand about boundaries and most people don't until you've up leveled and healed enough to become them is boundaries do not depend on anybody else getting it at all their unconditional something else that has to get it so even though he didn't acknowledge her boundaries whatever she was just very very clear she was going to live them by action that was her choice with no fear so that's exactly how she showed up in the interactions with him that as soon as he stepped out of line with the things that she would not tolerate she would just say dad I'm leaving or dad I'm hanging up and that's what she did and she also spoke to the family members and she said well this is exactly where I stand on this you can all make your own choices but I'm no longer blah blah blah and what was really interesting because it had been a messy fear for her what would the family think but because she was so clear and so solid in her inner identity about it the family got it they literally got it so there was no problem there but again that was unconditional she didn't care whether they got it she didn't care whether they smeared her she care whether she was the worst in the world because she got to the place in the field with herself which was all about self honor and that's how we demonstrate to life how we want to be treated because she realized if I don't honor me how can anything else honor me because she absolutely because of the wounds with their father and a codependent mother had played out a lot of pain in life and that was this was a woman in her early 50s who'd said enough I'm going to take a stand and be in the field with life with myself in the wholesome astray to create more of that and if people don't want to get on board with me that's fine it doesn't matter I'm that with myself so it was really simple the family accepted it and then what unfolded with that is she was actually able to have a relationship with her father that was simply within the means of his level of development which was very poor he had no resources to care about other people but she could have ten 15-minute interactions with him which were really just talking about himself there was nothing she could gain from it however because she had none of her young I need his love and approval and I'm terrified of fear or criticism or punishment chick none of that in there she was actually able to have that limited relationship with him which he said delighted her because there's no pain around it so that's just a great example of what can happen when we say I'm not going to keep showing up in these interactions in within my wounded young container that's going to continue to be abused and what was really interesting with her father was he was still organizing every but you know the other people the other family members that weren't up leveling some of them followed suit with her and did the work on themselves as well and some of them didn't and the ones that didn't were the ones that he could still pull the strings with he could still play victim he could still mine their resources and of course he was bringing to them the pain that Dain needed to confront their inner beings to uplevel their young underdeveloped self into an adult self of wholesomeness and people are either going to do that work or they're not going to do the work so it's it's really a really hope you understand that if you take the steps to try and change the dynamic without having changed your inner being we can get really beaten up with narcissus any narcissist and the truth is healing from any narcissist is exactly the same premise come inside to our underdeveloped subconscious wounds that the narcissus can target and play on and uplevel them beyond the abuse experience into a being who is our own source of love approval and security because when we're that we will need we're out of the game where we just add a completely different vibrational reality but if we don't do that and we show up within our wounds that's when we can get really beaten up that's when we can get the experience of intense smearing and persecution which throws us into the terror of those survival programs of the feelings of emotional annihilation and that's one we're likely to get guilted out of it that's one we're likely to backtrack hand power over fall into the trap even harder any more painful ways because we're not evolving ourselves so it's really I am just such an advocate for emotion first which means really self partnering and confronting those wounds and we know what they are because there are terrors in these interactions and uplevel and heal them so that we can show up in a completely different way we're no longer that four year old or that 10 year older that six year old that's inside us that still wounded handing power over we show up as an adult and we really realize in the field that evolution is the most important thing you know with a lot of elderly abuses when we lose the guilt when we lose the trying to be responsible for an adult who refuses to be responsible for themselves and we let them swim in it just we realize that we'll either a they're going to find somebody else to organize around them we don't have to do it for them they're actually quite resourceful or be that even if they didn't find somebody to bail them out and if they were to meet their own maker and not even survive and actually be with themselves and their wounds rather than being able to avoid them through the use of somebody else using you or someone else is the excuse not to self partner and meet themselves if their last time on earth is being with themselves without a scapegoat that's offering them an incredible opportunity of evolution and as far as I'm concerned at every level that is more loving to somebody than allowing them to use you as an excuse to not meet themselves that to me is not loving that's trying to save our own childish wounds and not face ourselves none of its wholesome so I hope that this has really helped give you the incentive to stop the abuse if it's an elderly narcissist and to really meet those parts of you that are hooked in that are not dealing with this because if you do that not only will you be able to let go without the pain it's really going to catapult you on your journey and your generation of your life that you've always deserved that this dynamic has been keeping you away from and for your future generations this is so so important because this is not just about healing ourselves this is about creating a template for the world that is collective because something needs to change there's old patterns that have been playing out family to family to family cannot continue if we want a different world and the only way we're going to have a different world is one person at a time taking responsibility for their own wounds and their own wholesomeness to be in the field in a way that honors self and honors life healthily and honestly if we don't do that one person at a time we're never going to change the way things are so that's it for this episode and if you enjoy these episodes I would love you to subscribe to my channel so you can receive regular updates and like and share and comment and also too if you haven't as yet tapped into my free resources and if you are dealing with a narcissistic elderly person or any narcissist in your life it's going to help you so much so you can do that by signing up by clicking on the button that appears on this video and I would love you to join me in my next three keys to thriving after narcissistic abuse 3 our free teleclass where you get to find these young wounds that are trapping you and hooking you in up level them to a different reality so that you can get free from abuse so you can sign up by clicking the button as well that appears all right so that's it for me for this episode so keep smiling and keep healing and go for thriving because it really is nothing else to do lots of love bye bye

Channel: Melanie Tonia Evans

Views: 116,221

Rating: 4.8738089 out of 5

Keywords: narcissistic parent, elderly narcissist, what happens to a narcissist when they grow old, narcissistic father, narcissistic mother, narcissistic personality disorder

Id: ojLNKN-KNF8

Length: 21min 46sec (1306 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 25 2015